why do parents have no rights

Katrina - posted on 07/22/2010 ( 74 moms have responded )

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my 13 soon to be 14 year old daughter, lies about almost everything, has moved out with her older sister and her family, but has worn out her welcome there.she now wants to move in with her older, drugged out boyfriend and family. im so scared for her and cant get help from anywhere.theres help at every turn to advise the kid on how to get there own way and tell the parents to go jump. any advise?

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Dawn - posted on 10/10/2012

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I have to tell you that i know exactly what you are talking about. My daughter is 14 and I have been dealing with her behavior for 2 years. Absolutely nothing I do seems to change her behaviors. She lies, steals, breaks things in my home, has men, not boys but grown men, in my house. She constantly runs way, has sex with grown men, has had numerous STD's, does hard drugs and her friends that she has in my house when I am at work steal my stuff! The police bring her back to me every time she runs away. But they say that I can't really press any charges on her for damages or loss of property because she lives in the home. I have tried counseling, treatment centers, juvenile probation, house arrest...everything that I know how to do to keep her safe and also protect myself and my home. Nothing seems to work. I have had several of her over age boyfriends arrested but more keep coming to my door in the middle of the night. Honestly, I just want someone to take her out of my home and keep her in a safe place where she can get some professional help and I can get a good night's sleep and not have to worry about what is going on in my home when I am at work. Any suggestions? I have even considered calling Child Protective Services and telling them that she needs to be removed from the home. I have plenty of police reports and documentation from other professionals to prove that there is a problem. Can I call CPS to have her placed in foster care or is that not an option? Also, I have a 17 year old son that also lives in my home and he is telling me that he will not continue to live in my home if my daughter is going to continue to live there. If I call CPS to have my daughter removed, will they also try to remove my son against his will? I live in Texas and am not sure what the state laws are about age restrictions. Even my daughter's grandparents and aunts have tried to take her in but they always return her to me within a month telling me that they cannot handle her. She has burned all her bridges and I have tried EVERYTHING that I know to try. HELP!

Deb - posted on 07/28/2010

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Hate to be the voice of reality, but, the kid didn't just suddenly start behaving like this over night. She behaves this way because you let her. The police HAVE to assist you. If she injures someone or property while she's under the age of 18, you are responsible, much in the way you are responsible for her well being until then.
What advice are you looking for, with your posting? You know what needs to be done, it's a matter of doing it. It's not easy and she's not going to like you, but, that's parenthood.

Matt Hamilton - posted on 02/16/2013

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Can I ask one question?
When and how did you make clear to your daughter that she would have a MATERIALLY BETTER life than you did?
If you never did........
PUT UP AND SHUT UP

Edit:
Most Chinese, Middle Eastern, South American and African parents are able to do this for their kids. Just something for someone like you to think about.

Angie - posted on 07/22/2010

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Since she's 13, I'm guessing that you had to give her permission to live with her sister. Since she's been asked to move out of her sister's house, tell her that she must go home. Let her boyfriend's family know that if she decides to move into their home, you will be filling charges with the police for them having her without your permission - then follow through!

Marla - posted on 02/16/2013

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Hello Matt,
Who is this directed at and what is your point here?
I received an email that says you posted to my comment.
Maybe its just the site but you are playing the blame game.
When community breaks down and there is no one to turn to,
we blame ourselves. We need strong men as role models and
fathers. Do you agree? There is no help. I posted a link to parentalrights.org but I know that bad decisions happen, no matter what the law is. I want to believe that there is a reason for letting our
children run wild but we have no community stru ture for them as well as ourselves. It is set up for those who seek their own path and the
rest of us are left with the damage. I have personally been told that what happens to my daugher depends on how I have raised her so it
is definatly the way that I am saying it is. If the kids cant make a productive life for themselves then they are weak and no amount of good parenting can guide or override the influences of bad social pressure and if anyone in the legal system wants a kid to fail, they have the power to make it so. Its the rare person who will steer a kid gone bad in a positive direction. When I think of all the adults who will come in contact with my child each and every day and dont send her home, I die another death. This is our heritage because we trust our legal and family court system and they teach us not to when they are tested, mostly. Well, we are here because this is the case for us.
I'm still praying for any kind of light but without community, there is no hope.

