what do you tell your 13yr old when they ask you to take them to a counselor?

Sharon - posted on 10/12/2009 ( 88 moms have responded )

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my daughter is so depressed how can i help her?

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Tami - posted on 02/27/2013

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you tell her you'll find her a good counselor and you go w/ her to every session! i've been through it but the key word is a good counselor . one of the counselor i was refered to was not very good and actually ended up doing more harm than good so we stopped seeing her once i realized she had no kids of her own and in reality had no clue what it was really like to deal w/ a child 24/7 for example her advice to me to get my son to mind me was to "sit on him if he refuses to stay in time out" i mean really???. unless someone has kids they can NOT tell a parent what to do about theirs i don't care how many degrees they may have! if they have never experienced staying up all night taking care of a sick kid or know what it's like to be the mother of a daughter who just found out she's pregnant or know what it's like to deal w/ a adhd child or a depressed teenage boy you shouldn't trust them to give you advice on how to help yours! especially when a person is constantly pushing you to just put them on medication that is NOT ok. that;s just my two cents worth on the subject. lol

Chrisstina - posted on 10/16/2009

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take her to the therapist!! my daughter was a nicu baby her life is always been a blessin to me however her dad was never around it never seem to phase her she never asked for him or about him , however at 10 he got married and his new wife demanded that they have visitation and fought me for custody. one night she was returned from her visit and was told at their home she would not be seein them anymore that it was "too hard on THEIR family." well they never told me what was goin on i went to sleep that night and the next mornin i went in to kiss my daughter before goin in to work at the priso at 3am well i found daughter with sliced wrists. thankfully she didnt go deep in enough but she did cut the wrong way. she received therapy and when she was asked why she never talked to either myself or my husband of 10yrs she said "if my on blood doesnt love me enough to hear me then why would another adult?" your baby has made the right choice ! please dont make her feel she did wrong. i know sometimes as mommas we feel like we should be able to solve their every problem and i felt like i was a failure since i couldnt solve her problems for her how ever my therapist taught me that its ok not to be able to solve it all for them. if cost is the issue then lookin into family abuse councilors they can guide you to a free or low cost therapist near you sometimes there are therapist who are almost ready to recive their deploma but need clinical hrs and they are trained to deal with this situation and some are even in their 20 still so they tend to be able to relate to young girl easier. hope ive helped you!!

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Rhianna - posted on 02/24/2013

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if she feel she cant tell you take her to a counselor (who has specific training in teen issues)
so pediatric psychologist the best place to look is Children's Hospitals and Clinics in your area

Deborah - posted on 10/20/2009

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Tell them OK!!! If your child is asking for help, they must be really hurting. Not taking them, at least to get a proffesional opinion, could be very dangerous. I don't know why or to what extent your child is hurting, but if you want to help your child, get them the help they need. Don't wait until it's too late.

Angela - posted on 10/19/2009

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I think if she is depressed and asking for help I would put her into therapy. Kids sometimes feel better talking to someone else.

JoAnn - posted on 10/19/2009

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Dear Sharon,

Your daughter has made a cry out for help. As a mother you should help her.I can tell you from my own experences, it is good that she is willing to talk to someone. You really don't want it to go the other way. Because it can turn into self medication, cutting, drugs, suicide, these are not good. So please listen to her, be patient, let her know you are there for her and get her the help she needs. May God Bless you both.

Linda - posted on 10/19/2009

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I would say be thankfull that they are asking to go seek counciling so many kids are afraid to ask by hm asking you it seems you raised a responsible teen trust his judgement maybe tell him he can go to the counsler but you are always there fo him to talk also and you are proud of him for asking to do the right thing

Kimberly - posted on 10/19/2009

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do what you can within reason to help her be happy.
do not push her for answers.
she will give hints on what she needs be perseptive and alert.
if she wants to see a counsler let her...she knows something is bothering her and she knows or thinks she can not speak to anyone she knows with out judgment or emotions.
when it comes to medication...talk, think and check it all out before allowing it. sometimes it is just a behavioral thing not a chemical thing causing depression. but do not put a stigma on it if she needs the medication..think of her well being .

be ready to help and participate openly and effectively if changes are to be met in her recovery.

