alternative discipline for boys 10 and 11

Verna - posted on 02/16/2010 ( 41 moms have responded )

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Hello, My name is Verna, I'm 47, I have two boys ages 10 and11 who are very disrespectful of me and will not listen to what I say. Today for instance, I had a meeting with my financial counselor, was only gone one hour and I had asked them to pick up their toys in the living room and same thing for the den. They did not do any of it instead they went to a friends house and didn't think they did anything wrong. (I went and picked them up). They do this ALL the time. The 10 year old has even started calling me an idiot when I get onto them for not listening to what I ask them to do. Please ANY suggestions?!?!!?

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Michele - posted on 02/24/2010

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WOW, LouAnna....I love it! Your ideas are awesome and the way you state them is a laugh...I especially love the idea of not to threaten but promise....I am going to copy out what you wrote and show it to my husband...we have totally different parenting types...and I know its not working...I am definitly too soft and he is definitly too hard....we need a happy medium...

Verna - posted on 02/28/2010

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Yes, the boys are in counseling. It seems that their counselor is only interested in getting them back on visitations with their dad. I have expressed concern about the behaviors and the name calling but "it will calm down once they are on regular visits with their dad". It wont!! It seems everyone is on my ex's side and not listening to me. I'm struggling here, it's why I am asking for ideas from here. And I do feel encouraged by what everyone is saying. I, truly am glad for all who have left me a post. I am sorry for leaving that info out, I wasn't to sure on how much to disclose....

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My brother is four years older than me, and when I was seven he began babysitting me for short periods at a time. He was a pretty responsible kid (although the pyro phase was kind of scary), and my parents always came home to a reasonably tidy house and two kids in decent condition, so I don't think it is too much to expect your boys to do the same.
I think it's time to bring down the hammer, and deny them their daily earthly pleasures until they are doing things in an acceptable fashion. Talk to the parents of their friends and get them on board with you, and make sure they are not over there unless they have your permission. Call them on everything, from not doing chores to rolling their eyes at you.
My daughter is nine and she knows the score. I NEVER tolerate rudeness or disrespect, and you don't have to resort to physical punishment to get their attention, either.

Debbie Ann - posted on 02/24/2010

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also next time they leave a mess put all their stuff in a garbage bag and hide it.Tell them they have to earn the things back one item at a time.Do not give it back if they keep calling you names.And as for going to the friends house talk to their parents and ask them to call you when the boys go over to make sure they have permission to be over there.When they see you mean business they will straighten out

Jacqueline - posted on 02/23/2010

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Tell them that if they don't pick there stuff up you'll throw it away. Soap works good. And taking things away from them, that mean a lot to them, works you just have to stisk with it. I hope this helps.

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Leah - posted on 05/25/2012

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This is what my 12 yr old does! He has been so mouthy & says things that really shock me. I dont know how it has gotten this way. My oldest son is 20 & he never spoke to me like this!!!

Cristi - posted on 03/28/2010

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I have a 9 and 11 year old girls. My 11 year old has really bad attitude and my 9 year old is learning. I read thru all of the posts and am going to start implementing some of the ideas. My girls are adopted with ADHD, RAD and have been in counseling. When we first got the girls we had a boy (their brother) and had taken him to a counselor who told me it was all my fault the way he was acting. I went to another counselor that specialized in RAD (Reactive Attatchment Disorder now called attatchment disorder) and the girls started to get better. Unfortenately, we lost the boy he had to go to a place where he could get the help he needed and not have to worry about attatching wth a family. (This was per the Psy.) You do need another counselor for you and your boys. I wish you luck and will keep you in my thoughts.

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Hi Verna... I agree with Eileen. I think you need to find another counsellor. Doesn't sound like the one you've got at the moment is any good.... damn useless actually. Also, are you getting counselling too? Anyway, I would like to suggest a good book that you may find helpful. It's called "Have A New Kid by Friday". I don't know if you have heard of it before, but it gives some great advice on disciplining kids from toddlerhood through to late teens. If you google the name of the book, I'm sure you'll be able to find out where you can purchase it locally. I hope this helps.