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Emma - posted on 12/12/2013

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i lost my children eight years ago have gaurdian ship of my daughter. but now ch
children and youth want me and my husban to take a drug test because of our past, but i feel like i dont have too. shes been living with us for six month why didnt they do this at the beginning why are they doing this now and should i take the test

Isabelle - posted on 12/06/2013

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The truth is that TOUGH love is necessary sometimes. You (the parent) just have to take into consideration that you may have to be "unfair"once in a while. Tell your daughter that her behavior is unacceptable and that you support her no matter what, but also let her know that the all her choices have good or bad consequences. She needs to understand that sometimes she cannot do whatever she wants.
In other words, sometimes you just need to say NO.
(DON'T LET HER TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU.)

Christy - posted on 01/30/2013

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Hi there,
I have had this happen to me you have gone through, enough my daughter has been hanging around with older people and has been pulled away from the family she also has learning difficulties I am now looking for temporary foster care, it has made me ill and my other children who are older and fed up with the situation only because this whole situation takes over your life and your other children are upset by this. You are a brilliant parent who has tried everything like I did to protect your daughter you cannot do anymore, everyone has tried. Its heartbreaking to hand your daughter over to someone else, just make it temporary you may find the shock to your daughter by doing this may make her come to her senses you have also got her away from those older people using her.
Obviously if she goes to temporary care she will be crying on the phone to get her back home dont be emotionally blackmailed. Your son is about to leave, you have got to think of yourselves for a change and help each other. Your daughter decided to go down this road and you have done everything to help her what options have you got left you are actually putting your daughter somewhere safe to stop these older people abusing her, so dont feel bad.

Christy - posted on 01/30/2013

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Hi there,
Do you think your step -son is upset about the situation with the splitting up of his parents. He maybe blaming his dad for leaving his mum and you are caught in the firing line. What about family councilling, or can his dad talk to him, it is difficult to explain to a 7 year old about changes in the family. Can you adults all sit down and discuss any problems you may have over this situation, to make it easier for the little boy, what about family mediation. If your step-son sees everyone getting on better maybe the situation will change.

Christy - posted on 01/30/2013

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Hi Deeanne,
I have boys aswell, they are good boys have you got a family member or friend who could just talk to your son and find out why he is verbally abusing you. Is he having trouble at school or maybe being bullied or worried about exams, girlfriend troubles. It could be no end of things my son was bullied at school it was awful for him, in the end I removed him from the school because he lost his confidence and was angry I did not blame him for his anger because I knew he was going through hell like I did.
Boys are quite tempremental they bottle everything up inside and it takes some coaxing to find out what is wrong you could asks his friends behind the scenes and school, sometimes we are the last ones to know anything.

Deeanne - posted on 01/29/2013

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only because of of cyps it now makes things harder for us to displine our kids i have a16 year old boy who rebells he abuses me verbaly all the time

Christy - posted on 01/29/2013

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I am having the same problems we have no parental rights whatsoever. I am in dispute with the Police and Social Services for not safeguarding a vunerable 15 year old girl with learning difficulties. What you can do is find yourself a good lawyer who deals with family law. Then go back to social services and tell them they have a duty to protect your daughter as she is only 14. Try and get mediation, for you and your daughter. Put a formal complaint into all these Authorities who are doing nothing. In some cases a child should have the rights to decide what happens to them. But I like you are only trying to safeguard our daughters, and we are the bad guys the Goverment need to sort this loophole out. Go to the papers this needs to be highlighted.

Stepmom36 - posted on 01/21/2013

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I have a 7yr old step son who is playing brutal games with myself and his father and we can't do anything about it. We are completly innocent, I even called CAS for help and yah now the kid his mother and CAS have tunred it into we are verbaly and physically abusing him. mean while its the opposite. kids get away with murder and parents can't do anything about it.

