Tired of Grounding my child over the same thing!! ATTITUDE!!!!

Jennifer - posted on 11/23/2010 ( 15 moms have responded )

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My 13 year old has had this attitude lately talking back, and gets mad when she doesnt get what she wants. The sad thing is she is not spoiled, so you would think she would be used to it. We ground her for her attitude by taking away her phone, Ipod, and computer time. Then when she gets ungrounded its back to square one!! Any advice?

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Ramona - posted on 11/24/2010

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That is pretty normal. I have had my kids write apology letters (long letters, not a note). They had to explain what they did wrong, what commandments were broken and three nice things that I had done for them recently. There are extra chores involved too.

Angie - posted on 11/24/2010

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Louise if right, this is not an uncommon for teens to have an attitude. This is why it is so important to get it under control now. Grounding and taking things away are not working. Find what she loves most and use it to your advantage. At one time, for our son, it was privacy. He starting going to his room and slamming the door. Well.......... the door came off the hinges and he earned it back 1 screw at a time. If he slipped, he lost a screw he might have earned back. This also required him to keep his room spotless because the rule is that their rooms don't have to be perfect as long as we don't have to see it. It was a long term punishment (a couple of weeks) that only he was able to end. Don't make it easy for her to earn the screws back - one day without ANY disrespect will earn back 1 screw, one nasty comment takes a screw away. It won't be impossible for her to do but she'll have to make some major changes in her thinking along the way.

[deleted account]

Oh yes, those lovely teenagers! I'm surprised that taking away the cell phone doesn't work! Nothing yanks a knot in my sons be-hind faster than to lose his phone. Taking down the door sounds kind of drastic...but maybe Angie's son was really acting out. Hell...my son, 15, is really acting out at times...maybe I should try the door idea!!! :) I'm afraid I wouldn't get it off! One or two things that have worked for me is when Patrick says "You don't get it, you're so unfair!" I very calmly say..."Yes, I do get it. But I'm the parent and you're the child. When you have children, you can raise them your way. But I'm raising you my way. That's just the way it is." On one particularly testy weekend, I wrote in big letters on my palm, "I'm the parent", so that every time he would start, I'd just hold up my hand. I guess I try to keep a sense of humor about every thing! It doesn't always work! I do try very, very, VERY hard not to fall into a power struggle with him. If I raise my voice, then it just escalates! Also, lately things were becoming so stressful at home that I realized that I had stopped telling him "I love you" "You are so important to me" I'm so proud of you-I'm so glad God gave you to me" etc. It was hard to say at the beginning because I had really begun "disliking him" at times. Never stopped loving him...just really didn't like some of the stages he was going through! They try on different "hats" trying to find the one that "fits the best". Gotta love those teenagers! Good luck....I have heard about the door idea before...maybe I better find the screwdriver! :)

Louise - posted on 11/24/2010

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This is pretty normal for a teenager I am afraid. Hormones have hit big time and everything seems a battle. Let the minor things slide and when she is way out of line then tell her to the leave the room until she can be civil. Kids hate to be ignored or pushed out. I am afraid to tell you that this attitude lasts for a about 2 years so good luck!

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Stacey - posted on 03/07/2012

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OMG all these stories have so much in common and my problems at home are no different..I have a 14 yr old daughter started to rebel the last couple months before her 14th b-day...the first sign I should have paid attention to was the moment she started wearing eye liner.. but instead of taking it from her like I should have I didn't and tried to let her be her..I'm gonna try to sum this up ok now where it first went wrong was my lil Capricorn wasn't getting her way and so she was trying to leave out the front door and I try to restrain her next thing I know she physically assaulted me..she ran away ending up with my in-laws but I wasn't having that I expressed how she will remain with me and stand up for what she did.. It was hard but I wasn't scared of her nor was I gonna give in to her fits.. she started talking back more and it was taking its toll her days consisted of getting dressed up going over friends houses not doing homework and keeping a distance from me..after one of her teachers caught her off task in class gave me a call to come and pick up her journal.. I was enraged several pages of her life for me to read and i was included.. about boys, fights involving her and much more... I took away every thing! she didn't understand why this and why that...I shut her out yeah I even took myself out of her world by locking myself in my room ect.. now she wants to talk i said NOPE ! if it kills me i wont give in now 2 weeks ago she tried to sneek and use a neighbors phone and I had enough!.OK people one important lesson here is they are as confused as we are the changes they are going thru not understanding why this is happening.. I guess you can call it grown pains.. WE ALL WENT THRU THIS in some sort of way .... Think of it like this if we don't rebel our parents then how else do we become who we are and how else would we get out of the nest and become one also a parent... I did it and my mother did and so did hers...ect.. in ending this I can only say I am grateful for my first born he is 18 and definitely a positive role model in every way I tell her she should look up to him cause he made it thru his struggle and never lost respect or love for me... ok maybe couple but he is a great person and will make a grate dad one day I thank him because he has taken on the roll of a father figure and if she Dis obeys he is right there to put her in her place and I asked my 18 yr old to tell me his secret..lol he said there is no excuse for her mom to treat you that way exspecially you have and do for us! he said mom I love her no matter what but I will not let her ruin her life making the wrong choices if I can help it! hers my advise to all he troubled clueless parents try to spend 2hrs a day doing what ever he/she likes and make sure he/she knows that you will always be here for him/her and you will walk him/her thru it if he/she needs you, not to be scared how he/she feels but know that change will come and all things heal... ....{sniff,sniff} i loved her the moment i met her and i love her even more now cause i know deep down she needs me.. and I am a stronger mother now more then I've ever been to both of my children..... luv u guys! ur love is PRICELESS....

