Very Strong-Willed 9yo...

User - posted on 08/04/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I know, this isn't the correct age area, but she's pre-teen, and her sister is teen, so it would be easier here..plus, you guys have all been through this age!

My 9yo is hard-headed. the problem really is i work nights, so she's with her sister all day, just doing what they want while I sleep. sometimes they listen, sometimes not. (sister is 11 and 5). the schedule stinks, but the money keeps us afloat. the problem is, if you tell (asking is pretty much a joke) her to do something, when she doesn't want to, she will pretty much just say 'no, i won't do it!' and you can send her to her room, but you'll have to physically push her/pull her to her room. i've taken a habit of picking up a large spoon and smaking her but with it till she gets moving. of course, that makes her angry but i've given up!

grounding doesn't work all that great, because i fall asleep so stinkin' easy and when i do sleep, it's heavy, and they jsut go about their way. any advice? (quitting job is out of question)

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User - posted on 08/07/2012

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thanx for your help:) unfortuantely, my cooking isn't much more than mac n cheese/ramen noodles that they are more than capable of making themselves..so me doing nothing would pretty much mean no clean clothes for work that night...they couldn't care less!!

i would like to reward them for getting their chores done...but is there an idea you have that would work consistantly? i am not there to really 'help' and such. i am asleep during this time. i don't ask much, really my only criterea 'just make it look like you tried!' my biggest issue is i fall asleep, so if i say, 'you're grounded from the tv' and i fall asleep. i have no idea if they're watching tv or not. i can say 'you're grounded from your friends' but will wake up and they're talking to their friends on the porch/through a closed screen door.' and i usually do not wake up that easily... i've tried money, but i always run out and then it becomes 'are you sure she'll be able to pay up' :( sad state! i'm tired of yelling..but it really is all they listen to. an example- yesterday i told my 11yo to clean the kitchen (okay dishes/wipe down counter), 9yo- clean livingroom (when i wake up, lets make it look like it had been cleaned).'if you do not do your chores, tomorrow there will be no friends, even if they call to you invite you, you won't see them tomorrow-their best friends family recently moved)..i woke up, livingroom still a wreck, dishes not done. so i told 11yo, 'ok, no friends today.' her response, 'yeah, that's okay. i have a cold, that is why i didn't do them'. when she's in the mood to see them, she'll follow through.

Chaya - posted on 08/04/2012

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I tell my daughter that if she doesn't do her chores I won't do mine. Mine include making dinner. A couple of days of scaring up a bowl of cereal for dinner will solve it.
Make a list of clear chores for each child.You certianly don't expect your five year old to wash dishes, but mating socks, sorting laundry, etc. Make sure the chores work with their abilities,
I have a sister I'm taking care of, she's an adult, bnot terribly intelligent. I can be more strong willed than she, and I can make the rules more strict.
The other thing you could try is to reward her for doing the right thing. This doesn't have to involve spending monies, it could include allowing her to watch her favorite show, or going to an event. My foster parents let me skip school one day per sememster if I did whatever I needed to do for months at a time.

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