Should I charge grown kids rent?

Karen - posted on 04/23/2010 ( 426 moms have responded )

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I was fortunate to get family home from divorce.I couldn't bare to stay another minute in home due to bad memories.I moved out.House was empty for about 7 months.I left all furniture.I started fresh and new!

Grown kids were having trouble with their living situations so I gave them the house rent free!Large 3br 2bath 60 by 30ft yard.Sons 28 and 20 daughter 22.They keep breaking things in home and don't tell until mad day comes.Then they call me to fix the repairs. All of them work.I don't want my property to go down. I had the faucets replaced, the storm door is falling off,The carpet needs shampooing! ( I love my Bissel and don't want them to break it!) I offered to buy paint for the downstairs,they had a nerve to tell me what color they want.All I wanted was for them to have a good head start in life and not have to worry about a roof over their heads. Lets not get into how they call me up and argue over who ate the food up in the frig.I'll come running with groceries every 2 weeks.I spend more money on the grown kids than I do my 16yr old that lives with me and new husband!Hubbie tells me to cut them off and let them fall and learn.I know he's right,but I sneak behind his back and still do for them which causes friction in my home.Whats wrong with me? I owe them nothing!!I'm just a sucker for them.

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Cynthia - posted on 05/02/2010

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I helped my boys' to much. They were both drug addicts, the kind that coul still function but spent all of their money on drugs. I thought that they woul grow up if I just helped by letting them live here and paying on their cars and insurance when they couldn't. This did not work! I have had to let them loose everything-cars-loans all reposesed. This was so hard I felt like the worse Mom ever How could I have two sons with so many proplems. Well now they still live here but they are both clean and sober. They pay their bills or they know that I will not. As for rent not yet as it is enough right now for me to see them getting their lives back together, but I will kick them out if they don't stay on the right path. Do yourself a favor tell them to pay the rent and respect your property! If they keep messing it up go directly to the yard and put up the for sell sigh. Start selling your stuff out of the house and let them know you mean bussiness. I am not looking down at you and never would, I have made all of these hugh mistakes. The more I helped the more they took. Not until I let them fall did they learn. I wish you all strength for this as you will need it. They also knew that through all of this I would be there but they had to get their act together and become adults. My sons are 28 and 25.

Dianne - posted on 05/02/2010

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OK, you need to get this on a more professional level! Go to a rental agency and get them to issue a formal lease. Charge a fair rent which between the three of them will be peanuts also they need to pay a deposit.. Get the agency to manage the property for you and all complaints etc go to them directly. If the kids don't want to sign the lease give them notice and get a new tenant - and don't let them move back in with you and hubby. I know it sounds harsh but you don't do them any favours by letting them ride rough shod over you, they have to learn that its a tough, tough world out there and living in a rental which isn't Mom's is tough. They are grown up its time they started behaving so.

I work for a rental agency in the UK. One of my jobs is to inspect houses every 3-6 months and its rare that we have a bad tenant but if a carpet needs shampooing I tell them to get it done and I'll be back in two weeks. Conversely I make sure repairs which are fair wear and tear are done quickly.

Frances - posted on 05/02/2010

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My baby(25yr old) has his own place and I do the same with groceries etc! I guess it's what Mums do! But you need to call a family meeting and nicely but firmly tell them your name is MUM not MUG! Tell them you love them dearly but you are not going to support them financially any more and discuss what you all see as a fair rent. Draw up a contract which you all sign setting out what you expect from them as tenants and what they can expect from you as a landlord and tell them you expect them to stick to it.
You can still help out as their Mum but they need some responsibility or they will never learn!
Good luck!

Debbie - posted on 05/02/2010

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i am a married of 7 kids my eldest is 23 and youngest is 3. my eldest has left home to live with his father, my daughter is 21 and special needs and lives at home with me and hubby and our 5 kids ranging from 13, 11, 8, 6, 3, 4 girls and a boy. we charge my daughter £40 a week rent. she pays this willingly as she will not be able to rent a flat or do anything with out the support of friends and family.
my eldest boy came round about 6months ago and said the washing machine had broken at his dads, so please could i do his washing for him. i said yes but it would cost him £10 a week which was for 3 loads washed dried and ironed.
i feel that you must make kids pay there way or they will end up taking you for granted.