User - posted on 10/08/2012

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Were the drug tests truly "dirty"? Or was it a false reading? (i.e. if you eat say poppy seed muffins so many days before a test it "could" test positive IF you've not told them ahead of time that you did eat a poppy seed muffin). If not, and the tests were truly positive..no false readings, then get yourself clean and stay clean. Yes, it's hard to do. As a freshman in high school, I had to have an emergency appendectomy. They were giving me shots of morphine for the pain afterwards, and yes, I did become hooked on it. Since this was back in the early sixties, I really did not know much at all, if anything, about drug addiction (we lived in a very small rural area, where "drug of choice" was beer and/or cigarettes...regular cigarettes). I remember having severe problems with being unable to sleep, and with craving those shots for several months afterwards. I had had no choice but to go off it cold turkey. It was not easy, but I succeeded. I've never ever had a desire to even experiment once with pot or anything else as a result of that (yes, I do have an addictive personality..sodas, choccies, and at one time cigarettes). You CAN get clean and stay clean. If you truly want your child back, that is what you will have to do...and it can NOT be done in 3 days or less. Good luck.

Connie - posted on 10/07/2012

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My 3year old lil girl was taken by dcfs two days ago cause my worker said I gave 2dirty drug test...I had one mouth left befor my case was to be closed,,nw I have court in 3 days,,do I have any chance of getting her again

User - posted on 07/04/2012

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Remember, she IS underage, therefore you would be legally responsible for whatever she does. So, I would start by telling her AND her BF and his family that if she does move in with him, that you WILL press charges against him (which might even end up including statutory rape; and against his parents for allowing this to happen (contributing to delinquency of a minor). I'm sure there ARE many other charges that could be brought against them. The daughter would be told she would be declared before a judge as to be incorrigible and placed either in foster care or in juvie hall. Explain what each consequence would be for each person involved. Then drag her butt home, and if need be, nail it to the floor! You can't obviously lock her in...I'm sure that would be illegal under any situation, not to mention hazardous if fire etc broke out. I went through things similar to this with my son, and I did threaten to have him arrested, along with his friends parents if he didn't stay home. He finally stayed home after walking half way down our road and a storm came up!

Having said this, there is another side to consider. If you lock your child out (and yes counselors do tell parents that if the child is not home by curfew time, lock him/her out and do not let the child in until morning), the DCFS/police etc could possibly charge you with endangerment to a child, or possibly even abandonment.

If you have other children in the home, DCFS "could" take them away from you also. I know someone going through this now with her stepchild. She has threatened to lock the kid out, but is afraid to do so, as she has 2 younger children of her own from her first marriage. The ex would take those 2 away from her in a heartbeat, only because he "could". Therefore she is truly caught between a brick and a hard place. If you have an ex who happens to be the father of one or all of your children, he "could" use this against you too.

Also, having said all that, my daughter and I were having problems her freshman year. She wanted to date a 19 yr old and I told her no, absolutely not. She could not understand why, since her dad and I are 9 yrs apart. I took her to the pediatrician for something or another, and she was giving me lots of lip while we waited for him to come into the examination room. When he did, he asked why I was putting up with it. I told him I didn't want to be reported for child abuse...he told me I wouldn't be, and that it was not child abuse, but parent abuse. He then reamed my child out royally after hearing what she was mad at me about. He then proceeded to tell me that I would not be reported, and if I ever was he'd be happy to testify on my behalf! So, there could possibly be another helpful source to turn to. If your doctor is aware of what your child is doing, and has witnessed her bad attitude etc. he might be willing to testify on your behalf. Ok, that's all...just my 2 cents worthless :)

Ida - posted on 07/03/2012

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Have her legally evicted at your local district court or removed as incorrigible to a children's home

Ida - posted on 07/03/2012

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You have responsibility for that 13 year old. Have her committed to a children's home for being incorrigible until she follows the rules.

Ida - posted on 06/28/2012

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Ms. Ida can straighten out any bratty teenager without spanking and turn them into a polite and productive young person.

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She wants to straighten out the bratty middle schoolers in Greece NY who taunted the elderly bus monitor on the youtube video and assist those parents to develop CREATIVE DISCIPLINE techniques.

