What time is a good time to have your 17 year old daughter come home on weekdays and weekends from friends homes or what time do you make her friends leave.

Shelley - posted on 06/17/2010 ( 36 moms have responded )

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I'm the mother of a 17 year old daughter who just graduated 2nd in her class and is honest and trustworthy. My husband and I disagree on what time she should be allowed to go out til during the week and what is an appropriate time for her to come home on week nights and weekends. She does drive and does no drugs or anything like that. Any help would be appreciated.

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Anna - posted on 07/01/2010

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For us, our family curfew has always been dinner time. My husband and I both grew up with this curfew and we implemente it with our kids.The oldest is 16 and a great student. We feel family bonding and communication is so important we must give our selves time to enjoy each other. Once my kids are old enough to gain other responsabilities like work or school during dark hours then things will be different, but for now they have all day for school and play that night time is family time. We eat together, clean together, and have fun together. night time is our time and we all love it. (at my house curfew time, dinner time is 7p.m)

Sandra - posted on 06/23/2010

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my daughter curfew is 10pm no school nights and 11 on weekends that's if she had'nt pissed me off during the week.

Sara - posted on 08/28/2012

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I have a 14 yr old at home and all she talks about or write about is boys how she wants one she sounds desperate shes only 14 she started this about 13 smh!! she dont talk about her high school or future college should I tell her dad Im so tired off telling him this stuff but she is his bilogical daughter not mine Im just the step mom but i love her like mine...Im scare that a boy comes along and tell her all the right words and their u go....please help

Cheryl - posted on 09/11/2010

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Why don't you try discussing it with her and come to an agreement. It's always good to see how they feel about it. Usually if they feel they've had some say in the dicision they are more liable to comply, especially if they can see the benefits for them and the reasoning behind it. After all it's the only way to lead them into independence with self-control. Hope this helps.

Caterpiller - posted on 08/25/2012

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I'm 17 year old girl. I am responsible e.g straight A student and would never dream of anything like drink or drugs either. I live with both my biological parents in the same house with my 19 and 12 year old brothers. I must be home straight after school on week nights and i'm not allowed out on weekends. I hate it but there is nothing i can do. I want to leave once i finish my finel year at school but i'm scared because if i ever say anything about moving out mum starts crying yelling at me :( I feel so bad so i will probably never get the courage to leave :( .



What ever you do ensure you and your daughter are happy (or at least in agreeance) . And if you know she will not get herself into a dangerous situation like I myself know I would not go anywhere there will be drugs etc, you should not have to worry.



Maybe 7:00 weeknight and depending on the circumstances later, maybe 11:00 friday and saturday nights. (being 17 our bodys need around 8-9 hours of sleep every night)



***Also let her know that if she ever needs you to pick her up you are only a phone call away.



I hope all works out. Keep safe and happy Xx

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Maritza - posted on 10/06/2012

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You both should be very proud! At this age praise isn't enough For such good behavior. Now comes trust ! Extend her curfew, and just as you trusted her to do her best in school she needs to learn to be more independent, she's not far from college.

Sara - posted on 08/28/2012

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10 30-11 on school days 12 on weekends I know is scary but if she a good girl and U trust her .My opinion I had 3 girls shelly lol but keep an eye open cause they kinda sneaky

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BEATRICE - posted on 07/18/2012

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Hi, If you want to gauge what others are doing to get an idea if its unreasonable or to loose I understand. But it ultimately needs to be up to you and your husband. Its up to you two to be grownup and put your personal differences a side and come up with a compromise that works best for all. All circumstances and kids are different. Stress that this is serious business.Some kids will set or even not push the boundaries, others will push and extend and constantly test /break it. But it must be set and discussed thoroughly with the child and consequences laid out and the hardest part strictly enforced. Make sure you discuss all the million and one excuses you will hear. But basically yes stuff happens, but you will not except things like - Well I wanted to come home but I was with so and so and they wanted to stay and they drove etc etc. They need to be responsible for the kids they hangout actions on how it impacts them. Allow them to and make mandatory to call ahead 15 mins 30 minutes etc if something potentially comes up and be prepared to do things like pick them up and tell them that you can pick them up, without any 3rd degree to reward them with their grownup decision. Like if some kids were drinking and smoking weed at a party and they called you too pick them up. They don't need a lecture- they all ready proven it.

