What do you do when everything you've tried does NOT work??

Denise - posted on 04/16/2011 ( 23 moms have responded )

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I have a 17 yr. old son, who just thinks, rules are ridiculous; that he's grown; that he's always been treated differently than my other sons; that he's an independent, but no job. He's rarely at home; breaks curfew; won't help around the house. I'm at my wits end! He's so defiant and DISRESPECTFUL of everyone in the home. He posts stuff on FB, saying water is hell of alot thicker than his family blood.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/19/2011

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Yep, at this point, you have every right to rescind any and everything that you have given him, or do for him.
My 16 yr old tried the same thing last year, and my reaction was "you don't like it, there's the door", which had him packing in about 5 minutes. His dad, on the other hand said we couldn't do that, so...I told him that legally, I can't let him leave.
However, I could, and did, remove the cable, television, internet connection and laptop from his room, and I restricted his access to the family computer, and required him "buy" his internet time by doing chores. He was also told that infractions of the house rules would be punished by the (pardon the expression) shit work chores. When I was growing up it truly was chores like mucking stalls, cleaning up livestock, etc. for my kids, that means dog poop duty, cat boxes, and yardwork.
We sat down (his dad and I) and made up a price list. His room would be $100/month, which would include access to bathroom and shower use. His meals would be an additional $100/month (simple math: $400 spend on groceries in 1 month, 4 “adults” in the house eating, $100/per person) . For privileges like internet, phone, cable, etc, it is a “blanket” fee of $75/month. All of these amounts were then assigned the equivalent chore time. Once I gave him the “bill” for the prior years “services”, he rethought his “I don’t have to listen to you” routine.
In the end, we discussed it and came to an agreement. I required him to contribute to the house in the form of chores. He has kitchen duty, as well as general house keeping. This is to “pay” for his room/board. He is also required to cook at least one family meal a week.
By showing him what it would cost him, on his own, and then giving him the alternative, I believe that he got the idea. He may be 16 (17 now), but he is NOT prepared to live on his own.

Beth - posted on 04/19/2011

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Let me guess, he has a cell phone you pay for, a car you bought, and pay the insurance on, and money in his wallet you gave him? I bet he has a laptop you bought, not to mention tv, and games? Time to go 'old school' and take away the things purchased with YOUR MONEY until he decides to give you the respect you deserve! Don't get angry or upset, just take the keys, the electronics, all the things, even the cool clothes if necessary. When he is left to walk on his two bare feet to find something to fill his belly with, he might get a bit more respectful and grateful. Too harsh you say? AWWWWWWWW, you created this monster, you fix it! Get tough or quit whining! Until you earn his respect, he isn't going to give it to you! Buck up and take your balls back!!!

Elizabeth - posted on 04/18/2011

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If that's how he feels maybe you should call his bluff. You don't like my rules? ...Find another place to live where the chores are done..food is available for free and no rent is due.
Good luck.

Terrie - posted on 04/19/2011

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Beth -- Until you've walked in someone else's shoes you really shouldn't judge. For instance, wiith my son there's no car. If he needs to go somewhere he'd better get used to walking. Money? I refuse to give him a penny. Computer? Though we have two extra, they're boxed up and put away. TV? Nope. Games? Nope. Cell phone? Nope, that's gone too. Cool clothes? Nothing cool - just the absolute bare neccessities. And if they're dirty? Too bad -- If he wants clean ones he can wash them himself. Not here for dinner? Too bad. We've gone through his room & cleared out anything not necessary. We've gone through every inch of the house and our sheds looking for stuff. We've told him that if he wants anything at all then get a job. Besides, he's going to have to support himself as soon as we can get him out of here. He has tried to physically fight his dad several times. The one time his dad popped him one -- in self defense, because I saw the whole thing he ended up with a black eye. The principal called the cops (which I understand) and we ended up with the police & CSI at our house. He told the police then that his dad had beat the crap out of him. The officer didn't believe our son since he no other marks at all. The next day a gal from Child Protective Services was here. I told her what had happened and that he's now 5'10" and 185lbs so it can get dangerous -- especially for me when my husband is at work. I took her through the house showing her all of the holes he'd punched in the walls. Her response was "Oh my..." the next thing we knew papers arrived in the mail stating that my husband was not to be around children or anyone with a handicap of any kind for 25 years. We fought it and finally won but my husband was investigated at work and could have lost his job -- our only source of income. I can't work right now because I have an inoperable brain tumor so he's tried using that with the courts for sympathy. He was pulling crap waaay before I was diagnosed so I tell the courts not to let him get away with that. Meanwhile we have to pay all of the court fees, probation fees, fees for him being in juvie, court ordered counseling, and court ordered rehab. Luckily his probation officer had him put in juvie for six weeks immediately followed by rehab for two months because with my tumor the stress was causing seizures -- the best break that I've had in years. Since he's over 16 we can't legally make him go to school so he goes when he feels like it. We tell him he can't go anywhere & he sneaks out. My husband and I back each other up and both lay down the law.
You have the nerve to tell anyone to grow balls? How about you getting a clue. Things aren't always so cut & dried.