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Ouizee - posted on 04/26/2012

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Hmmm I believe in tough love. I would lock the child out after missing curfew. I would take the car away...or better yet...take the wheels off and put it up on blocks (that way the teen cannot jump start it or whatever). I would take all mod cons away, and I would lock them up in a place the teen could not break into, even if it means renting a box at the bank or whatever. The laptop, if the offenses continued, would end up being sold, or given away to a needy person, school, church or organization, or sold.

Having said all that, and yes, I did threaten my youngest with things like, if you go to so and so's, and I find you there, I will call the police and have you brought home which would list you as a runaway. I would also press charges against the friend's parents for harboring an underage minor who does not have permission to be there. They would be prosecuted. However, what if you are the step parent and you have 1, 2, or even 3 children by your first marriage, and you have full custody of them? If you involve the law, or DCFS etc., won't they then take YOUR children away? Wouldn't that give your ex an opening for filing for full custody of the children, thereby taking away YOUR parental rights? What do you do in a case like that?

Tiffany - posted on 03/23/2011

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So then you call the police every time she walks out the door without permission. If they can bring her back but you can't hold her, then let them bring her back...every half hour if necessary.

That said, I'm not familiar with TX law but as a former criminal and family law attorney, I have a very hard time believing that you are understanding the law correctly. Where is the line? Would you be acting illegally if you refused to let your five year old leave the house? A toddler?

Rebecca - posted on 03/21/2011

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OMGosh I know how you feel. I have a 15 year old daughter that does not follow rules and leaves when i fall asleep, wont come home for days and calls 911 to let her in to my house. She tells them i locked her out but really after all the disrespect and defiance I have told her if you cant follow rules and be home when your suppose to than I am locking up if I have to go out somewhere. She has all the rights, I can not discipline her and I just have to sit there and take it because im the parent and its not the laws problem. It is obserd and basically I must let my daughter do absolutley anything she wants. No one will help me. Ive talked to the school and cps. She talks horrible about me and is basically ruining my reputation as a parent. I look like a parent that doesnt care but really im a parent that cant control the kid.
I love your last sentence. It is so true.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/16/2011

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Ladies, if you are located in Australia, you need to do further research. Just in the pamphlets I've been seeing, if your child is UNDER THE AGE OF 15, THEY MUST: attend school, etc. You DO have the right to drag them home, and you DO have the right to get them assigned a moniker of "incorrigible" if they continue their behavior.

http://www.circleofmoms.com/track_link.p...

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/16/2011

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I'm not sure where you live, but from the sounds of it, you are falling for a story. Most states in the US will NOT allow a 13 year old to live elsewhere without parental permission, and will allow the filing of criminal charges if she were decide to move in with bf.
You can call youth authorities and have her placed in a youth home if she doesn't want to live with you, but it still has to be your decision. She can also ask to have herself placed in a youth home, but she'd usually have to have run-ins with the law to get that "opportunity"...

Where are you located? I guarantee that you do have rights. Most countries, while not EXACTLY like the US, still have laws in place regarding the care and responsibility for minor children. If you are the mother of record, then you are responsible. No, you can't lock her in her room, because that's imprisonment. But, you can restrict her movements to your home. That's a PARENT. If my kids are restricted to home, then they DON'T LEAVE, and they don't even think about mouthing off and trying to charge me with imprisonment.

You need to toughen up, and either get her into a youth home, or back into your home with some limits before you lose her to the streets.

Kristin - posted on 03/15/2011

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I think you need to do everything you can to keep her from running away and living with her boyfriend. Her life will go downhill if she is living with him. She will probably get into drugs and get pregnant. Call Social Services and/or the school counselor and ask for advice.

Michelle - posted on 09/27/2010

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I can not believe this.. understanding your rights as a mother is very important..If you do not mine me asking..what about her father, is he still in the picture. You can also file her has a runway and have her put in a program for runways. My mother did that to me, but was not a runway. I would not come home, so she called the police filed a report and they came and picked me up. I had to go in front of a judge and everything...It scared the heck out of me. Now I am 35 years old and in college raising two teenage daughters and because of my mom not giving up on me. I am doing everything in my power to show my girls that their is more to life than just getting your way... I am so sorry that you are going through this, my heart goes out to you.