And you should reaffirm how proud you are and how mature they acted. They will also try to tell you its unfair because so and so doesn't have a curfew or its much longer. If any other kid or parent doesn't respect that then its not somebody who they want to hang around with. You will have some boys eventually who will want to date and they may have not have a curfew. Explain to the boy yours does and explain to the boys parents that yours does. My experience is if they are that laxed either one it will be potential trouble or the boy may really indeed have a curfew but much later. I say this without hesitation and seriousness this is a critical age of dating and potential abuse or sexual experimentation. I have a friend who's daughter was dating a boy who's father was lenient with his son because he divorced after his wife found him with another women when the boy was 14, and the father perhaps in attempt to be the good guy had no curfew for him and trusted him fully.Seemed like an ok kid -did well in school, involved in a few things and church. He completely ignored the girlfriends curfew twice and she was date raped ( he stopped after a few minutes of her struggling and yelling) and though he confessed that he went too far and did not take her no or stop and they had some proof. That the father already lawyered up before investigated and prosecution said because the girl waited 2 weeks and just circumstantial it would be a long and almost impossible fight. The girl was also to be starting as freshman in another state at college in a few months and trials would delay.The girl 17-18 also ended up getting herpes Simplex 2 from him and had to deal with it starting college. God bless her she struggled and got by and is a remarkable young women. This was a typical middle class country-like subdivision suburb. This kid got by with his boyish looks charm but was used to getting his own way and later found out he did smoke pot and drank but gf or bfs shouldnt but many times ignore. Newsflash! probably at least half the kids do. I never thought mine did until like 19-20 ( now 21 & 24 ) , turns out they did a few times drink but at homes when they were 16-18 and did not go out- like sleepover with friends of same sex. But said so and so did smoke pot, kids I would never expect. I used to think it was a deal breaker as my kids would say if I that their closest friends don't do drugs but its impossible to not hang around with some that do but don't force them or try not to do it around them. They said they would pretty much not have any friends. Its not really true but I can see why they feel that way. Its the same with us adults but its easier for us to stay away from those that do things like that but still may have to interact with those at work that do things unacceptable to us.. The kids however have a smaller tighter pool to socialize with. Let them know that you understand that predicament but that if that person with drugs may not care enough to put you in potential jeopardy for their wrong doing if for say they are caught and you are with them- it would be a mess to sort out at the least. If your kid is responsible and mature and takes care of school work and chores and shows other responsible behavior then of course later. Or for certain things. Like We are going to away soccer game and then out to someones house that's a sleepover but I want to stay later than my 11:30pm curfew, could I stay till 12:30 am. or can you pick me up (instead of them driving) at 1am. That way they aren't on the road at that time. If its a kid who could use some school or domestic improvement ( had a few) Then start tight they show responsibility in both at home and school and outside social behavior and come in before curfew then you can then stretch it, but do not allow any exceptions and enforce and fulfill clear consequences that were discussed or written upfront. Hint start as early as possible even when your kids don't expect it or need it and easier if your kids have a bedtime deadline at home or tv or game off time. Good Luck.

Debra - posted on 09/07/2010

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I have almost the same situation,my teen doesn't drive though, maybe we can talk..

Steffanie - posted on 09/06/2010

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This is really a personal choice. My parents based my curfews on the event I was attending, and with whom I was with. Make sure you know her friends, who she is going with, and what they are doing.

It sounds to me like she is responsible, intelligent, and you can cut the apron strings some. She needs to have some independence because soon she will be going off to college anyway, and be free to do what she wants. By being to overprotective, and not allowing her any freedom, I believe this hinders personal growth, and also learning to make choices on her own.

You want her to have to have the skills to take care of herself, and not letting her do normal teenage events, doesn't help her learn to coping skills, learning about different personalities, or even understanding the consequences of her actions.

Tell your husband to chill out, and let your daughter enjoy her Senior year, besides working her butt off academically.

Angela - posted on 09/06/2010

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Our 17 year old has a curfew...weekdays she has to be home at 8 because of homework that needs to be done and midnight on the weekends. In some cities they have a mandatory curfew for children under 18 and they can get into trouble if it is broken. Our 17 year old is also pregnant. And we don't bend our rules. Until she is 18 she has no choice but to live by our rules. Sometimes it gets ugly when we discuss it. But sometimes tough love works best.

