Too many Changes....

Carol - posted on 03/18/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Hi I am a mother of 3, my youngest having turned 18 recently (This one also had a child a year ago. )My middle son, (20) joined the service right after his HS graduation.(he is safe in NC right now). My oldest lives nearby. I have just really struggled for the last 2 yrs with all these changes (My work hours I decreased as well to help with the baby)...and a real feeling of loss of control...Has anyone else really struggled with the empty (Or near empty nest)? How do you get through it? Do I need to consider antidepressants? (kind of afraid of medications, I don't handle most well) Any suggestions? Thanks.

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Chris - posted on 03/19/2009

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all my children have gone and i felt so emty my husband left about 2 mouth after 18 years of marrige gone no children at home it was very hard to cope still after a year i think about it i was so depressed i dint no what to do now i am just getting my life back on to some kind of track finding new freinds have helped me doing thing i coun't do before like go back to collage.

Jeanne - posted on 03/19/2009

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Quoting Carol:

Thanks for your thoughts and support Jeanne. I think the watching and not saying too much (especially in my daughters case...as she needs to work through alot with the baby's dad issue) Is soooo tough I feel like I might explode at times. I keep telling myself this is all situational so maybe I don't need meds ...just time but my doctor (who is a woman and really wonderful) does have an RX ready for me if I decide I need it. I am doing cardio and Pilates/yoga which does feel great for awhile...now to just hold onto that feeling all day!...I actually think I need to work more to keep my mind more occupied. I will indeed keep you posted. Thanks so much.
Carol




Thank you Carol your sharing your inner deep thoughts I really do appreciate you for taking time out of your day for me to write this note. I know what you mean about your daughter she might just need is TIME, because the boy twin just turned 17 yrs old I'm having a super hard time as well, and I did the same I shipped him to his dads, because I'm ill I cannot handle him anymore........but another story.........There's only so much as a mother that we can do..............they just have to learn how to live with all those TEEN's amotions...........explode at times.........oh YES.......I know what your talking about............. I do yoga and go for small walks with my little dog HOPE she just turned 1yr old.........funny my little dog actually helps me........whatever works..........





I've battling chronic depression + anxiety for over 15 years and now I have Fibromyalgia  this major work for me to be a stay home mom, and sick......because I loved my career and working Mom.........my doctor after 2 years wants me to go on disability........I finally agreed, but very difficult to do at my age......they I sort of look at it will say on my tombstone that I was a good career women........God must have a plan for me..........because he put me in this direction for a reason!







I've battling chronic depression + anxiety for over 15 years and now I have Fibromyalgia  this major work for me to be a stay home mom, and sick......because I loved my career and working Mom.........my doctor after 2 years wants me to go on disability........I finally agreed, but very difficult to do at my age......they I sort of look at it will say on my tombstone that I was a good career women........God must have a plan for me..........because he put me in this direction for a reason!



Maybe Carol NEEDS TIME AWAY JUST FOR YOU, I do take 1 weekend at least 3 times a year just for ME..........go my sister's out of town........or a friend.......with phone no nothing with my family for 2 days.............wow..............amazing.....JUST FOR MOM'S ONLY...........



Take care & keep in touch! Jeanne





Carol - posted on 03/19/2009

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Yes Lisa you hit the nail on the head! Lost my identity, and lost so much control over my life, and it all came ot once so I just couldn't ease into it. If my husband retired yikes...we'd probably kill each other!! I'm thinking of increasing my work hours some (As a nurse I can pick up hours pretty easily) just to keep my mind more occupied. But the issues are still there when you come home...Thanks for your thoughts..sometimes you feel so all alone and like everyone else get through these things ...It's like "so what is wrong with me"...Carol

Carol - posted on 03/19/2009

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Thanks for your thoughts and support Jeanne. I think the watching and not saying too much (especially in my daughters case...as she needs to work through alot with the baby's dad issue) Is soooo tough I feel like I might explode at times. I keep telling myself this is all situational so maybe I don't need meds ...just time but my doctor (who is a woman and really wonderful) does have an RX ready for me if I decide I need it. I am doing cardio and Pilates/yoga which does feel great for awhile...now to just hold onto that feeling all day!...I actually think I need to work more to keep my mind more occupied. I will indeed keep you posted. Thanks so much.

Carol

Lisa - posted on 03/18/2009

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Carol,



I hear what you are saying.  In the last year my life has gone through so many changes as well.  My oldest (21) had a baby last March.  My middle son joined the Air Force and he is stationed in Guam, about as far away as you can get from home.  I still have a 15 year old at home, but I am having that empty nest syndrome as well.  In addition to all that, my husband just retired after 20 years in the Army, so at times I feel as if I have lost all my identies.  I do work outside the home, but work does not replace my family!



I've told the doctor about all these changes and how I feel, but she won't prescribe anything.  So, I just keep on keeping on! Good luck and know you are not the only one going through this!



 



Lisa

Jeanne - posted on 03/18/2009

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Hello Carol to over 40yrs old mums......................mother of 3 with you youngest having turned 18yrs and he had a child about a year ago.............means Carol is a grand-mother Congrad.......At least you middle son that's 20yrs.............happy to hear that his safe right now! Those are two very large obstilces.............and you have really stuggled for the last 2 years with all the CHANGES...................."This is two not one, but two big milestones" that you've had to adapt to...........change is hard, but your amazing lady for all you went through..........that all take time..........'MAYBE IT IS CAROL'S TIME.................maybe you need some personal time for you to go regenerate we all need this every so often.I personally just started with the empty nest he just turn 19yr living in my basement room, yes he's still here but NOT because I never see him??????????????that's the closes that I'm to a empty nest..........so so difficult.............I just watch and I'm there for when he needs me..............sit wait.............sit wait...............a lot of deep breaths............. I go for short walks with my health permitting and do yoga that such an escape for me the yoga so relax.......sorry I'm not much help!Try talking to your doctor..................I'm sure they can help!



 









My name is Jeanne I have 3 children my older son Sylvain is 19 years old with Twins Matthieu (ADHD) & Natalie will turning 17 years old on the 3rd of March. I'm a single mom over 40 will be 45 this coming May. Yes it's tough but I wouldn't change it or change them for the world!

Anytime you need a chat or just vent out don't be shy because we're here to help one another learn & grow! This is such an amazing web sight over 40yrs old mums there is something for everyone and  if need help or have questions there’s always someone has been affected because we're here to help one another. That’s how we learn & grow by sharing are different experiences.....I just love it! Jeanne



Take care & keep in touch!



Jeanne



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