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what do you do when your grown son wont talk to to you and you have given him space for 3years and have no idea why he is mad at you

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Rhonda - posted on 03/30/2013

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My son has alienated me too. I am in my middle 50s, and alone. I have tried repeatedly
to contact him. I don't understand why he lets me into his life and cuts me out. This last time however, I think is forever.
I just don't understand. I love him so much and worry about him. He is my only child.
It hurts so badly, I can't stand it. I would do anything, anything for him.
Nothing makes sense. I feel my heart is almost dead from everything, and heavy and hurting.

Zenaida - posted on 08/15/2013

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Thank you for the encouragemnet!
About starting a conversation: that as if you deal with the normal person! When it comes to my son: no matter what I say, even asking him "how are you?" He just answers rudely on anything I say, he doesn't give a damn. If we both (me my DH) are gone today, he'll find the cheapest option as how to get rid of us quiclkly and hopefully for free, throwing us into pauper grave if at all!

I pray to God every day, every awakaning moment of my life (God must be extremely tired of me by now). I hope this is just a phase, but maybe not.
One thing is for sure: Silence is GOLDEN in my case. I am not a doormat, and it is not OK with me to tolerate nasty attitude and money mooching even from my only child.

I do believe : children are not given to us forever, at some point we m ust let them go to live their life, to figure it al out on their own terms. it is devastatng as not being able to get included, but I embrace my life and will live fully and happy no matter what!

Trust me: I tried many times to reach out to my only son. The effect has been the same as talking to the brick wall. The only difference: brick wall can be demolished, and re-build, but bone-headed thinking CAN NOT! You all are welcome to try it. Any suggestions are appreciated.

Zenaida - posted on 08/12/2013

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My 27 y.old son acts as a JERK! he is a pathological liar, who recently con us (his parents) with forged checks. I knew in my gut it was a con, yet believed his lies.
He only talks to us when needs money, than treat both of us as dirt.

In fact I want him out of our lives for good. I don't care if never spoke to him again.
he was truly my LOVE before the age of 12. it was very difficult to co-op with his crap when he was 14 and through high school. He "grew" to alienate himself from us, his friends give him advice as how to live. He owes thousands to credit cards. I won't be surprised if at some point he'll end up in jail.

He told us : he doesn't need any advice, just our money and a lot's of it. Recently asking if we have a will and if all is going to be his after we're gone.

I believe for few lucky people children are blessing, but for the majority of folks children are menace. Since early childhood our only child was given good opportunities, he truly was a blessing and sweetest boy before age of 12. Then things went south: now we've got this monster with huge sense of entitlement, arrogant and self-centered.

I am through with his crap and attitude. I am not a doormat, and can overcome the grief. Eventually we all have to come to understanding: God gave us children for very short time, then we Must let them go to live their life, we have no influences upon.

We raised the entire generation of self-centered Mooches, and now paying the awfully cruel price.

[deleted account]

just to let you know I am going through the same mess. I raised my son the best I could . when he was a child we had the best relationship , the best holidays. we travel. I was a single parent and a working parent. his father never was there, by me having brothers he spend a lot of time with his uncles. I allowed him to visit his father even tho his father never was there, before his father died , I truly believe his father told him a lie regarding why he was not in his life, after he came from gary Indiana, the hold relationship I had as a mother to my son truly changed drastically. I was shocked. lies he tell his friends that I abused him (which in not true) about me. and it really hurts. the only time I see him is when he needs money and that's it so I came to a conclusion just to leave him alone and just pray and move on with my life. my son is 32 years old. and I don't know his address, he would not give it to me and I just step away. always money he needs . never a happy mother day card a birthday card nothing of the source. I don't know what happen nor does my family. ...I just except the fact that im nothing to him anymore. cant feel sorry for myself. I just moved on with my life because he has done the same. he has all the space he needs. I cant ruin my health or cry my eyes out anymore because he has refused me as him mom. no more tears I have to cry. I became strong and moved on with my life. whenever I see someone who needs help with their little ones I volunteer my time with them and just keep living....some people in this world is just so ungrateful. go on with your life . if it meant to be that our children will except us, that will be fine --if not move on . enjoy your life

Tamie - posted on 07/13/2013

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It makes no sense that your daughter has not spoken to you for 20 years. She is an adult and needs to act like one, but she chooses to act like a spoiled child. I would suggest that you tell yourself that you were a good parent. Then pray that God will intervene with your daughter. Leave your daughter in Gods hands and move on and live your life to the fullest.

