Any MOMS with children abandoned by Dad ?

Nikki - posted on 04/27/2010 ( 15 moms have responded )

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I am starting a group for Mom's with this specific issue , please join and ask any questions you may have . I would love for us all to bond together in this journey .

Sincerely ,

Nikki Nixon
Ethan's MOM :)

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Sim - posted on 05/21/2014

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Hi single momma's

I so empathise with all of you, my little boy is only 9 months and yet I can compare to everyone's tales, I was living with his father for 4 years, we were planning on getting married but never got to it... Thank God!. I eventually decided to break up with him because I just got tired of our relationship not going anywhere... (do note that he already had 2 children one boy and one girl, the boy he abandoned totally without my knowledge, as I would always encourage him to make time for his kids)... Two weeks after the break up I felt horrible most people told me I'm pregnant but I was in denial... Mr was begging me to make up and I was just head strong that I want to move on.. When I eventually decided to take the test it was 2 thick red lines to my disappointment... He was still insisting on making up and begged me to see me as soon I told him I'm pregnant, I've never heard of him or seen him.... I was really devastated as I always promised myself that I will never end up a single mother.... Never the less, I contacted his family to give the news, only to be called a liar and that its not his son, because he was back together with his daugther's mom for a full year already to my surprise....he abandoned my son and I can count on one hand how many hours he has spent with my son in these nine months.... It really breaks my heart to think that I've helped with his kids, but mine he abandons just like that without even feeling bad... When my baby was 8 months I also found out that his gf gave birth because he was making waves on social networks about his new-born baby girl.... and yet he still denies paternity even though I had to put my child through the agony of paternity test to prove a point and to get money out of him......
I can also say that I've started moving closer to God and I've been strong and a good mother to my son through Christ.... but still it hurts a lot, guess only time can heal hey...
There are times that I get so frustrated as I am raising him solely on my own... I don't have any help whatsoever, no one who can even look after him... I need to pay every time I need someone to watch him....... It is sooooo difficult

15 Comments

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Nicola - posted on 11/14/2014

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Hi just wondering if you got enough mums to join and a group was formed? Mt kids dad and his whole family don't want anything to do with them anymore and my son in particular is finding it very difficult

Jayne - posted on 04/25/2014

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Is a bad Dad better than no Dad at all? A non reliable, hot headed, disrespectful to Mom, potty mouth Dad? What is your opinion? I hear kids without a Dad are more likely to develop undesirable attitudes. But what mentally and emotionally abusive Dads?

Hebgal - posted on 04/24/2014

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Wendy,

I am literally in tears right now. I just want to hug you and your beautiful daughter. A friend of mine went through the same thing with her first son's father. I cannot imagine the pain it must cause you, especially bc it hurts your daughter. There are organizations to help...it is hard sometimes, to track these down, but help exists. There is something fundamentally wrong with this man who did this to you; HE IS DEFECTIVE!! Nothing wrong with you or your baby...you are both beautiful!

What area do you live in? Maybe I could do some sleuthing and look for organizations willing to help (such as pro-bono attorney, or something similar), to get this prize to pay his debt.

Jayne - posted on 04/24/2014

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I am a Mother of a beautiful 3 year old and 9 month who's Dad threatens to leave in front of them and actually does sometimes for weeks or months. I see my son going through depression and hurt. It breaks my heart. He abandon his kids from other marriages, but always told me it was their Mother's fault. I receive no financial support. Raising them alone I need all the support I can get. Nice to meet you all ladies. Nothing but love and respect for you all.

Wendy - posted on 04/20/2014

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My 3 year old daughter and I were abandoned during my pregnancy with her, after he pushed me to try to have a baby. I invited his family to be there for her birth, nobody came. He has never seen her, asked about her except 1 time about 8 months ago I got a facebook message saying he would like to meet her, I bit the bullet and said ok and haven't heard a word since. Child support is a huge let down. They took 1 year to take him to court, only make him pay $23 week, and didn't make him pay a dime back for the whole 1st year of her life. Every day is a financial struggle. I have reached out for help to many organizations, charities and nobody will help. He has 4 other daughters (5 total), 3 he sees, but my baby and another girl mean 0 to him. It really hurts to think my beautiful daughter will always feel abandoned by him, wonder why he cares and loves his other girls but not her. I am so happy to find you group of ladies for support.

Sharay - posted on 03/07/2014

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My son is 10 years old and is his fathers only child. His dad will not take the time to be with him at all period. He moved back to his home state when his mother passed away and never calls my son. I always have to initiate a conversation with him in order for him to know what's going on with my son. I like You...wish I could say he was dead or a fallen soldier that way I would not have to feel bad about him not wanting to be in my sons life. My son says he tried not to think about his dad and it breaks my heart because how could you feel like a man and know your child feels this way. I have stopped trying to communicate with him because he is worthless. When my son is sick I have to stay home and be with him worrying about whether or not I'm Going to get fired from my job because I can't be there. It's tough but I'm hopeful I can be the best mother and father to my child.

Yuli - posted on 01/19/2014

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Me! My bf left me when the baby was 3 weeks, he says he has to dedicate his time to finish school and that school is his priority like if his daughter and i were not a priority... And because he also wants to have freedom to be in the street with his friends... His father left his mom when he was born and it hurts him so i dont know how he did it to his daughter... He still sees her when his grandma takes of her... And thinks he is a great dad for carrying her for 10 minutes a week. He says he loves me and wants to get back with me but dosnt do anything for it... It hurts me and im not answering his texts anymore cuz i feel like he is playing with my feelings.

