When will people stop asking??

Theresa - posted on 04/16/2009 ( 38 moms have responded )

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I am a single mother of a 9 year old boy. It seems that I always get the question as to when am I going to have another child. I am happy with an only child and if I wanted another I would have had another a while ago. I was an only child too :)

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Raquel - posted on 04/20/2009

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Hi .. My husband and I tried for 10 yrs and finally had our miracle baby.. now when people ask when the next one is coming i simply reply with we got it right the first time and don't want to reinvent the wheel

Maureen - posted on 04/17/2009

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I was browsing through the communities and spotted this one. Even the name of the 'community ' says it all - of only children. It just all seems too much .

When I was younger, all I got was ' when are you going to have children ? I used to think it was funny with the old gals asking me very seriously - how is MARRIAGE treating you ? Not sure if they wanted to know the where, when and how's of our sex life or not !

When I became preg. at 35 - I got ' oh we thought you didn't like children ?

When he was born, I got the ' when is the next one'



Now I answer the nosies with ' I have two - one boy and a Labrador ' or I explain I didn't know I the contract stated I should have more than one child. OOPS. I never bought into that story that you should have a 2nd child as a built in playmate for the 1st.

Seems a bit twisted to me.



I thoroughly enjoy our son ( and the dog too ) and am completely happy with my family.

Enjoy your child and family for the blessing they are. Stay strong. Maybe next time the busy bodies do the ' oh, ONLY ONE ?? ' we should all chastise them for being irresponsible by having multiples. HAH, maybe compare them to octo mom !

Trisha - posted on 01/22/2012

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People can be so nosy sometimes! You don't owe anyone an explanation for your decisions or your life. I get the question too a lot. Sometimes I politely say "Oh, I don't know." Then sometimes I say "Well, I almost died during childbirth so I'm a little afraid." They are always in shock when I say that; but, it's the truth. I do sometimes want to give my daughter a sibling; but, it always goes back to my fear of another traumatic pregnancy/labor/delivery. I wish people wouldn't ask either; but, sometimes I think they don't understand they might be offending someone, lol.

Kim - posted on 04/20/2009

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I am really lucky, my family (Mum and Dad, not my husband, son and I), never thought I would have kids, so they are thrilled at me having 1 child...... and for all those people who ask "when are you having more, its cruel to only have one", I say we have gone for quality, not quantity.

Laura - posted on 12/10/2011

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I like to make them think about what they just asked you. You could reply with, "I already have a few in heaven." They don't know if you've struggled with miscarriages. - OR - "I feel like we got it right the first time. Too many people say that their first was easy and the second child was completely different." My son is nine. I love our conversations together. He's very mature. He's very thoughtful and shares well with his classmates and friends. He knows that friends usually end up being 'closer' than siblings to some extent. My husband and his brother aren't that 'close'. My husband and I are each other's best friend. My son looks forward to growing up and getting married and having children. It's all good. Try not to let them bother you. Some people just don't have very good 'brain to mouth' coordination. Ha!

38 Comments

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Ale - posted on 01/18/2012

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Hi Theresa, I have a three year old girl and I am planning to have a second child just because I believe my girl will feel lonely in life and I feel guilty about that. Can you tell me how you felt in your childhood, would you have prefer to have siblings? Have you ever asked your parents why you didn't have more brothers or sisters? Your answer will be very appreciated. Thanks !

Stacee - posted on 01/16/2012

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I guess because I feel like that isn't anyone's concern but mine, I just tell people I can't have any more and I leave it at that! If it is a stranger, they certainly don't deserve a medical background of you and your mate! Just tell people to mind their own business.

Taku - posted on 01/09/2012

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Right there with Kendra on this one. My friends are only just starting to get pregnant and my son is turning five this year! They ponder and ask me to have another, i just say, you guys took too long to have kids lol, and to my inlaws i say 'if you're happy to fund the expenses, then we're in!', of course no one's got answers to that, my inlaws choke and my friends feel bad!

