I am step grand ma .....are children really raised differently these days... what is wrong with me

Siobhan - posted on 02/06/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My name is Siobhan (Shevon). I have 2 natural daughters ages 23 and 25, 2 daughters that came with my husband ages 27 and 29 and 2 grand daughters ages 3 and 6 who are mine through my marriage.



We don't live in the same city but we see each other as often as possible about every 8-12 weeks, for a week-end (the grand daughters that is). We are all spread out, Toronto, Ottawa, Quebec City and Brockville area.



By the time my husband and I met our daughters were grown or at least in their mid-teens. He raised his and I raised mine and we now realise that their are things that we disagree on, which makes it awkward when the grandchildren come to stay with us on their own.



I sometimes find it hard to be patient and understanding when things are permitted to happen that shouldn't in my home or anywhere really. Are Children really raised differently these days?

I can get so frustrated am I an early old biddy?? I'm 47

Would I feel more passion if they were my blood?

Their is of course my husband who loves them to death and lets them get away with anything and even instigates things he shouldn't and then their is his ex wife who is grandma and I am called by my first name by them....sometimes I feel I just don't belong. When they do paintings here they put to grampa on them.



I do crafts with them and special things that I hope they'll remember and appreciate, their mother swears they love me and talk about the things we do together to so many others but I am always left out unless my husband says what about.....(me).



Am I expecting too much, why do I not feel crazy overthe moon about them, what should I do??

4 Comments

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Andrea - posted on 02/23/2012

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its your house, they should have the respect that what they can and can not do while there.. my children have several grandparents.. there is my parents, who have no problem disciplining them, if they are the ones in charge of my children. same goes for my husbands parents, then there is my ex in laws, plus my grandmothers.. each house has their own set of rules and all the kids from the age of 19yr down to 21months know what they can and can not do.. if its not allowed in my house, they are not allowed to do it at their grandparents home.. as for you and your husband disagreeing on how to raise them, unless they are living in your home, your not raising them, your watching or spending time with them.. but the two of you should sit down and make out a rule sheet that both of you agree on, then sit down with all your children, and explain to them the rules of your house, this way everyone is on the same page... you dont want to cause problems down the road when the grandchildren get older, and because one child is from your daughter and the other one is from your husbands daughter, the one from your daughter gets to do some thing that the other one cant because she is your step grandchild..

Christine - posted on 02/10/2012

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Don't worry about disciplining these grandchildren, that's not a grandma's job. Grandma's job is to enjoy them and accept them for who they are and who they'll grow into. That's not to say that they should be exempt from the rules of your house. For example, in my house my children were allowed to jump on the TV room furniture, but they were not allowed to do that at grandma's house. Grandma told them gently and reminded them gently that the rules in her house were different from the rules in their home.



You don't think that they'll remember the special things you do with them, but I think they will. I'm almost 50 and still remember the weekend when I was 10 years old that I spent with my grandma learning her Christmas cookie recipies. We spent almost no time together since then and she's long gone, but that is a memory I'll treasure forever.



You don't HAVE to feel over the moon for them. Enjoying them is enough. They'll feel that and love you for it.

Michelle - posted on 02/06/2012

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I think your insecurity in showing through and the kids are feeling it just go with the flow be grandma they do not have to be your blood to be your grandchildren. My SO parents are not my sons bio grandparents but they sure step up and act as if he is there's grandma has pictures of him in her purse to show off to everyone and gives him as much love as the other 3 bio grand babies. Also let mom and dad discipline you get to spoil and send them home yes you need to step on inappropriate behavior like biting hitting that sort of thing but choose your battles wisely and those kids will grow up to love and respect you.

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