Should I charge grown kids rent?

Karen - posted on 04/23/2010 ( 426 moms have responded )

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I was fortunate to get family home from divorce.I couldn't bare to stay another minute in home due to bad memories.I moved out.House was empty for about 7 months.I left all furniture.I started fresh and new!

Grown kids were having trouble with their living situations so I gave them the house rent free!Large 3br 2bath 60 by 30ft yard.Sons 28 and 20 daughter 22.They keep breaking things in home and don't tell until mad day comes.Then they call me to fix the repairs. All of them work.I don't want my property to go down. I had the faucets replaced, the storm door is falling off,The carpet needs shampooing! ( I love my Bissel and don't want them to break it!) I offered to buy paint for the downstairs,they had a nerve to tell me what color they want.All I wanted was for them to have a good head start in life and not have to worry about a roof over their heads. Lets not get into how they call me up and argue over who ate the food up in the frig.I'll come running with groceries every 2 weeks.I spend more money on the grown kids than I do my 16yr old that lives with me and new husband!Hubbie tells me to cut them off and let them fall and learn.I know he's right,but I sneak behind his back and still do for them which causes friction in my home.Whats wrong with me? I owe them nothing!!I'm just a sucker for them.

426 Comments

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Sharon - posted on 08/28/2011

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You are allowing them to use you and the only one who can stop that is you! You need to tell them that in the real world people pay their bills and fix things that are broken and that they now each owe you $X.xx each month AND they each owe you 1/3 of the repairs that you have already put into the house. If they don't like it they can live elsewhere. Then you be proud of yourself for being strong and for teaching your children to be responsible!

Theresa - posted on 08/28/2011

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Your children are grown and if you want them to keep growing as people, then you need to allow them to grow up.

My oldest son was layed off for about 10 months when his apartment contract ended and his money had run out, he moved back in with us, we let him get up on his bills and then he startd paying rent and helping with the groceries.

He came and ask if he coud stay longer after he went back to work so he could save for his own home. We are so very proud of him. It will be hard and they will get mad but your there mom not their maid or their friend. Be strong for them.

Karen - posted on 08/27/2011

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That is why, in my opinion, kids need to be taught to be self-sufficient at a very early age. At 12 and 16, my boys know that I won't be bailing them out of their bad decisions. You aren't a sucker, you are stupid.

Kathy - posted on 08/27/2011

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I feel for you a deliema no parent wants to find themselves in. My own Dad, had my sister and I begin the process of paying what he called board by the time both my sister and myself where 15 years old. It wasn't a huge some of money but enough for us to learn that in order to become an adult bills would be away of life. I have a cousin, an only child, the daughter of my Aunt, my Aunt was so upset with my Dad over this. In the end, my Dad had the right idea we learned that to get what we want out of life we had to plan. My cousin is still use to the bail out method of my Aunt. All of your children the ones living in the home you provided could really use the structrue of having to become accountable for their actions. I'd assign each one a utility bill, everyone buys their own groceries, and everyone pays you 40- to 60 dollars a month to live their. Here's the good part! My Dad never spent the money we gave him. He kept it for emergencies and other expenses. When I started college and that first trip to buy books came around. I had saved part of what I needed but fell short, Dad pulled out an envelope and said here is your emergency money. Your small fee they would be paying would help you repair things that get broken and for you to be able to help them should a real crisis happen. I have two girls of my own today my oldest turns sixteen and in four weeks my youngest will be 14. They take pride in the fact that they both share in paying on their cell phones, and the activities they participate in at school. Everyone has to learn some responsibility for themselves. Once you start you will see how productive this can become.

[deleted account]

YES! You are not teaching them anything except how to mooch off their mother if you don't. It's hard but stand your ground.

