Walked in on teen daughter having sex- need advice

Rae - posted on 09/12/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Last night my husband walked in on our daughter and her boyfriend of 3 months having sex. They were upstairs in the play room doing homework when he heard funny sounds and noticed that light had been turned off. He went to check and found them having sex. I heard yelling (my husband) and he came and told me what he found. The boyfriend and my daughter came down and the boy left. My husband then understandingly yelled out our daughter about how he could not believe they would dare to have sex in our house especially with us home. And how disrespectful it is to us and what the hell was she thinking. He told her she was grounded indefinitely. My husband just called me and told me how disappointed he is in our daughter for disrespecting him for having sex in our house when we are home. And that he couldn't even talk to our daughter and doesn't even want to look at her and that he is serious about her being grounded. He is not so upset about her having sex as he said he understands hormones and that teens have sex, but he just can't believe they would do it with us home!! And yes our daughter is on birth control pills so we aren't worried on that aspect. My question is do you think the punishment is correct? Too much, not enough? My husband had sex at 16 but he said he would of never dared to do it with parents home. But I remember having sex with my high school boyfriend at his house with his parents asleep (we never got caught). Our daughter is our only child and is a daddy's girl so I know this makes it harder. Advice???????? Please??

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Lynn - posted on 09/15/2013

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In this situation you also want to be sure that your daughter realizes she can say "No". Sometimes boys can be persuasive and maybe she just went with the moment. Remind her that these feelings are natural, but we also learn to control them so that they don't control us.

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Shannon - posted on 09/12/2013

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Having been a teenage mom myself, I have always discouraged my kids from having sex to early. My older sons were both at least 19 before they had sex, one was 20. I have a 19 year old daughter who hasn't had sex and a 13 year old son. I do think your husband over reacted ( understandably) but its time to take a deep breathe and calmly have a heart to heart with your daughter. Let her know that you guys are disappointed in the fact that she disrespected you two by having sex in your house while you were there. What you expect from her, and just because you two had sex as teenagers doesn't mean you have to approve your daughter having sex. you cant stop it, teenagers will find a way, but you don't have to approve of it. 1 or 2 weeks should be an appropriate restriction time in my opinion. And even if she is on birth control, I would definitely have a conversation about condoms. I would rather her learn this now before she gets an std.

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