.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Samantha - posted on 02/22/2012

24

10

4

some people may say women who keep going back to men who treat them bad or do wrong are fools but in all honesty they are really just not ready to give up on the one they love hoping he may change.



If you forgive him it means just that, start out with a new slate, he needs to earn your trust but if your constantly suspecting him it will only cause anxiety and resentment in the relationship. If you need counselling to manage your feelings accept and come to terms with them you should try it, it may just help you move forward from the past.



On the flip side if it were me I'd do my best to give the benefit of the doubt since I'd forgiven him and he hasn't cheated since being married. however if he ever did again I would lose all trust, there'd be nothing left to salvage.



Some people say once leads to twice but I don't believe that's true. You can realize your mistake and never make it again, I believe that twice leads to a third time.



Don't know if any of this may help but maybe an outside look can help give you another perspective to think about at the very least.



I hope your situation gets better soon.

Jesenia - posted on 07/24/2009

16

14

1

I will speak from experience in my marriage. First of all know that it is not your fault. Second, cheating is something that harms the trust and hearts of our loved ones. It is ok if you can't trust him if you in fact caught him red handed as they say. When someone hurts you it is natural to lose trust. He is your husband now though. To simply walk away is like quitting. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. Not one marriage is perfect and there will be things done and words said that will cause one another hurt. If he in fact says he will do anything to mend the relationship then fight for your marriage and stand by your man. It may take a long time for you two to see some progress but start going to counseling early on. Learn to become a UNIT/TEAM. I know it sometimes seems hard to want to try to save anything if he doesn't seem to care with his actions, but sometimes our men have never been taught to be husbands. They learn along the way how to be a husband just as we learn along the way. If he isnt beating you or abusing you in any way thenI say stay and fight for your relationship if you truly love him. Don't expect things to get better right away though; be realistic. Some things are a process and if we love someone we will stand by them through their struggles and just try to understand them and help in any way defeat this struggle. I suggest, you don't snoop around behind his back and check his phone or texts or e-mails or anything. It will not solve anything and most likely will continue to build scars in you that can be very difficult to forget. A marriage is not about snooping around behind the back, you have to remember he is your husband even if he isnt the greatest husband, everyone's privacy should still be respected. Keep your integrity and character as a wife and don't be suspicious all day every day snooping. Granted he should never feel like he should have to hide anything from you either, he sould be honest and real with you, especially if he knows you will be there for him and that he truly is sorry. Just don't fill your head up with thoughts or anything that will take away from your marriage. Do things that add to it. I know that when you are cheated on so much you start analyzing everything and thinking he checks out almost everyone or you start questioning everything. This can mess with you and add more damage to the marriage.If in fact you did not see him touching, kissing, or being intimate with another then don't accuse him for it just because he looked inthe direction of a girl. He may end up becoming bitter later in marriage and actually start pulling away from you and really try to mess things up because of the unhappiness. Again, I speak from my experience only and each situation is different. Just don't give up right away, but don't make it worse for yourself by trying to find everything to catch him. If you indeed want to salvage your marriage don't keep records of wrongs, just choose to love him and be there. Some people are not strong enough to deal with the emotinal stress and heartache of years of counseling and still no change. Those may be the people that may want to walk away of the relationship is becoming all about arguments, accusations, verbal abuse, etc. It isn't good for the kids. He should know how it made you feel. You should make it clear to him that he hurt you and he should take responsibility for his actions and deal with them in a mature way. If you want to make it in your marriage I strongly recomment counseling to at least get things out and process them and not bottle them in. Maybe in the end you will be so glad you didn't quit on your TEAM and that you tried and you put up with some hurt. Some people just need time even though it doesn't make it right for him to continue on cheating. But you are his wife. What does that mean to you? What do you think a wife is supposed to be? Once I learned that a marriage isn;t the fairytale I grew up thinking it was but that it was about sacrifice, perseverence, selflessness, and doing whatever I could to add to the strength in our relationship then I realized that we couldget through this together. To love is a choice. You can choose to forgive. You can choose to be there. Maybe one day he will be more to you than you ever thought he could ever be in hopeless times as long as you guys keep fighting for your marriage. Also, take advice from friends who don't poison your thoughts about your husband or your marriage. It adds to the distrust. You know him better than anyone. Hold him accountable but don't continue to bring the past up or accuse him. if he is trying to change and says he hasn't cheated since being married, then take it for what it is and move forward if you want this relationship to grow. If he lied to you about that, then he will have to answer to God at some point. Think about the family you have together and maybe even write in a journal your goals and desires for your family and aplan of action. If you want a more trusting relationship and if he needs help getting rid of a bad habit then a plan of action could be the counseling and also DATE NIGHTS. Date nights are so important. MAke time to keep the love alive. Even if someone watches your baby and you two just stay home and cuddle over music or watch a movie and stare deep into each other's eyes. I am glad I stayed with my husband. It has not been easy but I believe in him. It has been very hard and sometimes still is, but the days I choose to focus on our love and his good qualities and not bring up the past, the more he responds with affection, oppeness, love and joy. Maybe one day your husband will come along and mature in some areas just as you will. I chose to stay and it was hard but I know that 10, 25, 50+ years down the line when our kids are all grown I will be holding his hand and I will feel it was worth it. If you want him to succeed give him the opportunity to succeed. Don't set him up for failure by checking everything. He will make mistakes. You will too. Even if you choose to walk away, and if you find another, that person will also make mistakes. You can forgive and don't have to forget but you can use that to help others in the future. You don't have to agree with everything or anything but no one ever told me it was going to be hard. no one ever told me I was going to hurt or sacrifice or have to grow up. I wish someone said to me," A good marrriage is hard work." If you ever decide to leave or stay make sure you think clearly about it and write down the pros and cons on paper and don't make emotional decisions. You have a baby now and can not afford to make an impulsive life changing decision because of anger, hurt, stress, etc. be strong for you, your child and even your husband. You can do it. Peace and Hugs :)