Renee - posted on 08/20/2011

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I'm with your new hubby on this one. They are old enough to know better and take pride in their own home, make a food budget, etc. I was 21 when I left home for good. Dad charged me room rent for the year I was not in college (ages 18-19). When I was ready to move out for good, Dad offered to let me live in one of his townhouses (he owned an entire block back then). Beautiful places, and he would charge me rent but not nearly what I would pay on my own for the same place (like 1/4 of that!). Now, because I'm really independant, I said "No way! You will have KEYS to my HOME and spy on me all the time, asking me who was parked there overnight, etc. No thanks." He was shocked but let me go live where I wanted to, of course. NOW, my brother and sister are twins and 3 years younger than I am. THEY took him up on his offer, even though I warned them about Dad. I was right, by the way, he was over there "fixing" things all the time (watching their TV). Then my sister's boyfriend moved in and broke everything without paying for rent or food (and my sister is still married to him now, over 16 years later, he has not changed, ugh). You have to do the tough love thing SOON! No more buying food, no more rent free lodging or free utilities! Give them a month or two, no more, to get it together, tell them you will treat them as a landlord would and if they don't fix everything and make it look nice, then they are OUT. If they don't pay the rent, then they are out too. Have them sign a rental agreement as well so it's legal. Don't gouge them on rent money, of course, but DO hold them responsible for monthly rent AND to pay it on time too. My father would charge interest if I didn't pay on time, it was a life lesson I'm thankful for because nobody else in the world will give them a free ride like this. If they break the rules, KICK THEM OUT! Seriously! Tell them they have one or two months and if everything is not in order or at least mostly done by then, they need to live elsewhere (AND enforce it with having them evicted legally too!). THEN, rent out the place after you fix it up, the rent money will help you financially and your GROWN children will finally get it that Mom is done. You reached your limit, time for them to be adults. Food wise, well, I have to be honest that my mom DID fill up bags of groceries and sneak them into my car when I visited them, but I never asked for anything. To this day, I have not asked them for money that I would not pay back with interest. Now, my sister (well, her husband actually, she was embarrassed) has! Dad has told me that he actually respects me so much more since I not only made it on my own alone, but refused to ask for a hand out (and I did pay them every cent I owed when I needed money once, including interest too). My brother in law has that "keeping up with the Jones'" attitude. Lives in a posh neighborhood, and, get this, he decided he didn't want to work anymore, so she supports the family, but does not make enough to keep their lifestyle. However, because our parents are very wealthy, I believe my brother in law thinks that my Daddy will always save her and give her whatever money she wants to live like she's used to when her husband had a 3 figure job which he left. Ugh.

Anyhow, you have to cut them off right away. A head start would have been charging very low rent to live there, but not buying everything for them or dealing with their bickering. Please! That behavior is for kids, not grown ups! Tell them what you told us, it's draining you and you've had it! Throw them in the middle of the pond so they can learn to swim or sink on their own.

My father would never let my husband, kids and I be homeless or hungry, not many have that safety net to count on. But he also knows that we would never ask him for a dime unless the kids were going to starve, freeze or loose a roof over their heads. We live in a city that is low income, but our home is ours and it's beautiful (a Victorian that we bought for a steal). We have refinished the hardwood floors, built a new kitchen and new upstairs, hubby also built a new bathroom upstairs. All done ourselves without Mommy and Daddy. As a teenager, I knew we were wealthy and I was SUCH a BRAT about it. Asking for a new Corvette if I got all A's at school like my friend did. Luckily, Dad did say no to stupid stuff like that.

Be strong, you can do this. You have to do this! If you don't teach them as their parent, who will? Sometimes we need to be the bad guys in order for our kids to grow up to be decent people with a sense of pride. Good luck!

A - posted on 08/17/2011

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I've been out of my mother's house since I was still a teenager. You definitely should charge them rent. At the very least, they should pay all utilities and your property taxes on the place. I would say you might give them an allotment ($200 a year or something) for repairs, everything else is on them. If I was living with a parent right now (at 26) I would expect to do that, and would not complain. Trust me --- do NOT let them get a free ride. I know a person that has for their entire life, and now as an adult (past the age of 45!) still has not learned to take responsibility. You don't want to be caring for your children off your retirement. They MUST learn now... things are only going to get more difficult. And the older we get, the more set in our ways we are. Tough love sucks, but sometimes it's the only way to learn for really stubborn people. Good luck with your situation.