Eileen - posted on 02/28/2010

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If the counselor is trying to get them back with a man who almost killed himself and them (from the sounds of it) I would change counselors... Your job is to protect them that is hard to do when others aren't supporting you... hang in there...

Eileen - posted on 02/28/2010

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This makes your situation very difficult. Are your boys in counseling? I also realize how difficult it is to be both mom and dad. You still need to be firm with them. I have a cousin who had difficulties in his life starting at your boys age. My parents were always firm with the rules and as an adult he thanked them for their guidance. I know it is hard - very hard. But it is worth it. Is there a support group for single parents in your area? Hang in there and know that you are not the only mother who has a hard time...

Michele - posted on 02/28/2010

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It really is great to be able to encourage and help each other with ideas that work. It is a great relief too to know you are not the only one struggling with issues...some days I feel I must be a terrible mother or that I have made terrible mistakes...so knowing that I am not alone brings great relief... :-) Wow, Verna....you really have your hands full. What those boys have been through explains alot...definitly get them into counselling- also has the Dr. put them on any kind of meds?

Cyndi-Ann - posted on 02/28/2010

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Verna, that was an important piece of the puzzle to know that was left out. Get them in counselling.

Verna - posted on 02/28/2010

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Thank you Eileen, no there is no husband. He is the cause of this mess. You see 2.5 years ago he was returning them from his weekend visit, while driving drunk (.21) he went off a cliff, apx 100 ft down. Now both boys are diagnosed PTSD. The 11 yr old ODD, and the 10 yr old TBI. ((Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and Traumatic Brain Injury)) Verna

Eileen - posted on 02/26/2010

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When my kids would not pick up their own toys, I would give them fair warning and say - either you pick them up or I do and when I do they disappear... I would pack them up and put them in my closet. Then to get them back they would have to be respectful to everyone in the household and do a chore. For each chore they would get to choose ONE toy. If the toys were in there for too long they went off to goodwill and weren't replaced... You don't say - is there a man in the household? If so you might want to pay attention to how the man in your life talks to you (whether this is a lover, husband, brother, father... ) if he is disrespectful then that is what the boys are copying. Make sure you take care of how you talk to them and how others talk to you.

There are consequences for every action you do in life. The boys are not too young to learn this. If you ask them to care for their items and they don't then those items can and should disappear.

As for them going somewhere without your permission - I personally did not tolerate that at all. Kids disappear all to often... so if they go somewhere without your permission then they don't go anywhere for whatever period of time you determine. Now having said that - I always did that but then if my kids wanted to go somewhere really bad I would let them go ONLY if they did extra chores... so if they wanted to go to a friends then they had to clean an entire room to MY standards not their standards... if they did a stellar job then they were allowed to go but if not - they were stuck at home...

It is a tough road to be a "strict" mom but in the long run they will thank you for it. I always told my kids - I'm not here to be your friend I'm here to make sure you become a good, responsible adult...

Verna - posted on 02/26/2010

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Ladies, thank you all for the suggestions!! I did make up a chore chart and that has helped some. Also, I have told them that they were going to write 100 times each what they did bad or wrong, ( ex: I will not call Mom an idiot, I will put my toys away when asked the first time). I was very hesitant to post anything and I am so glad I did. It is great to know that I am not alone in my struggles with my boys.

Again, a big thank you!!!!!!!!