Crystal - posted on 07/23/2009

8

12

1

Well, for one I'm very sorry to hear that dear, NO ONE deserves to be treated as such. Now, from my own experience, once a cheater always a cheater... I was just recently in a mentally abusive relationship. Part of it was his infidelity. When I was pg he cheated on me with a very young woman and said it was because I was mean to him. That was NOT an excuse. The sad thing is that if they really love you they won't cheat hun.. I let him back into my life and he cheated on me again but with my best friend so I dunno. I think its worse for you because you are married. If you have a gut feeling about it then its probably accurate. If you find out he is then ask him to go to counsiling and find out why. Again, I'm very sorry hun and if you need someone then I'm here for you!

Corrietha - posted on 07/23/2009

1

0

0

I am not married but I am in a long term relationship of seven years. and I have been cheated on. When you married him you should have let the past go. Don't forget it be cautious but let your trust step in. When you're in love with someone you don't have to go looking for anything, you will feel if they have cheated. There are two options if you cannot find it in your heart to trust him any longer, either stay and learn to trust the man you love and understand that everyone makes mistakes, or leave and possibly get into another relationship down the line and it may or may not be for the best. Because it is so true that there isn't much out there. But you don't have to stay and be hurt. You know when you're breaking point is because you will not want to hear anymore. Hope I didn't confuse you. Never go forward to a relationship or marriage with underlying issues because it leaves you confused and hurt and that is not how you're supposed to be feel and you are married now. God Bless you and I hope everything works out

Andrea - posted on 07/23/2009

2

6

0

Listen to your gut instincts. So many women forget about that little voice that tells you when something is wrong. It is so easy to get wrapped up in the stories, lies, and truths they may tell but, just take a minute and listen to that voice, Never second guess yourself! Good Luck.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

67 Comments

View replies by

Hailey - posted on 07/27/2009

1

14

0

i thinks if u love him stay but make it clear that this is his last chance. if it was me and he cheated again i would leave.

Tamika - posted on 07/27/2009

259

49

4

I mean no disrespect by this, but, in most cases once a cheater always a cheater. You choes to marry a cheater, thats bed you made you have to lay in it. How do tell someone for better or worst knowing what the worst is, and them leave them for it. My advice, get him counceling and find out why he is cheating, before you leave him. He may have some issues that needs to be resolved before he can commit 100%. From your pic you guys look happy, so if this is the only issue between you guys you owe it to yourselves and your child to try to make it work. Just know when to say good bye if it cant be fixed.