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Mrsjonilikens - posted on 10/18/2017

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Jerri, No one, not even your mom will put up with bad treatment! And if she does, something is wrong. That does not mean she doesn't love you, only that she doesn't like being treated badly. If she continued to act loving and kind, and put up with horri9ble treatment, then she is teaching you that it is ok to treat people like that. And it isn't! Your mom should get respect from you, just like anyone would. God bless.

Mrsjonilikens - posted on 10/18/2017

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Jerri, No one, not even your mom will put up with bad treatment! And if she does, something is wrong. That does not mean she doesn't love you, only that she doesn't like being treated badly. If she continued to act loving and kind, and put up with horri9ble treatment, then she is teaching you that it is ok to treat people like that. And it isn't! Your mom should get respect from you, just like anyone would. God bless.

Mrsjonilikens - posted on 10/18/2017

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Jerri, No one, not even your mom will put up with bad treatment! And if she does, something is wrong. That does not mean she doesn't love you, only that she doesn't like being treated badly. If she continued to act loving and kind, and put up with horri9ble treatment, then she is teaching you that it is ok to treat people like that. And it isn't! Your mom should get respect from you, just like anyone would. God bless.

Mrsjonilikens - posted on 10/18/2017

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Jerri, No one, not even your mom will put up with bad treatment! And if she does, something is wrong. That does not mean she doesn't love you, only that she doesn't like being treated badly. If she continued to act loving and kind, and put up with horri9ble treatment, then she is teaching you that it is ok to treat people like that. And it isn't! Your mom should get respect from you, just like anyone would. God bless.

Madonna - posted on 10/06/2017

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My son is 32 and I raised him to respect his elders and he was a gentleman. I was a single mom but his dad had visitation. His dad always told him lies about me and taught my son by example to disrespect me. At age 16 he decided he wanted to go live with his dad, this ripped my heart out because my kids mean the world to me. Now that he is grown with a daughter he still disrespects me, I'm disabled and live on a modest amount, my son makes good money. His dad lived with him for years and he didn't have a job, he kept getting my son to give him money for business ventures that always fell through. When I came back to California I stayed with them, I paid rent, cleaned the house, cooked the meals, cared for my granddaughter and chipped in on the grocerie. This as my son put it would give his dad a chance to find a job, when he finally found one he started paying my son back all the money he borrowed from him. I moved out and got my own place because my son's girlfriend moved in. I have ask my son to let me clean his house for $25 because they don't clean it very often and he flat out said NO! I wasn't asking for a handout or even to borrow money. I clean for one person but it's every other week but I'm seeking more clients. In the meantime I'm struggling and my son won't offer to help me. Between him and his girlfriend they bring in about $5,000 a month, plus his dad gives him $600 a month and is disabled now. I need help in getting his respect and bringing him close to me like it use to be. Sorry this post is so long.

Madonna - posted on 10/06/2017

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My son is 32 and I raised him to respect his elders and he was a gentleman. I was a single mom but his dad had visitation. His dad always told him lies about me and taught my son by example to disrespect me. At age 16 he decided he wanted to go live with his dad, this ripped my heart out because my kids mean the world to me. Now that he is grown with a daughter he still disrespects me, I'm disabled and live on a modest amount, my son makes good money. His dad lived with him for years and he didn't have a job, he kept getting my son to give him money for business ventures that always fell through. When I came back to California I stayed with them, I paid rent, cleaned the house, cooked the meals, cared for my granddaughter and chipped in on the grocerie. This as my son put it would give his dad a chance to find a job, when he finally found one he started paying my son back all the money he borrowed from him. I moved out and got my own place because my son's girlfriend moved in. I have ask my son to let me clean his house for $25 because they don't clean it very often and he flat out said NO! I wasn't asking for a handout or even to borrow money. I clean for one person but it's every other week but I'm seeking more clients. In the meantime I'm struggling and my son won't offer to help me. Between him and his girlfriend they bring in about $5,000 a month. I need help in getting his respect and bringing him close to me like it use to be. Sorry this post is so long.