Kevina - posted on 02/24/2010

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Hi Verna, I was wondering if you have thought of a rewards chart, every day that they are good and listen to you give them a sticker on their chart at bed time. On the days that they have been disrespectful ect then they do not recieve one. Make it known that good behaviour gets rewards and bad behaviour gets none. Let them know that when the chart is full thats they can get their reward- dvd, game,or what it is that you have worked out between you that they would like. I am a carer and we use this at work and it is surprising how they start to respond as they see their chart filling up with bright stickers. But no good bahaviour No sticker. This is why it is best to give at bed time so that the day is at its end. you can make the chart as long as you want. I hope this will be of some help to you, good luck.

Michele - posted on 02/24/2010

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I think a valid point was made- eating soap and washing ones mouth out with soap are two different things...eating soap is too harsh and I would think unhealthy....but a little taste is different- not pleasant but not dangerous. Definitly watch the ingredients!

Michele - posted on 02/24/2010

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Linda, I agree whole heartedly with what you have said....the kids out there know all they have to do when they are punished is cry " I'm going to report you" and the parents will back down....I agree if your mouth is talking dirt then it needs to be cleaned...I helped my girlfriend after her divorce and twice I used soap on the daughters mouth for using the "F" word....she is now in her late 20's and we laugh about it all the time...Times have changed and sometimes not for the good- kids get away with too much now because parents are scared to discipline....my son is 13 and though he talks back sometimes he never ever calls names....I know I am easier on him than I should be but that is because my husband is harder on him....more nagging him about stuff than anything. When my son was little my dad passed on to me the big strap he used on my brother and sisters...I laughed and told him there is no way I could or would ever use that now....I could be reported for abuse....but I did show it to my son and explained that that was the type of discipline we got when we were growing up...(my dad never had to use it on me-my punishment was knowing I had dissapointed him). People are so caught up in the physical abuse they don't even pay attention to emotional/ verbal abuse. I have one parent I know that swears at her kids and calls them idiots when they do something wrong- that is abuse. I would much rather see a bar of dove being used than that discipline. One thing for sure, it is not easy being a parent these days....so this is a good forum for which I am grateful to gain ideas that have worked for others.

Phyllis - posted on 02/23/2010

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Where is their father in this picture? Sounds like they need a little male influence. Try taking something away for a time. Grounding has very little effect, especially when you have to work and the faces change at home from time to time. Perhaps setting them down and explaining that there are rules that are going to have to be followed in order for them to earn your respect back and for them to be earning their privileges. You have to take something away that is precious to them. Seems to help out somewhat. Respect is given and taken so they need to give you respect as well. Try having a family pow-wow...meeting where you lead the meeting but let them have an equal opinion and try to post these questions/answers on the refrigerator. Work on their issues together.

Annette - posted on 02/23/2010

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I strongly encourage taking some of their most favorite things i.e the game system. My boys are 10 and 5 and that's one thing I do for a punishment that is effective. Also, when they talk back or don't listen I do the same...the key is to be consistent. My oldest son is more easily persuaded if he's given consequences for his actions. The 5 yr old is just beginning to understand this principle.

Billie - posted on 02/23/2010

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All good ideas here. Make sure the boys know what is expected of them, what the consequences will be if they don't follow through, and then you must follow through with the consequences. So far, they know mom will do it and nothing happens to us. Life has consequences and disrespect for others have them too. Kids will feel more secure knowing what the rules are and what happens when they are broken. School, sports and jobs all have rules... home should too. Check with your state about age requirements for leaving young children at home alone, usually it's 13 or 14 years of age. Your boys left the house and could put themselves in danger, in or out of the home. Please get a sitter until they show more responsibility and are old enough. You are on the right track to stop the behaviors now and asking for more ideas.

I raised 5 children and kept toys in a closet on shelves just for them. They were taught to pick up and put away a toy before getting another one. I also kept a routine of when they had indoor/outdoor play, snacks, and rest/quiet time for movies or games, and chores to be done each day; even it was just fording washcloths or kitchen towels the best they could and putting them away. A list was left each day on the kitchen counter for them when they came in from school. Each picked a chore to do after refreshment, then homework and play time, set the table, clean the kitchen together, baths and bed routine. Routine and repetition works so well for children. Weekends were chores and fun; off to a park for hiking, or sports they were involved in, swimming etc. Something to look forward to as a family. (Some kids will see family time as punishment but will have a different attitude about it later.) We once took the kids on vacation and one daughter had a sullen, long face the whole time...later on we heard her telling friends it was the best vacation ever! We called it mandatory fun!!

