The bond is gone. I still protect them but the joy is gone. They feel like I don't love them. They are teen and pre-teen, now. I don't know what to do. It feels like it's too late.

Bethany Ann - posted on 07/23/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My kids were pulled away from me, pitted against me, taken from me, etc by my ex and my adoptive parents. We are still dealing with court hearings and behavior issues. My bond with my husband and my child is perfect. I was never allowed this relationship with the first two. I was a teenager and weak. I lost most of my memory of their childhoods due to my depression and my abusive ex. I catch myself avoiding them because I don't know what else to do.

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Wilma - posted on 07/26/2013

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I dont think a bond between a mother and her child can be broken there is always something there. In my case I left my ex husband who was extremely abusive to me and tried to get my kids out but he had them brainwashed and he manipulated the courts and he ended up taking my kids away from me and did not let me see them for almost 2 years. I was devastated I mean I was absolutely heart broken. It was like mourning a loss but they were alive. During this 2 year period I fought to get them back daily and my poor kids were being abused especially my younger daughter who my ex husband never liked (she was a girl not a boy) he was physically and emotionally terrorizing them while DCF was visiting at my behest mind you. I always wondered what would happen if we saw each other again. Everyone told me to move on even have more kids - but no these were my children and I knew I would protect them. I got my kids back in May of 2012 out of the blue they were handed over to me by DCF the circumstances were weird my ex-husband broke the law and hurt an innocent child and was arrested (karma) and at first it was hard because my kids felt guilty but I gave them what they needed UNconditional love and I let them know that mom was there for them forever and as team we could get through anything. It was hard especially the de-conditioning we did due to my ex husbands brainwashing and emotional abuse and I still work on it today - it is a work in progress. But it takes a lot of patience and a lot of love and most of all you have to believe in the bond and the fact that it is a bond that can never be broken. My girls and I are very close it is possible. You may need some bonding time maybe time where it is just you and your kids - without your husband and child and without your ex. Just you guys thats what a reunification therapist had suggested to me at one point.

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Forest - posted on 07/29/2013

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I homeschool my 14 year old. Went through cross-country chase when my violent ex (whom I had not divorced) kidnapped my then 14 yr old. Has not supported her at all for 12 of those years. It was years until we both felt normal.I now have an adopted teen. Lots of hatred is bred in the schools as kids try to stay popular, or dont fit in and so try to be edgy or as different as they can as an attempt to regulate their lives. I think I am on the right track this time. BTW, the ex dropped dead in Vegas from a heart attack.

Wilma - posted on 07/27/2013

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wow - it sounds like you are blaming you child. Maybe you are not but that is how it comes across. Kids can sense when their parents dont like them, blame them or are uncomfortable around them. You did not give up your life for your child - you did what every parent CHOOSES to do and that is bring a human into the world and care for it regardless. That is why a mother should never give up on her kids. With a new husband - without a husband is of no difference we have to be strong as women standing on our own two feet. And I believe any damage can be "fixed" - a doctor told me to give up on my older daughter - walk away he said - she is too damaged he said
That same daughter just finished her 1st year in college all A's and B's and is looking forward to a career now and she is working and getting better every day. We struggle and it is a lot of hard work but I would never walk away from my child. No one is ever too damaged and no child is beyond help.

Ryca - posted on 07/27/2013

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I know how you feel, I really and truly do. I often wonder that myself. The nightmare me and my teenage daughter have gone through and continue to go through is so bad, I don't think we will ever be alright for the rest of our lives. It's a scary , scary thought. i don't want it to be that way , but how can something so damaged ever be ok again? I was a teenager and weak too. She was pulled away, pitted against me and taken from me too. But she blames me for it all. Nothing like giving up your whole life for your child (even though it isn't much, but all you have) only to be annihilated by that very child. Try wrapping your head around that. At least you have a husband now. I had to do it all alone. Be VERY thankful for that.

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