What happened to my teen?

Sgibsonresources - posted on 02/11/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Hello, I am a divorced mom with two teenage daughters who father is in and out of jail. While I was married to their dad, my now 16 year old daughter was having silent seizures. After her dad and I divorced, she started having gran mal seizures. Her dad and I fit a lot and our divorce wasn't too pretty. He was on drugs(which is why I divorced him) and my daughters witnessed a lot of anger from both of us. That was 10 years ago, I have since remarried (8 years) and their dad is again in jail. My 16 year old is so demanding of her dads time and attention and I'm not sure the reason. Am I being one sided? Two years ago I let her move in with her dad because she was just more than I could handle. She then started having stress seizures and anxiety attacks. I knew right then that I made the mistake of letting her move in with him. She was having the attacks everyday at school, was being made fun of, eventually had to be introduced to home school. About 9 months ago her dad went back to jail and she is now back home in a stable environment and living a halfway normal lifestyle. I have her seeing a psychiatrist, psychologist, and counselor and it seems to be benefiting her. She has gone from 5 anxiety attacks(she passes out and seizes) to ABOUT 1 a month. Just so I don't drag on and on let me get to today. The school nurse calls today and says Lori had an attack. I got on the phone and soothed her and everything seemed to be ok. She was feeling down so I went and got her and her sister a small gift for Valentines and a card. I just thought it would bring her spirits back up a little. After school they got in the vehicle and I had their little bags waiting in each seat for them. They seemed to be excited that they got a gift. Then.....,Lori started talking about her attack and I told her that she lets things stress her too much and some things just aren't worth that much stress. She said she was the only teenager that had to worry about stressing and then having an attack. I asked her if she wanted me to get on Facebook and read her something that was a little more tramatic and she unleashed on me. She told me she didn't want to be around me and that's fine, I understand, but what happened that things turned so fast. She was yelling that she had a reason to complain and I explained to her that yes she did but to always remember, someone out there has it worse. One of the things her psychologist pointed out was that Sheila staying at home, not doing things with ANYONE, and it's too much time on her hands. With that, I went on to tell her that at least every other weekend she was gonna get out of the house and do things that didn't cause her stress. Once again, she unleashed. I'm about to explode myself because my hands are tied. No matter wha i do or say its wrong. I had talked to MY mom about some things that were going on and in return tried to talk to Lori. She got so upset that I told my mom about her business and now she never talks to me about important things. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about all of this and it's all piled up inside. I'm literally about to pop. Could someone tell me if it's me or her or both of us? I'm open for any suggestions because I'm tired and weary from all of this.

2 Comments

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Jane - posted on 02/15/2014

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Hi I'm sorry can't offer you advise I am at the moment going through something similar, my daughter is 13 an has been so hard to manage since she was ten, she started puberty before any of her friends, she is taller an has the body of a lady, she is angry all the time, I am very strict, grounding her taking her gadgets off her, this just makes her even more angry that she trashes the house, she tries to climb out the window or walks out the house an goes missing, I end up having to drive round out my mind crying, she started high school an met a horrible bunch of girls, an went 100 times worse getting into trouble, not many teachers or kids mums like her , she improved slightly in school after the summer, she'd been accused of bullying an the police was involved, I'm at my wits end where she's gonna end up, the neighbours have rang the police when she has a tantrum, now I feel I can't punish her for fear of my house getting trashed or her going missing, she's emotionally blackmailing me, my family is falling apart an it's causing problems with my partner, he would leave me to school an any other problems with her an when I get upset he doesn't support me, she has now gone bad agin in school, I love her an I tell her this all the time, she's wished me dead an told me to die of a disease ,she threatens if I don't do as she says she will tell the school I hit her, she has tried this before, she can't even look at me without hatred in her eyes, yet I have spoilt her for yrs getting everything, I can't buy her anything now as I don't think she deserves it, I'm in two minds wether to put her in a new school but I'm frightened she will be the same there, I've found out she's hangin around with a girl who's mother blames my daughter for her own daughters problems, I think this is the reason she's bad in school again , what should I do?

Rhonda - posted on 02/14/2014

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I understand it must be so frustrating. Validating feelings often helps. People always told me not to compare myself to others and then turned around and told me to think about how some other ppl had it worse than I did :*/ wtw??? :) when someone tells me that I should not take things so seriously, I might hear them saying that I'm not normal or that it's not ok to get upset about that. It sounds like she had a trigger and that the trigger may need to be validated and then when things are calm talk about a different perspective maybe? My son said that when I made a chart where they could put a check mark and earn rewards for catching each other doing things right/positive, that he felt like I was controlling him! Ha :) made no sense to me but I just said...well, you could look at it that way. How do you feel when you look at it that way? And he said "bad". I said ok. Well....what if you thought about it like that you are getting a reward for things you are already doing instead of that it's controlling you. Then how would you feel?" "Kinda good". "Ok, we'll which do you think is the best way to think of it?" "The second way" "ok...let's try that." "Ok mom". The end. It's not always that easy and of course I do not know what all you have tried but j hope something I said makes your life a little easier somehow. It's always great to know triggers...rational or not.

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