Fabiola - posted on 10/19/2009

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remember to tell her that what ever she tells the counsellor, the counsellor will not share with you. The counsellor has a responsibility to her as a patient that she/he can not brake the trust that they have. my 13 year old trust her counsellor as she has never given me any information about what has been discussed. Slowly my daughter has openned up to me but I have never probed her for details, pls find someone that she is comfortable with, you might have to shop around but always tell your child that you will keep looking until she finds someone she can trust, when she finds the right person she will let you know

Fabiola - posted on 10/19/2009

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Take her, if its what she is asking for then she has recognised that there is a problem which she is not able to deal with, Maybe she feels that she can not talk to you (not that that is a bad thing - dont feel bad about her decision to seek counselling sometimes the kids just need someone not involved or related to talk to. As your daughter has been able to recognise this then I would strongly suggest that you go to your family doctor and request a referral to a local counseller, they are charged to medicare and you get 6 free visits if you need more you can have another 6. Medicare pay for 12 per year. Best Wishes to you and your daughter

Deb - posted on 10/19/2009

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If your daughter is suffering from depression then please listen to her. I have suffered for years, and did not get the support that I needed. So I had to wait until I was old enough to legally get help myself. IF and only if she would like to confide in you then let her, but please do not force the issue with her. Best think you can do is to get her into counseling asap and make sure that she is comfortable with the counselor. Hope this helps.

[deleted account]

Be glad that she wants to go and not keep it bottled up. My parents were good people, but they were not talkers. So now, I try to talk to my kids frankly about everything. If she cannot or does not want to talk, that is OK. Take her to someone trained to handle these situations. My parents were of the opinion that that kind of stuff was a weakness. That's not their fault, just old school. It is hard to get past that stigma. Just accept it. There may be a preventable cause. Good luck.

Michelle - posted on 10/18/2009

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is she came to you for help acknowledge that she wants that help and that she loves you and trusts you enough for that help and support. I would take her because sometimes us as mothers, parents, don't always know the answers and we should be willing for the sake of our children to let someone else help where we cannot. Don't look at it as failure, look to it as your daughter needs something and your still able to give it to her even though its not you personally telling her how. Just be there to hold her hand she will love you in the end for it all. You will grow closer to her just doing this for her. Good luck and god bless.

Barbara - posted on 10/18/2009

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Take her to a counselor....there is never harm in this and it might do her some good and you too.

Lucy - posted on 10/18/2009

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Tell her everyone gets depressed at some time in their life which is true. There is no shame in seeking out help when you need it just like you would a medical doctor if you had a broken leg. if she is asking take her. try not to worry too much because 13 is a rough age. ( I have twin 13-year-olds) she will get through it and so will you mom. just take her.

Gretchen - posted on 10/18/2009

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My adopted daughter asked for help from her biological mother multiple times, and was refused the help. She attempted suicide at least three times in one day and ended up hospitalized multiple times before she got the help needed. I now have her in weekly counseling and she is stabilized. Children, especially teenagers, have a hard time asking for this kind of help sometimes. We need to react quickly to prevent something horrible from happening. Good luck to you.

Annette - posted on 10/18/2009

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never tell your child that they cant see a councillor, they have a reason they have asked you to see one, and they just cant talk to u or anyone to close at this point in time, so let them go and dont feel bad that they cant talk to you or nag them to either, one day they will discuss things with u but just not now,

Evelyn - posted on 10/18/2009

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U dont tell them anything... U talk to a counselor explained to them that ur child requested to see someone, u build a relationship with the counselor so that when ur son talks to them in confidence maybe they'll keep u in the loop of wat's going on wit ur child. Never deny ur child the request to speak to someone, u never know wat they're trying to get off they chest. good luck!

