teenager's-with NO respect and bad attitudes.....

Chrissy - posted on 09/02/2009 ( 37 moms have responded )

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I have a 16yr. old (BOY)that has no respect for nobody.his attitude is something else,i don't know what to do ?i love him with my live,my whole heart.and it hunts me when he acts like this.i know deep down he is a good kid,but alot of times he's acting up.i don't want to give up on him.please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Patricia - posted on 07/28/2011

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I notice all these people are blaming themselves as parents for doing wrong, and others are also blaming the parents. It isn't the parents faults. My kid comes after me like my father used to. In those days parents had the upper hand. Today the kids do. I got #()$& from both sides of this problem!!

Susan - posted on 09/03/2009

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Just know that you are not alone...my son is now 20 and honestly, when he was between 15-to 19 I wanted to kick his *ss to the curb on a daily basis! Talk about rude, hurtful and in general someone I didn't want to be around. If your son is dependent on you for his car, cell phone, etc. take those things away when he is out of line. The older they get the more valuable their "toys" are! I've found that when we have some of our better conversations he is sitting NEXT to me (not facing me) and somehow this makes it easier for him to talk and listen. I know for a fact that one of the things that MY kids hate hearing is the phrase "you've disappointed me", they'd rather have me mad at them than to hear that. If you can catch him in a calm, open frame of mind, maybe go for a car ride or sit next to each other on the couch and tell him how his behavior hurts and disappoints you. Talk with your son's school counselors for advice, they've seen and heard it all before. If you can, get him into counseling, you can still MAKE him go, once he is 18 you can't. Of course, if he isn't open about going, he may not talk, so talk to him about this. I know that when my son was at his worst, he wasn't happy with himself either and that the turmoil that it caused in our home was not something he wanted either. I think that it's just so darn hard for them to tell us (or even themselves) what they are feeling or thinking and I think that in most cases, fear comes out as anger. Like the other mom, if he doesn't have any positive male figure in his life, find either a family friend or a man that you respect and trust to spend some time with him. One of the men who really helped my son was his high school golf coach. When he couldn't talk to his dad, he had his coach to go to. Never give up on him...he'll come back to you just hang in there!

Susan

Christine - posted on 08/21/2013

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Walk out of room when her words get disrespectful. Detach from her behavior, easier said than done.......I am working on that now myself

Christine - posted on 08/21/2013

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Behavioral therapist, if he goes. Set up meeting with school principal and counselors and see what recommendations they have. He needs intervention. Saying stay strong doesn't help. I sobbed something fierce last night, my own 16 yr old...........push thru, push thru.......find every available option and help.

Maria - posted on 08/23/2013

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Take your son to child guidance they will be able to help you son there, as well as yourself.

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Jessica - posted on 08/27/2017

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Unfortunately no amount of counseling is going to help a teen that doesn't really want to change. I have tried it all. Counseling, programs, letting him live with relatives, changing schools, discipline, positive reinforcement, calling the cops, probation officers, and nothing has helped. My son has 4 drug offenses at school and has not really had to answer to it. The probation officers say make him complete this, or that program to get out of trouble, and after he completes it he just starts acting out again. My son has run away twice, continues to smoke and steal, get bad grades, and no consequences. It's like a circle. Plus they always act like it must be something I'm not doing right. It's frustrating, when I try so hard, and he doesn't want to change, and all he ever has to do is go through a program, which never helps.

Christine - posted on 08/21/2013

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Get rid of that boyfriend. If he isn't being supportive to you with the issues u r having with your son, he's a piece of shit and not worth your time.

Tabathia - posted on 08/20/2013

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Hello Chrissy, posted 8/20/2013
I HAVE A 16 YRS. OLD BOY AND HE IS PUTTING ME THREW THE SAME THING, AND I AM SO AFRAID HE MIGHT KILL HIS SELF HE TRIED SEVERAL TIMES AND HE HATES ME CAUSE I GOT HIS DAD ARRESTED FOR HITTING ME. HE RUN AWAY ALOT I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I REALLY DONT NO WHAT TO DO.I AM IN A WHEELCHAIR AND I AM DIABETES WITH HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND THE DOCTOR TOLD ME I CANT GET UPSET AND HE KNOW THIS BUT TOLD ME HE DONT CARE IF I DIE OR NOT AND DONT CARE WHAR HAPPEN TO HIM..PLEASE HELP ME BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE FOR MY SON AND ME...PLEASE, PLEASE HELP???? THANK YOU

