What to do when your 16 yr old has a crush on a 24 yr old man

Quiana - posted on 10/28/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I'm having a delima because my daughter has a crush on a 24 yr old man. I have been there and I want her to no that I made it through but, each circumstance is different and I most definatley don't want her to think it's o.k. And we had a huge arguement and she went and is currently staying next door. Do I push the issue and push her further away. Or do I let her find out how hard life is on her own? HELP CONFUSED!!!!!

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Renaye - posted on 05/08/2013

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I was 16 when i met my husband he was 32 and we have been happily married for 15 years with two beautiful daughters we were married when i was 20 so what really matters is love ....and i chased him not the other way round

Shelly - posted on 10/29/2009

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Quiana,

No you don't let her figure it out on her own!! You go next door and drag her home and then you explain the facts of life to her and let her know that if she decideds to date a 24 year old then she chooses for you to turn him in to the police...We are thier parents and it is our job to teach them right from wrong no matter what age they are!!!

Tammy - posted on 10/30/2009

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I so totally feel for you honey, I to am going through similar circumstances. I have a 13 yr. old daughter as well as a 15 yr. old sd. Both of whom prefer older guys, ie 17- 19. I have to agree with shawndell to an extent. I disagree however with Jeana Taylor. Not to be rude. I too at 16 dated a 24 yr. old guy. We dated for almost 4 yrs, we never had sex, we kissed, went roller skating, went to dinner. That's about it, mostly we just talked ALOT. He was very understanding, when I was having doubts about myself or problems. He actually helped me alot. My mom found out and tried to stop us by throwing him in jail. All she succeeded in doing was making me miserable, and I attempted suicide. He was the ONLY person I could talk to about problems and she took him away from me. When he got out of jail we continued to see each other, we were just alot more careful about it. My point here is you can let your daughter know that you don't like it, that its morally wrong, and depending on the state illegal. I say this because in the state I live in girls can consent to sex legally at 16. I think that is wrong but it's the law here. You have to check your states laws on that one. You need to try to keep the lines of communication open. If you get angry and forbid her to see him, you are alienating her. She will stop talking to you, run away, or any other number of things. I would get her home where she belongs and talk with her. Get her on birth control. Another thing, you can NOT be with your child 24/7, therefore you can NOT prevent her from seeing him, nor can you prevent her from doing anything else. All you can do, is teach her right from wrong, give her good influences, watch her closely, know as much as you can. I made the mistake of telling dad and he blew up on our girls, now they don't tell me anything. Short of locking her up, which would put you in prison and her free to do as she pleases, there isn't much more you can do. If you lock him up, she will most likely rebel and do like I did, or just find some other 20 something guy to date, or scarily sad she could start sleeping with every guy she meets. Teenage girls today are very difficult. Pray, and try your best to keep tabs on her so you can try to keep her safe.

Maria - posted on 10/29/2009

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I'd say she's only 16, and not old enough to make that decision on her own. If anything, at that age, her heart rules her head more, and let's face it, when we were that age, the minute we wore our hearts on our sleeves, it was asking for trouble and a lot of heartache... make her realize that your actions are to protect her and her interests as your daughter and because you love her and she may hate you now, but she'll thank you for it later!

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Dawn-Marie - posted on 10/30/2009

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Well I think this is something that we all learn once we reach the "coming of age years".

I think you shouldnt avoid what is at question but base it on experience. Just what experience does your daughter have at 14 vs the 24 year old man and yes I say this with raised eyebrows...What mom wouldn't right? Passing faze to be honest but as a mom dont let your guard down!

Jeana - posted on 10/29/2009

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I read the title of this and first thing that popped in my head was lock her ass in her room. I have a 15 yr old daughter NO WAY IN HELL would my daughter first off be staying next door second even thinking about seening a grown man! Your the parent put your foot down and put an end to it. I dont understand how so many parents these day have no control over their children they let them run wild and do what they want. Then later they ask themselves what did i do wrong HELLO be a parent to your child and do something about it. Yes I think it is crazy that u would even have to ask what to do. Tell her 18 she is an adult and can choose what she wants to do in life until then u as the parent will choose on subjects like this.

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As a 16yo I dated a 24yo guy. ( At 18 I also ended up pregnant by that same guy) My mom dealt with it by not saying anything. I was pretty hard headed and stubborn. She knew that if she said anything or forbid me to see him I would do it anyway. My daughter is also following in my footsteps (only she is 18 and they guy is 23 and a loser). I'm more vocal in my displeasure, she moved to CO to live with him. My advice would be to say ok, that's your decision. You know how it turned out for me. I had hoped you learned from my mistake. I'll always be there for you if you ever need to talk. I don't like it but I can see you really care about this guy so I'll make an effort to get along with him but I do not approve. (Depending on the state you live in if she gets pregnant he could be dealing with statutory rape charges) Then take her to the nearest family planning center and start her on birth control. I wish I had better advice. Who knows, maybe this 24yo doesn't even like her...hopefully he has a brain in his head.

Elaine - posted on 10/28/2009

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that is a hard one Quiana.... if he is looking at her (I'm bad.... i would tell him she is jail bait) but to fight for your daughter is your right as a parent.... to fight with your daughter is a loosing battle for both of you... tell her how you feel and your rules your house then i guess like all kids they will do what they will... then if she makes a bad choice be their to help her back on the right track good luck....

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