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Beth - posted on 07/31/2013

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No, don't kick them out of the house, but make it so close to living 'Amish' that he knows how good he had it before. Being a parent is a hard job, and it is much easier to give up and give in, but if you do you'll be paying the consequences from now on. Give him love, listen to him, but don't allow yourself to be manipulated. It sounds like you have made some parenting mistakes (just as we all have), and you are paying the price for them now. Tell him if he wants the luxuries of life, he has to earn them, and that it is by mowing the lawn, cleaning the house, and doing whatever you ask that will get him all those games, technology, etc. back. Don't back down and don't give up! Good luck and God Bless!

Beth - posted on 04/26/2011

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You aren't very good at disguising your passive-aggressive behavior, Shawnn. And your hijacking this thread is indicative of someone in need of attention and control. Perhaps you need to consider getting some help. I think your reaction is showing you have some serious issues.
I think to continue what was originally an amusing combative exchange any further would possibly cause more harm to you than good, as you seem to be taking this entirely too seriously.

I encourage you to remember that this is a forum for exchanging ideas on parenting, not some sort of bullying session. I think you need to reevaluate your perspective.

Have a good evening.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/26/2011

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Oh my, Beth,

I was going to give you the courtesy of actually replying on your comment board, but since you call out my skills...

Where did I say that I am failing with my son? Quote that, please. I admitted, (LIKE WE ALL HAVE, with the exception of yourself) that raising kids is NO PICNIC, that they should expect rules, etc.

Are you saying that, because I AM ADULT ENOUGH to admit to being in a situation with my son right now, I'm a failure as a parent? PLEASE, pretty, pretty please, tell me how that is a failure????? Because I've ALREADY done what you "advise"??? Because I have already taken responsibility for any of my actions/reactions that could have caused a situation in the first place?

Oh please.

And I am seriously wondering how you took me wishing you the best with your continued education as a derogatory statement? For crying out loud, missy, I was wishing you GOOD LUCK in getting your degree! As in "Hey, good luck, I hope you do well"

So, for your ENTIRELY misguided response, in which you chose to take every statement that I wrote completely OUT OF CONTEXT, you have now shown us all what kind of an adult you can be. Note to self: DON'T RESPOND TO BETH ANYMORE.

Molly - posted on 04/26/2011

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I tried everything with my 17 son gave him everything did everything for him and he was behaving exactly as yr son the law has. Given them to many right & left the parents piwerless don't give up on him I hav not seen my son since Xmas an there is not a thing that can b done legally to help so try try try to get through this awful stage of his life with him

Beth - posted on 04/26/2011

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Shawnn,
Thank you for your response. It showed me more about you as a person than you probably intended it to. My writing skills are not being graded here, and if you don't have the reading comprehension skills to get through my posts, by all means skip them! Obviously you don't want any parenting advice from anyone, and your son seems to be a lost cause from what you say, so what is your point in even being here? Would you like to tell other parents how to fail? Teach the mothers in here who actually ARE raising their children with rules and respect that they should blame the other children, society and whatever else they can find instead of taking the responsibility for raising their children? I think you want someone to give you a pat on the back and tell you it's ok that you would have to manhandle your child to get them to go to therapy, and that's not your fault, so it's ok to give up. Well, I'm not going to do that. Sorry, I had a hard time with my child too and it was no easy task, but I did what needed to be done to make sure she got what she needed to become an emotionally stable and mature young woman.

Oh, and as for your derogatory statements regarding my education, your opinion means nothing to me. I wouldn't find you an acceptible candidate for counseling since you don't seem to recognize that parents are responsible for raising their children. You are accountable, along with your spouse for raising the children. If you don't want to be a parent, don't have children. That's the fact, Jack.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/26/2011

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Well, Beth, I just waded through your entire response post, and I must say a few things.