Sherri - posted on 02/23/2010

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My 18 year old daughter went through this at the age of 15. The counselor helped us out alot. She recommended that we not respond to the comments that came out of her mouth. If she would say something our response would be "I am sorry you feel that way" and we went about our business, never argue back. As soon she figured out that we was not going to respond by arguing with her or get into a shouting match with her it ALL stopped. She would say really hurtful things but we just had to bite our tongues and be the bigger person. She told us one time if she left she would never come back. Our response was "oh I am so sorry you feel this way but if that is what you choose then we will just have to live with it." She also pulled the I just want to die thing. We had the same repsonse and her mouth hit the floor and that was the last of it. (Before you make this response to that statement you must first now the mental state of your own child. Ours likes her self way to much to do that) So I am not recommending you make the response we did unless you know for sure it is just for attention and trying to get you upset. This lasted about 2 months and now I would not trade my 18 year old daughter for another one alive.

LouAnna - posted on 02/23/2010

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this age group is difficult, but YOU have to learn a few things too.
1. YOU are in charge, not them
2. YOU are NOT their friend, you are their warden, at least for the time being. It's a sucky job but until they recover their senses, it's all yours
3. NEVER make a threat! make promises. carry thru, and you cannot afford to lose this one
4. THAT TONE IS NOT ALLOWED the sentence starts with "I don't know who you think you are talking to, but you don't use that tone with me. Room! Now! every smart remark out of your mouth is going to cost you 5 more minutes" "This 'idiot' is paying your bills. When you are paying your bills you can speak how you like, but until that day: ROOM NOW"
5. all electronics are in the common room, under lock and key: your lock and your key. when they behave like humans they can have them, when they don't, they don't. Their call.
6. no begging, no pleading. this age group, especially boys, has to be dealt with on a masculine level; and you're a girl. I know some women are howling, but I got boys, it's the way it is.

They really do love you, but they are kids. it is the nature of all humans to manipulate the environment to suit them. totally normal. BUT TOTALLY NOT OK, we as moms have the task of civilizing them.

Ateh - posted on 02/23/2010

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Hi Verna, we seems to have the same problems. I would like to share with you the way I "teach" my boy (9 yrs) and my girl (10 yrs) by "throwing" away their toys. Actually I don't throw it away, I only keep it in the store roon (they never enter the room) or I took it to my office and pack it nicely. However I did throw some (not expensive ones) infront of them. I realised that it works because I never buy any toys for them if they never behave. Hope this could vary your strategies to disipline them. Goog Luck.

Genny - posted on 02/23/2010

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First of all they shouldn't have went to a friends house without your permission, second when you found out they didn't pick up their toys and went to their friends house, you should have taken all the toys and put them in a garbage bag, and put them in your trunk and told them when they respected you they could earn them back, if they did't want them you would gladly donate them to a charity. When it leaves their room and gets in my space and they refuse to pick it up, its my property again. Thats the rules around here. Kids want far more from us then we do them and we do have all the control. You may have to literally give something of theirs away to make your point, by then you can bring the point home who the idiot is. When they want it replaced tell them to get a job. It may save you a lot of long term heartache if you teach them respect now. Also mom its important to make sure you give positive support for the good they do.