Kirsten - posted on 05/01/2010

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You are completely right Ginny. ♥♥♥ Loving our kids are not paying everything, but learing them to take care by them selves..

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they have jobs........ so how long do you want them to be freeloaders?
they need to not only pay rent, but have a lease, so you can toss them out if they don't shape up. If you do not have a legal agreement, it puts you in a bad spot.
They want food? let them go buy some with their own money.
let them rent a rug shampooer or hire carpet cleaners and pay for it themselves.
Stop being a sucker, it's your own fault if you do.

Kirsten - posted on 05/01/2010

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Kære Karen.
I `m så ked af at fortælle dig !!!!!! Du er ikke dooing en god hjælp for spise født give dem penge. Du kan hjælpe dem at finde et job, så de vil være i stand til at tage sig af dem selv. De er vokset op, og de ved hvad de dooing. Hvis du ønsker at hjælpe dem, lad dem være responsebility for deres liv.heden for deres liv.Maybee du føler, at det `s for hårdt, men senere de vil takke dig, for at vise den rigtige vej. ♥♥ Love Kirsten from Denmark

Irene - posted on 05/01/2010

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YOU SHOULD MAKE THEM PAY RENT IF THEY CAN'T TAKE CARE OF THE HOUSE. YOUR NOT A SUCKER FOR THEM YOUR THEIR MOMMA AND THAT'S WHAT WE DO CARE AND LOOK OVER OUR CHILDREN. IF ANYTHING YOUR KIDS SHOULD WANT TO GIVE YOU MONEY. I HAVE 4 GIRLS THERE AGES 20,16,15 AND 11 AND THEY ALWAYS WANT TO GIVE ME MONEY BUT THAT'S WHAT DADDY IS FOR. WELL GOOD LUCK ON WHATEVER YOU DECIDE.

Rita - posted on 05/01/2010

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Rent is an absolute must . And they most deffinately need to fix every thing they break . YOU need to stop enableing them and let them grow up to relise what the real world is all about . THEY NEED IT . Not trying to be bitchy about it but if my kids tore up my house after i let them live in it ......OUT THEY GO . AFTER THEY PAID FOR THE DAMAGE . As for the food .... THEY HAVE JOBS , LET THEM BUY THIER OWN AND KEEP IT IN SEPERATE PLACES IF IT DOESN'T GO IN THE FRIDGE . THEN THEY NEED TO GROW UP TO RESPECT OTHER PEOPLES STUFF . HAVE THEM MARK THIERS . And the more you go aginst your man then your asking to be alone soon . You have a child at home who needs you more than the others . NIP IT IN THE BUD .

Lisa - posted on 05/01/2010

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How fortunate your kids are to have you. Unfortunately they are taking advantage of you...so it seems. I think if kids are handed everything to them, they do not appreciate it. I think you need to charge them rent, and if they can't be responsible to pay, then you have to find some young couple that can be. How will they grow up if you keep taking care of them. let them struggle if they must...even birds force their young to fly, God always provides food for the birds..so.let him take over, he'll do better than anyone, even you. Hope that helps. Got a 21 year old that is very irresponsible with her finances and is now paying the price. My dad bailed her out with $6,000.00 now she is in debt again. See the cycle, and it will always repeat if we become enablers.

Joanne - posted on 05/01/2010

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we all want to help our children,no matter if they are two years old or twenty years old.We have always charged our grown children rent,Our 27 year old lives in the basement suite.We could get 800.00 a month but we charge him 400.00.If i could go back in time i never would have rented to him.The place is getting trashed because its not his property so why respect it.As moms we are all suckers for our children,its time for us suckers to wake up and bring in some tough love,,,,don't you think

Donna - posted on 05/01/2010

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Tell them to either take over the repairs and keep your house in good condition and to pay you rent or get out.It is after all your home. If you cant stand living there then sell it and go on vacation. They won't get a free ride anywhere else.It is one thing giving them a hand up and letting them walk on you.