Terri - posted on 09/26/2010

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I agree with most of the parents on here! YOU are the parent! I really dont know where you live...however I have lived in 3 states. All three of those states have laws and if the cops where you live say that you can be arrested then they on crack or something! I ran away once at the age of 15! My mother being an excop heard me leave the house. Without my knowing it she followed me in her car let me go where i wanted and let me stay there for about 15 min! Then she went up to the door asked for me and told me to get my a** outside. She made me walk beside the car for the 3 miles while every half a mile she took the belt and swatted my butt! Trust and believe i didnt ever try that again! Most of the state laws say that A CHILD CANNOT LEGALLY LEAVE HOME UNTIL THEY ARE WITHIN 6 MONTHS OF THE AGE OF 18! You have to do everything possible to get her home if nothing works.... Send her to bootcamp but on the way there make a quick stop by the morgue and let her see what happens to people in the "real world"! It is tough love however this way she has alot more survival rate than going into a drug ran home! BTW what the hell is your daughter doin with a boyfriend at such a young age anyways? My kids are 10 and 13 both girls and they know they are not allowed to have boyfriends or dates until they get ALOT older!

Adrienne - posted on 08/15/2010

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well my son lies about everything to me and my soon to be husband and steals.we tell not to go in the wrong direction. he is a follwer not a leader. i try and his dad tries to show him which way but his dad also does him wrong. another year he can move in with us but he dad won t let him. because his dad only wants my son to make money for them all them there. when he has 5 other kids there in a 4 bdrm hiuse, i think. and.. his dads place is a big sty totally. his stove and fridge is caked on food. which my dad says what he saw when he was down awhile ago.

Kathy - posted on 08/14/2010

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Katrina,
You are correct! As a parent of a 13 year old you do not have the right to retain your daughter, she has the right to leave whenever she wants. I went through the same thing with my daughter when she was 13, She is now 24 years old and a wonderful mother and wife. You'd never know she made such stupid decisions. Tough love!!! It works. Call the police every time she walks out the door. In NC after so many calls for a runaway, they place her in front of the judge and he will give her rules and a curfew or whatever is needed at the time. If she doesn't follow through, then they will place her in detention. Check for camps or homes. At 14 my son attemped the same thing. He straightend up after a few calls to the police. It only took a couple of times because he saw what I did to his sister and he knew I would follow through. Funny how parents have no rights but until they are 18 you are responsible for whatever they do. If they skip school, parents get in trouble, they leave home and get into trouble, parents get in trouble, they leave the house after curfew in the middle of the night and get caught then the parents get charged. Mothers out there that are coming up on the teenage years, beware, this is true. Been there, done that!!!!

Bev - posted on 08/13/2010

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I have been reading Australian law - either the police in this case do not know the law or something is missing here. Kids under 15 are forced to return home - I found this http://www.cafs.com.au/files/Parents%20D...
It is always important to read the law oneself and not depend on others, even the police to know all the laws. I have found that very important here in the states.

Talea - posted on 08/12/2010

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send her to boot camp, I had my son arrested when he felt he could hit me and I was told that I could have him sent to boot camp at any time if he continued on the path he was on. You can not let her push you around, call the authorities if you have to over and over and over again. My mom did, then at 19 I was kicked out finally and homeless for awhile. Don't take her crap if you do she will keep on dishing it. My mom never hesitated to call the cops. Believe me her "friends" will get sick of seeing cops at their door to pick her up soon enough - especially if they are doing drugs.

Jane - posted on 08/12/2010

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@Katrina - you state "yes i can have the police pick her up and bring her home,then as soon as they leave she can walk out... check the facts. the law says no one can hold anyone against there will, no matter what there age." Those may be the FACTS for where you live but the laws in the United States are very clear. I am 100% responsible for my child until they are of legal adult age which is 18. I can absolutely hold my child under the age of 18 against her/his will. I'm the parent. So, you might want to check the facts in the US before you tell me to check my facts!

Jenanne - posted on 08/10/2010

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Sorry Katrina I should have read all the posts. You are in country NSW. I am in Central Queensland.