[deleted account]

I can speak from this being a son who does not talk to his mother at all either maybe once or twice a year. I do this because of who she is and how she treats me. She is very negative non supportive, non caring makes me feel that based on how I like to live my life is wrong. I hear all the time how a mother always loves her child no matter what they do etc well that is just BS. You may not be the same as my mom is but if you have a son who won't talk to you it is because of how you treat him. If there is something that he does or enjoys doing that you do not support him with it, that could be it. Problem is parents think that simply giving food and shelter to their children is what being a good parent is. Far from it that is the least you are doing to be a good parent. But if he won't talk to you then you need to think hard about the last time you spoke before he dropped off from talking to you.

Mrsjonilikens - posted on 06/19/2017

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I would go over, and not give either one a chance to say anything negative about me. I am going to go see my son, and be extra nice to him, and his Witch wife! I can hope it will do good. Maybe , if nothing else, it will get him to thinking. God bless.

Mrsjonilikens - posted on 06/19/2017

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My husband has not been supportive either. He says he doesn't care, and I said but you can see how its hurting me, and that should concern you! I don't understand how my son can ignore us, and not even answer text or calls. Why? What have we done? NOTHING! God this hurts. Is it an epidemic with millennials? Are they so self-centered and selfish?God this hurts.

Mrsjonilikens - posted on 06/19/2017

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Hi, I know the hurt a son can cause. My son married a girl that lied to him for a year. He found out, accisently that she had a 5 yr. old daughter, and lived with the daughters dad! She left him, and moved in with my son, and now they are married. We have not seen our son in a year. She lies,lies,lies, and is separating my son from his family. I know my son could and should put his foot down; but she has his ear and is in his bed! He is 27, and has very little experience with women. My husband says he is thinking with his penis. She talks down to him about us, and calls us names. She ignores our calls and text. I have reached a point, tho that I am not chasing after him anymore. I am going to get a new, different haircut. Get my teeth whitened, maybe take a class, and MOst important GET AS CLOSE AS I CAN WITH MY LORD and SAVIOUR. Life is short, and I already gave a good hunk of it to my son, he aint getting anymore! He has a twin brother, and he has done the same to him. We have talked, and we both feel that they will divorce....we just don't know when. And I am praying that she doesn't get pregnant! Her mom takes care of the 5 yr. old daughter, most of the time. In fact, the daughter lives with her mother, and her dad. It is very hard, and it hurts. One of the hardest things is I have no idea, why he is so mad, and acting like he does. God bless.

Mrsjonilikens - posted on 06/19/2017

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Hi, its good to talk with women, going thru the same thing. I read somewhere that boys have to be kind of (mean) standoffish, to be able to emotionally separate from their moms.How long do I have to wait for God to move this mountain? What if I die, and it still has not happened? I am hurting so much.

Mrsjonilikens - posted on 06/19/2017

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I am in a similar situation. Our son, (who has a twin brother) dated a girl, for a year and a half, and found out accidently, that she had a daughter 5 yrs. old, and lived with that daughter, the daughters dad, and her mom! He wenton and on, saying mom, she lied about everything! Every day she lied. She lied when she didn't have to! Hebroke up with her, and we were so glad. Imagine the shock, when he came up with her 2 months later, and tells us, they are getting married! None of us were invited to the wedding. And since he is married, we never hear from him. He lives an hour away, and we have not seen him in a year! He NEVER answers our calls, or texts! NEVER! I am so hurt, and upset. To make it worse, we have discovered that his wife is shooting all of us down. She is calling us names, like cons, self -righteous, and negative. I have no idea why this girl hates us. The only thing I can come up with is that she is a "control freak" and wants my son all to herself, and doing all the controlling of everything. Don't get me wrong, I know that my son is partly to blame. He could, and should put his foot down! After all, I am sure they are visiting with her family. I know they drove about 500 miles to go see her brother at Christmas.And I know my son isn't talking bad about her family. The problem is she has his ear, and is in bed with him!! And that carries a lot of weight for a 27 yr old man, who has not had much experience with women! I don't know what to do anymore. I have called and text so much, that I feel like a fool. How do you let go TOTALLY of a grown child? I know that kids leave, and live their own lives, but it is not normal to not call, or return calls. It is not normal to live an hour away, and haven't seen him in over a year......Are some kids that selfish, and self centered and just don't care? He wasn't raised like that. His twin brother has been dropped, too. He has hurt his twin brother, by not calling, or returning calls or text. He has not seen him either. His wife has called us horrible names. What can I do? What if he never wants to see us again? I don't understand. I am so heartbroken.