A - posted on 08/17/2011

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I've been out of my mother's house since I was still a teenager. You definitely should charge them rent. At the very least, they should pay all utilities and your property taxes on the place. I would say you might give them an allotment ($200 a year or something) for repairs, everything else is on them. If I was living with a parent right now (at 26) I would expect to do that, and would not complain. Trust me --- do NOT let them get a free ride. I know a person that has for their entire life, and now as an adult (past the age of 45!) still has not learned to take responsibility. You don't want to be caring for your children off your retirement. They MUST learn now... things are only going to get more difficult. And the older we get, the more set in our ways we are. Tough love sucks, but sometimes it's the only way to learn for really stubborn people. Good luck with your situation.

Carolyn - posted on 08/16/2011

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I believe u can't let your children live rent free, and as long as they are in your home they will continue to take advantage of your generosity... These children are old enought to be out on their own, kick them out! Salvage what's left of your home and sell it, it's time, I believe to leave the past behind. Starting fresh is a great idea, but you will never be able to move on if you're kids are constantly looking for help from you. They're working, it's time they learn to be responsible. Tell them you are selling the home and you need them out by a certain date. I know people who have done similar things. I myself have asked my daughter and her boyfriend to move out and find their own place. They are doing well on their own now. I good kick in the butt is what they need.

Tina - posted on 08/16/2011

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First off, is the house paid for? If not have the 3 kids pay equal amounts to cover the house payment. That is only fair. Secondly, if the house is paid for either sign it over to the 3 grown kids or hire a property management team handle repairs. And include the cost of the management team in the rental amount. But in all honesty, if you are remarried and happy, tell the kids that they either have to buy you out or you will sell the house. You don't need the headache.

Cherie - posted on 08/16/2011

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Nothing is wrong with you. You are their mom and you are feeling beat up by a divorce. You want to keep the peace and so you are trying to help your children out. So Now! Snap out of it! They are adults who should have adult responsibility. This is your property and should be respected as such. Time to make out a lease for them with a per month cost. Let them work out who pays how much. State that they will be evicted for non-payment of rent after a specific amount of time. Don't bring them groceries. Believe me they will not starve. They have income and the ability to feed themselves and you are not doing them any favors by coddling them. These are grown adults and it's time they started behaving as such. As far as painting the home, they buy the paint, do the work, take care of repairs and cleaning. Let them know that if the property is not returned to it's past state of repair within a specific period of time they will be charged for the repairs. If things continue the way they are going this situation will cause a problem between you and your current hubby. Don't let your adult children cause a divorce for you and your new spouse. You may also want to consider the sale of your old home if they are unwilling to cooperate with your demands. Let them be evicted and start learning to live in the real world. Mommy bird, it's time for the babies to leave the nest.

Margaret - posted on 08/11/2011

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Are you out of your mind?! Our children are a daughter 17 - just enlisted in the Army reserves during her last year of high school - working at adidas and the first thing out of her mouth when she got her part-time job at adidas was Mom and Dad what can I pay towards a car payment and how much is my insurance!!! Your childrean at 28, 20 and 22 are using you! Get a back bone and tell them you have expenses and they MUST pay rent or find elsewhere to live. I wonder if you let your ex husband walk all over you as well. You are NOT doing your children justice by allowing them to destroy your property - property that you could probably sell and live quite well - property that you could sell and IF you wanted to make life a bit easier for them later on - could put part of the proceeds into a trust fund for all of them for a much later date.