I just have a few comments on some of the replies.
1. I reported my daughter as a runaway and called the police. They did not bring her home and they can not tell me where she was if she didn't want me to know. All they are allowed to tell you that she is safe and well. I explained that where she was living had no food in the house and she was begging money from my other daughter. You know what they said? Until it became a serious threat to her health, hospitalisation, then there was nothing they could do.
2. As for giving up my child. I am guilty of this thought, out of love that is. Maybe it will make her happier? The only thing that stopped me is that I know that the type of carers are the very parents I am trying to protect my daughter from. How do I know? My parents where foster carers for years and I know that some of the people attracted to this work are not what I would consider appropriate.
3. And yes it did appear to happen overnight, given a week or two either side for me to catch on.
4. My daughter has had counseling, that was a joke. She is under Child and Youth Mental Health and is on antidepressants. Do you know what is took to get that? She was expelled from school for slashing a boys arm!!! Granted he had been bullying her but only then would mental health assess her. I had rung on numerous occasions to have her assessed but they wouldn't touch her and kept referring me on to ineffective counsellors.
5. I can not stop my daughter from doing what she wants to do. The laws in Australia have made it that way. A man was charged with abuse because he smacked his child on the bottom in the supermarket and some dogooder reported him to the police. I never smacked my children but he is the father.
6. And finally. I wished I lived in Colorado.

Once again good luck Katrina.

Jenanne - posted on 08/10/2010

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I understand your frustration to the point of tears. My daughter is nearly 16 and has been on a path of destruction for 18 months. Running away from home, disappearing for days at a time. Underage sex, drinking and drugs. All this started when she starting seeing her now ex-boyfriend. He is still in the picture and is very manipulating. He is very mean to her and when she has just about had enough he drags her back with his lies. She has lost all her friends because of this. She has quit school but does have a part-time job.

I am at my wits end and have cried buckets of tears. I fear for my 24 year marriage and my health. I am at a point where I hate her and want here gone from my life but when she does go I want her home safe. I love her with all my heart.

I'm not sure where you live but in Australia there is nothing I can do. I have rung the police and Child Protection Services and there is nothing they can do. If she is not a danger to others or herself and they consider she is in a safe place they well not intervene. I have told them about the drugs etc and that the other parents are condoning this behaviour but they lie to the police. I can not get help for her unless she agrees to it. She is home now but only because she has no friends and nowhere to go. When asked why she does what she is doing she can not even tell me. She doesn't know herself.

I know this is not much help but i just want to let you know you are not alone in this. I hope that one day that the morals I instilled in her from a very young age will win out.

Good luck Katrina. You are a good parent. Believe in yourself. If it doesn't work out it is not your fault but the government and the community which has taken the power of parenting away.

Bev - posted on 08/10/2010

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why would you call Children's Services? why not the police? it is against the law in the States to give drugs to minors...CPS is overburdened and often does not know the law as they as not in that position...call the police or juvenile justice center or your local juvie 'jail'....I called and raised a rukus until I found some help....once he turned 18, he got worse and is not in my home any longer....

[deleted account]

Exactly... my mom told me to call childrens aid about my (now ex) giving drugs to my kids... his excuse was "its better they try it in the home here where we can supervise and that they see that its bad" then do them behind our backs... i kinda agreed but then he was hiding it from my back everytime i came home from work... i would find my oldest daughter passed out on the stairs from doing drugs... she was only 12 at the time... so i called childrens aid and they said shes old enough to know right from wrong and if she chooses that then oh well... they said had she been say 6 - 8 yrs then they would step in... :o thats why today im not a whole lot gung ho for the whole system... it has failed the people that need it most. Gov and legal system have failed totally in my opinion !!

[deleted account]

Exactly... my mom told me to call childrens aid about my (now ex) giving drugs to my kids... his excuse was "its better they try it in the home here where we can supervise and that they see that its bad" then do them behind our backs... i kinda agreed but then he was hiding it from my back everytime i came home from work... i would find my oldest daughter passed out on the stairs from doing drugs... she was only 12 at the time... so i called childrens aid and they said shes old enough to know right from wrong and if she chooses that then oh well... they said had she been say 6 - 8 yrs then they would step in... :o thats why today im not a whole lot gung ho for the whole system... it has failed the people that need it most. Gov and legal system have failed totally in my opinion !!