Karen - posted on 05/01/2010

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Tania - it doesn't look like nice has worked, time for more direct action. I guess I'm getting too old to be nice, I find I tolerate disrespect less and less these days. The turning point was probably when I had to teach my 6 y.o. not to tolerate rude behaviour and teach others how to treat her properly.

Tania - posted on 05/01/2010

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By the way, Karen, I am normally nicer than that. I get the feeling you weren't looking for 'nice' though. You go girl!!

Tania - posted on 05/01/2010

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Yes, you know what to do. Now you need to do it.
All that money you're spending on them is actually stealing from your 16 year old's future, your future, and your new marriage! Sure, they're not going to like you much for a while but they will ultimately respect you and love you for it.
Anyway, that's enough for you to read...time for action...get YOUR house back (to do with as YOU please)...get YOUR life back...and, believe it or not, you'll get YOUR kids back!!!

Karen - posted on 05/01/2010

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And rent should be market rate, no discount. They are grown ups and need to behave as such. Remember that this is a business arrangement.

Karen - posted on 05/01/2010

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First of all I agree with everyone that they need to either begin paying you, fix what they broke, and buy their food or move out. I also agree that you need a family meeting and let your husband take over because they respect him. What I don't agree with is to tell them that you have a 16 y.o., it is putting a strain on your marriage, etc. First of all that is beside the point and second of all that is none of their business. The business is that you are the landlord and they are the tenant. If they like where they live, you draw up a reasonable rental contract and it's handled like any other landlord/tenant situation including eviction for lack of payment. If they don't like it they move out and you set a specific move out date. Obviously they have no self-respect or respect for you if they are behaving this way and frankly you have not expected it of them either or else they would not be asking you to buy their food for goodness sake. I remember that I was out of work when I was 22 for a while and my Parents loaned me money to buy a new car when I got a new job, and moving expenses (I covered my own living expenses and student loans through unemployment and temping). But, my folks expected and I wouldn't have had it any other way, that the repayment was fully set out in a loan document stating repayment terms. They wouldn't have pushed it if I had reneged on it but I had way more respect for them and for me. That was the first bill I paid each and every month. In the end they ended up giving me the money back for my wedding but that was their choice - I tried to refuse it but they wanted to do it as a gift. The bottom line is the kids need to grow up and you need to either treat this as a business deal or sell the house and move on. And your home situation is none of their business - I never would have dreamed of butting into any of my landlord's home situations, neither should they, nor should you share it with them if you look at this as a business which it is.

Ginny - posted on 05/01/2010

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My youngest son & I bought a house 2 yrs ago. My oldest son lives with me & he does pay rent,which is 1/3rd of the mortage.

Belinda - posted on 05/01/2010

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You are doing them a disservice by enabling them to continue with this behaviour and shame on them. Their behaviour and expectations of your are disgusting. Their not treating you as a mother should be treated, you're no more than a sugar mummy and maid. Poor form.

Trini - posted on 05/01/2010

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About the food. That's their own problem. If they were sharing an apartment or house with roommates, they'd have to come up with a way to split groceries, etc. They will never learn as long as you keep letting them mooch off of you. Once you set down new rules, including respecting your property and paying rent and buying their own food, if they don't go for it or respect it, then give them a month to find a place and let them all move out. Sell the house. It will benefit you and your new family. I have 4 kids, two youngers ones and two older ones, 22 and 24, and they're out on their own and independent and taking care of their own bills including schooling. I believe in tough love. My 24 yr. old son asked to move in before and I let him stay temporarily but he paid bills and respected my rules while in my house including no girls over or loud music, that type of thing. It's made him stronger and made him understand that he can't just run to me for everything. He's got to do it for himself.