Shar - posted on 04/16/2017

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@Maria DeFalco , "he said he doesnt want to be in the middle", thats typically in regards to both parents and their issues or some conflict with another person and they dont want to hear about it or be involved in it

Maria - posted on 03/26/2017

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He's always saying and yelling don't to be in middle what does it mean?

Maria - posted on 03/26/2017

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Its been about that long with my son now he comes when needing things, I don't even call him he's lives more on Owen but has his check from work come here to pick up. Won't help mom doesn't have time..What do I do

Brenda - posted on 01/01/2017

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My son is 26 I was not with his biological father due to abuse issues in me not my son. My son is my youngest I have 3 daughters my husband and I were married when myvson was 5. He never physically abused my son but wasn't very nice to him. I would try to iver compensate by giving him a littelle extra cause I felt bad for him.my girls all have kids so I spend a lot of time with them. My son plays in a band music I'm not a fan of although I have gone to see him play on a few occasions. Sometimes we get along great then he snaps and hates me. Says he hopes i get killed in a car accident

Eastcoastkathy - posted on 12/24/2016

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Yes, the pain is unbearable the why is disturbing because they will not speak, I put it in God's hands 3 years ago, waiting for him to move the mountain..Amen

Joan - posted on 12/23/2016

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Merry Christmas to all. I hear all of you. I had to sell my home after my second husband died. I was put in a mess. I now live in over 55 community. Now there are some things I physically can not do anymore like rake the lawn, mow or snow blow. It seems all of a sudden I feel like I have been just dumped. I ask for only just a few favors for help. I got from the HOA a warning for the oak leaves everywhere. Their dad by the way lives near and remarried and broke all ties with his kids. His new wife will not even let his kids talk to him. He is very ill. I always did it all. The cooking on the holidays, kept the family together. Now no one is communicating. All of a sudden all are too busy. I may get a text. I will probably be thrown out of this home. It nearly killed me. Yes, I mourned every night. I looked deep within me to see what I did. Now I have to cut the cords. I feel like the movie shove Mom off the train. At times that would of been a blessing to me. I have no clue my son and I were very close. I basically took his wife in when a teen and treated her like my own. We were to add on to my home. I was giving them my home. It all turned to crap. My son yelled sick of paying my bills, sick of this sick of that and they were broke. Well they bought a very expensive home and he is too busy. All my kids live in the same town. The realtor told me the association does the lawn and plows. So yes I have some disabilities, but am independent. My daughter just text what is son making for the holiday. DUH. I am ready to stay home deliver their presents on their lawn. And you can tell very few individuals of what is happening for it is embarrassing. I just want you all to know you are NOT ALONE. And do not blame yourselves for some of us it just happens. The male that wrote where is the one for Dads? I think come here and maybe change it to Parents. It happens to men too. Society it text text text no one anymore talks. I have no clue what I am doing holiday. Just have to try to let it go. It is their loss do not make it yours. If I can take my own advice, lol. Love to you all. But one thing I know is that our society has to get back to family or our whole country is in a big mess. Love, Light, Blessings, To All. Put on a movie that makes you laugh buy a cat. I thank God I still got my Golden, but she is getting older and my mood, I feel sorry for her. Hardest thing to do is love yourself, but it is time to. I have not been alone since i was 18 years old two weeks. It is hard, hang in there for I am sure there is a light at the end for those who are suffering this holiday, but please you are loved by someone all of us in here, so stay with us and God Bless

Raecatherine - posted on 12/20/2016

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I feel the same my heart breaks every morning and night it's heartbreaking

