Very confused and hurt!!

Brandy - posted on 09/23/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )




My daughter is 15 and her father and I have been divorced for many years...she had been living with him for several years with his wife until about a year ago when they went through a very nasty divorce....she then lived with me for a short time until her father moved to this area and she then went back to him...we were very good to her, just that her comfort zone was with her father who pretty much lets her do whatever she wants where as with us she has rules and responsibilities...when her father was married I mostly talked to his wife to make arrangements to pick her up and she would always call me to let me know about things that were happening with my daughter so overtime we became very good friends...once she filed for divorce my ex husband asked us not to talk to her fearing that she would gain information from us to use against after explaining to the wife the situation we stopped talking for a while until the divorce was final...once everything was finalized I talked to my daughter getting her ok to start talking to the wife again...(my daughter had no problems with this at all)...all was great for a while until my ex found out I was talking to his now ex wife and became VERY angry and told me he was done with me...since then my daughter has stopped talking to me and my family completely...when we try to talk to her she says that she will not continue a relationship with us until we all stop talking to the ex wife even though I have assured her that the ex wife and I have both agreed not to talk about our ex husband or my daughter..only about other things....I guess my issue is that this woman was my friend even when my ex husband was not...she always made sure I knew everything about what was happening with my daughter and she has never done anything to hurt me or my family.....and I am sure that given the chance my daughter would love to talk to her too because she was a huge part of her raising but is afraid of making her dad angry....I have not stopped talking to the ex wife and I really dont feel it is fair to me, my family or the ex wife to demand we not be friends just because she and my ex husband divorced...Should I stop talking to her just to get back into good terms with my daughter or continue to try and help her see what she is demanding from me isnt right?


View replies by

Toni - posted on 09/26/2009




This is just my opinion, but it seems to me that your ex needs to stop being childish since you and him are adults. If this women is your friend than you shouln't have to stop talking to her just because your ex and your daughter tell you not too. I would ask your daughter why this bothers her since you and this woman don't talk about her or your ex. Sometimes teenagers can be demanding and you have to let them know that you can and will make your own choices. She might get mad at first but make sure you tell your daughter you love her and would never do anything to hurt her.

Karen - posted on 09/24/2009




Tough one... i think you should temporarily stop talking to the step mom... but talk a lot with your daughter about it..... help her to understand that you are really just friends and truly get along and it has nothing to do with her dad.

Ask her if she had a boyr friend and was friends witrh his ex girlfriend, would she stop talking to her friend just because her ex boyfriend told her she had to?

Give her a similar situation where she owuld have to decide for herself what to do... it will help her to see where you are coming from and hopefully she will see that the step mom is not a threat to her in any way.

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