Mrs Susan - posted on 03/06/2012

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You are not alone my daughter is 16 in a few weeks and has a terrible attitude at the moment. I am crying because I do not know what to do anymore. Plus her exams start in May I just cannot stand this attitude for another week never mind months.

My daughter says its me I am stressing out all the time when I speak to her.The worse thing is she says that she hasn't done anything wrong, she is so nasty and goes on about nothing.. Spends most of the time out with her friends or in her bedroom and if you ask her to do anything all hell breaks lose. I try very hard but my son of 14 is fine, she is jealous of him. I just want it to end and feel I am going round on circles.

Patty - posted on 11/30/2010

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i have same problem and i have 14 year and she losted her phone and been grounded for 3 weeks and i have get her to learn to talk to us nice and it get so mad at her because she screaming at us , maybe the exra chores will work

Jennifer - posted on 11/29/2010

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I love the palm idea I have got to try it!!Its so much better then having to argue with them!! Thankyou for all the good advice!!

Mrs Susan - posted on 11/29/2010

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Thanks thats given me an idea about my teenage daughter who craves her friends company all the time. Says that its private buisness and she cannot tell us anything. We have taken her mobile off her because of behaviour problems but to earn it back every nasty comment or nasty deed she loses another day without it. I laughed at your solution about the door, good on ye.

Sue.

Rosie - posted on 11/27/2010

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Very good advice ladies! Love the door removal...tough love. Will be trying that soon!

Dee - posted on 11/27/2010

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Maybe tape record her and play it back. Ask her how she would feel if her friend or boyfriend spoke to her disrespectfully. She will only be able to hear things from her own world point of view. Remind her how much further she can get with proper communication. Maybe "treat" her when she has a good day with no attitude. Good luck!

Joni - posted on 11/26/2010

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I have a 14 yr old daughter and am dealing with the same issues! I ve tried so many things and like yours, ours isn't spoiled and its the same thing over and over! I ve tried so many approached and until she gets her way, she makes things so uncomfortable with her attitude! YES, some helpful advice would be great! LOL

Angie - posted on 11/25/2010

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LOL Jana. The door thing was drastic because I don't allow doors to be slammed in my house. That is the only acting out he did and to this day, he's never acted out again. Seriously, my children very rarely talk back or complain to us. My daughters listen then walk away (probably thinking horrible things but rarely saying anything). My son will walk to his room (and not slam his door - LOL). He'll usually come back an hour or so later and tell us that he thought about it. If he doesn't think it's fair, we have a calm conversation about it. Usually, he'll say, "your right, I was wrong". We are very tough and maybe it'll backfire at some point but up until now our children (17,12,10) have never given us an ounce of trouble.

Debi - posted on 11/24/2010

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ummm i have 6 kids 23,21,15,13,12,8.. my older 2 had an attitude problem.. i found grounding a good punishment but when they were grounded they had to do extra jobs ,ironing,washing windows, cleaning the oven you know all the good jobs,if they were toads as soon as they were allowed out i would double there punishment early bedtimes etc it does work... they soon realized they had to stop, and when there friends called for them i would tell there friends why they couldnt go out.. embarrasement is not nice but it works!! it does get better good luck

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