Amanda - posted on 07/27/2009

9

14

0

i have been cheated on by 2 of my ex's. the first 1 i was to scared to walk away from. when he said it was over i was happy. the second 1 i walked out because my son and i didnt deserve it and i realy couldnt go through what i went throught before all over again. my son's safety and needs comes first over any guy even if its his dad

Nichole - posted on 07/27/2009

9

7

0

in order for you to marry him, you would have to forget the past i would think. but if he is still cheating on you then he is not going to stop. he is going to continue to do it because he knows he can. and in my opinion if he has no disregard for your feelings then you should just walk away. it is going to be hard in the beginning but life goes on.

Michelle - posted on 07/27/2009

2

21

0

you could forgive him but you cant forget...once a cheat always a cheat.. you have to do what is right for you.. you should be with someone who would NEVER do you wrong.

Alissa - posted on 07/27/2009

10

8

2

if u cant forgive and forget then ur always gonna have that in the back on ur mind...plus once a cheater always a cheater...my husband cheated on me...and ive never been able to get past it...so finally after 5 years of marriage of 8 years of being together and having a child together i filed for divorce....i just couldnt get that trust back.....

Meredith - posted on 07/27/2009

3

9

0

I'd say leave if you catch him again but it's easier said than done and only you can make that decision. Nothing anyone can say or do that will make up your mind for you.

Jessica - posted on 07/27/2009

250

27

47

You need to make him understand, that because he has broken the trust between the two of you, he needs to be a completely open book. If you ask where he is going, he needs to tell you, no complaints. If you call to check up on him, or show up to confirm he is where he says he is, he better be there, and not complain. The second he stepped out on you, he chose to take the blame for all of your issues, so he needs to suck it up. At the same time, you can't chase him forever. If you feel like that trust is not rebuilding, or he is caught hiding anything, you need to leave.

Carrie - posted on 07/27/2009

183

30

14

you cannot dwell on the past, if you've got married you have to forgive and forget otherwise your marriage will just come under strain. believe me i've been married for just under a year it is hard work already without any strain already there. marriage is meant to be a life long commitment, you need to trust untill he does wrong. then think about what to do if he has done wrong, and there's proof. would you leave him just because you suspect, or do you already have evidence. and how often do you get paranoid if there is no evidence, because i've had feelings like this, and i've never caught my husband before. i think everyone has at sometime thought hang on a minute! i once found a girls phone in the car, with a picture of a young girl 19ish on it. i went mad saying he'd cheated on me. but as i looked though the phone i noticed that the people in the contacts were my family members, it was my cousins phone and it was a picture of her best mate. i felt like i right wally, because i had to appoligise. sometimes paranoyer takes over, it's this causes arguements in itself. i really hope this helps, i can understand how you feel a little

Heather - posted on 07/27/2009

34

16

1

My husband had done alot of wrong before we got married but since he hasnt done anything!! You married him so you obviously forgave him of the past. Now you just have to forget about it and live your married life to the fullest. Trust that God makes everything happen for a reason and if your husband does it again you will know then you should walk away!

AMBER - posted on 07/26/2009

4

20

0

In my opinion if you are unable to move past the issues then it is time to move on. If you can forgive him that is great but if you are unable to forgive him neither of you deserve having to relive it every day

Brienna - posted on 07/26/2009

1

18

0

If you truly believe that he is cheating again I would say leave. But if you are unsure or you just have anxiety about the issue due to his past, I would say try couseling. You did marry the guy so you must really love him so be sure before you leave for good. Do not let him to continue to do you wrong. Hang in there! ;)

Gloria - posted on 07/26/2009

1

9

0

if you are really postive that he is and he did it before , gett out off it!! because he's just gonna think he can get away with it with you, they will take advantage of the situation. ps. men suck!!

Melissa - posted on 07/26/2009

3

26

0

You have to decide weather he is right for you or not. And if being with him is what makes you completely happy! BUT if you stay with him you have to forgive and forget and leave it in the past. Other wise it will only put strain on your relationship... so you must decide if you can get over it or not.... Do what's best for YOU!

Maria - posted on 07/26/2009

7

10

0

A relationship without trust doesn't have the foundation it needs for stability. As a woman and a mother you deserve respect, honesty doesn't need excuses or accusations. Don't be another woman who patiently waits too long for that.

