Trusting your teen

Ann - posted on 06/23/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I am new to this group. Fact of the matter is... I read some txt on my 16 yr olds phone without her knowledge. I found out something's and chose to give her the chance to tell me the truth. Unfortunately she is adamantly sticking to her version of the truth... Which was missing the details that were disturbing to me. Finally I asked her if I could read her txts with her boyfriend and she agreed but I noticed they had been censored. I still didn't give up and told her we all get carried away but she should tell me so I can advise her and help her deal with whatever it is. I even gave her a scenario of wat I felt (actually read) happened... And she denied it saying she knows her limits with a stern face... Blattenly lying to me. And questioning why i dont trust her. What do I do? I know what I read!!! Pls help.

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Eve - posted on 06/24/2013

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I had somewhat of a similar situation with my daughter. Gave her a chance to tell me the truth, but when she still didn't come clean, I was forced to ask her straight up. I basically said, "I was your age once, I'm not naive." Then she told me everything. She understood that it wasn't what she did that upset me, it was the fact that she wasn't honest with me about it. It's very important to let her know that I love her and that she can come to me about anything. Someone actually made me feel bad about "invading her privacy" but then I found out this person who posted doesn't even have any kids! I agree with Elizabeth that perhaps more parents need to monitor their children. Privacy and trust must be earned.

Elizabeth - posted on 06/23/2013

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You have to confront it head on. Simple as that. If the neighbor told you that information you wouldn't hesitate to confront her would you? I am making an assumption, but if you are talking about what I think you are and not addressing it with her, the avoidance of the situation could ruin her future aspirations and his if not properly educated.

Feel no shame in monitoring her text messages and hopefully her social media outlets as well. More parents need to do the same.

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Ann - posted on 06/24/2013

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I spoke to her and reassured her like you said. We still haven't finished our"therapy" session but she cried the whole way through and I had to prompt her to get the whole story. What does that mean?

Ann - posted on 06/24/2013

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I think what was preventing me is her being soo adamant.. I doubted what I read!!! You are right. I confronted her and she said it was difficult to lie but when she thought it may lower my opinion of her, she weighed it out and decided this was the less of two evils. I am talking to her now but I want her to know I will nothing would ever lower my image of her. BUT I am concerned what impression she puts out there for others.

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