Cheyenne - posted on 09/04/2010

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i didnt really have a curfew but i also didnt go out alot. if i did i would always tell my parents what id be doing. they trusted me. as for my brother and sister. my mom said 10pm for my brothers friends to go home because my brother wasnt disciplined very much so he got out of control. my sister doesnt have a curfew she goes out whenever she wants. and my mom does regret it. for a 17 year old i would say 11pm-12pm, depending on where she is going. and on weekends maybe a little later, agian depends on what shes doing. if you trust her you will make a right decision

Suszanne - posted on 07/20/2010

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When our daughter turned 17, she was a good student and involved in many activities. Her curfew was 10 pm on school / church nights and midnight for others.

Sit down with your husband and come to an agreement. This may take some time and several attempts. Discover the underlying reasons for the disagreemetn between the two of you. Until you have an agreement with him regarding the time, use the earlier time as a guide. You can always change it based on your daughter's behaviors.

Good luck!

[deleted account]

My 17 yr old daughter still has a bedtime, during the week 10pm is her bedtime so she can not be out later than 9 and only if her homework is done first. This teaches her responsibility and lets her understand that she has to live by rules just as adults do. The kids need to learn to think ahead.

Ruth - posted on 07/15/2010

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We have the same situation....super good 17 year old. We wanted her to get used to being grown up so we told her no curfew for the summer as long as she told us when she'd be home and made it in by then. It didn't work out. She was coming home on 12 or 1 on weeknights and we couldn't sleep well until she was home and had to work the next day. So, we withdrew that rule. She has to be home by 11 on weeknights and has no curfew on weekends but still has to tell us where she is and when she will be back home. They have to grow up sometime and be rewarded for being good kids!

Ramona - posted on 07/09/2010

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Most states, if not towns have curfews for minors. We have those as the setones for our kids. My kids are not out beyond it.

Ann - posted on 07/08/2010

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My oldest turned 18, 1 week before graduation. (2010) At 17 her curfew was 1 am because the local laws were also 1 am on weekends. Friends must be out on weeknights by 10 so we that work can sleep.(that did not change). When she turned 18, we no longer gave her a curfew but reinforced some already set ground rules: NO friends here that have been doing anything illegal (Not really an issue), do NOT come home drunk or otherwise intoxicated, (also not an issue), be respectful and call to let us know where you are. Be honest with us about your whereabouts. No drinking and driving.
She has held a steady job for almost 3 full years, got good grades, is starting college in August. If I bear down on her, she will leave and I REALLY won't have any say in what she does.
I am grateful she respects the rules, is still employed, going to nursing school and actually tested out of some classes. She wants treated like an adult. Let her.

Leslie - posted on 07/08/2010

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I have never given my kids a curfew. At seventeen and nineteen they have shown enough responsibility, problem solving, and good decision making to where I don't worry about them. They come home at a reasonable hour (on their own) and have never given me one minute of worry. Treat your daughter as the adult she is and I bet you will find her to be the same.

Lavonne - posted on 07/01/2010

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My 18 year old just graduated and is a great kid. She is an adult now and we have always encouraged her to think through her choices and the consequences of those choices. Now that she is done with high school, we have relaxed her curfew and she is allowed to decide when she needs to be home. Interestingly enough, by giving her the responsibility and the choice, she is making the right one. Kids need to be given responsibility and control in their lives to help them be productive adults. If they are good kids, they reward your trust by doing the right thing! Go with your gut instinct and talk it out with her and your husband. By the way, dad's have a tough time letting their little girls go!!!

Victoria - posted on 06/26/2010

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To be honest. MY daughter just turned 17 and she going to the 12th grade in the fall. She's only allowed to stay out with friends to 8pm thru the week and on weekend until 10. Atfer she graduate in 2011 she still will have the same time. My house my rules. She doesnt hv a problem with it because she know I dont play about nothing especially my kids.

Heather - posted on 06/26/2010

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Since she has already graduated, then a curfew is pretty much unnecessary for a well behaved teenager. We have a "house curfew". We set a time that we lock the door. If they are not in by that time, we lock them out. The next day there will be consequences for missing the curfew. We also require that they help out around the house until they move out.

Susie - posted on 06/26/2010

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My kids are 17 too (twins). My town actually has a curfew so that's their curfew. Works out nice. They also don't drive (their choice) so they mostly stay in the neighborhood.