Heather - posted on 08/10/2010

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I know exactly how you feel because I called Child Protection and asked them to help me with my daughter when she was 15 and they said she's too old and they can't do anything and I was trying to get her help because of drugs and she was beating me. The supervisors advise to me was pack her stuff and let her go. What the hell, my baby girl and let her go I was bawling at this point and hung up on them and couldn't figure out what to do. They say if you love something let it go and if it loves you it will come back. My daughter is 18 today and in jail because she hasn't been able to stay out of jail and get off probation. She now has a record for the rest of her life. What I'm saying is find out if she is doing drugs, take her to the doctor and have her tested. Or take her to a rehab to have her randomly tested. Some places doctors will give you test that you can do at home. Other than that dear keep strong, head high, and don't be afraid to ask for help, meaning councilling for yourself because you will need it to stay strong dear. Take care

Bev - posted on 08/04/2010

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Ah but there is an 'or else' - at least there is in Texas....it worked until my son turned 18 and it got so bad I made him leave...he has continued making awful choices and is trying to get in transitional housing and says he doesn't want to love anymore.....life can really suck at times

Eronne - posted on 08/04/2010

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Australia, Canada, US - doesn't much matter. As soon as they realize there really isn't an 'or else' you're pretty much without power. My daughter kept skipping school when she was 14 and staying out all night. I finally told her, she was done. She wanted to be an adult, she had to quit school and get a full time job, after all 100 years ago 14 was an adult. She stayed out of school for 18 months and her behavior didn't improve much but she was entirely responsible for all aspects of her life. She came around and ended up growing into a beautiful, well-educated woman. I'd have to say be there for her but make sure she knows she is responsible for her decisions. The drugged out boyfriend? got any tough males in your life? (kidding - sort of) I'd fight that one any way I could...follow him around, report him to the cops, make his life hell until he leaves your daughter alone.

Bev - posted on 08/04/2010

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I have no idea of the law in Australia....would have been helpful to us if you had put that originally. We are all posting from our knowledge of OUR laws. Best of luck to you - I know firsthand how hard it is...

Katrina - posted on 08/04/2010

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yes i can have the police pick her up and bring her home,then as soon as they leave she can walk out... check the facts. the law says no one can hold anyone against there will, no matter what there age. i am in the country nsw aust. we dont have the luxury of many sevices.
i dont want to subject her to group homes ect. i guess i can only be there for her when it all falls down around her ears.
i have even spoken to a female police officer who is going through the same thing, and yes has no rights over her daughter either.
she did go off the rails over night, once she started to hang around with other teens whos parents let the teens run the roost and do whatever they want. We also have a terrible lack of interest from our police as once they get to court the kids gets what they want anyway and it cost the state more than its worth to them. it brakes my heart.

Jane - posted on 08/03/2010

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I'm not at all sure where you live, but a 13 year old in the state of Colorado would be sought after and brought home. Anyone housing that child would face prosecution. Where I live, I have ALL rights to a 13 year old child of mine and I CAN make a 13 year old go to school and I CAN make a 13 year old come home. I CAN MAKE my 13 year old do anything that is consider the "right" thing for a 13 year old child of mine.

If I were you, I'd go drag her ass back home!!! Plain and simple.

Bev - posted on 08/03/2010

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Again, report her as a runaway..then it is official she is not in the home. Wish I knew what state you are in Katrina and I might can help more. I had nothing but trouble with my son but finally did find help. He turned 18 and got worse so he is not longer in my house - it is very hard as I know he is making terrible choices.