Sasha - posted on 07/26/2009

2

2

0

Once they start lieing and cheating if you let them get away with it they will continue to do it. Do you want your kids to grow up thinking that lieing and cheating is ok? They see daddy doing it so they think it's ok. You and your kids would be better off without him. When they see that you're miserable then they will be to. Kids "sense" things like that

Candy - posted on 07/26/2009

2

13

0

I think that a releationship without trust will never work- what i think you need to do is if your going to stay with him is forget about the past and concentrate on your future with him- if the past is still haunting you and you cannot let go of it you might have to let go of him cause no trust and constent arguing and fighting isnt good at all for either of you-

Leaha - posted on 07/26/2009

307

24

54

Hi Jenny =)

I don't think you can love someone too much, honestly. There is a fine line between love and stalker, but I think most faithfull wives are obbsessed with their husbands. To me obssessed means unconditional love, you can not picture yourself with any other man, nor do you want anyone else. That is the way I feel about my husband, he is everything to me and I am so in love with him. One thing to think about with this is, what kind of cheating has your husband done? If he has physically been with another woman or women, then yes be very cautious with your heart, if his cheating has been online or like porn then you might be able to look past it and get help. I strongly recomend couseling, someone who can get your husband to understand how it hurts you when he cheats and get him to realize that he has to be completely open and honest with you if he wants your trust back. Trust is not a right, it is a priveledged gift from one person to another. Forgiveness for our sins was/is not a right, it was a gift from God, as believers we earn our place, it's not given. If you are a spiritual person you will understand this. Your husband needs to understand that your marriage and your undonditional love is a GIFT to him, not a right. I love the phrase from the other ladies about ''if he loves you, he wont go looking for love somewhere else''... Ask him what that phrase means to him? If he can't be open and honest with you, his wife, then maybe give him those ultamatums, he starts opening up to you and being honest with you, even if he thinks what he thinks might hurt your feelings, he still needs to tell you all his thoughts for you to build that trust back. Just my opionion.

God bless, and I hope it works out...

Tiffany - posted on 07/25/2009

12

5

0

A realtionship cannot work if there is no trust. He has to prove himself to you all over again. If he does this, most likely you will begin to slowly trust him again. If not, things won't work out because the past will just haunt you. But if he cheats, lies, or betrays you again..let it go!

Shertandra - posted on 07/25/2009

13

38

2

i know how u feel but it all comes down to what you feel in your heart. There will always be those feelings of doubt. All is boils down to is deciding whehter you want to continue to live in doubt. You have to think about your kids.

TAKEITHA - posted on 07/25/2009

1

3

0

WOMEN ALL KNOW THAT WHEN WE GET THAT GUT FEELIN THAT 9 TIMES OUT OF TEN HE DOING SOMETHING. YOU CHOSE TO MARRY HIM IN SPITE OF YOUR HISTORY.SI WITH THAT BEING SAID, YOU NOW HAVE A FAMILY SO NOW YOU CAN'T JUST WALK AWAY. HONESTLY U KNOW IF HE IS DOING SOMETHING BEHIND YOUR BACK OR NOT.I HAVE THAT SAME HISTORY WITH MY HUSBAND,BUT HE HIDES NOTHING FROM ME AND I KNOW EVERYTHING. IF I HAVE A QUESTION I ASK AND DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM DOING IT

Jaeda - posted on 07/25/2009

1

45

0

Jenny,

The basis of a strong foundation in any relationship is trust and if the trust falters the relationship is bound to fail. IF you can not look pass his past discretions, then it will only become a detriment to you. IF you're gut is telling you that he is out doing wrong, once more then you have to confront it. Many women fear leaving relationships, because of how much effort and time we placed into it or because we feel he is all we have or can get. Many times, we fall to error because we make that significant other the center of our attention and he then becomes the most important thing in our lives. A relationship at it's end is like fighting the battle between quitting a job and staying. During our venture we had some good and bad experiences and the pay and benefits are good. We know we can do better. We deserve better but we'd hate to see someone new, someone inexperienced come in and reap the rewards, the raise that we should have gotten.



In all honesty,

you can post all you want. Whether it be to get enlightenment or have someone agree withyou to let you know you are right in what you are doing, but at the end of the day mama. It's what you need versus what your heart wants. IF it was that bad, you'd know when you get fed up. Trust me you will get there, but right ow you are not ready to leave.