I am sorry that I was harsh in the beginning of this but all 3 of our children know that once they graduate from high school they have 3 choices - college and they must have good grades - that we will receive the report card and we will pay for college if their grades remain high - join the military as our 17 year old just did - she joined the reserves for now and the Army will be paying for her college degree - or get a job and get out - we are NOT supporting them - we may help them every now and then but we will not support them. Unless you have a ton of money somewhere or are a billionare - why are you allowing them to abuse and take advantage of you in this manner?

I fear if you don't evict them then you may loose your new husband is that something you want - I honestly believe that evicting them and making them stand on their own 2 feet will be the best thing for them - they may hate you for a while but do you honestly want to be supporting them for the next 40 years or so?

Do them a favor and throw them out!

Margaret - posted on 08/11/2011

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Are you out of your mind?! Our children are a daughter 17 - just enlisted in the Army reserves during her last year of high school - working at adidas and the first thing out of her mouth when she got her part-time job at adidas was Mom and Dad what can I pay towards a car payment and how much is my insurance!!! Your childrean at 28, 20 and 22 are using you! Get a back bone and tell them you have expenses and they MUST pay rent or find elsewhere to live. I wonder if you let your ex husband walk all over you as well. You are NOT doing your children justice by allowing them to destroy your property - property that you could probably sell and live quite well - property that you could sell and IF you wanted to make life a bit easier for them later on - could put part of the proceeds into a trust fund for all of them for a much later date.

I am sorry that I was harsh in the beginning of this but all 3 of our children know that once they graduate from high school they have 3 choices - college and they must have good grades - that we will receive the report card and we will pay for college if their grades remain high - join the military as our 17 year old just did - she joined the reserves for now and the Army will be paying for her college degree - or get a job and get out - we are NOT supporting them - we may help them every now and then but we will not support them. Unless you have a ton of money somewhere or are a billionare - why are you allowing them to abuse and take advantage of you in this manner?

I fear if you don't evict them then you may loose your new husband is that something you want - I honestly believe that evicting them and making them stand on their own 2 feet will be the best thing for them - they may hate you for a while but do you honestly want to be supporting them for the next 40 years or so?

Do them a favor and throw them out!

Darylin - posted on 08/10/2011

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They are not "grown kids" they are adults, and now they are your tenants. You don't have to charge them market value rent but they should be paying you something especially since you want to maintain that residences. Would this be acceptable if they were strangers? No way! My father-in-law allowed my husband and I to live in his unoccupied house for five years rent free, however we paid all utilities, maintence on the house, replaced appliances if they broke down and also paid for other improvements while we stayed. This all prepared us for owning and maintaining our own home. Rent free does not equal free ride!

Leslie - posted on 08/08/2011

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Hi Karen yes I agree to that..you should I have 2 grown kids and I make both my kids pay rent it teaches them reseponsbilities ,some people disagree to that but i don't but if you don't then they can will think its okay to live free,I charge both my kids $200 a month for rent and money for food and money for bills it helps everyone in the house so yes i agree you shoujld chage them he or she rent...Good luck

Leanne - posted on 08/06/2011

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yes you should charge them rent they will never learn to stand on their own feet if you dont.

Jerseybus1 - posted on 08/06/2011

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I share a house with two of my adult children. We all share in the rent and utilities. My son does most of the yard work, while my daughter and I do most of the inside stuff. I've always charged the kids rent once they were out of school for a year and working. This arrangement works for all of us at this time. It allows my daughter to pay off college loans and still have a nice place to live. Of course it means you have to respect each other and their privacy. Wouldn't work if we weren't all contributing.

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You have it all backwards. In order to give your kids a headstart in life, you need to send them out into the world to fend for themselves. Out there they can learn the lessons they need in order to move forward. What you have set up now are children who are dependent on you. Do you secretly want your children to remain close and need you like they did when they were little kids? Draw up a contract with them, charge them rent, make it clear about your expections regarding repairs and maintaince.