Kira - posted on 10/04/2016

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I don't know if anyone will read this but I don't want counseling as I need to get on with life and not dwell. This is bringing me a nice chunk of catharsis though, so thank you.
I brought up a son who is now 22. His father was abusive to us both and was not let see his son by the courts. We were moved into hiding. I created a life for us in a new country. We traveled to many countries together for my job. He started to get into trouble, theft, burglary etc. I had him cautioned, but it didn't deter him and he got a juvenile record. I've never even got a speeding ticket!! I drove himself and his friends to school, watched him go in. A few hours later I'd get a call from the police saying they'd picked him up off the street. I'd leave work and race in to collect him. He said he wouldn't go with me. He'd jump out of the car at the first junction.
The school called in help but what could they do? He wouldn't wash, or change his clothes, told the teachers he didn't have things for school because I wouldn't buy them as I had no money. He hit me, stole or smashed everything I cared about. He brought his friends back to our house when I was at work, had sex in each bedroom and left chewing gum on the headboard, used condoms, to let me know. I wasn't allowed to take his keys off him as told by the social services people sent by the school. It was hell and I tried everything as did our good friends and family. He went out of his way to paint me as something I wasn't. He told anyone who would listen terrible things about me. It's taken me years to clue all the lies together and to understand some peoples interactions with me.
It's a long story but it culminated in him having an article printed in a national newspaper and an interview on the radio, all complete lies and devastating for me. This was done over my 40th birthday. He was in my house with his girlfriend over my birthday and never once let on. I found out a few days later, nobody I knew told me what he'd done. The story said he'd been made homeless by me and had been living on the street since the age of 15. The story had links to donate money to him. The radio presenter told me how many people had rung in to donate. Obviously there was no truth in any of it and the social services reports are proof of this. I thought about taking legal action. My father didn't want me to as this is family. Now I wish I had but it's too late.
He found his father on facebook and went to him. He mailed my now husband a few months ago, telling him I was playing around on him and threatening to take me to court as he believes that his father was never stopped from seeing him. Fortunately my husband has witnessed my sons lies and laughed at him.
I discovered that his father had 4 children by 3 women and mine is the only one not to have ended up in foster care. When he did all these terrible things around me I had to explain to him very clearly that he could likely end up in care because of his behavior and that I was trying very hard with him for that not to happen. He later said in his story that he'd hidden sleeping on the streets and being made homeless by me so as not to be in care, but that it was a constant threat. I very much wish now that I'd put him into care. Probably less stigma to that than the lies he told.
Last week I wrote a mail to him telling him that I'm moving, getting on with my life and that there is no point in looking for me down the line, don't bother coming to my funeral because there's nothing in my will for you. I won't even mention I have a son. I used to believe the things he said and fought for him, I now know that he is incapable of the truth. I gave him time to make good but instead I got the sociopath's reply of "I'm tired of it all now, but you know what you are and I do too"
I used to feel pain and guilt when I'd cut him off in my head, now I can say it. I haven't seen him in 3years and have replied to one mail and sent another. In his mail to me last year he said that I'd lied about his father in court and that I'd lied about the court ruling. I've lied about nothing. It was hell living through that 20 years ago, I'm not living through it again to be told his version is truth!! He seems to think that if he persists in saying he's correct then it becomes fact. It would appear to have worked for him so far! I never lied and I know that if I was to ever see him again the best and safest thing I can do for myself is to ring the police without hesitation. His father used to say that I should always be afraid as I won't know who he'll send to do me. I'd be afraid of the father and son equally if I let myself be, but I'm not a victim and will not be made one by them.
Just a little note to his head of year that rang an hour after my best friend's death......I hope you rot!!!!! How dare you ring me and say what a terrible parent I was. You believed his lies you complete and utter fool!! The tears you heard were not from your words, although you really enjoyed thinking they were. They were the tears of an exasperated parent doing her very, very best and reeling the loss of her best friend.
It's all about survival and this time I'm done with him. For good, my good.