And since you do not have a clear consensus on the situation at hand it is best not to react or act until you know for sure. People change it's just at their own pace. How long are you willing to wait?





I hope you find the best out of the situation and good luck!

Emma - posted on 07/25/2009

816

59

76

Do what is best for you and your children. I say once a cheat always a cheat. And if you don't fully trust him then you can't stay with him b/c relationships are built on trust. Also, if he loved you then he wouldn't have wanted to cheat on you let alone done it. Get rid I say b/c you can't be happy if you can't trust him. Good luck x

Amanda - posted on 07/25/2009

13

35

1

i thought my ex husband was cheating when i was 4 months pregnant, i found out that he was cheating when i was 6 months pregnant... i believe that once a cheater always a cheater, i kicked his ass to the curb and havent looked back... im with someone now that ive known for years and i couldnt be happier... do what makes you happy cause it sucks being stuck in a no where relationship... if you think that he's cheating, he probably is... look out for yourself and your family, do whats best for you... good luck with your situation, i hope it all works out :)

User - posted on 07/25/2009

19

11

0

You have to forget about the past and move on because its not good for your relationship. For me I just did whatever I had to do to forget about the past. Now we can move on because we're both even.

Christie - posted on 07/25/2009

8

4

1

If he cheated once he'll do it again. But do whats best for you and your children. Personally I would leave because you deserve better.

Laura - posted on 07/25/2009

9

109

3

If you suspect he's cheating, he probably is. Trust your gut feeling, especially if he has done it in the past. As they say "Once a cheater, always a cheater." It's your decision to walk away or not. I know I would NEVER stay w/someone who cheats, EVER. Not only are your feelings hurt, you can get STD's, AIDS, etc. Do what's best for you & your childrens well being. Good luck.

Savannah - posted on 07/25/2009

552

28

48

If you can't trust the man and can't forget then you are just making yourself miserable whether he is cheating on you or not. You need to be happy in a relationship. If you can't let the past go then you need to let him go. It's not fair to either of you.

India - posted on 07/24/2009

3

11

1

Hi Jenny,
Well this is a very difficult descion to make. I have recently been going thought the same thing as you. Should I stay or should I go. You are giving it a chance to see what will become of it. Give it a shot and see what happens. You are scared and you have every right to be. You are looking over your shoulder which is understandable. You are going to go over this in your mind for a while. But what I did is I told my husband that every six months I will be evaluating if this marriage is working for me, IE, is he doing the things he promised he would do. Check in, call me, dont hang out all night, leave the circle of friend that were the problem, or hanging with the wrong crowd etc. Make goals in your marriage, to see if you can reach those goals. I don't know if you are a spiritual person or not, but if you are Dr. Dobson has some wonderful books for you to read, try joining a couples group. When you join a group that might help keep him accountable, and believe me it might take a while. My heart aches for you, because I know all to well that feeling. I still have it at times. I get very angry and jealous, I fuse at him. But then I have to find a way to control my anger. It is hard to forgive and forget. I can't forget, I am trying hard to forgive, and it is a struggle. But he is trying to change,but I told him if it happens again, it is over. I will not discuss or entertain trying again. I let him know that if that is what you want to do then stay in the streets. I will keep you posted but keep your head up and know that you are not the problem. Ask him what the underlying problem is, and if he tells you some bs that it was how you looked or something dumb, tell him to get his act together and tell the truth. You will do what is right in your heart. Take your time in making the right descion for you.

Kate - posted on 07/24/2009

111

6

7

does ur heart say hes gone wrong?ur brain will always have a doubt, is it your heart saying it? if it is than yes walk, it knows what you cant admit. it took me 16 months to walk from mine.

Kirsten - posted on 07/24/2009

16

5

1

WEll, I wish you the best in your relationship, but in my opinion, you need to find someone who deserves you. Even if he were to be faithful, the whole not-knowing part would tear me apart considering his past....but, like i said best of luck to you..

Shannon - posted on 07/24/2009

12

0

0

I would say forgive and forget or walk away. If you can't forget it, then there is no reason to stay. However, I would give it serious thought before you went either way. My little girl's father cheated on my with someone for 6months. When he ended it to do right be my and our little girl, the girl went ridiculously crazy and caused a lot of drama that we are still having to deal with. It made it very hard for me to forget about everything and I stopped noticing how hard he was trying to make things right between us. Now he doesn't come around that much so I definitely think he is cheating, and he doesn't want to change it back to the way it was because he feels that I will still accuse him even if he is doing right. It has caused a lot of problems with us and now we are having to break for a while to get ourselves right.