Trini - posted on 05/01/2010

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You definitely should charge them rent. It's expensive out there so charge them a little less than if they were out in their own home. This will make them more responsible and will help you in the long run when they break something so you can have extra money to pay for it. On top of that, have a long talk with them that they need to take care of the property because in the end, if you end up having to sell it, you want to get your money's worth and keep the property on the same level as the rest of the property in the neighborhood. If they don't like it, they can move out and see what the real world is like. I betcha they will fit it but come to their own conclusion that it's much more expensive out there and they will have credit checks done and have to sign a lease and leave a deposit. Be strong. Tough love helps your children, even if it's hard at the present.

Doreen - posted on 05/01/2010

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You are not a sucker for them, all parents want to see their kids prosper when they get older. The one thing you need to do is start charging them rent. You could have rented the house out to people you did not know that would probably be taking better care of it then your kids are. You gave your kids a chance to better their selves and have a roof over their heads.

I was taught when you are out of High School, you should have a job and learn to support yourself because sooner or later your going to have to. When I turned 18 my parents started charging me rent and I was living at home.

If you don't put your foot down and make your kids either start paying for their own stuff, they will keep walking on you and taking advantage for as long as you let them.

Nevia - posted on 05/01/2010

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Well, What is really wrong with you? I believe you should start charging these children rent show them what it is to be responsible. If they know that each month they will have to pay for their accommodations, and every time they break and you fix it would be adding more to the rent, then they will do better. If this is causing friction in your second marriage, you are in a serious predicament , You will be left alone and guess what? they will not be there for you in your old age. Sorry for being so blunt but you are allowing your grown children to control your life .And guess what? you are not helping them at all. Listen to the husband give them an option tell them to pay you for living there, or get out so you can rent it to someone else. They are not responsible neither are they growing up. My son lives by himself since he was 18 years of age and he is very responsible

LaDonna - posted on 05/01/2010

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our best intentions isnt alway the best for us or our children .my 4 kids who are grown and have all had hard time in which I came to the rescue.finally after yrs of feeling they were abusing this. I have made a rule!! not only to help them but me as well. That isnt real life and they are learning nothing. So I decided to let my youngest son 22 with his girlfriend and there 3 and a half yr old son live with me. but, I make them pay 600 rent 200 food and 200 for the daycare/night.I dont feel bad about it at all. our bills total 2500-3000. The mom threatens to quit her job and I say THATS NOT ACCEPTABLE! you can go live at your dads then. I provide a good home in which they break things and I am responsible to fix as well. if they were out on there own it would be alot more than that and this way we are helping eachother out this way. this way I am also teaching them to care for themselves. I wont be here forever! . If they feel this is too much then see ya later and goodluck with that. If I were you I would also have them get (First american home owners insurance.) google it! it costs 36 a mth.. with a 55 detucable everytime they come to fix things ; and they always send good companys to fix things and if they cant fix it they replace it.what I was and looks like your doing now will not help you or them. when I die though I will give them my home in my will .If I chose to move out before that yes they would have to pay the rent still.. thats being a good mom.even if they dont agree!!

Suzanna - posted on 05/01/2010

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I know the feeliog but you Husband is right. You need to let go or they will never grow up and beable to make it on their own. Yes you should charge them rent. I would say about $600.00 a month and have then also, pay the utilities. Not sure what the going rate is to rent a house where you live but they should all be paying something. They need to learn to become responsiable adults. My heart goes out to you. Good Luck

Debra - posted on 05/01/2010

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Yes!!!!!!!!!!! Definitely if we don't teach them to be responsible adults who will just because they are at home doesn't mean they don't contribute to the needs of the family.....you may not charge them as much but they do have the responsibility to support theirselves........kids that say we owe them well tell them that what if Jesus came down and charged them for hs death on the cross that he gave so unselfishly........or you just let them know they have 30, 60, or 90 days to move into their own place......we do them an injustess to to let them think that it is fair for them to act like little 2 yr' old....so Yes!!! by all means charge them

Lorna Lorraine - posted on 05/01/2010

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Your children are not being considerate. They are all working adults and should take care of that home. Instead of enabling their lack of fiscal responsibility, you should lay your cards on the table and let them know what to do or they wont have a place to live. If they believe that it may shake them up a little to step up and share in the upkeep of the place.