Ellen - posted on 06/25/2010

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My rules for my daughters is midnight. And they are very well behaved and trustworthy. There are times when they'll call to ask to stay out a little later and I'm flexible. But even they can go out too much and start staying out later, and when thats happened, I'd have to remind them of the rules and then I pull back on the reigns. We end up debating and all...but I'm mom and I do know best and they KNOW it :)

Linda - posted on 06/25/2010

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Age is not necessarily the real issue. The fact that she has graduated does make it more delicate though. Self responsibility comes with privileges in our home. My "kids" had to learn street names and directions as a part of getting a learning permit. To use the vehicle they must be a part of cleaning it. Your daughter is still a minor. Now that she has completed school what does she do with her time and what are her goals. Ask her why she needs to have the ( I assume ) late nights. What are her next day responsibilities? In the real world of adults we play we pay. We still must get up the next day and be productive regardless of our accomplishments or night activities. Is she willing to have responsibilities with privileges? Our 20 year old lives at home. Although he is free to go and come as he pleases he still is required to let us know approximately when he will return. It is common respect to communicate with those you live with. Have you asked your daughter what she is willing to compromise. And, what are the reasons behind you and your spouse that are so differing? We are very fortunate and our "kids" have not pushed their ages into our face. Legally 17 is still a minor. Hope for wisdom and peace in your family on this one.



At 16 my kids were allowed to be up until 10:30 on school nights. Weekends during the school year it is midnight. Summer months as late as they want but they are still required to fulfill obligations. If they are too busy being a kid to play then they are not old enough to have late nights.

Molly - posted on 06/25/2010

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I have always had my kids come home for dinner on school nights. I think it is important to have dinner together as a family especially when the kids are teens, so I can connect with them and see how their lifes are. My two oldest are in college, but the younger ones (16 and 17) need to be home by 6:30 on school nights and 11 on weekends/holidays, unless they have a school function/sporting event. It really does help keep us close as a family! :)

Darlene - posted on 06/25/2010

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I am the mother of an 18 year old, 12 year old and 9 year old. I believe that at 17 on school nights she should be home by 11. If her grades start suffering and she looks like she is going down the wrong path I would change that time to 10pm or no going out on weekends. I would sit down and have a serious talk with her and lay out the rules. She sounds like a good kid. I'm sure she will understand your concerns. Good luck!

Stacey - posted on 06/24/2010

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She is an adult, she should be treated as an adult. Reasonable, of course, but don't over-protect or hover too much! You will push her away. Give her the benefit of the doubt that she will make wise choices. She needs to make mistakes to learn from them too. Hope that she learned from you both and will not make the same mistakes. If she does, she's only gonna learn by making them.

Ingrid - posted on 06/23/2010

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I have a son that just turned 18 and I still struggle with this. While he was in school, I made him come home at 9:30 on school days so he could shower and get ready for the next day. We live in NJ so the weekends were not as much of an issue because of the laws here but it was 11 except on special occasions. I hope this is helpful. He is a good student and doesn't do drugs or drink.

Jane - posted on 06/22/2010

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And oh yeah, friends didn't come over during the week either...there just wasn't time for that. On weekends, I wanted kids out by midnight unless their curfew was earlier than that.

Jane - posted on 06/22/2010

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Through high school, most school nights were spent doing homework, eating dinner/some sort of school activity and then bed so we never really worried about a curfew. My kids were so active in band, cheerleading for my daughter and football for my son that there was always something they had to do after homework that was school related that there really wasn't much time for just "hanging out". On weekends, it was always midnight once that age. If I did have kids that wanted to do things during the week, at that age, I'd say 9PM.

Jennifer - posted on 06/20/2010

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at least by 10pm on week nights and midnight on the weekends. If she works during the week or goes to college im sure 9 or 10 would be sufficent so she can get her sleep. As far as friends during the week ah no unless they leave before dinner. But its really your decision and your house rules. Remember no matter how old the child it is it is your house and to respect your rules.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/18/2010

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I guess I'm lenient then. My 15 year old doesn't have a curfew, we just discuss each individual situation as it arises, and assign a time appropriate to the activity. For a dance on Friday night, 10-11 is acceptable, and nothing past 10 on a school night. Of course, my 15 year old is the odd one, too, as he will make sure events end early enough so he can get his sleep. I try to remember what mine was when I was his age, and adjust appropriately.

Angie - posted on 06/17/2010

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During the school year my 17 year old son's curfew is 9pm on school days and midnight on the weekends. His friends aren't allowed over during the week and we don't care when they leave on the weekends as long as they don't break their family's curfew.

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