First, (just a suggestion to make the reading part easier) If you double space between paragraphs, it gives a bit of a break for the reader, with encourages people to finish your posts.

Now, the rest. You came across as extremely uncaring and judgmental in your original response, which is what prompted the replies to you. And, yes, that engender some virulence, as you were VERY blunt, to the point, and harsh.

However, you respond to that with almost an equivalent amount of "hard ass". "It is your job as a good parent to look deep into what is happening in your child's life and why they are acting out". Well, I guarantee you that we don't just jump on here at the first sign of trouble, expecting an instant answer. YOur initial post completely alienated me, because I am in a situation right now with my own son. I assure you I have been "looking deep into what is happening", have been monitoring the situation, etc. However, there is a point, where the child cannot PHYSICALLY be forced into anything. So your suggestion of making sure they see a counselor falls by the wayside, as I have absolutely NO intention of initiating a physical confrontation to try and get my son into the car to go to a counselor. There is a certain point where you have to let them contribute to those decisions, and if a 16 yr old does not want to do something I am not about to force him.

Do you advocate restraint and force? I do not. I've found that a young adult forced to a counselor will not allow that person to help them. This is also personal experience.

I am one of the harsher parents around, I hold my kids responsible for their actions. Sometimes, when a young adult male gets into that mindset, the only thing you can do is batten down the hatches and hope he doesn't hurt himself. I'm not saying that I disagree with you when it comes to "growing your own set". But, (and if you are on the PhD track to a Psyc degree, you should know this) I believe that there was a more eloquent way to express yourself.

That being said, in my opinion, I probably would not seek you out as a counselor. YOu seem entirely too intent on it all being the parent's fault for not being involved enough, rather than seeing your own explanation: The teenage years are hard. Mentally, emotionally, physically, they are brutal. There does NOT always have to be an underlying issue at home for these teens to lash out as they do. Peer pressure, and pressure to "fit in" everywhere, pressure period. At times, a young adult picks up these behaviors because “everyone does it”. At times, it’s because they want to impress someone. At times it’s because they simply don’t understand how they are feeling!

Best of luck in your work towards your degree. I hope that it is an enlightening time for you, enabling you to fully grasp the entire nature of your chosen field, allowing you to provide the best possible help to people that you can.

Tracy - posted on 04/25/2011

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When I first read your post I agreed with you. Many parents want someone else to be responsible for raising their children, I work in an elementary school and see it all of the time. Parents that really just want some peace and quiet at the end of their work day are willing to give their children anything to get an hour of down time. Many of us let the TV babysit our young children, anything that would let us get our other work done. We all struggle with the work load that we carry both at home and in our jobs. You are right, it does become tit for tat in the never ending battle between parents and their offspring.

You are also dead on the money that this is the roughest time in their lives. Too old to listen to mom and dad and the household rules, but too young to truly handle the freedom that is just around the corner for them. Hence the push/pull relationship. If we think we are struggling to understand these kids, they are totally overwhelmed by their feelings, peer pressure, our expectations, and he need to be independant and all grown up. How many times do we tell our children "oh grow up" when they complain about something being unfair or wanting us to do something that we know them to be capable of. They really want that too, but they honestly don't know how to get there from where they are.

We all need to realize that our children need us the most when they deserve us the least. Every time one of my 14 year old gives me the :anywhere is better than here" line I offer to call CFS and have them come and get her. I have told her that I love her enough to want her to be safe and not on the streets. If that means that she is in a group home, so be it, I will do whatever it takes to keep her safe. My husband and I have always told both of our daughters that our first job as a parent is to keep them safe, even if that means from themselves. We have to stop trying to be our kids friends and become enpowered parents again. Society has to realize that we are not helping our children by giving them everything they want, we must give them what they need, our unquestionable love and boundaries.

Thank you for understanding about my daughters. They are struggling with all of this, it was very ugly at times and they lost a lot of years that they should have had as kids. We will survive this and move on and be better more compassionate people for it.

Hollie - posted on 04/25/2011

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I have a 15 year old, and if he doesn't do anything, he doesn't get anything. Nothing, no phone, no internet, no rides. Luckily he is still pretty good about doing things around the house, and these bouts of surliness are spread out. I am always reminded of something i was told when he first became a teenager, "When they are babies they are cute so that you protect them. When they are teenagers they are rotten so that you are ready to let them go.