You have other things to worry about. Before it puts a rift between you and your husband, please stop enabling because they are not thinking about you. It is OK to help your children regardless of their ages; however, there are limits. They have exceeded the limits!

Helen - posted on 05/01/2010

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Hell YES - charge them rent, do it properly with legal tenancy agreements and everything.

Even if you don't want to do that, you MUST stop feeding them! Stop the grocery runs, and make sure that all the utility bills are in their names, so that they are responsible for paying them, and if they don't pay, then LET them be cut off, so they understand that actions (or inactions) lead to consequenses!

But before that, explain to them whats going to happen and why - you need that house to be looked after properly and you need them to start taking their adult responsibilities seriously. If they can't do it through respect and love for themselves and you, then it will have to be put on a more formal footing, where all the responsibilities, both theirs as tenents and yours as landlord are set out in black and white and can't be argued about.

You could start the rent at a heavily discounted rate (but one that will cover the costs of ALL the repairs that need doing), and if they still don't play ball increase the rent until it's at the market rate (don't forget to write into the tenancy that rent increases can happen).

If that doesn't work you'll have to throw them out. Harsh I know, but it might be the only way (I think this will be a lot easier to accomplish with a tenancy already in place rather than if they are just 'sitting' tenants, even if you want to sell the property, so I'd look in this as well, for your own piece of mind and future ease).

Life is hard and the lessons sometimes come even harder (even for us 'mature adults' on occasion!).

Good luck, and I really hope everthing works out in the long run.

Connie - posted on 05/01/2010

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I say cut them loose. How will they ever learn to make it in the real world if you are constantly bailing them out? I know I don't know all the details and I don't have time to read all the previous posts. But just from what I read on your original question they are spoiled and need a rude awakening. What would happen if something happened to you? I know you love them and want the best for them, but you are not helping them in the long run you are hurting them. Just saying.

Mary - posted on 05/01/2010

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You should have them pay enough to cover all the expenses on the house - and they need to stop acting like children. But you need to take a "tough love" stand and force them to act like adults. You gave them a place to live - just like a landlord would.

would your landlord bring you food??

I'm not saying let them go hungry - but they're taking advantage of you. Had a similiar situation with my 23 year old. She ultimately got kicked out of my apartment becasue of what she was/was not doing. It's not easy - but it'll probably make it easier for your new husband and all the kids ...

Connie - posted on 05/01/2010

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Your hurting them instead of helping. Of course they should pay rent and be responsible for repairs and painting and what ever else needs to be done. It sounds like they are taking advantage of you. They need to see the real world now if they want to survive in it.

Lynne - posted on 05/01/2010

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Absolutely... They would not be living ANYWHERE else for free. I have 2 daughter 21 & 28 and they both pay rent. Using there rent ($500 mo.each) as well as our money we pay everything, food , electric, cable, phone, water. They pay there own car ins. cell bills, and any other living expenses (clothes, toiletries, etc.). As well as buying there own cars. My feeling is that they have to be responsible for themselves...no one else can be or should be. Mom & Dad won't always be there to help and if they aren't prepared to take care of
themselves...LIFE could be a huge shock.

Cyndee - posted on 05/01/2010

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Wow this post disturbs me...not sure what all to say. I know the horrible circumstances I came from and I am now remarried, I cannot imagine going behind my husbands back and causing him to distrust me and him think I did not respect him, when he found out - that could be a detriment to your marriage and trust in marriage is so important.

