Want my 14yr old to heed the make new friends but keep the old saying, your thoughts:(

Donna - posted on 03/29/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )

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So my 14 yr old started high school this year. All of her friends went to other schools. She is involved with swim team but sits by herself and barely tries to make conversation with anyone (her take on it is well if they don't approach me then why bother) She was so close to some of her middle school friends (having been in school with them for 8 years.) but now seems to feel they have forgotten her. I have tried to encourage her to invite them over or to do something and she says she will but has not done anything. She has some friends at school but has only connected with one girl really whom she actually does anything with. She spends more time alone than anything else. She was really close to her one middle school friend and they really had a lot in common. I think she feels rejected but if you make no effort, then it is your own doing. She was an outgoing, happy child just a year ago and now all she wants to do is wear black (asked if she could dye her blond hair black.) and just make no effort to stay connected with her old friends. It is frustrating for me to see the less than positive change in her. Makes me sad actually. Her brother transitioned so well when he went to the same school. He had friends that went with him though and is more outgoing. Kicking myself now as it seems as if sending her to this school was the worst thing I could have done.

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Mindy - posted on 03/29/2014

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My story isn't exactly the same, but it could help. My big guy was very smart, very quiet and spent 2 years reading in between wrestling bouts.
The difference is that he always was this way-having only 2 friends through out elementary school.
He was offered a scholarship at a private high school and went-knowing no one.Meanwhile his 2 friends were busy with their high school lives which didn't always include him.
He spent a lot of time in his room the first year. I told him constantly that he would find people he was more in sync with in collage. I would ask him if he was lonely, but not too often, because no teen wants to be pathetic. He always said he was" fine It didn't help that his younger brother was very social. Their birthdays were 3 years, 2 days apart and the babe could summon 50 party guests without trying.
It changed before collage. He caught fire junior year. He went to about 6 dances his last 2 years and reconnected with his old friends. Now he's in a very good collage out of state and is alarmingly social {naked parties anyone?], has traveled to the middle east and is doing Europe alone this summer.
I'm sorry if this is so long. All you can do is suggest things and make any attempt for socializing at your house easy.
I guess the main thing is relax and let them find their footing in their own time in their own way. If you worry too much they feel even more awkward. I KNOW it's a fine line. Good luck, Minna

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