So, I would say that if you truly feel that he is making an effort to do right by you, then do your best to block the past out of your head so you both can move on to a wonderful relationship!

JASMINE - posted on 07/24/2009

2

2

0

if u let him think things are ok u should stay but if u cant let go u should leave. but i would forgive and if he does it doing the marriage i would leave 4 good.

Laurie - posted on 07/24/2009

6

10

1

I would seek counseling and give him a choice : either go to counseling and work out why he feels the need to seek love elsewhere or since he does not show his love exclusively to you, he may not be worth staying with! You deserve ALL of your husband.

Alyssa - posted on 07/24/2009

60

28

4

only u can make that choice...but i say this....if u said u have forgiven him...then u need to do just that...but if u cant get past it...then it may be best for everyone to let it go....even ur children....u both can be great parents to ur children...without being husband and wife to each other....it takes work but it is possible...my parents did it and i have alot of respect for both...i never had any hard feelings about them not being together because they both still played a major role in my life....but what u really should do is....pray about it....when we dont know what to do....God will tell u....

Samantha - posted on 07/24/2009

59

24

9

I have been cheated on by my husband when we had a 1 year old and I was 3 months pregnant... It's been a tough road but I have just told myself that if I really want things to work I have to get past the fact that he did cheat. It's been 2 years and I can't stand to watch or hear about people cheating but my husband has put in big effort to fix our marriage. If you truely believe in your heart that he isn't cheating anymore and YOU WANT it to work then you should stay, but if you have doubt you should probably walk away.

Angela - posted on 07/24/2009

7

21

0

I think that you really need to pray about it and you will feel in your heart what is the right thing to do. Weither you stay or leave prayer can pull you through anything. You never know you might even come out a changed person in the end.

Natasha - posted on 07/24/2009

24

36

1

That's tough. If he hasn't cheated "as he claims" while you're married. Then I would just forget about the past. But honestly I would say go with your gut, and what you think is right.

Rebecca - posted on 07/24/2009

143

2

27

Can I just say how shocked I am by how many people have been cheated on, it blows my mind. I too unfortunately have been cheated on, you ask my husband and he says he didn't because it was just a goodbye kiss, but it was a kiss to a girl he was in love with and thought he would marry in high school who he spent a lot of time with that summer and she spent that time trying to constantly break us up (this is while we were dating), I wish I could tell you how to trust and just get over it but I'm still working on it and it's been 7 years. It took me a long long time to stop going through his emails, his facebook, trying to catch him saying one thing one minute another the next. He went away to madagascar on business all last year (while I was pregnant) and that almost destroyed us as most of the guys who were there were cheating on their wives and the women were more than glad to help them do so. He claims now that we are married he would never cheat as marriage is under the eyes of God blah blah but to me it should make no difference and I too wonder if he did while he was away. We are still rocky, not healed completely at all from all the trouble just of him going away caused and it's been 7 months. I wish you all the best of luck and I agree go to counselling especially if he's willing I am still trying to convince my husband we need it (he thinks we are fine, what they don't see isn't there right), my heart goes out to you, good luck and i hope he's not, I really do, the heart can only take so much

[deleted account]

Part of loving him unconditionally is loving him no matter what happens or what he does. Marriage is not all about you. It isn't about having a husband to meet your needs...you need to meet his as well. My own experiences aren't the rule, but I have found that as long as I am doing things exclusively for my own happiness or acting based on my assumptions, that I am not happy and our marriage goes from bad to worse. Do NOT walk away from him. Show him that you are not going to give him up! Don't let there be competition for his attention. Don't love him based on what he does or doesn't do for you because you will always be disappointed. Love him because he is your husband, because you vowed you would be his wife for better or worse.