Considering I do not know all your details and can only go in what you've wrote - I would say YES you should be charging your grown adult children rent who are staying in a home owned by you, and not directly under your roof. I can see offering something for a little while to "get on their feet" but it truly sounds as if they are taking total advantage over you and the past perhaps thinking you own them somehow and make you feel guilty for not doing for them. (not sure but assuming)

Our goal in raising our children are raising responsible adults, I see cutting them off so to speak as your husband suggests but there are ways of doing this without being ugly. Doesn't mean you can never help but it is time for them to stand and make life choices and reap the seeds for their choices whether good or bad.

Hope you come to terms and find a peace you can live with. Bless you in this endeavor and be honest with your husband as hard as it may be.

Debra - posted on 05/01/2010

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They have no conscience! they are playing on the fact that you are their mother and would do anything for them. Unfortunately in the real world rent needs to be paid, give them an ultimatum, either start doing the right thing or tell them to move out. Good luck.

Lyrae - posted on 04/30/2010

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Take it from a mother of a 20 and 22 year old. You have to let go, you must let go for your sanity. If you want peace in your life you have no choice but to let go of the adult children in your life. You can always love them from afar. Besides, you raised them, so have faith in what you instilled in them.

Kathy - posted on 04/30/2010

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At what age do you consider them to act like adults? they can't be responsible if you won't allow them to ..Look within yourself why do you feel the need to clean up after them ..

Cyndi-Ann - posted on 04/30/2010

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karen, I could not disagree more with Joanne Lewis. There is a right and a wrong way. All of us who are mothers are mothers until we die, we do not shut it off the day the kids are 18. However you are crippling your children by making them dependent on you, you are not doing them any favours, and in the long run they will not thank you for making them dependent on you. Forget about loving the bissell, love yourself enough to say enough, and love yoru children enough to take the time to teach them. What a blessing to have a second home that they could live in! Make sure they KNOW what a blessing it is and keep it up in both repairs and ALL of the bills. If you feel bad taking money from them, sock it away for them. Give them either a timelimit to start paying rent as well as the bills, or start low and increase it each month so they can get use to it. We started our 18 year olds paying us 150.00 a month, we increased it by 50 dollars a month, untifl frankly they Wanted to move out and be on their own, as it was about the same cost, plus they did not have to live by our rules once they moved out. I had put away all of the money we had 'charged" them and it gave them pretty much enough to be able to furnish their first places as well as give them their second months rent. Oh how happpy they were that they would not have to sleep on just a mattress on the floor with beat up furniture like they thought they would have to do when the moved. It was truly a win win situation, they were able to each get a nice apartment, furnish it, be independent, and we were able to teach our kids responsiblitly while being there for them.

LadyJane - posted on 04/30/2010

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If they're working, they should help out with most if not all of the utilities and groceries. ( My Uncle sublet his house cause he was having a hard time selling it. ALL he pays is the taxes and water, they have to pay for everything else including repairs, while these are not his children but actual tenants, there shouldn't be a difference ).



IF they're in school but have money for cell phone, parties, etc. They should still at least pay for the groceries and at least half of the ultility bills. Worse comes to worse, you can have the ultities shut off for a week ( Like mail when you go on vacation you can have them shut off if you're going to be away for a period of time ). Good Luck... they shouldn't be taking advantage of you like this, no matter what the situation...



Even when I was still at home, I still had to help out with finances or if I couldn't I had to help keep the house clean, and had to pay my own phone bill.

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You are a sucker! Stand firm, give them all a list of the new charges. Tell them what day you want the rent and if they break something, give them the bill!
You do have issues you need to fathom why you are being so 'nice' to the kids. They KNOW you will do for them and of course you are allowing them to, then you complain about it! Sorry, but you need to stand up and make sure they don't use you any more. It's called Tough Love, and you are not doing them any favours for the real world by being a pussy-footed mummy.
Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it is YOU who needs to grow up.

Carlotta - posted on 04/30/2010

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Ok it is way past time to cut the strings. I have to agree with you new hubbie on this one. And well we all know that going behind your hubbie's back is wrong. I do understand being the step parent and have my own kids with my frist spouse so I am not saying this lightly. They need tough love and you need to stop being the door mat.