Sarah - posted on 10/18/2009

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If she is bold enough to ask, then I would suggest you bring her. BEcareful of ANY medications they may perscribe. YOU MUST do your own homework on the medication here on the web. There are some scary ones ya might want to stay away from, but some can be helpful. AGAIN though, YOU MUST DO THAT LEG WORK FOR HER. The Drs. just prescribe. Kudos to your daughter for being brave enough to ask for help. If she's asking, it is your responsobility to help her. Best of luck to your girl :)

Ginger - posted on 10/18/2009

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She knows she needs help. So help her. Two great child Psychiatristis are Lerry Rotrock and Dave Buckinghan. Also try Ann Becker-Schutte 816-822-1922 she is wonderful or Psycological services center 913-262-4500 . Good Luck

Bethany - posted on 10/18/2009

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Take this request 2 heart! I am going through the same thing right now with my neice that I am raising, I started off my sending her to school counselor and that helped alot! then I put her in family counsling and we all start that soon as a family! If a child is asking 4 help please get it! There is something going on kids have such a hard time dealing with life now days trying 2 keep up with what the world is displaying as being perfect, the images of beautiful young skinny Girls! ITS wrong and its hard to keep up with the Perfect images we need 2 teach our children that God made us all in his image and if we have a pure heart and made us all diffrent be happy and comfortable in the body and heart we have some kids can be curl just be yourself and dont try to keep up with what socitey says we are suppose to look and act like! she is crying out for help! YES TAKE HER TO SOMEONE SHE CAN TALK TO AND CONFIDE IN! sometime its hard to know how to help our children and they can confide in a coundlor tell them things that they may not tell us as parents!

Amy - posted on 10/17/2009

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First of all do not sit and wait for it to go away.Do not try and fix her yourself.You cant!

Get her help Now!!INot just counseling either also a doctor appointment she may need meds.Sometimes people are chemically imbalanced and just talking doesnt work.You have to combinne the two.Therapy along with antideprassants.I am not a doctor.I am a Mom of a daughter who has suffered years of anguish and has not had results due to lack of wanting to cooperate with docs on most any level.

But if you start now and be consistant she can get the help and have a happy life.

Dont wait,Depression can lead to many awful things...Get Help Now!

Praying For You All

Shannan - posted on 10/17/2009

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Coming from someone who had a simular situation, tell your daughter everything is going to be ok and take her to a councilor. Work with the councilor and your daughter. Be thankful that she came to you for help as my own daughter did. Sometimes children have issues and problems that they need help with. Be honest with her and trust her feeling. I hope the best for you and your family.

Arleta - posted on 10/17/2009

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You find the best Christian Counselor in your area, (or w/in driving distance if you live in a rural community), and take her, quickly. Be sure to ask her if she would like to see a man or a woman or if that matters to her.

Heather - posted on 10/17/2009

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I am a Social Worker with five kids of my own. When a kid ask a parent for help be thankful and get it for them. So many kids do not feel comfortable with their parents to talk about needing assistance. Get the help and get it soon. There has to be a reson. Don't probe to much but get them the help and be glad they asked.

Charlotte - posted on 10/17/2009

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While it is true that God is so important, do not ignore the cry for help to see someone.

Charlotte - posted on 10/17/2009

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Please take her! My daughter is 14 and was just diagnosed with clinical depression. Take it seriously when they say they cant seem to get out of the depression. You may save their life!