Debistka - posted on 09/24/2016

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My son is 22 years old and has been living with his father for the past 10 ten years. My ex and I divorced in 2010 after 19 years of marriage. He was very verbally abusive to me while we were married and even apologized for it recently which he texted to me. However, my son has been living with him since he is 13. I lived near them in Fresno, CA until my son was 17 and we talked to each other but he only saw me once a week. The divorce was very sneaky as was my ex and the MIL and I believe my son heard quite a bit about what an unstable person I was. I did have a problem which I took care of. I left Fresno in 2012 hoping my son and ex would follow to Florida to be near my family. My mother lives in Fl and my sister and brother live in New York. My ex's entire family lives in NY. But in those years, my ex has claimed that my son has become mentally ill and has delusions and even put him on Depakote on one point!. My ex is addicted to several drugs which he gets from he psychiatrist.(s). My son now won't talk to me because he believes I am the bad parent and his father can do no wrong and he is living in a dirty, awful apartment in Fresno, CA with a father that is taking narcotics legally. I suppose. I have been clean and sober for 5 years and live in florida and am heartsick that my son doesn't realize what a hellhole he is living in. I come from a decent family and my son knows what it is like to live comfortably and he is very smart. But I think he is taking care of his father at this point. However, I have come to the conclusion that there is absolutely nothing I can do except continue to send him letters and cards and tell him I love him unconditionally and maybe he will one day wake up and see he is not is a very healthy environment and he'd like to get in touch with me. I will not give up hope. He was such a good kid. Any suggestions. I've given him space as well, whats with the space? Everyone says he is still a child until he is 25 or so. I hope they are right.

Wendy - posted on 09/18/2016

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My oldest son is 22years old,
He is living with a woman 41 years old, and this woman is truly a bad person , she has caused problems with my whole family.
My son and this woman split up and he moved back home with the understanding that he was welcome to stay as long as he needed but he could not have anything to do with this woman while living under my roof.i found out he was talking to her again and lying to me about it , she would pick him up around the corner from my home . So when I found out I told him if he was going to see her again he had to move out and he did that day , I haven't talked to him since I got word that this woman had told him that he couldn't have anything to do with his family (I understand that he is a grown man and can make that call on his own) but I am just heart broken over this my children are my whole world. Any suggestions? I just found out where he is living should I go over there?

Angie - posted on 08/15/2016

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I have two adults sons who have stop talking to me and I have not done anything wrong I just get on with my life and maybe one day they released
That they need me I have spoiled them from birth till 20 but all they want is money and girlfriends are controlling. My 22 year old just became a dad bought them all the baby equipment and clothing
To be told 6 month down line not getting see my grandson it hurts but that's there wish I just have step back . They stick together and am the bad mum

Shirley - posted on 08/11/2016

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I think that we as single mums to only one child overcompensated/gave in to our children and now they feel entitled, and like most people will not admit to their shortcomings and that their behaviour is not acceptable. They act spoilt and lash out when they do not get what they want. And we as the soft loving mums we are, cop it all. I look back at the disgusting behaviour I tolerated, and now cannot understand why I did. Maybe the fear of losing my child. Well he is lost to me now, and I realise it is not my fault, and that NOTHING i can do then and now will change their behaviour. I wish all mums forgiveness and cuddles and huge sympathy for us poor women. . THIS IS SO TRUE XX

Gevering - posted on 04/22/2016

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UPDATE My son & I finally talked & got everything out there. All he wanted for 16 years is for me to apologize. I had no idea! I was the disciplinarian while my husband was more of a "friend". Even though I know I did the right thing at the time, I told him I was so sorry.
I can only suggest to other moms, is to call or write a short note asking for forgiveness for whatever you'd did to upset them, even if you feel you did nothing wrong. Ask them to call or stop by to talk about it. Explain that you don't want to make the same mistake & that you need to know so you don't repeat it. If they do respond, listen instead of talking. Just say " I'm so sorry, I didn't know. I'm glad you told me." Don't try to defend your actions, as they see it differently. You want to open up communication, not prove you were right. It may be hard to see but if you are a negative person work on being positive. I'll be praying for you.

Gevering - posted on 04/01/2016

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That's my question, too! I've asked my husband to help support me with this but I think he enjoys all the attention & special treatment that they don't give me. i think he is selfish also. It hurts!

Claire - posted on 03/28/2016

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He may not be mad at you. He's probably just wrapped in his own world like my son is. I talked to my mom every week but times were different back then I guess. This new generation is more selfish I think. I just wonder whether they will feel anything when we're gone.

Claire - posted on 03/28/2016

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I'm having the same problem with my 33 year old son. We are not alienated but he never calls unless he needs something. He has a girlfriend that he's been living with for two years and now they're expecting a daughter in July. I was thrilled to learn I would finally be a grandmother but at this rate I'll never see her. I like his girlfriend but she is tied to her mother's apron strings and they alway do things with them and leave me out completely on holidays. My husband died young and my siblings all live thousands of miles away. He is my only family who lives close by and it breaks my heart that he ignores me. I've decided I'll just let things ride. I recently retired and am getting involved with other activities. It's not really enough on an emotional level but it's the best I can do. I guess it's not that unusual. I'm thinking of changing my beneficiary to money I have saved up to my youngest sister and my younger brother. I'm in touch with them more often anyway.