Lori - posted on 08/05/2011

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I will share what my sister has done. When her children were at home. House rule was if you live under this roof, any money earned and there will be money earned unless you're dieing. The check will be signed over to the house. After the portion of that persons expenses to work etc. There will be money returned, usually 10-30% and the rest will be placed into savings. They were also required to do community service and donate time or money or both. Not one of her children would think of her footing the bill. One son who is single lives at home, but he shared a portion of the expense to make the basement a private living space.

Lynn - posted on 08/05/2011

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People don't usually appreciate what they for free. If they were being responsible, respectful and grateful you'd be on a good thing. If they aren't. they need to pay rent and grow up!

Jennifer - posted on 08/05/2011

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So my question to you is how come you feel so very guilty and about what?? Your present husband and 16 yr old are the ones you live with.....so give your energies to them. The others had the best of you for a long long time. Time for them to grown up and accept responsibility for their own stuff......their food, repairs, paying some form of rent or utilities etc., don not allow them to continue to rob you of what is rightfully yours

SarahBeth - posted on 08/05/2011

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Of course. I paid my mom rent when I graduated college. Moved home, and away several times. Sometimes for my convenience, sometimes for hers. I always paid rent.

Helen - posted on 08/04/2011

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just let them read this lot and see what the norm is for other kids they might get the message

Connie - posted on 08/04/2011

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Absolutely. They would have to pay rent any where else. You wouldn't necessarily have to charge them as much as they would normally but they should absolutely pay their way. Electricity, water and shelter are not free not to mention food and a bed. Mom is love and all but not to be taken for granite.

Robin - posted on 08/04/2011

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Sound like you are sucker and they know it. If you don't like the situation, do something about it - if not, you're part of the problem.

Helen - posted on 08/02/2011

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tell them you said rent free but dew to there disrespect or the property there will be a repair fund payable at the end of each month and u will all pay a 3rd of any repair bills accumulated any one who does not will have to pay weekly rent at the going rate for that type of property believe me they will stop the destruction very quickly and dont renegue show any kind of weekness with ur resolve and they win ur hubbie is right they need to learn these lessons as the out side world will not be so forgiving u are not helping ur children 1 little bit if u love them they need to learn to stand on there on 2 feet take a big deep breath and go for it they will thank you for it honest i know

Helen - posted on 08/02/2011

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tell them you said rent free but dew to there disrespect or the property there will be a repair fund payable at the end of each month and u will all pay a 3rd of any repair bills accumulated any one who does not will have to pay weekly rent at the going rate for that type of property believe me they will stop the destruction very quickly and dont renegue show any kind of weekness with ur resolve and they win ur hubbie is right they need to learn these lessons as the out side world will not be so forgiving u are not helping ur children 1 little bit if u love them they need to learn to stand on there on 2 feet take a big deep breath and go for it they will thank you for it honest i know

Lori - posted on 07/31/2011

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I would tell them you are considering selling it or renting it out. Give them the option to buy or rent/lease it at a discount. If they are not interested, move along. Kids will take what they can. It is not good for them to use you. They need a stronger ethics base, teach while you can.

Tiffany - posted on 07/31/2011

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i agree with corrina ur helping them out and the looks of it seems like there taken advantage of the situation

Tracey - posted on 07/16/2011

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The trouble starts with you not charging rent as they now feel that your obliged to do everything for them, the one secret in life is to learn them to stand on there own feet they cant do that if you do not give the responsibilty of paying for the cost of living, life is not free with escalation of bills and food and rents they need to learn the hard way, if you had tenants then they would have to pay for the living accommodation and there own bills for food and utilities which would mean that you would be in pocket, its a hard cruel world but my grown ups learned that way, when my children (all grown up now) they paid so much each week when they got jobs and they lived with me at the time, they learned to manage money that way, and now they are all standing on there own two feet in there own places. be tough but its the right thing to do