Belinda - posted on 04/25/2011

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I had a very tough time with my teenager nearly all of last year, same attitude. I don't feel that kicking them out of the house is right, you've got to remember this is one of the hardest times for them, trying to be independent but not really being able to ( no job and not helping with chores), they are struggling themselves with this transition. I found that every reaction causes an even worse reaction at this age, if he breaks curfew and he comes home to you yelling at him of course he's going to retaliate and also not want to come home at all, my child told me she hated coming home because all I did was yell at her, even though her behaviour was bad more than good alot of the time. Have you tried writing your son a letter and when he does leave the house always tell him you love him and you are there for him if he needs to talk, he will think about it when he leaves especially if you're consistent, he doesn't want to listen to you if you're yelling at him, but if you constantly show love he will more than likely settle down a bit, tell him you understand he wants more feedom and are willing to listen to what he wants, you can only do this when they are in a good mood (rare but does occur). I went through almost 12 months, but my girl and I are in a much better place, she is 17 and does have a lot of freedom, but she is so much more respectful and we are both alot happier. Love and kindness will get through alot more then screaming and anger and if believe me they all think they are adults, not one of my friends with kids the same age say any different, but that is how they feel and it's our job to help them, even if we want to kill them instead. Goodluck.

Beth - posted on 04/24/2011

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Ok, I seem to be getting an awful lot of virulence here for telling someone that they may need to stand up to their child and take back control of their home and demand the respect they want and deserve from their child. While I do not walk in this mother's shoes, let me share a bit about myself, and why I responded the way I did. I am a mother who has a child who tried to pull the same stunts. I KNOW what it is to have your child spit in your face, grab their car keys and spin gravel out of the driveway, come home reeking of pot at 2AM, and I did my fair share of begging, screaming, fighting and trying to figure out what the hell happened to the wonderful little girl I started out with! It was through US BOTH attending counseling, then family counseling that I learned to quit being soft and to lay down the law like a mother should and quit trying to be liked and my daughter's friend. I had to get my 'balls' back, before my daughter self-destructed and I had a nervous breakdown! OH, and by the way, I am currently finishing up my PhD in Psychology, so I know quite a bit more about dealing with children than I did then, and I work with parents and children of all ages in my clinicals resolving these very issues we are discussing. Children don't act out like this for no reason. It starts out slow and if it isn't nipped quickly in the bud, it will escalate into dangerous situations as one of the above posters had happen, with police and child services getting involved. There is either a change in the family dynamic, such as a move, a divorce, illness of a parent, death of a close friend or family member, or the child may be showing the beginning signs of mental illness. It is your job as a good parent, and I know you all are or you wouldn't be on this site, to look deep into what is happening in your child's life and see why they are acting out. People say all the time to teenagers that 'the teen years are the best years of your life'. That is the biggest crock in the world! They are the hardest by far! Those years are filled with hormonal changes, pressure from social cliques and friends to try to figure out where they fit in and who they are, new loves and breakups that are intense and begin and end at lightening speed, pressure from parents and teachers to be 'good', while still trying not to appear too 'goody-goody', and then having the right clothes, gadgets, hair and heaven knows what else to fit in somewhere! There are so many people to please that teenagers are overwhelmed most of the time, and when you add the stress of death, divorce etc, sometimes they just snap and it takes a parent to reel them in with good discipline so they feel security in the rules at home if nowhere else! You as a parent have to know your child better than they know themselves, and if you can't figure out what is going on, get them into the hands of a GOOD therapist so they have a safe outlet for their frustrations and emotional needs.
Terrie, your son sounds like he has some serious issues with anger and authority, and I doubt it just started overnight. I'm not blaming you, but seriously you are telling me your husband blacked your son's eye out of 'self defense'? I think you should have gotten him into counseling the first time he put his fist through a wall, or struck at one of you. But we live and learn.
Tracy, your children just lost their father. They are hurt and angry, which is normal. They need grief counseling, both seperately and with you. In a child's mind, they expect the parents to always be there to take care of them and not leave them in pain, and they are probably blaming you for not being able to fix this, and bring him back. It's not fair or rational, but neither is grief sometimes. Please look into getting help for all of you. It's never too late. They love you, or they wouldn't be so angry...strange as that seems. And you are so right about your 14 year old feeling guilty, she needs to be able to work through that. God bless you and your family. I hope you all can heal.
I know you all were ready to come after me with pitchforks after my post, but seriously, I want only to empower parents and help you gain control over your teens! Yes, they are monsters sometimes, and if left to run wild can be extremely destructive! But if you manage to pull in the reins and set and enforce the boundaries, they will return to the kids you remember...they will still roll eyes and probably flip you off behind your back once in a while, but they damn sure won't do it to your face anymore! LOL
Best of luck to all mothers of teens...believe it or not it gets better once they hit their junior year of college!

