Teenagers

Dianne - posted on 09/25/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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When did we become the enemy? They wake up with such attitudes.

11 Comments

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Barbara - posted on 09/30/2009

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So, I'm hearing that they become human at about 20-25....auuugghhh. I have a 17 year old who I have lost control of. I'm trying to keep positive and use tough love all the time. It hurts me, but hurts him more!

Sue - posted on 09/28/2009

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Yes, it seems they are bouncing around in nappies one day, and they wake up these backchatting, argumentative teenagers the next! Still, we love them, and wouldn't be without them, so they just need lots of guidance. Sometimes we tear our hair out, but I think as long as we keep them out of trouble, then we have done our job well!

Robin - posted on 09/28/2009

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i dont know when it happens either. one day they are your little baby wanting to be all up under you, cant get enough of you, then you wake up one day expecting things to be as lovely as before, but to your dismay your baby has turned into a little monster. nothing you say matters, suddenly everything about you is all wrong, they cant be seen with you in public and your not allowed to know anything that goes on in their lives. i know the feeling..... but what i found to work is ignoring them. the more you try to figure things out the further they pull away as if you are the intruder, intruding upon their lives. when you ignore their fits and care less about their attitudes while still demanding that they carry on business as usual around the house i.e.. chores, homework, respect, while they may still act like they dont have any home training, it keeps you from wanting to blow your top. when my daughter was acting like that, at first i didnt know what to do, just like you i tried all kinds of things but nothing worked, until on day i realized that she still expected to get and do all the things she was doing when she was doing well. so i stopped her from doing those things, since she was the only one left at home she thought that because she couldnt go that i wouldnt go anywhere without her( how dare i go anywhere without her she thought, thats what i had been doing, until i cought on. i discovered that i was punishing myself along with her and yet i had done no wrong. when i started leaving her at home by herself (she was of age of course) and living my life she began to feel a bit different about wanting all that alone time. of course she had no computer (i changed the pass code) no cell phone or any other gadgets she thought she couldnt live without. it didnt take long for her to decide all that she was trying to put me through was not working but that it was more energy than she wanted to exert. granted it took much dedecation on my part to stick to the plan at hand no matter how much i missed her and wanted to have her with me, but in the end she learned her lesson--that she is only as special as she treats herself and respect is a two-sided street- i even got an apology. basically its a battle of the witts. they are told all the time by the #'s they are given to report anything they think is abusive to them, to the rights the government gives them in owning their sexuality and sexual partners, even being able to divorce us. why wouldnt they act up with all that and even more on their side. their goal is to prove whos the smartest. so many parents give in to their children because they either dont want to do what it takes to gain control ot they dont have it in them to fight. you just have to find something that works for you and then stick with it to the end. it is a hard fight, but if we dont fight not only do we loose the fight we loose our children....

Teri - posted on 09/28/2009

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I agree with Lunette... keeping a sense of humor or you will go crazy. I have a 14 year old daughter. I had to learn quickly to put a filter on between my brain and my mouth!!!! Think before I speak. I may be 48 but I do remember I had quite a snappy attitude when I was that age myself. Oy... I sometimes find myself wanting to pick up the phone and wanting to apologize to my mom for some of the horror I put her through! Patience and love... remember you LOVE them.... my daughter's favorite thing to still hear from me even through the hard times is "everything's going to be alright!". And a hug, they still need them once in awhile. Good luck!

Gloria - posted on 09/28/2009

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I think we beame the enemy the day they we born! LOL! We can only hope it gets better. Hang in there. I deal with the attitude on a daily basis.

Debbie - posted on 09/28/2009

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Ohhh Lord, I could go on and on about that one! I have a 20 yr old who is dating a total looser, and she hasnt spoken to me in 3 months since I have been very vocal about the entire family's dislike for this boy. I also have an 18,17,14, and 11 year old. The two younger ones are my step sons, and I STAY the enemy.

Lunette - posted on 09/28/2009

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Think of it this way if they started out as teenagers no one would have kids. But it will pass they become human again around 20. Remember keep your sense of humor cause you will need it. Good Luck will be praying for you I made it through two.

Dori - posted on 09/27/2009

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Don't worry....the attitude will change daily. I've made it past 15 with the first two....the last one is 14. Her highs are really high and her lows are really low. When we're in a low period I just try to remember the loving child of yesterday.

Dianne - posted on 09/26/2009

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Thanks for the pep talk. I just hope I do not go completely gray by them. You're right you cannot bend with them. They will think you for got what you asked them.

Michelle - posted on 09/26/2009

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No worries, I think it's God's way to make it easier for us to "let go" when they finally move out! lol Hang in there, I survived three teenage boys on my own, you can do it! My own Dad always told me "They can argue all they want but just don't get into the argument yourself. Stay strong and in power." It worked.

Julie - posted on 09/25/2009

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Teenagers, can't live with them and you can't kill them!! You became the enemy when you gave them rules and expected them to be followed. Some of this is hormonal and some of it is just the age. The are learning a lot on their own and feel invincible. Don't compromise your principles and rules. Give them an inch and they will run you over with your car! Just remember, tough love is just as hard on the parent as the child but it is necessary.

On the bright side, they will grow up and you will become smart again. Unfortunately, in my experience, it takes until they turn about 25. They are usually done with school, have a job, are looking for a relationship, and are expected to pay their own way.

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