Teenages and alternative lifestyles

Krystlescreations - posted on 03/20/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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What would be your reaction should you have a pagan, gothic teenager interested in BDSM? Oh, and they have aspergers.

Given that:
- it's not a phase
- they are sincere

4 Comments

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Trisha - posted on 03/25/2015

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I was one of these teenagers. I am still into BDSM. I would NOT show my children how to play safe, I would however, just like sex explain that there are many dangers to that type of lifestyle and they should be VERY careful and knowlegeable.
Some of the dangers: Blood play=Disease. M/s, D/s relationships=Abusive relationships. Impact play=panic attacks/physical harm/boundaries. Bruises=social seclusion/risk of police involvement.

The top needs to know they are going to be at risk for getting arrested for consensual play. The bottom needs to know that it will be increasingly aware that it is easy to be physically/emotionally/mentally harmed by this type of activity. They could start out in a M/s relationship just to determine that it is actually abusive and no longer satisfying.

Raye - posted on 03/24/2015

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Daemon, if you're not an adult, under the law you can't consent. So my teen would not be experimenting with "blood play", or other harming behavior. I agree that education is necessary to keep them safe, but I'm not going to educate them in how to "safely" hurt themselves or others. When they are of age and can make their own choices, then I guess they will do what they want, and I hope they are smart about it. But I'm going to try to be a good parent up til that time.

Hellaboveyouptv - posted on 03/24/2015

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This, I already know HOWEVER I'm asking the opinions of other mothers ( or well, parents out there given that fathers matter, too). Honestly, in my opinion, if it's consensual and they know what they are doing and it's legal? I'm not stopping them. Only thing illegal I might allow on certain conditions would be smoking marijuana. I do not believe in strictness. If my kid is self harming from mental illness, I will get them help. If they are into blood play, whipping etc? I will get them taught in how to be safe about it. I won't be rampaging around stomping my feet going 'That's unhealthy!' when, I myself, am involved deeply in these things and if my kids are into it, great! Education can minimize harm and negative behaviour. Obedience and rules will not. If you teach a kid the right guidance and values without the feeling of being strict, you're going a long way. My gut feeling with this is that, often any kid interested in these things and are serious would already of done research and gotten smart about it. I can't stop them being who they are even in my own home. I just ask that they keep me informed and that they can always come to me should they need resources or advice or even just for a mum to come and kick someone's buttocks.

Raye - posted on 03/24/2015

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Try to be accepting of their individuality - to a point. You still need to be a parent and try to keep your child from making bad choices. Any extreme behavior needs to be discouraged, especially if it causes harm to self or others. Once they are an adult, they can make their own decisions, but while they live in your house, they need to obey your rules. Be respectful to them and inform them of what those rules are, and ask them to be respectful of you by TALKing about disagreements and not throwing tantrums, brooding, etc. If they can prove that they can be respectful, then maybe think about allowing a little more freedom (but still be firm about not allowing harmful behavior).

Try to remember... Pagan does not mean satanic. A person can still have morals and values without being religious. Right and wrong are universal. Gothic also doesn't mean satanic. It's usually categorized by wearing a lot of black and brooding/internalizing over their troubles (as opposed to Emo, which is more emotional). Maybe try to get them involved in writing, so they have a constructive outlet for feelings/urges/fantasies they are otherwise unable to express.

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