[deleted account]

I can totally relate. I get this comment all the time from family members and friends. I tell them them all the same "one is enough for me." I have a 4yr old son and he alone can be quite a handful.

Sarah - posted on 06/15/2009

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My daughter is eight and I'm twenty-eight. I'm totally sick of other mothers especially at my daughter's school asking me when I'm going to have another. Going on and on about being the perfect age and the appropriate age gap between siblings.

I'm not saying I won't consider having another eventually but not right now. Both myself and my daughter are very happy and that's the most important thing.

Marcy - posted on 06/12/2009

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For some reason its like a question that people just ask without thinking....kind of like "Gosh, you look good have you lost weight?" or "How old are you going to be?". it just comes out. For me, I can't take it when people look at my son and ask how old he is and then when tell them he is going to be 3 they say "Oh, he's so small". It used to bug the living daylights out of me.

I read somewhere that you can always ask a question with a question. So, when people say "Oh, when are you having another one? I immediately ask them how they are doing or something to do with their kids. I find that they truly aren't interested in finding out of I am going to have another child but just like an eye twitch or a knee jerk, their question comes out. Try it and make a game out of it, its actually kind of fun.

Martha - posted on 06/12/2009

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When my husband proposed the first question we got was "When is the baby coming?" from one of my uncles (everyone in my father's family has four kids expect of me, my siblings, and a couple of cousins)! This was bad but my husband's parents are the worst, they never stop asking. We sat them down and told them that we were never going to have children after a couple of years of being harassed. We did have a son and then they started asking when we were going to have a daughter. I recently found out that we would have a hard time conceiving and had to sit them down to tell them that they needed to stop asking and that it was hurtful but FIL still kept asking until I blew up at him and told him to quit it! Some people just don't get it and they are not worth getting upset over. If it is someone outside of our family I try to be nice and assume that they just want to start a conversation even if it burns my chops at times. Our immediate family seems to have stopped asking at least for now!

Erin - posted on 06/09/2009

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My daughter is my only child because I lost my next four pregnancies. I went through years of testing and trying and got no answers. I'm very happy to have my daughter and I'm happy with my family, but occasionally I too get those "when are you going to have another" questions. Because we learned to keep my pregnancies quiet until we found out if we were going to lose it or not, a lot of people aren't aware of how many we lost. When they ask me about having more children, I feel somewhat angered by the nerve of the question but I answer honestly and tell them about my lost pregnancies. They all feel really bad then that they asked. At one point, I wondered whether I should just keep the real explanation to myself instead of making them feel bad for asking, but then I figured no, I didn't do anything wrong. They certainly didn't worry about making me feel bad when asking. I'm not in any way nasty when I tell them what happened, but I do consider it a teachable moment.

Lin - posted on 06/06/2009

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While I'm not in the same situation - we are working on another child - turning the question to them forces them to have someone else pry on something so personal. Ask why THEY don't have (another) child?

MARTA - posted on 06/05/2009

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It never ends. You start dating this guy - they want to know when u get married

You get married - they want to know when u having kids

U have kids - when r u having another one

I have the same thing. Except my daughter is only 3! So I can just imagine what u feel like. How the heck to we tell them to stop? Sometimes I end up being rude cause it just bugs me and seems that that is the only way I can get people to listen to me.

Patricia - posted on 05/28/2009

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There were 4 mothers including myself who are either related or good friends with one another that had our first children with in 4 months of each other. All 4 of the children and all other than myself have had child #2. So I constantly get the question of when I am going to have another. My answer to them is, I am happy with my one, my family is happy, and we cannot afford to have another child. And then I walk away.

Rachael - posted on 05/27/2009

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I usually start with the story of my pregnancy.I had hyperemisis gravidirum and lost 30 lbs was put on a PIC line and TPN after 2 yrs of trying.Then they say "every pregnancy's different" -answer there is an 85% chance of it happening again.Lastly I tell them my daughter is an angel and we wouldn't want to mess with perfection!