Tracy - posted on 04/24/2011

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Hi Denise: I honestly hope that things are getting better for you. I understand just how you are feeling. My husband just passed away in January from e brain tumour and it has been really tough around here since then, Both my daughters are teenagers, 14 and 16. That alone is a stressful time for both of them, then add losing their dad, I guess some of what I am going through is to be expected, but I am fast reaching the end of my very long rope with both of them.
They are both good students, the oldest is more than good she is so driven that she is getting 100 is most of her classes ( Grade 11) and the 14 year old is doing much better this year than the previous ones. That's school, home is a different matter. I could be falling down dead and they wouldn't lift a finger to help me, more likely they would step over me and wonder who was going to make them dinner or drive them where ever.
This is not new, but in the past they knew that I was so busy trying to take care of their dad that I didn't have a lot of extra time. They expected less of me, but never once thought to help.

Yeas, my kids have it all, the computers, the gaming system and all of the extra toys, their dad wanted them to have them, because he knew that he wasn't going to be able to be here for them, so he wanted them to have a physical reminder of him. I really didn't agree, but how do you say no to a dying man? Now I am left dealing with the results. They both think nothing of calling me vile names and taking a swing at me when they get angry enough, I have spoken with them at calmer moments and we come up with "key words" that will let them know that they are going too far.... never helps. I have stripped their rooms down to the bare walls. They got to keep their beds and sheets a lamp and that was it. They didn't even blink. I have made them responsible for all of their own stuff, like paying for their cell phones and other personal stuff, and no, not from an allowance, I confiscated that too and have tucked in a bank account for them, should they ever wise up. I really do understand what you are going through. The two girls are vile to each other. They both claim the other one is beating them up. They 14 year old even to the school that let her sister beat her. Luckily the school is in the loop on this mess. The truth is they beat on each other, I refuse to get between them anymore. If they are dumb enough to slap each other, then who am I to stop them. They both try to blame each other and I just looked at them and told them that they were both to blame and they got what they deserved from each other.

Perhaps your son is reacting to your illness, just like my daughters did to their dad's. It is really hard to remember that not only are they dealing with your illness, they are dealing with the difficult teen years as well. Those are rough enough without more stress. Have you tried positive rewards? Something you know that he really likes and make it a reward for the behaviour that you want vs punishment for the ones that you don't want. Both of my daughters want more one on one time with me, it's what I have started using and it seems to be working.

Next, you have to take care of you! Those seizures are not a good thing. The effects of them are cumulative and you need to be able to take care of yourself. Do you have anyone who is caring for you? Stress is one of the greatest triggers for seizures but I am sure that you already know that. Perhaps your son feels like there is no reason to follow rules when he sees you, his role model, having to fight for your life. He may feel that in the end no matter what he does, he can't fix what ever is wrong and he feels helpless and therefore there is no reason to be encouraged. My 14 year old was so angry with her dad, not really her dad, but the cancer in her dad that she did everything that she could to pick fights with hem. She just couldn't deal with losing him, so she pushed him away the only way she knew how, by fighting with him and being disrespectful. But she always loved him and still does. She misses him horribly and feels guilty for the time that she wasted.

Always remember that he loves you, he may not like you right now, and maybe you don't even like him either, but you both still love each other. Hope that you can find some peace in your home and in your heart.

Martina - posted on 04/24/2011

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I understand what you are going through .. i think most kids try to push the boundries ...unfortunalty with childrens "rights" they know they can say or do anything and not have to pay for it .... you could try counselling ... one thing i did was to take him around to the real estate agents place ...where you can rent flats/units ... and showed him how much it would cost him to rent a 1 bedroom or studio apartment ... i then showed him the bills ... and pointed out the supply charge before you pay for the usage .. and he realised that he was better off finishing school and saving money etc ... he settled down ... i would try people suggestion first ... or even modify the suggestions that suits you ... its not easy bringing kids up ... good luck

Terrie - posted on 04/19/2011

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Jennifer -- Thank you so much for your concern. It's very much appreciated. I'll be fine as long as I stay positive about my outcome. Some days it just freaks me out,especially when I think of what might end up happening to my son if I'm not around to watch out for him or give him that hug when he most needs it. It just royally ticks me off when someone judges others, especially when they don't know the entire story.
This is Denise's thread though and unfortunately I managed to hijack it out of the frustration many moms have.
Denise --I'm sorry. May we hear more of your story? I'd love to help, if for nothing more that a shoulder to lean or cry on.