Shannon - posted on 08/03/2010

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Unfortunately, depending on the state, Katrina is probably the one with her hands tied and really NOT able to do anything. My fiance and I are going through something similiar, in Illinois, and let me just say how UNHELPFUL the police and the courts are! The child at 14 was getting away with stuff our parents would never let us get away with let alone the police, but the police and his mother now a days are more worried about violating the "childs rights". Even if it means they are breaking the law and probably going to hurt themselves in the process...the police and courts seem to be taking a hands off approach. What concerns me though is WE as parents are still accountable for any of their actions and can be sued by others because of, yet we have no way of stopping these kids because they seem to have more rights and can make their own decisions yet they are NOT concsidered adults! The best C.Y.A. I can advise to you is atleast report it to the police that you have attempted to get her to come back home and follow your rules and she refuses...this way if anything does come back hopefully the consequences that will still fall on you as a parent for her actions may not be as harsh, if at all. Plus if I were you call your local states attorney and ask what rights your minor child has! Even the tough love routine has not worked for us and it started at 14 and he is now 17-1/2. I wish you all the luck and will keep you in our prayers.

[deleted account]

This is so like my situation but only thing is my daughter has been doing it for a while and now she is 21... living in someones back yard in a shed w/her bf who is a lot older then her. drugs ... omg... way too many and theres nothing i can do. I feel your pain and feel helpless towards her. im currently doing the "tough love" thing and it is hard but working slowly.

Barb - posted on 08/02/2010

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Another question. have you sat down with her, just you and her, perhaps in an inescapable position, (ie riding in the car) and asked her why she is acting this way? Be honest with her, don't try to trick her or lie to her, show her how to be honest. She may ask "where are we going?" you answer "we are driving around to talk and then we are going home"

best of luck to you

Angie - posted on 07/31/2010

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First thing you need to do is get on line and look up the age of consent for your state. It should tell you about the laws concerning minors. In most states it is 18. It should tell you what steps you need to fallow to get her back home. And this way if law enforcement says they can't do anything you can tell them that you know better! You are legally responsible for her and if she gets hurt or in trouble it all will come back to you. Do what you have to do to get her home and back on the right path. good luck.

[deleted account]

I don't know what state you live in, but I believe that most of them have laws about "incorrigible minors"; those kids your girl's age who run around, mouth off and don't listen to authority. Talk to social services, Child & Family services, etc. just ask questions. your daughter CAN be forced into a group home, you may have to pay that home child support, BUT there is help for her. it's not safe for her on the streets or with a "drugged out" boyfriend who might just sell her for a hit of whatever.. Wyoming helped my SIL with one of her kids in just this manner, the girl was (and still is) wild, but now grown up and can make her own choices, when she was younger, the mom told the court she couldn't control her, so the court took custody of the brat. it's really hard and I'm sorry for your situation. good luck!

Chrissy - posted on 07/30/2010

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Maybe try talking to your local children and youth services.. They will intervene and help out as much as they can. I went through a very similar situation with my now sixteen year old daughter, and child services did in home counseling and also made her return home. She is now doing much better and is on the honer role in school. But during the bad times was lying telling people that we abused her and where doing drugs. She finally realized that the things she was saying did not just get her what she wanted but affected everyone else in our family also. Hope everything woks out for you.

Sonia - posted on 07/30/2010

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I don't know what state you live in, but she is only 14. You can call it in as a runaway and when the cops find her they HAVE to return her to your home. Good Luck

MaryLou - posted on 07/30/2010

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Here in Canada it is 16. I am pretty sure she can be prevented from moving in with her boyfriend and his family. Contact the police, explain the situation. They can tell you what you can or cannot do because of the law. Chances are you are probably going to have to go to court if she wants to live with the bf.

Barb - posted on 07/30/2010

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Best advice i've heard my friend tell her teenage daughter. "I love you enough to let you hate me" Take some parenting classes that will let you know what your rights are. Call the police to get her out of the druggy boyfriends house and get her either in rehab/juvie or get her home. Go to your community center and police station to get help, Hell, GOOGLE IT! Send her to military school if you cannot set and keep the boundaries and limitations and teach her how to be a responsible citizen. Love her enough to let her hate you. She'll love you later for it.

Cher - posted on 07/29/2010

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Well I have a teenager that is very much like this I read about. I have gotten him involved with activities like youth group and take away privileges. HE is very much understanding how hard life can be. Make a chore list give allowance and freedom if deserved. I am a believer that children walk on the parents to much these days. I hope this helps.

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