Vicki - posted on 05/27/2009

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Quoting Ann:

And the answer is they never will stop asking, they don't know you and they don't know your life so maybe they are thinking what a beautiful child she has she should have another :) or maybe they have nothing else to say and want to say something...you know what you want for yourself and sometimes when people ask a question they really dont want an answer but sometimes the question helps us to think about things and decide want we want...so dont sweat the question...live



I really like this reply.  We can never know what another person's motives are, but we CAN choose to give them the benefit of the doubt by attributing a positive or neutral intent to their words.  I've given myself this challenge:



Whenever somebody hurts, offends, or annoys me, I find 3 or more possible explanations, to their benefit, having nothing to do with me.  It's amazing how this simple exercise has turned me thinking around to a more loving, peaceful attitude.  Sure, there are people out there with malintent, but if we don't react or internalize it, then they don't win.



We can choose to not react to other people's perceived insensitive comments and opinions.  We can even choose to forgive them, let it go, and be gracious toward them.  We can model the way we wish they'd behaved.  This is where our true power shows itself to the world.

Lori - posted on 05/25/2009

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My son is 10, I am 44. I had a 40 something man ask me about having another one, to which I replied that I couldn't. He said "Sure you can." Seeing how I am officially menopausal, I thought it strange that he was so sure! When people have asked me about having another, I usually say we are quite happy and satisfied with one.

Wendy - posted on 05/25/2009

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I have a 6 year old daughter we were blessed to have through ivf donor egg....so when people ask why we don't have anymore children, I give the short version of what we went through to get her. I also tell them we tried 2x after her and that we are so extremely blessed to have her, they usually shut up. I end with "God knows what he's doing! We got the prize!" ;o)

Jane - posted on 05/13/2009

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My little girl is 4 and within a year people were asking about the next one, but we had made our minds up we only wanted the one and I too am an only child. If you are both happy and content, why worry :D

Julie - posted on 05/12/2009

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Hi Theresa! It's seems that the answer to your questions is - never. People will never stop asking. So, my husband and have come up with this. When people ask when we are having another I just tell them I have my husband and my son...more than enough for me! They usually stifle.

DeAnne - posted on 05/07/2009

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People ask me all the time too. We have a 6 yr. old daughter and are happy as clams :) It wasn't an easy pregnancy. I had an abruption at the end of the first trimester which scared me to death, thought I was going to lose her. I was also extremely sick from the beginning right before that happened and was losing weight... a 36 hour labor followed and then 4 wks. after she was born had very heavy postpartum bleeding (luckily not arterial in nature) and a bout with insomnia and PPD My husband and I decided one was enough! We love her to the high heavens and wouldn't trade her for anything, but even with the reassurances of my ob-gyn that not every pregnancy and birth would be like that one, I was not willing to put myself, my husband or my daughter through that again. Most of the people I know are working on their 2nd, 3rd, and 4ths but they also have easy breezy pregnancies with little to no sickness or any complications. Many of my friends aren't the ones who annoy me with comments about having an only. It's my sister who does it. My mom is guilty of it too. They say I'm being selfish and my daughter is going to grow up lonely and a spoiled brat. That's so far from the truth (my mom is an only child, btw). My sister is working on baby #3 and says she guesses she's the one who has to have all the grandchildren for my parents to compensate for me (who only has 1) and my other sister who has none. I hate to say it, but hers are the ones who have ended up spoiled.

Tina - posted on 04/30/2009

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I have a 3 1/2 year old son and people still ask me too.

Actually we have been trying, but I have Endometriosis and it hasn't been an easy life, health-wise that is.

I developed Preeclampsia with my son and was sick the entire time, lost 10 lbs. and felt very sick, yet I love him and wouldn't give it up for the world.

I would love to have another baby if it was just that easy and for me, it's difficult for me to explain why I don't have more.

I know I shouldn't have to explain to anyone, but I just feel inadequate, like why can't I just have them like a typical woman can.

Hubby says; what's meant to be will be and thank God we have our son, I agree.

I wish people would just step back and look at that too.