Joanna - posted on 02/22/2010

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I totally agree with this, there is a fine line~between Discipline & Abuse... but if you cut out all discipline then you let the Kids have control~(You can't touch me, I'll call the Police!!?)then what happens?? you have KIDS Bringing Guns ect.. to schools (ECT...) & Killing ppl~or their on drugs or Pregnant or Drunks or abusing their Parents.. In Gangs~ ECT>>>>> Hmmm, sounds familiar these days huh?~ SAD!

but ~ TRUE~Sorry, this subject really gets me going**

this is A Big key**~consistency~ most of what has been said will work, however Pick a discipline plan and then follow it EVERY EVERY EVERY Time, If you have tried something and it fails dont give up, they have to know the consequence and see you follow through on it no matter how tired you are, no matter how much they push, otherwise they just learn to wear you down. The other key is to find a punishment they are more uncomfortable with than their behaviour makes you uncomfortable.

Mix most of these Suggestions together & I'm sure you will find something that Helps & Works for you*...

Joanna - posted on 02/22/2010

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*I agre Partly with Shari Mercadante **
.. I found time out with soap in the mouth for a certain amount of time, depending on what was said, works well for unwanted disrespectful words .(& Constant Lies). Chores were posted on bedroom (Or Kitchen)doors so there was no misunderstanding of what needed to be done and when.. their chores were for everyday.(I give sun. off for Extra Incintives). As far as you having to pick up their toys~ grab a box of garbage bags and tell them you are on your way and whatever is on the floor is gone and throw it away.. I only had to do this once and when they realized I meant business they kept their toys up.. My opinion on it is if they dont care about it enough to take care of it, then they dont want it and it doesnt need to be in my house cluttering up things.. I Also had A Rewards system for getting Chores done on time & done right, with NO Attitude...~ A Gold* Star(YES) ~WHen Finished & Chkd~then the Most* Stars at the end of the week got A SPecial Treat for the weekend, ie* `Choosing dinner or Dessert for Sat. or Sun ~ Choosing the Family Movie, or family Game~then the other kids get to make a choice for their Stars~ But the Most Stars goes first*~ If they have a certain amount of stars Built up at the end of the Month then they get a Biger reward~ Such as A night / wknd at a certain friends house~Going to A movie instead of renting~ going to A skate Park.. ect...~ depends on what they like*... But if they don't do their chores then they don't get A star & they don't get to join in the fun either,I use this same star chart for good behavior & Homework too.I also agre with this,.If you ask your child or children to do something and they don't do it. The next time they ask you for a favor tell them your just don't feel like doing it...or Keep putting them off~ saying Just a min./ hold on.. in a bit, or whatever other excuses they Use on you* ~

Brenda - posted on 02/22/2010

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I agree with the idea of taking things away and making them earn them back, in lieu of throwing away. But.......don't tell them what you did with them.

Shari - posted on 02/22/2010

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I would like to say I did not make my kids eat soap.. They were made to hold a small amount usually what would fit on my finger tip in their mouth for a minute or so.. Just long enough for them to get the idea then they were allowed to brush their teeth and wash their mouth out..

Their are several good ideas on her and the you may have to try several before you find what works for you and yours..

Kenitra - posted on 02/22/2010

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How do other people treat you? Could your boys possibly think that it is okay to treat you that way, because that is what they see? Earning respect is difficult. Be the person you want them to be. Kids learn from example.

I have to say though, tv is a bad example. Sarcasm is the tone in just about every sitcom on tv. For financial reasons, we cut off our cable. When we didn't have anything to entertain us like tv, we started doing things as a family...like playing games. I think it brought us all closer together.

Tell them you will start giving them a certain amount as an allowance every week, but every time they disrespect you, take a quarter away. At the end of the week, give them what is left. Perhaps the next week they will have more allowance in their pocket.

Sandy - posted on 02/22/2010

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I have 2 10 year olds and a nine year old all boys. The older two are twins! We seem to have the same problems. When they don't do as we ask we also take things away and don't reward. Yesterday we went to Walmart and had asked them to pick up their toys before we left. 2 of them did and one of the twins did nothing. When we went to Walmart we told him he would get nothing and he didn't. When we checked out his brothers each got a snack and we wouldn't even let him have that. It broke my heart but I told him he didn't do what we asked so he wasn't getting anything. When we got in the car he said I can't wait to get home so I can clean the house! You must follow through with your threats! It is a constant battle everyday.