Jenna - posted on 03/22/2016

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I'm going through the same thing! It's been two years and I still don't know exactly why! Yet he talks to his father who was abusive to us both for years! I actually stood in front of my son on many occasions to protect him and now he won't even acknowledge me! The pain is getting worse not better! I dream about him so often and sometimes get to hold him again in them! Which is bittersweet! I don't know which way to turn to stop this pain? Any advice?

Avira - posted on 03/21/2016

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This is not good thing if you son not talking with you by the reason of you advice. Every mom want's to make its kids life better and successful. You should try to discuss with your beloved kids and try to understand him for change.

Pve1994 - posted on 12/27/2015

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My son stopped talking to me April 2013 he is my only child he is 32 years old now. In April my son asked my opinion about the job career change and me being a good mother I was more than happy to give him the advice he requested. Sadly, not knowing he would stopped talking to me because of my opinion. We did not argue, I did not raise my voice, I thought I was a loving mother giving my son advice as he requested. All I ever wanted for my son was to be happy and whatever he decided to do in his journey in life choices. Pat from Farmington Hills

Tracey - posted on 04/22/2015

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My son married about 2 years ago. Everything was great...Now, he has me blocked on his phone, blocked on facebook and will not call me. I have not talked to him since January and my heart is broken. I am 47 years old and I have battled breast cancer twice. I have been told I play the CANCER card and his wife had the nerve to tell me my mom called him because she saw me "boo hooing". Yes, those were her exact words. She is disrespectful and so is he. I pray every single day! He has also alienated all of my family, his grandmother, aunts, uncle and cousins while vacationing with his in laws all the time...Brokenhearted!

Justmom - posted on 04/20/2015

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To Aaron,
All I can say is, "Wait till you have kids". It's so freakin hard. This is the most rudest, judgemental, spoiled, narciss generation of kids on the face of the Eath. Learn to forgive amd have a little respect. Grow up dude!!!!

Kate - posted on 04/07/2015

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I understand your pain I am in the same situation. It's beyond belief that my son can do this to me. I can't get through to him. It's a living bereavement

Melody - posted on 03/24/2015

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I'm so so sorry. Is this account still current? I am brand new, just found this site and want very much to talk here. What should I do?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/23/2015

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Ms. Spencer: this is not YOUR website, it is a public, international forum. If you don't wish people to respond to your posts, don't post.

As both a mother of sons, and a DIL myself, I have to say that we need to let our sons be adults and keep our noses out of their lives, unless invited. If you have a good relationship, you'll know, because your son (Like my sons, and my husband) will WILLINGLY WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU. So will their wives.

Mary - posted on 03/21/2015

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I agree with you. My sons were precious children, then came the teen years, then adulthood. I have no problem with either of my sons having grown into adulthood and having their own lives and families.

Anonymous - posted on 03/08/2015

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DO NOT THROW IN THE TOWEL, unless you have genuinely exhausted every avenue to fix the issues. There are more people involved than just you, hubby and MIL. Besides, no disrespect to the MIL's out there, but that is what she is hoping you will do. I do not know the whole story, and trust me, I know just how you feel. But, if it was on the level that I experienced, where MIL came before even our newborn baby, then that merits a necessary break. It only took me one year of MIL and I simply could not because she just was insane with wanting to still raise her grown son and now try to manage me as well. She got what she wanted in the end, I am out of the picture (sort of) and she is still able to buy her son his underwear and he will still live 4 miles from her, the cord will never be cut. Sadly, MIL's that think like this, really only hurt themselves, the grand kids and even their son, in the end. They want you out so badly, and if successful, they get their control back. But now, their son sees the kids 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend, and their son will eventually come to terms with the fact that his life is as it is because he was forced to make a choice, a choice in which he should not have even had to make. This is a sad, sad situation for anyone involved, including these MIL's, because no one wins, everyone will lose something. Worst of all, the kids lose having a happy home with Mom and Dad, and for what?