Michelle - posted on 04/30/2009

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Rachel and Kim, I LOVE your responses! I've used the "we got it right the first time" before, and the "quality over quantity" sounds like a great one to use! I'd think that one would stop people from asking!

Cassie - posted on 04/30/2009

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My daughter is 5 years old and I am struggling to take care of her. I get asked by people who haven't seen me in a while "you still have the one? You need more" and I just tell them I remember what happened the day I had the first one so why would I have another one?

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They'll stop asking once you hit about 45 years of age!! I know, cause that's how old I am and I haven't been asked that question for a while now!! Learn how to not let it bug you! You could always respond with, "when are you going to learn not to ask such personal/nosy questions"! :)

Hope - posted on 04/27/2009

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I came across this..and I even get that question too..whens the next one..Well my mom told me something that makes sense its not what you want on number of kids its what you can afford. Its expensive enough with one kid little own having two or three or 4. Do people not relize how expensive kids are? Or are they just blind sited and dreaming. I have 1 of my own a 14month old girl..and my fiance has 2 boys from a previous marriage so I say she is NOT the only child she has two step brothers so its like lay the hell off and mind your own business.

Angie - posted on 04/26/2009

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I love the farm reply!! My MIL keeps harassing me as well - and my baby is only 6 months old! I am just happy to have her, and that was pretty much when my husband and I agreed on. Not to mention how much college costs these days!! Who knows how much it will be when she is 18!! I think I will use, "I don't own a farm, so I don't need any help." LOL

Ann - posted on 04/25/2009

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And the answer is they never will stop asking, they don't know you and they don't know your life so maybe they are thinking what a beautiful child she has she should have another :) or maybe they have nothing else to say and want to say something...you know what you want for yourself and sometimes when people ask a question they really dont want an answer but sometimes the question helps us to think about things and decide want we want...so dont sweat the question...live

Janet - posted on 04/23/2009

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Stephanie - you need to remember when the OB asks, it's because he/she is looking for more money - LOL! More babies are good for their business - but I agree, I believe society in general is still obsessed with having more children, even though we are far past the days of needing the extra help on the farm.

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Totally! I feel your pain. I, too, am a single mother of a 3 year old. Even my OB/GYN and the nurse's assistant asked me this at my last exam, and it was quite awkward when my doc remembered, "Oh, right...the father isn't involved..." Seriously! What is it with society's obsession with having more kids??

Janet - posted on 04/23/2009

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Well, my response to people when they ask that question is - "Are you going to pay for me to have another one? Daycare starts at $250 a week for infants..." ... I've noticed that usually shuts them right up! LOL

I like Maureen's idea of giving them a hassle for having more than one. Shame on them for being so pushy.

Kar - posted on 04/22/2009

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My MIL has been harrassing me since my daughter was born 2 years ago to have a boy. I've told that my doctors don't recommend it (I have a bad bone disease), I've joked and said we'll just get a dog, or adopt in the future, or I'll say I have one sweet little girl why would I want to push my luck any further. Nothing flies with her.. I still get harrassed. I guess because her son is an only boy I can understand.. but it's bloody annoying.. lol

April - posted on 04/20/2009

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People use to ask me all the time but now that my daughter is 16 I get, "well you should've had more" or "it's too late now, she's too old." I really wish people would just mind their own business!lol

Jody - posted on 04/17/2009

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I just tell people that I don't want two only children...my son is 17 and if I had another one now, it would be an only child pretty much too. People who ask this question are insensitive...they never think maybe there are other issues or maybe it's just a preference. Nobody asks when are you going to have another facelift...lol!

Rabecca - posted on 04/16/2009

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my son is 8 and people ask me all the time .I am in my early 30's and my husband just turned 40 when we tell people we are planning on having more they seemed shocked we are young and eventhough we did not expect to have our kids 10+ years it just worked out that way I for one am excited to know we are more grounded as a couple and have more years behind us this time. but what gets me is why people ask and then they act shocked when we say yes like well if you were going to have more why would you ask if you just thought we were going to say no or think we should have already have gotten to it by now

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