Lisa - posted on 01/25/2013

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My heart goes out to you. I too know how it feels to be hurt emotionally by a daughter. I hope things are better for you now! My daughter knows just what buttons to push, and has always had the upper hand. She has gotten better, but still will threaten me that if I smother her she will once again make my life a living hell. IT is so depressing, so disheartening. I have shed many tears, suffered in silence. However, her therapist insists that she loves me to death and one day will turn into me. She was almost killed in an accident 3 months ago, and our family has changed and gotten much closer. Just let her know how much you love her, be consistent, and choose your battles. If you need advice........feel free to message me :)

Howon - posted on 11/27/2012

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Why don't you to think one way, to punish him. If you showing weak to your son, your son will be more bad. So do restrict for a month, and your son will be politer than a month before

Elizabeth C - posted on 07/29/2012

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I have a sixteen year old that has no respect for me or my boyfriend.My son thinks that he can run the streets and stay out as late as he wants to. Now it is to the point where my boyfriend hates him and my son stays with his friend and tells everyone we kicked him out and that we don't feed him.He does nothing that I ask him and expects everything handed to him on a platter. His attitude is so bad that I can not handle him anymore my worst fear is that he will end up in jail. My boyfriend says it is my fault that he is the way he is,which is probably true because I was a single mom raising and supporting three kids so I had to work all the time and they pretty much did what they want.And it is causing alot of problems between me and my boyfriend I am trying to keep my family together and I am out of options,I don't know what to do anymore,I get yelled at for the stuff my son does. Please help!!

[deleted account]

At those cross roads...questioning how we got here, where did I go wrong, why does my daughter hate me so. We have done couseling but I lost faith in it when my daughter emerged with you are smoothering me therefore my behavior is justified. I met with the couselor and one thing still rings in my ears, " You have to learn to protect yourself against your child". Yes I hurt...deeply. But to think of my child as harmful, emotionally? How do you get over the embarrassment of having failed? I keep all this so secret. No one knows. She called me pathetic and hates me. The silent treatment has become my prison.

Luisa - posted on 10/08/2009

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wow this made me cry yeah lots of kids hold lots of trhings in side them like my 14 yr old daughter she holds lot of thing i told her you can talk to me im here for you as a mom and friend i told her holding thing in side your self only makes it more bad is not healty at all i told her even if you don't want to tell any one talk to god he will listen to you i told her when you see me in my room along that what im doing talking to him ! i hope all will work out for you and your son god bless ~

[deleted account]

had the same problem with my now 18 year old son and nothing i did helped and he wouldn't talk about anything either and i just had to deal with it. i just found out recently that his was cause his grandpa died in 2005 and he never took the time to grieve for him and talk about his feelings about his death and how it made him feel. every year around the time that his grandpa passed away his attitude got worse, but this year out of the blue he just called me up and was like mom i really need someone to talk to and he started talking to me about his grandpa's death and by my responses he knew that i understood and he told me i was the only one that understands and cares and that he wished he had talked to me alot sooner cause it made me feel so much better. so my point is to let your son know that it doesn't matter how old he is or what the issue that you are his mom and you are gonna love him and be there for him always and if something is bothering him it is ok to talk to you and it will not change the love you have for him. i told all three of my kids this and it took sometime but they all come to me and talk to me open and honest about everything now, granted it took them sometime to get used to the idea that they could do that. i told them even if it is something that i have said or done it is ok i told them we will talk it out and cry and laugh together cause i would rather know and be hurt than to keep doing or saying the same things cause then nothing would ever change. just be there for him and encourage him and if he isn't comfortable to talk to you find someone he is comfortable with. i wish you all the best and hope this helps and encourages you.

Luisa - posted on 10/03/2009

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wow i have a 14 yr old the same way im a sigle mom we just have to pray four our kids remember the battle is not your is the lords he is fighting for you and your son pray all the time and keep praiseing god for all your bless trust in hin { the will of god will not take you where the grace of god cannot protect !! god bles my child dont eeve help all the time and i have twins too boy & girl 11 yr old they some time at like that but they than feel bad for me ok god bless i will pray for you and urfamily

Anna - posted on 10/01/2009

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My teenager is a girl, and I have three other toddlers. The best advice I've ever heard about parenting is always remember these two things, imitation and movement. Kids imitate so much, whether it's in the home environment, from friends or at school. Keep practising the behaviour you want and eventually it should be mirrored back to you. Movement -active kids are happy, healthy kids. Even if you have to do something active with him, the rewards will be worth it in the end.