User - posted on 01/09/2014

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I am a mom whose child's father has abandoned him except court ordered child support. My sons dad can't be found. It hurts I sometimes feel like if would be better if he was a fallen soldier or officer so I could actually know it isn't Michaels choice to have done this to our son. He abandoned his son not once but twice when I was pg he came back when he was only 7 months and again when he was 2 for a woman who asked him to choose btw her and my and the baby in order to marry her he agreed not to see our son. It hurts me but what hurts more is why my son can't have his dad who live 4 miles away. He don't call for Christmas or his bday. Nothing my son asked for and gets mistreated and dismissed by his family... his dads mom is no better

Siew - posted on 07/20/2011

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Hi, my husband walk out 3 weeks ago, I don't know where he is, he has previously walk out many times, but he come back. This time is longest time, and I don't know will be forever. My daughter 11, is emotionally shut down, my son 6 is missing his daddy everynite, how you all cope with kids missing father emotion?

Nikki - posted on 06/14/2011

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Blissfulsin? , I see you are not a member of any other group so forgive me for being unsure as there are a lot of people in this world with bad intentions however if I canhelp you or anyone in your situation I surely will try . You did mention if you are married to your child's father? Either way your child's father has a legal responsibilty to pay you child support. It is the law. You can begin by filing through DHs as that does not cost you anything. Secondly the government has programs such as TANF which is temporary assistance to needy families and food stamps. You can apply for both and you can do the workr required to receive the TANF as they call it "workfare" now and they have guidelines you must follow. THey allot you vouchers for daycare for your child and ive you monthly checks for gas which you can apply to the bus transportation system and you can apply for a HUD apartment.There are several programs for you and your child to apply for so you will not be homeless. I was faced with being homeless and it is scary . My son's father is under the impression my parents have money and they live on social security only. My parents could NOT HELP ME FINANCIALLY so I did everything I could do for my son in order to never end up as I did once his father took me for everything I had . I was determined to return to school in order that my son and I would have a better future and I achieved my goal as I graduated from nursing school March 26th 2011. I was determined to make a positive situation out of a dire one and my son was my driving force. God as well. In your case, do you have family you can move back around so they can help you out some?? You did not mention the situation with that so I don't know how to advise you there . I know you are scared but in my case I relied on God and He got me to where I am now :) Through Christ all things are possible. You also did not mention how your relationship stands right now with your child's father . Would he be willing to help you out temporarily until you can get your life back in order?? In my case , I did not want my son's father in MY life yet the day presented itself I had to beg him for help as I was going under financially as he never helped me with our son financially. I even told him He could date whomever he desired as I did not care and he could live his life if only he would help me and our son get back on our feet by him taking care of our son during the day as I sought employment. That was years ago and I knew he could not even do that so things worked out for my son and I perfectly, through God for sure. It is better to put your confidence in the Lord as man will always let you down. And I was just begging for help at the time for our beautiful son. A mother whom loves her child will do anything. Do you want to seek employment or return to school? Again, can you live closer by your family and would they be of any help to you?? How old is your son?? I know that plays a vital role in all of this. I can help you by giving you all the info you need if you want to message me your number in my inbox. I will do anything and everything I can. I understand your plight and you are not alone. Where do you live?? More info would be greatly helpful so I can better guide you :) God Bless and feel free to message my inbox anytime. BE patient ! It's never a quick fix. My thoughts are with you, Nikki NIxon WItt

Blissfulsin - posted on 04/08/2011

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My sons father left me and our son today over another child he has from a previous relationship. I have no family here and im four hours away from home, i have no car or a job. I'm scared and i don't know what to do.

Nikki - posted on 11/17/2010

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I am sorry to hear that Shannon , I know you must have alot of things in your heart you don't know how to process and resolve as I do. IT's very complicated and sad I think, which is the very reason I started this particular group as Mothers with "abandoned" children is completely different than single Mothers with children the father is still involved with. Sounds like you understand this . I too, have alot of resentment towards my son's father I have to pray about daily and as I am human I have days I do not do so well as I see the pain and confusion it causes my son. I hurt for him. I have pursued child support and still my son has not received a dime and he is 4. His father has a beautiful daughter he abandoned when she was born ( I found out about her after we split) and as I am speaking with child support services yesterday I found out due to my persistence and his ex-wifes court order for chhild support that he is now paying for his first child (she is 22 now) and I was glad to hear that and I pray they garnish him soon for our son too . I was fortunate to have his SS number. I feel for you and your Ethan and I have come to realize there never is "closure" in cases such as ours so I reached out to my son's father's first abandoned child via facebook and we have established a talking relationship and I wanted her to know she has a brother . She was so sweet and open to having a relationship with my son . I felt a sense of relief in a good way as I felt she could help my son understand and cope as he grows older as she has been through being abandoned and ignored . I felt it would help her wound as well and benefit her in healing that wound as much as she can , if that makes sense. They have each other now :) IT has been all positive thus far. AS for your situation , were you married to him? Either way , are you interested in pursuing support owed your son from his estate or are you past that now? How old is Ethan?? How have you handled his absence with Ethan? It is not my intention to get to personal Shannon but I ask as I always like to get feedback from Moms whom are ahead of us in dealing with questions etc. from our sons :) I understand if you do not desire to share :) I do pray for you and Ethan and I am here if you ever want to just talk :) GOd Bless, Nikki

Shannon - posted on 11/13/2010

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I am also mom of an Ethan. I posted to one of the other conversations for this group. my son's father left before he was born and I could not locate him (no SSN), this year I found out where he had been all these years... and unfortunately, he died last year of cancer. He started another family and had a daughter 3 years younger than my son, and a stepson 3 years older than my son. I do have a lot of resentment about that, not towards those children). He bought a house for them to live in... he had a drinking problem but he has always worked, both when I knew him and for the rest of his life.

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