Kristie - posted on 10/16/2009

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I think you should take them to a counselor if they ask. Obvesouly they have an issue that they are not comfortable talking to someone close to them about it. Dont be concerned that they are not ready to talk to you...give them time and they will

Margaret - posted on 10/16/2009

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Quoting Zita :

Sharon, my best advise to start praying with her, tell her that GOD answers prayers and what ever she feels like she can tell you, she can tell GOD.Children are so confused at this age.Big brothers and Sisters like someone else said earlier. Wouldnt be a bad idea just make sure if your a believer that whom ever you trust your child to is also a believer.This would be a good way to allow them to let their feelings out, to open up to somone else,besides mom,or dad. Another outlet.On her behave you pray to GOD to deliver her from her depression ,because depression is spirit ,pray it off !!!!! GOD answers your prayers Too mom!!!!!!


Leave GOD out of it and listen to her cry...just see a therapist. Let her believe what she wants.....by pushing GOD on her isnt right. Let her believe what she wants and talk to a therapist first for help.



 

Margaret - posted on 10/16/2009

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put her in the car and take her to a counselor.......If she knows your hearing her and accept the fact she needs help, your opening the door between the two of you.......

Michelle - posted on 10/16/2009

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sometimes kids just need someone else to talk to. I would find her a female therapist.

Susie - posted on 10/16/2009

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Sharon: Start with a request to a school counselor you first. She can help you focus on what you need to do to help her or guide you how to get her help. Don't wait. ♥

Adriele - posted on 10/16/2009

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Counseling isn't a bad idea, there are really great therapists out there who specialize in teenage issues. There is no shame in seeking help, sometimes our teenagers' problems are beyond our abilities, and finding someone who can help your teenager get through the depression could be one of the best decisions you ever make.

Damaris - posted on 10/16/2009

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Sharon i thinks is best to stay calm, but do take him if he ask u is come something is bothering him.

[deleted account]

What are you waiting for? It is very difficult to admit that you have something "wrong" with yourself and she has obviously stepped up and needs your help. Run with her before she changes her mind

Vickie - posted on 10/15/2009

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I have brought up 3 teenage girls and have found even if their life at home is free from stress, that school and general socializing is very difficult in this age. Technology seems to have brought with it some added difficulties and our schooling system puts extra pressure on kids as well! Getting outside help works well in my experience achieving things I could never have done.

Diana - posted on 10/15/2009

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Take her for sure!....my niece is going to a counselor and even though it hurts her mom that she can't express her feelings to her her mom understands that it's the best thing for her. She is doing alot better now and even finds it easier to talk to her mom about certain things that she felt she couldn't before...Good luck to both of you and god bless...

Regina - posted on 10/15/2009

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I think it took courage for her to ask you. I say do research online or word of mouth for a counselor.

Kimberly - posted on 10/15/2009

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If one of my children had ever asked for counseling, I would have taken them. I think most children that would benefit from counseling never ask for it.

User - posted on 10/15/2009

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Take her. She must have something she needs to discuss or wants help with. This is one of those things you learn from experience. My daughter asked, i put it off and now she is out of control in many ways. It is better to deal with the issues as they come to you or ask for help.

[deleted account]

Jump in with both feet, a positive attitude and take her to talk with someone. Afterwards out for dinner in a quiet location so you can talk.

Commilla - posted on 10/15/2009

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My doctor told us that its hormones a raging... they have medications that will help balance her out. My 13 year old is going through the same thing! Her medication has been god sent! She's still a normal little girl without the extreme mood swings.

Cheryl - posted on 10/15/2009

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Take her sometimes they need someone else to talk to. My 14 year old daughter asked me to take her. And with no questions asked I did. I wish my parents did this for me. At least I know she has someone to talk things over with and after she sees her thearpist she always comes to talk to me. I think she wants to hear what she says before saying it to me. Teenage girls are private which I hate but anything to help her I will do. So take her It wont hurt anyone, but it might make your family stronger and closer. And it shows your daughter that you will do anything for her.

Eileen - posted on 10/14/2009

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I would send them, My 9 yr son goes & I told my 13 yr she could go if she wants she hasnt decided yet, we has autistic son also so its good way for them to release & help us understand how they feel.

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