teenagers

Lyndsay - posted on 06/05/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I have 13 year old girl who is always screaming and yelling at me whenever we talk. I recently just bought her an iPhone 6 for her birthday and I'm not sure weather I should i take that away from her. I have taken all her technology of her and she does pull her head in but then she does it again. HELP

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Raye - posted on 06/08/2015

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Why does a 13 year old need an iPhone 6? I hope you are monitoring her usage, which apps she uses, who she's texting/talking to, what she's texting, etc. She should know none of the stuff she does on that phone is private, and she needs to know you may look at it at any time to make sure what she's doing is appropriate for her age.

Nicole - posted on 06/06/2015

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The phone is a powerful behavior modifier! So use it only for the most important behavior change that you need her to develop. I wouldn't take it iff her completely - use it as an incentive for self control. If screaming and yelling at you is the major source of stress in your relationship, then confiscating the phone for short periods of time when she screams and yells, and does not stop after a warning, may help her find the self control to stop screaming. Just make sure that you explain the new rule to her when she is calm, and tell her how long the phone will be yours for e.g. It is mine for 2 hours after you stop shouting. Or mine until we finish the discussion calmly.
Remember that she is a teen and that it is normal for teens to struggle with self control. Sometimes my daughter wakes up like a smouldering fire, and I wait in dread for the first bit of kindling to set her ablaze with rage and indignation and .... Ugh, you know the patter. But it helps to remember that she isn't doing it on purpose (well... Not all the time). There are so many changes happening in their lives - their bodies, their friendships, self esteem, self perception. She will have fits of rage, tantrums and lose self control sometimes. Giving the phone back when she has calmed down is a reward for regaining control.
Oh, except on the days when they annoy us so much that we can't be the calm, rational mother I have described above and we CONFISCATE, CONFISCATE, CONFISCATE! And tell them "it's mine FOREVER!!!!!!"

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