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Not an empty nest

Sally - posted on 01/24/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I'm a 50 something mom, with 4 almost grown up children, and supposesome day soon willbe a gran. I certainly don't suffer from an empty nest syndrome, cos the kids are forever coming home to eat, chat and share their ups and downs with me.

One thing I have learned for all those moms with teenagers, don't go grey and believe your children hate you, it's a lie!! They have to find their own way and part of the process is lashing out at all you parents stand for and believe in.

When mine went through those difficult years I use to repeat to myself, like a mantra "everything will go full circle". If there was plenty of love, boundaries and time spent on the children when they are younger, they will always come home and want to spend time with you

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Sally - posted on 01/25/2009

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Hi Heike, you really have a good attitiude and this will certainly see you through the tough times. I have 2 boys and 2 girls, and the only one that really gave me hard time was the eldest daughter, now 27 yrs old. She was wonderful as a youngster and emjoyed spending time with her family etc. It was when she started entering her teens we had problems. Part of it was the group of friends she had and part was her own temperament. When you have 4 children you have to keep the same rules and codes of behaviour for all of them and it is not fair to make exceptions for one. She now regularly comes home for stay and will tll you herself I am her best friend! She hates being away from the family for more than 48 hours, although she stays with a great boyfriend. So, despite the difficult times we had and her constantly challenging and disregarding our boundaries, she will tell you today what a wonderful childhood she had.



Another thing I used to say to her, was I am your mother first and your friend second. One day I have to stand before God and answer to him for how we raised you. My decisions were made on that premise. Today I can see how God has blessed us all.



 

User - posted on 01/24/2009

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Thanks so much Sally. I do know they just lash out at you when they hate you and send you to hell, but it still hurts. And sometimes hearing others say what you already know helps!



My 17-year old is at that stage, lashes out in anger, what lies inside as hurt over the years. He (we) had a rough life with my Ex when the kids were little. I often just have to remember what causes these outbursts and put my own feelings aside.



Look at it this way, ...... They only lash out to the ones they know will never stop loving them, hence, they KNOW they love you and they are safe with you!!! Keeping this in mind, it's almost an honor to be "blessed" out!

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