Tracey - posted on 07/16/2011

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The trouble starts with you not charging rent as they now feel that your obliged to do everything for them, the one secret in life is to learn them to stand on there own feet they cant do that if you do not give the responsibilty of paying for the cost of living, life is not free with escalation of bills and food and rents they need to learn the hard way, if you had tenants then they would have to pay for the living accommodation and there own bills for food and utilities which would mean that you would be in pocket, its a hard cruel world but my grown ups learned that way, when my children (all grown up now) they paid so much each week when they got jobs and they lived with me at the time, they learned to manage money that way, and now they are all standing on there own two feet in there own places. be tough but its the right thing to do

Lorinda - posted on 07/16/2011

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I remember when my daughter was between colleges for a year and came home to live for a while I charged her rent -- not a lot, but since she wasn't in school, nor saving for it. Later she said it made her feel better that way -- that she didn't feel guilty when she bought new clothes, for instance. I don't know how to get out of it now that you are in it, but I think they would have more self-respect if they were made responsible. We love our kids so much it is hard to see when we are "spoiling" them.

Dolly - posted on 07/15/2011

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Hello
Truth is stop enabling your Adult children.
They need to learn now how to fend for themselves.
With the economy the way it is I understand your wiliness to help them out .
In a nut shell have a family meeting and start Fresh with new boundaries.
Your Adult children need to do their best and start accepting some responsibility for there living expenses.

Dolly - posted on 07/15/2011

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Hello
Truth is stop enabling your Adult children.
They need to learn now how to fend for themselves.
With the economy the way it is I understand your wiliness to help them out .
In a nut shell have a family meeting and start Fresh with new boundaries.
Your Adult children need to do their best and start accepting some responsibility for there living expenses.

Heart09 - posted on 03/29/2011

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They'll never be productive adults If you keep doing this. You are doing more harm than good. I know they're your babies but I agree with your hubby. It's time you let them grow up and be responsible adults.

Heart09 - posted on 03/29/2011

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They'll never be productive adults If you keep doing this. You are doing more harm than good. I know they're your babies but I agree with your hubby. It's time you let them grow up and be responsible adults.

STORMY - posted on 03/21/2011

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Time to let go girl. Post a meeting saying anyone not attending had better have their bags packed and gone. Then at the meeting set down the law. House to be cleaned up, maintained, and appreciated. Rent is $---- from each of you and will be paid on time, no exceptions. Tell them the house was a stepping stone... you need to get your s--t together and start stepping. This house goes on the market in one year and all had better be out by then. I love you all and gotta run so have a great day.

Alicia - posted on 03/20/2011

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They are grown people and should pay you rent and they should pay for anything that they break.They think just because you are mom that they can say and do what ever they want in YOUR house and for them to call you about food is silly if they want to eat then they should buy their own and not expect you to fill the fridge,what does that show for your 16 yr old, charge them each rent for their room and tell them that they all have to split the bill among themselves because they all have jobs and there is no reason why they cant do it,and if they dont want to do what you ask then tell them they should find a new place to live... Hope all goes well

Angela - posted on 03/11/2011

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kinda in the same boat....my son will be 19, doesn't have a job, still in high school, doesn't help around the house...lazy as can be, even his friends tell him he's lazy. My new hubby to be wants to get out of the house I am in and get us a new home...which I am all for. But he says if my son goes with us there will be rules and he won't like it...my son is already having a fit telling his dad etc that I am going to make him homeless. My daughter has had her own place since she was 18 with her bf of 3 yrs and she doesnt depend on me at all....wish my son would be that way...it pisses my man off due to I am on disability and he hates how my son acts...so I feel bad but going to give him the reins and take the stress off of me.