Vickie - posted on 09/30/2009

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i no how you feel ,but we pray that GOD will give us guidence and help us through , and things will get better don't through your hands up yet . things will get better

[deleted account]

I have a 15 yr old boy and let me tell you it has been a bit difficult at times. 6th grade was awful for us, so I took him to counseling and he told me you are waisting your money. That's not going to help us. I signed him up in the Navy Sea Cadets for the summer, and he went to camp for a week. He didn't have a problem as he enjoyed it cause he wasn't as defiant to authority. I tell you what works for us is that I tell him don't get mad at me this is my job, and you are making my parent job very difficult. I don't let him slide he is disrespectful or bad language and I immediately confront him. I tell him I don't care but you respect me and you cannot use that language anywhere near me. I get on his face about it and he has back down. You need to find what they like and you got a negotiating chip. He isn't going anywhere till he apologizes and he is punished I don't care he isn't going or I'm not buying what he wants. I still have to remind him htat he is the child and that I'm the parent and he is living in my home. It's not easy but I tell him sorry I got to do my job. I have threathen him to throw him out my way or my way and If I throw him out it's a one way ticket. I tell him you have no money and no were to go so we are stuck with each other. I give him the oportunity to make a choice and consequenses. I told him that I will tie him to the school chair, but he will graduate and that means college not just high school even if I got to drive him and tie him to the chair myself. I tell him I made you, so its my way. I have cried many nights out of frustration, but we are so much better. Remember one battle at a time and its a balancing act of give and take. You need to find what makes him react. I wish you the best and be persistant.

Barb - posted on 09/12/2009

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nah dont put the tent up 4 them i have teenage boys i dont know what 2 do either but i gues there is mom out there with some ideas hey ok no u r not the only one i thought i was but no ok cya

DaNita - posted on 09/12/2009

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wow!!! This really helped to know that I am not alone when it comes to dealing with my teenagers. On the flip side, what do I do? I have tried the couseling several times. It has helped at the time, but things just get bad again. My boys always blame their behavior on the other boys or someone else in the house (step-dad, room mate).

It feels like it is getting worse, cuz the boys are getting physical. They are throwing things and hitting each other, which is not good when there are 2 younger siblings in the house.

So, I wonder what I can do on my own. I think I will take everything away from them both but their bed and their alarm clock and their school work. They will have to earn it all back but being nice to each other and doing things for the other one. Since the weather is still nice, maybe I'll set up the tent in the back yard and that will be their shared room for the next few weeks.

thanks moms!!!!

I'll keep you posted of my progress......

Barb - posted on 09/11/2009

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hi im in the same boat with a 15yr old bad attitude no respect doesnt go 2 school smokes weed have 2 other older boys same thing drinks and smokes pot dont work one wants 2 work otherone dont know i dont know what 2 do has anyone got any ideas its making me sick and i work finding it hard to go 2 work but i have to gives me a outlet and mind on something else but by the weekened im really bushed dont go out much so anybody out there help me please b4 i do something silly

Lucy - posted on 09/10/2009

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The advise of talking to a doctor or taking the child to counseling is a good one, but it will not work if the child does not want the help. I went through that with my son and still going through it but not as bad. It is getting better, but there is still room for improvement. I did the counseling bit...they know how to play with the system. My son would say what he knew or felt the counselor wanted to hear. I had him baker acted because beside the attitude he was hurting himself as well. That didnt work. Baker Acting is the most ridiculous system I have ever seen. It might have worked for other, but I really dont see it.

Bottom line...being there for him...imposing your rules no matter how much you might feel intimidated by his attitude and at the same time, whenever you have a chance letting him know how much you love him. It is not easy...I know...I am a single parent that dealt with this all on my own...Not everything is perfect...He still has some anger issues that are still lingering, but it is amazing seeing him controlling himself. He is growing up and maturity can help. The trick is being able to keep them out of trouble while you wait that maturity to kick in. You basically have to become a detective...and keep him away from the influences that are feeding that attitude. I still have a long way to go...but I have come a long way as well. Now I am dealing with my daughter...whom beside the attitude she also has PMS...but she has not been as bad as my son was.

Yvette - posted on 09/10/2009

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Is that legal? Sometimes I want to do the same to my almost 16 year old daughter

Paula - posted on 09/10/2009

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Well Ladies I have read everyones replies and I too have teenagers that disrespect me "at times" which is par for the course. I do think all kids go through this period and it is how we handle it. When mine disrespect me I quickly remind them of who I am and who they are and why I deserve respect and they choose what privelage they lose or what extra chore they have to do! Never give up but get creative Chrissy. I don't believe in Doctors or meds unless there is a REAL issue !!!!! Being a parent is hard, heart-breaking, selfless work just hang in there and keep changing gears.