Linda - posted on 02/21/2010

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Who says having a child eat some soap is child abuse??? It isn't I think if a few more got thier mouths washed out and fanny's smacked there wouldn't be so many disrepectful beligerant rude obnoxious children out there. I work at a mall and have seen and heard what some children get away with all because the parents are afraid to disapline because they think it is against the law...........BALONEY............there isn't a law in the land that says you can not spank your child....as long as you use an open hand and no weapons you are well within your rights. There is a line between beating a kid for the hell of it and swat on the behind to get thier attention and so they KNOW what they just did is NOT acceptable. There has also been an article written that says children between 2-10 that have gotten spanked are more mature, listen better and have fewer problems in school. The boys are old enough to stay home alone for short periods of time 2-3 hours tops and if they can't or won't do what you asked them to do then you don't have to either. all you HAVE to provide is Shelter, Food and Clothing, see how much they like it when all they have is a bed, a dresser and clothes in their room, make them EARN the rest of the stuff back. And if they can't keep what they earn back picked up and neat then it gets tossed with the rest of the garbage.

Cyndi-Ann - posted on 02/21/2010

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There are lots of ways parents choose to respond to this kind of behaviour, most of what has been said will work, however the real key is consistency. Pick a discipline plan and then follow it EVERY EVERY EVERY Time, If you have tried something and it fails dont give up, they have to know the consequence and see you follow through on it no matter how tired you are, no matter how much they push, otherwise they just learn to wear you down. The other key is to find a punishment they are more uncomfortable with than their behaviour makes you uncomfortable. It really is the only way to change these things. Eventually you want kids to be able to "self monitor" meaning you want them to do "the right thing" whether you are there or not. Gina children at the age of 11 can take a babysitting course and are allowed to babysit at that age. That includes younger siblings. As for them calling you names that should be intolerable, I would personally literally take every privilige away. They would be allowed food ofcourse, a blanket to sleep with and a pillow, schooling ofcourse. Everything else would be taken away and have to be re-earned back. I literally took everything my son owned except for his clothing a blanket and a pillow for two days, after that he had to earn everything back. To earn it back he had to do extra chores, be respectful, not get into any trouble what so ever at home or school. If he had a successful day he earned one or two things back. It never happened again, but he also knew that if that behaviour was ever repeated, the same thing would happen again, no matter how tired I was or how bothersome it was to do it.

Susan (Jimmie's Aunt Susie) - posted on 02/20/2010

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It is considered abuse in the US to have a child eat soap. They can be taken away from you for that. It can also be harmful to their health. Soap is NOT safe to eat! It can contain harmful dyes and additives. Soap is a chemical compound!

[deleted account]

I was reading the post from the Mother of 4. Good stuff and we think a lot alike. I use to put a soap bar on a small saucer and serve it to my son and daughter for snack because of bad words slipping from their lips that they had picked up during school years. One time Stephon had to eat half the bar before soap bubbles formed (that was my stopping point for them especially if they were giving me attitude).

[deleted account]

Verna...I have two adult children and two grandchildren. I am also in ministry and here this scenario often. There are several reasons why these kids could be acting out, the most common being that they do have needs, something that they need to talk about, but do not feel that you will hear them or that you will not understand. The most difficult thing is to be parent AND friend. Spend some time alone with each one and sii if they will share with you what is really bugging them. It may be as simple as feeling disconnected with Mom, Dad, each other, a friend...The simply explain to them that you will no longer accept bad behavior and that there will be consequences such as taking away visits to friends, video game time...something they really will miss. Make them understand that everyone is responsible for their own rooms including household chores and that they are truly helping the family when they do this. Making a chore chart broken up by days (I use to do this) and rewarding them for helping is good too. Hope this helps.