Jennifer - posted on 04/19/2011

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I also agree it is unfair to come down harshly on a parent who is going through a difficult time and is reaching out for support and suggestions.As parents we also went through similar steps of stripping away more and more non-essential things, such as computer and tv access, removing almost everything from his room (and there was never tv or computer in there to begin with). In retrospect I think that treating him so harshly may have contributed to the negative spiral that led to kicking him out. On the other hand, my son had depression and refused to go to the doctor or take medication for it. Ironically, now that he is on his own he is on an anti-depressant and doing much better.
Terrie, you are right, you do need to take care of your health. Are there any group homes for youth that your son could go to? If child protection was involved, can't they place him somewhere. I understand that by law you may not be able to just kick your son out, but that is only if your son goes to the authorities. If he just goes and finds somewhere else to live, then that is ok. You do not have to have him in your house, he just has to go somewhere.
Good luck!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/19/2011

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Beth, I have to agree with Terrie. "you created this monster" is very harsh. Are you saying that your teens have always been perfectly respectful, always done what they were asked and never, ever argued?

I know that I, and probably most (if not all) of the ladies on this board have tried our hardest to NOT raise the spoiled rotten brats that we see other kids turning into. Denise is looking for some support, not to be yelled at for "creating a monster".

Yes, you made some good points, but it's your approach!

Terrie - posted on 04/19/2011

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I completely understand -- My son is a handful. One warning though -- If you decide to toss him out of the house, check the legalities. I was told by the juvenile courts -- he's been arrested several times in the last 2 1/2 years, 4 times for possession of pot and one for domestic abuse. Since the domestic abuse was against me I asked if I could leave him there and was told that I didn't pick him up I would be charged with child abandonment because he's a juvenile -- I was shocked! I was also told by a police officer visiting his own son at juvie (who had a VERY problem son) tell me that should we decide to toss him out at 18 to have him served with an eviction notice three months prior to his 18th birthday. Otherwise because this had been his primary residence we couldn't enforce it. He'd learned by experience with an older son... Perhaps different states have other rules though. Hugs to you!

Jacquie - posted on 04/18/2011

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Kick him out on his own and see how long it takes for him to come crawling back

Jennifer - posted on 04/17/2011

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You sound very frustrated. Yeah, it can be tough parenting a 17 year old boy. Mine ended up kicked out of the house at that age, so I am not judging in the least! In my case it was a step dad/son situation that really brought things to a head that way. Looking back, I think it would have been better if I had gone to a parent support circle. Have you tried that? We got locked in such a negative pattern that it just spiralled downward. Is there any chance of going to family counselling? My husband thought it was 100% my son with the problem, so he wouldn't go, but maybe you would have better luck.
In my case, my son ended up living a couple of different places, at friends houses and missed a year of high school. After a year he moved back in and went back to school. It was a bit better, but not great. I gritted my teeth until he turned 19, and he was out again. Our relationship is better now because I am not enforcing anything. It is now up to him to figure things out for himself. He is not working, which makes me sad, but unfortunately that is his problem to work out. At least our home is not a battleground now. We still have a 14 year old at home. He was 12 when we kicked his brother out, and he commented how much more peaceful it was in the mornings without all the fighting.
I wish you all the patience in the world in dealing with your teen!

Louise - posted on 04/17/2011

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My son is the same age and is more respectful to his friends than his family. He also thinks hes grown and that he does not have to abide by the house rules anymore. He did have a full time job but was made redundant due to the ressession in the UK at the moment. This has just made him worse. I can see he is depressed but I just want to shake him and say for goodness sake would it kill you to help around the house. I was fed up with his room looking a pig sty all the time so I stopped picking up his washing and now if he needs clean clothes he has to pick them up off the floor and wash them himself. I really have no answers for you but you are not alone.

I find that I can talk until I am blue in the face to my son asking him to clear up after himself and he does nothing unless I turn off the internet into the house which means he can't use facebook. He gets off his backside and does something then.

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