Chrissy - posted on 09/09/2009

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i've had him at the dr. and they had him on med. but he wouldn't take it.i've also had him in counceling it didn't help,he just got mad at me more.his dad don't come around .and my step dad is 79yrs.old so he can't help.thank u for help & prayers

Veronica - posted on 09/07/2009

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IT BACK TO BASIC CHILD WE BE WHO THEY ARE REGARDLES U KEEP THEM WITH BEEN THERE FOR EVERY NNEDS OR U DIDNT HAVE. CHILD OF THIS NEW ERA HAVE TAKEN TI TO THE EXTREME AND FEED FROM UR FEARS. MAKE SMART CHOICES CHILDREN BOUNCE BACK.I THING FOR SURE CHILD REAL FEEL BETTER WHEN THE ARE GIVEN RESPOSIBILITIESWITH CHORES AND ATTENTION. OUR GOOD LORD GAVE A PATH AND A FORK AT THE END HE ASK U WHICH WAY WILL YOU TAKE THE STRAIGHT NARROW ROAD OR CURVING ONE LANE?

Regina - posted on 09/06/2009

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Our teenage daughter started to have an incredible attitude with us and others.
We removed everything from her room, including her bed.
She was left with 2 outfits, and a desk for homework.
She had to earn everything back....bed, tv, radio, mp3 player, even her own phone.
We told her that she doesn't deserve anything if she is going to treat others like this.

Meanwhile, we had long talks with her about the woman we knew she could become.
This turned into a positive experience for everyone.
It took her 4 months to earn back all her belongings and we are closer now than before.
She knows we love her and only want the best,she treats us with respect and she now talks to us.

Cheryl - posted on 09/06/2009

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Military school...is always an option. Good kids raised well may still have these issues, what you do depends on how you feel about this 'tude...is it a phase and normal teenage angst? Or does it run deeper? Angst you can deal with with counseling etc. but if it goes deeper (i'm sure you know as his mom) military school is a great option. It teaches them respect for others and themselves, requires them to be accountable for thier actions, and gives them disipline that you may not be able to give him (believe it or not mom's aren't usually that scary).

Barbara - posted on 09/06/2009

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I guess we all have alot in common. I think sometimes just knowing this and having support does help.My son is adhd and claims he thinks he has out grown it. He refuses to take any medicine and has turned our home into a battle ground. I worry about my 4 year old grandson seeing all of this. I am trying the couseling and doctor right now, so hopefully it will help. As far as the father,he is here, but his health isn't very good and he gives in too him way too much. good luck to all of you

Vickie - posted on 09/06/2009

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YOU CAN'T GIVE UP

i know how you feel but i always go back to when i was a teen and the things i put my mother through but she never gave up on me, my son is a great kid but he also gets an attitude and it seem like some times everything go great then other times im moving backwards it gets very frustrating . i could set down and cry and i have , always wondering what im doing wrong but i always look back at myself when i was a teen

good luck if you find anything that works let me know

Vickie - posted on 09/06/2009

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Good luck i have a 13 yr boy that doesn' appreciate anything and nothing is good enough i think its probably my fault becouse he has to much already

Mary - posted on 09/05/2009

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I am looking for the same help. My son too is 16 and moody, disrespectful, thinks he knows more than you and never listens. I cry myself to sleep every night because I do not know what to do. Part of me wants to take him to his father and let him deal with all these problems. I wish I had some answers for you. ((HUGS))

[deleted account]

I am a mother of a 15 year old girl and what I do with her is take things away from her. Her cell phone is her life line so that usually does the trick. I also remember she is going through lots of changes and allow for some attitude at home but never to anyone else. I remember not being as nice to my mother when I was her age too and feel quite guilty about it! We never know till we mature and get older. Good luck, Chrissy!

Nicole - posted on 09/04/2009

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My heart goes out to you b/c I am going thru the same thing, but i have 4 of them all boys 13, 14, 15 & 17! let me know if you find something that helps

Shelly - posted on 09/03/2009

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Chrissy,

Have you talk to your Dr about this?? Or try to get him into counceling?? Try talking to him and not at him ask him what is going on talk to him when he is having a calm day take him out to eat and just talk or loisten to what he is saying...Is his dad in his life?? If so then have him talk to him b/c it maybe something that he can't talk to you about...If dads not in his life find another male role modle (an uncle or grandfather or a family friend) to talk to him just don't give up what ever you do..I will keep your family in my prayers...

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