Darlene - posted on 02/19/2010

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If you ask your child or children to do something and they don't do it. The next time they ask you for a favor tell them your just don't feel like doing it. I like trash bags If the kids don't put there clothes or toys away. I would put them in a trash bag. They had to learn to respect me for what I do for them and they had to start helping me. Earn there clothing back and toys. When there favorite jacket is taken away or they run out of clothes because they didn't put them away properly and they ended up on the floor. You couldn't tell what was clean and what was dirty. Ater that they had to learn to do there own laundry.to see how much fun and time it took.

Shari - posted on 02/19/2010

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I am the mother of 4 and raised 6.. I started giving a chore list to mine and they were given to a certain time to get it done.. If it wasn't done there was a list of punishments.. Ex.. 1 chore not done no going outside, 2 chores not done video games 3 no tv 4th no radio 5th no phone then a half early bedtime for each additional chore.. Eventually when they have lost everything and have early bedtime they will get the hint. My oldest was in 7th grade once and had to go to bed at 6pm, he was not happy. If one does his chores and the other doesnt then they are both still grounded.. I also had a chore list for myself posted on my door that I had to get done everyday.. This seemed to help with the attitudes since i was included.. I found time out with soap in the mouth for a certain amount of time, depending on what was said, works well for unwanted disrespectful words .. Chores were posted on bedroom doors so there was no misunderstanding of what needed to be done and when.. their chores were for everyday.. As far as you having to pick up their toys grab a box of garbage bags and tell them you are on your way and whatever is on the floor is gone and throw it away.. I only had to do this once and when they realized I meant business they kept their toys up.. My opinion on it is if they dont care about it enough to take care of it, then they dont want it and it doesnt need to be in my house cluttering up things.. I never gave money for chores, we all live in the house and its every bodies responsibility to keep it clean.. I did give money for grades.. That was their job to bring me home good grades they got a certain amount for for a,b's and c's and for d's and f's I would subtract a certain amount from what they had earned.. I hope this helps.. I know it sounds rough, but our job is to raise our kids to be responsible adults that can survive on their own, not to be their best friends.. That can come later when they are older and doing for themselves.. :0)

Gina - posted on 02/19/2010

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Are you leaving the l0 and ll year old bosy alone? heaven forbid, they need a sitter for the time you are away As for them not listening to you in regards to chores, do you pick up after them, even when you ask them to pick up THEIR TOYS? Well , first of all, i have been there, but with a boy and girl. Start taking away the toys that they have, put them in a garbage bag and tell the boys if they don't pick up their things they are going to start losing them, after awhile, they might start thinking about picking up after themselves, if the toys they wish to play with are not there anymore. from me to you Gina
ps. As fo rthe l0 year old calling you an "idiot', ask him why he is doing this, and if the answer is because, have him sit down and write out some lines, I WILL NOT CALL MY MOTHER AN IDIOT, l00 times, It might work, and yes, he needs to learn some respect, if he wants respect that is

Verna - posted on 02/18/2010

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Thank you Vicki, I did take away their PS2 and all the games. They still continue to call me names, but I guess baby steps are better than no steps. It bugs the heck out of them that they can not have the PS2 back. I'll let you know how it goes later. Verna

Vickie - posted on 02/17/2010

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Hi, my 10 and 11 year old boys try to do the same thing. They love the D.S. so what I do it everytime they don't do what I ask of them I take it away for the rest of the day and the following day. My 11 years old can not stand it when he can not play his game, so he has really started to listen more. I do give a warning first before taking it away and that really seems to work for us. Also another thing we do, if one of the boys get up and do what is asked and the other doesn't, I reward the one who did with a dollar or so. At times when I see one doing a chore with out being asked, a treat or a little change is giving to him. Hope this helps out some.

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