What can I do to help my runaway daughter get off drugs?

Maria - posted on 10/17/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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What can I do to help my 16yr old daughter! She has been running away and using drugs for the last 3yrs! I have asked for help from schools, teachers, sherriffs and courts but everyone tells me I cant force her to get into a program unless she comitts a crime & gets put on probation! everytime sheriff comes to make a report they always say to beat her ass but ive tried evrything and nothings worked! I got to the point where I gave up custody of her cause her actions are causing prblms for me! She stealing, dropped out and now shes even shooting up! I worry about her all day, I called wrkrs to pick hr up but they let her walk, even after they put warrant out for her arrest! I let her come shower n I feed her wen she shows up cause she still mt daughter and I love her but what else can I do to force her into treatment! the system let me down, I opened a case in hopes that they would help me help her since I cant put hands on her but they disappointed me! I do have other kids and this is y sumtimes I dont let her in and I find myself not even beng happy for my other kids accomplishments¡ I apologizd to them and have changed that but I have run our of options to help her! I feel theres srill hope for her since she is still a minor I just dont know wat else to do! Any advice

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Kristin - posted on 10/18/2012

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Stacy,

You have to stop enabling your daughter and her boyfriend. Cut the ties and let them fend for themselves as they are both of legal age. Doing your daughters school work for her will not help her as she will fail the finals cause she didnt do the work. Let her know that if she continues down this path with the BF that she will be throwing away her future,. We as the parents see what they are dojng but there is not a lot we can do until our kids see for themselves what they are doing. It is hard and stressful but eventually our kids will make the right descisions. Maybe your daujghter needs a year off of school to figure it out because reality is a bitch and it is hard to make it in the world today with no education. I hope this helps

Stacy - posted on 10/18/2012

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You are her mother and I know that tough love hurts but YOU need to put her into a girls home. You need to understand, love and care for her always. There is a reason she is unhappy and you have to dig deep to try to figure it out, NOW while she is still young. I have a similar problem. It is not my child but I feel like he is my child. Maybe you have some suggestions for me and I can open your eyes in some way also.



I have a daughter who is 18, and loves a 20 year old soon to be 21 in January. He was a heroin addict and then went to treatment that his mother put him in and his father took him out after 3 days. (that was 3 years ago). My beautiful, daughter who wants the goal of being a pediatric nurse oncologist is stuck in a relationship with this boy. She says she loves him.



This is what I did. He has stolen from both his parents. They are divorced, mother has cancer and is remarried. She also like you loves him very much but because of his stealing etc she can no longer have him live at home. She does care about him and loves him dearly but she like you feels the same way.



His father.....I cant really tell what he feels. It is so hard for me to see my daughter throwing her life away. She does not see what he is doing to her future. He has had her borrow money to buy drugs, he has had her take him to buy drugs and she says she will never do it again. He got in a truck accident in July and no longer has a vehicle because he totalled it. He should not have lived. He went to jail for 8 days in two different counties. He is on probation for another 5 years and if he screws up he will be in prison for one year and one day.



After his accident, I searched high and low on the internet and found a treatment center in California. (We live in Minnesota). I had a stipulation that if he attended he would not be able to leave or he would go to prison. He went; was it for Jacquelyn? I dont really know. I guess I will never really know. Our state would only allow him to go for 43 days he had to come back to MN. He has been home for almost 2 weeks now. He lives with us. My husband and I are babysitters. He has 5 days Sentence to Serve in one County and has finished 3 of them and will the other 2 next week. He owes alot of money to probation and counties plus medical bills. My daughter is a server/hostess at a restaurant and has for over a year now. She got him a job working there as a dishwasher/food server/cook on the days she works because we do not want to babysit him. He is hurting my marriage but I tell my husband that our daughter needs to come first. We also have another daughter who will be 20 in November and will be an LPN in March. She literally hates her sisters boyfriend and the close relationship my daughters used to have is gone. She now wants to move out but cant afford it because she is going to college and also works a 30 hr a week job as a server.



Since he has been home (almost 2 weeks) he sleeps all day along with my daughter. They do work there part time jobs. I have talked until I am blue in the face with Jacquelyn sharing that I am so hurt, confused, depressed etc but she is not listening..... While her boyfriend was in treatment in California we both went and found an apt for them to move into which they move in Nov 3rd. I am now thinking that it is not a good decision.



Her boyfriend is not my responsibility but has no one who he can live with, he has no car, my daughter and I drive him everywhere. She gets up at 6:00 to make his lunch and take him to STS, soon it will be cold and snowing. THEY LAY IN BED ALL DAY. It drives me crazy. Jacquelyn is taking one college course right now. (She was supposed to have started last July). She graduated a year early, just like my other daughter but her goals have changed since she met this guy. She is not taking college seriously. I regretfully have to share that I have been helping her...okay doing her college work for her because I dont want her to fail.

Amanda - posted on 10/17/2012

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my mom put my sister in a girls home becase of that. ur the parent u need to make th rules. not her. just be careful tho you never know what drugs will do to a person.

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