When NO is not a good enough answer!

Judy - posted on 04/04/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My daughter will argue until she is blue in the face as to why our "no" reasons are not good enough. She is only pleasant when we say yes! She rants and raves and has recently insulted me and her father in her boyfriends home! She says that we have denied her, her rights and have emotionally abused her all her life (which is 17 years) by saying 'no" to much, yet she forgets how many times we say "yes". She says our reasons are not good enough. I am at the stage that I feel so guilty and her father is at the point where he just wants to "give her all the freedom she desires" hoping that she will learn from her mistakes. I don't necessarily agree with her father, but am so confused as to how to handle the situation. She is quite an intellect, witty, opinionated and outspoken; she would be a brilliant defense attorney!

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Lakota - posted on 04/04/2013

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Don't give her the opportunity to rant and rave. Tell her "no" and the reason why and be done with it. Walk away from her when she decides it's her place to argue with you. It's not her place at all. If she doesn't like your rules, she can have her freedom when she is 18, has a job, and gets her own place. It is great that she is so smart and outspoken, but, coming up with the emotional abuse thing sort of deflates that. It doesn't matter if she thinks your reasons aren't good enough, they are your reasons.

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Holly - posted on 04/05/2013

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doesn't matter what you tell her, you are the mother and your saying no is a good enough reason... she is just a "stupid child" as my father would have called me. I would retort, "i'm not stupid" but he just meant that i was ignorant of the ways of the world. which all children are (as is your 17yo child) doesn't matter what she wants.... remove all her priveledges. TV, games, phone, computer, car keys, put this brat on lock down. and yes i am sorry to say, but she is a brat. do not allow her to go to her boyfriend's house. if he come onto your property, call the police, have him removed... and if your child run's away, call the police.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/05/2013

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Exactly what Evelyn and Lakota have stated.

Just because your valid and logical reasons are not "good enough" for her, well, that's just tough!

State your "no". State your reasons, and end the discussion. Should she choose to continue to argue a moot point, restrict her to her room, or offer her the option of showing you proof that she is financially able to support herself, and moving out. If you felt particularly devilish at the time, you could also (very calmly and sweetly) point out that she'll have a particularly hard time proving any emotional abuse, as it is your parental responsibility to limit or restrict activities or requests that you deem inappropriate or unnecessary, and 98% of court systems will back you on that.

You have no reason to feel guilty about being a firm parent, and your husband had better rethink his "let her do what she wants" plan, because that will only be more painful and expensive in the long run.

Point out to her that she will be a legal adult at the age of 18, at which time she will be more than welcome to make her own decisions about her life choices, but only if she's living on her own, and not expecting support from you financially. If she's still wanting to live at home and have the best of both worlds, she'll need to understand that you will still have input on her decisions while living in your home.

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