Favcoredb05 - posted on 03/07/2015

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Why is it so hard for mothers to have a changing relationship with their sons? Both sides of the spectrum should put theirselves in each other's shoes! Mothers, put yourselves in your daughter in law shoes........ How would it feel to be married to a man whose mother still treats him like he's a kid who she needs to raise? It feels like she's not only raising him but SHES ruling what is now your family! This type of relationship is not healthy and is quite depressing for the wife! Dil should put theirselves in the mil shoes and realize she gave birth to him and it may be hard to accept his independence and the role he has as father and husband now. He's still her son but it is a difficult transition for mothers. Mothers should also realize that the dil is now the woman of her family, not you! What she says goes. She isn't trying to be you, she's her own person. Her way of doing things shouldn't be criticized because that's not the way you do them. She's not you! She's a grown woman who has the right to raise her kids and run her household the way she pleases. All you can do now is just keep peace, stop being so judgmental and overbearing and you will have a better relationship with your son and his family. I don't encourage sons to treat their mom like crap there is a way to have a healthy relationship with your mothers and wives. They shouldn't cut off ties with their mothers maybe they should try counseling. Their mother is the only mother they will ever have but when they become adults the relationship changes a little bit, doesn't mean he loves his mother any less he's just responsible for his kids and the woman he has chosen to spend his life with. His mom is still his mom and he loves her unconditionally and that doesn't have to constantly be explained or proven. It's a given you have that bond. Meanwhile he's working on that bond with his wife! I'm thinking about divorcing my husband cause I can't take it anymore. I just want to be happy and not feel like I'm in competition with someone who there is no competition with in the first place. She should already know he loves her, but what about me?????? Does he love me unconditionally yet???? Why did he marry me if I'm not as important? Why should one be more superior in his life than the other? I'm his wife, I depend on him and I'm very depressed my mil can't have a civilized relationship with me and respect my ways as the woman of my family. I'm just about to throw in the towel and let her have her son, while I find peace with myself and my kids!

Laura - posted on 03/02/2015

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YOU should not be on this topic ....why dont you go start a cry baby DIL topic of your own.....

Anonymous - posted on 03/01/2015

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It is tragic that you obviously did not read my comment completely, or you simply chose to pick and choose what you would take from it. But, your comment alone solidifies and is prime example for why your son will chose his family over that of your requests. I know it is hard to except, but it is reality and it is life. I never mentioned my husband putting my needs before any one, that is selfish. However, if Mother's expect their son to do anything, let alone insist he chose his Mother over his "evil, controlling wife" then there in lies your problem. You should never expect your son to choose, and by doing that, you give him the green light to cut you out of his life. Rather than damn your daughter in law, try your best to teach her how to be the better woman like you should be displaying. I have every right to comment on this topic, as I have been truthful and respectful. Yet, you call me names and make assumptions. Again, proving my point. Good luck to you.

Laura - posted on 03/01/2015

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YOU have no right missannonyomous to comment on this topic.....you are the evil ones we are Talking about.....you are someone I would not want my son with....just by your responses here.....and you are using the bible as your weapon to say that your man has to put your needs above everyone else's...I feel sorry for your husband to be with such a controlling wicked wife

Anonymous - posted on 02/28/2015

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BEING ON THE OTHER END OF THESE COMMENTS:
Mothers (not all of you) you may not know that you are being overbearing! Being with a "man" that his Mothers' well being comes before that of his fiancee and his children, is not right, nor should the mother condone it. When another woman comes into your sons life, you need to learn to cut the cord, plain and simple. Accept the fact that another woman will have opinions paramount to yours, and if he is a good man, he will respect her opinion, however have the capability to differentiate between a possessive wife and respect for his Mother. If your son chooses his wife and family over Mom now, that is a part of life and is also in the bible. Sons and daughters are to leave the nest and build their own lives, your opinions, although valued and SOMETIMES considered, they are no longer concrete. Having my MIL from hell tell me that "I will never understand what it is like to have another woman take her place" that is unacceptable, period.
Kudos to you Mother's that treat your daughter-in-laws with such respect and regard, and I only wished it was like that for me. But, just know that there are Mother's of sons out there, that are making it VERY difficult for prospective daughter-in-laws to have a healthy relationship with their MIL.
God Bless

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