Elisa - posted on 03/11/2011

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you sound like me but mine i still home> they dont make much but they help with the food. if they could afford rent i would charge. mine are 22, 23

Paulette - posted on 03/08/2011

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Teenagers are those with no responsibilities.If you keep paying for them they will gain no insights into how hard money is to earn and have little respect for you as you aren't giving them boundaries.New rules need to be set up.They know you are divorced so you tell them you now gettingthe place managed. Get someone who will not be lenient.Preferably a friend they do not know.Offer a managerial dfeeThey need to pay x amount of dollars for rent and an additional amount towards a bond.Any breakages/damages need to be paid for as you are listing all the items.Inspections are 3 months 6 months and 12 months.You expect the carpet to be cleaned every 12 months.They pay as they have lower rent.I guess it's tough love.If they don't wish to do all this and have an income they could go to Dad's couldn't they or move out if they have an income.It seems the more u do for you the more they don't appreciate you.This is the hardest lesson.Letting them learn that someone had to work hard for this opportunity and there is no more free ride.Good luck.I also have a 29 year old a n 18 year old and there expectations I will buy house car for them>I think it comes from this generation.The news is all bad because in a nice way I have told them it's not for me to make them grow any more .Their decisions are up to them now reguards and understanding Paulette a too loving mum too

Elizabeth - posted on 03/08/2011

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Then let the hubby take care of it. If he is willing to be the fall guy as long as you are willing to back his play then let him. It will cause some strife between them at first but let the lord handle it and it will all work out in the end.

Linda - posted on 03/08/2011

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By not charging them rent, you are enabling them to continue on in life just the way they are. Like a bird throws her young out of the nest so they will learn how to fly,..I believe we too need to as part of lifes upbringing. I charge my kids 150 a month to live here. That's a bargin!

Jo - posted on 03/07/2011

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I think its only fair that as an adult you should pay a contribution towards living.After all, part of being treated like an adult comes responsibilities. I totaly agree with the comments below. x

Karen - posted on 03/07/2011

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Its not true that you owe them nothing. You owe them to be their mother and teach them the lesson they must learn to survive on their own. They are not learning how to survive on their own, so you are not mothering them well at all. Hard truth.

Sarah - posted on 03/07/2011

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I wasn't the mother in this situation, but the kid. There are times I wish my Mom had asked more of me, but there have been times I needed her. Your kids don't sound like they're in a sink or swim situation, but maybe they need to be! They won't learn responsibility until they have responsibility. If they didn't have a job and needed help for a month or two, that's one thing, but they shouldn't be allowed to ruin your house w/out even paying for repairs! At least charge them minimal rent, enough to keep the house up. AND FOLLOW THROUGH!!!! As hard as it seems, it's the best thing for them! I promise!

Shirley - posted on 06/03/2010

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I've done the same thing...but TOUGH LOVE is the answer. Let them fall hard. They'll get it! They will thank you for it later, PROMISE.

Susan - posted on 06/03/2010

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You are not alone. My 24 yr. old daughter just moved out (2nd time) after being at home for 8 months. She paid for food, all bills related to her so I think your kids should be paying rent & expenses. Wouldn't we all love to live someplace where EVERYTHING is free and done for us? That's not real life and may just take away any motivation for them to start their own journey into this wonderful thing called life. Good luck. From experience I have found that once you set boundaries where none have been, they don't like it or you but they never stop loving you!

Kim - posted on 06/03/2010

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i say at least have them pay something...even if the 3 of them split half the mortgage. if you don't need the money, put it in savings for things such as keeping the house up or to give back to them when they are ready to purchase their own house. My husband and I lived with my parents for 4 years after my 2nd child was born and I quit my job because daycare for 2 kids was too expensive and cost just as much for me to stay home with them. We paid my parents half of the mortgage and they saved it for us and we used it for our down payment when we were ready to buy.

Wendy - posted on 06/03/2010

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They really should be paying rent and for damages done to the property. Yes, they are your children but they need to have respect what they use that belongs to others. They may get mad but they most certainly can move out if they don't like it. You should not be the referee for them. If they can't get along then again they should move out and not live with each other. Tell them the way it will be and then stick with it. Don't bail them out. They will never be self reliant if you don't make them.

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