Kristi - posted on 04/30/2010

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Your children are adults and they need to start acting like adults by taking some responsibility with that house, by keeping up the house and paying you rent. They are taking advantage of you and you are letting them get away with it. Just remember, if that house didn't exist, they would have to get out on their own and pay their own rent...if they don't keep up that place and keep breaking things...well, then the landlord will step in, and who knows...they might be looking for another place to live!!!

Brenda Lyn - posted on 04/30/2010

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Remember: The longer you keep your children attached to your "apron strings", you strangle their growth!

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You're feeding your soul and their bellies. Charge rent, evict them, whatever it takes. No landlord would put up with this. You just happen to be a landlord that feeds them, provides counseling, and a roof over their head.

JoAnne - posted on 04/30/2010

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Kick them out, fix it up and sell it! These children or should I say adults don't realize just how lucky they are for having such a thoughtful mother. If you want them to have a good start open savings account for each of the kids with the money from the sale of the house and put a block on each account so that they can't touch it until maybe 30 or until you approve any reason for a withdrawel. You have started a fresh new life and the pain of the house is still haunting you threw your children.
Let it go! And the more you sneak behind your NEW husbands back the problems it will cause in your marriage. Is this how you want to start new beginnings? I think not.....

Deborah - posted on 04/30/2010

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your the sort of mum everyone wants !!!!!!! but come on you know what you need to do, charge them rent, charge them for the breakages, at the end of the day its your house and if the price goes down because of their neglect of the property they will be the ones to lose out eventually. they are old enough to know better. you have to cut the apron strings, they arent babies anymore they are adults and need to start behaving like it.

Sheila - posted on 04/30/2010

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Here's the deal: I did the same things for my twenty year old son and that's all we got out of the deal was me feeling like crap and him being disabled. I turned things around, probly not by choice, but by the grace of God, all negatives are positives. I ran out of income and I couldn't help him no more. He had a job, so I made him instantly responsible to pay all his things or he would be doomed. I also stopped doing things like making him appts., going to the doc w him, washing clothes etc. He now is a responsible, productive member of this communtity. He feels good about himself and I feel proud because I am not enabling and crippling him anymore. I too would kept on going w all the help but God intervened and helped us both out. So, yes, let go and let them try it out for themselves. It hurts you to cripple them. It hurts them to have to be so needy and not do for themselves. Just try it for awhile and u will see results. Everyone will be much happier.

Karla - posted on 04/30/2010

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Tell them to grow up and act like adults . they need to share the bills especially the groceries and if they break it they need to fix it. Or make them get out and get a place of their own where they will have to pay rent .

Susan - posted on 04/30/2010

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you americans live in a different world to us brits.if i owned 2 houses i wouldnt worry about my kids paying rent.i live in the real world were my poor hard working husband is not well and still providing shelter for my 26 year old son.have a picnic,he doesnt come out with us anymore,he is 26.if i got any of my other children involved he would never talk to me again.they dont live at home so it is not there buisness.i know you were trying to help but you dont live on the same planet as us sorry.

Lorelei - posted on 04/30/2010

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Draw up a rental contract just like a landlord would do to your grown kids in an apartment. Tell them if they break one thing in the house, they will have to pay for the repairs. They are working and they can afford to pay the rent and the damages on the house. You have to treat them as they would be living in an apartment. They need to learn how to be responsible and get an idea of what will cost them if they damage any place they live. They also need to start buying their OWN groceries.. You raised them and taught them now its their turn to be on their own and be responsible. Nothing wrong with you. That's just being a mother to them and still caring for them. But eventually you need to cut the cord and teach them a lesson. Draw up a contract on how much they should pay the rent. 150.00 from each of them and they have to pay the utilities. You can put that in a separate account incase they get fall behind on paying their bills. You can use that account to take care whatever it is they are lacking on groceries or bills. Its a sure way to get them prepared when they decide to move or move in with their girlfriend/boyfriend..

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