A marriage is the hardest thing on earth to stay in...but it is worth it. Marriage was never promised to be easy! Ultimately, when you put two people together in marriage that are constantly withdrawing (taking from) each other as far as expectations, it is going to fall in on itself. But when a marriage is based on already being content in God, and selflessly loving each other no matter what happens (and you loving him even if he is doesn't selflessly love you back!), then you will be constantly growing in love. Cheating is very painful, especially when a husband isn't confessing to it. But at the same time, you are not in control of your husband. You ARE in control of how you respond. His tendencies to be unfaithful to you doesn't make the cheating right! But neither does you leaving him. A husband can hurt a wife like no one else can (and vice versa) but how you respond says a whole lot of whether you are self-centered or love-centered. :) A marriage is NOT about compatibility...usually by the third year of marriage, most people find that out! Marriage is about unconditional (no conditions!) and selfless love. Marriage is a picture of how Jesus loves us. Jesus loves us no matter what we've done and He selflessly gave His life for ungrateful, selfish people because He loves them. If He is in our heart, it will be possible to do the same for our husbands. There is a beautiful chapter in the Bible on love: 1 Corinthians 13. I am praying for you, Jenny!

App+7mnejhu - posted on 07/24/2009

11

16

0

My daughter's father cheated on me when I was preggers and it also happened to be our anniversary. He hid it from me for about a month but I knew something was up as soon as he got home that night. He avoided talking to me and went out with his friends more than usual. I finally convinced hi to tell me the truth. We said we would try to get past it but he continued to be distant and I figured he didn't really want to try and I left him. I eventually moved back in with him and that was the dumbest thing I could have done. He continued to be dishonest and sneaky. I would look in his phone every chance I got and never liked what I found. I kicked him out this time and have moved on with my life. I say once a cheater, always a cheater. Trust your instincts. If you think he is cheating, he probably is.

Natalee - posted on 07/24/2009

17

17

0

i know how you feel and its very hard not to trust the one person you love, but if he has cheated in the past it doesnt mean hes cheating now. you choose to stay with him after you knew about him cheating before so i think you should try put that behind you and look to the future, maybe you need to be more open with him and tell him what your feeling and you could sort it out together. but in the end you need to know the truth and do whats best for you and your children x

Jenny - posted on 07/22/2009

88

27

10

.............I did decide to forgive my husband....but not forget...because
yes I do forgive him...but I wont forget that....he's done it already...
I guess we will see how it goes....i love him unconditionaly obviously but
how much is too much...

Amanda - posted on 07/22/2009

76

9

10

I have been cheated on before I was married but I know that my husband would never cheat and I could never cheat on him. I think that when you really have found your soul mate that doing anything to hurt them would hurt you twice as much.

Ena - posted on 07/22/2009

114

16

8

Its really up to you.... the only way you could get through it would be to start over. Forgive...but dont forget so u can spot the warning signs if it happens again. If you arent happy and cant do that...you know there are plenty of good men out there. I havent been in ur position but Im the kind of person who probably couldnt forgive cheating.

NANCY - posted on 07/22/2009

1

0

0

Guys are tricky ones... I have been there and done that and now, 10 yrs later with 3 kids I regret putting up with the cheating a-hole. His cell phone and computer usage was always so private... being cheated on before by him and knowing him inside and out i knew when he was acting funny...so last straw..I saw a video in his phone with another Chic!! on top of that there was was txt msgs and emails in his phone that said it all. Every time he was caught he acted like the sweetest thing in the world, making me beleive that he was truely sorry and that he did love me. I thought there must be something wrong with me because obviously I can't seem to make him happy.. then i would forgive him and move on. This last time (with the video) I just had enough and figured he is never going to change. Its not me that there's a problem with it is HIM. You will know when enough is enough and when you just can't take any more - unfortunatly only you know how many more times you can put up with a man that disrespects you and doesn't truely value you. Once the trust is broken - it is alomost impossible to get it back without a copmlete chane from the person who broke it in the first place.

Momma - posted on 07/22/2009

253

4

37

well you can always hire a private detective or call the show cheaters (if your in america) and if he is cheating, then yes I would walk away. But that's me and I'm vindictive like that

Jenny - posted on 07/22/2009

88

27

10

As of everything right now...he has said he doesnt want to lose
what we have and that he is willing to do what it takes to gain my trust back....

Tiffany - posted on 07/22/2009

49

12

7

Have you considered marriage counseling? Him being willing to go would be a good sign he is moving forward...

Tiffany - posted on 07/22/2009

1

6

0

I don't want to give the wrong advice or a bad one so just take it for what it is. I caught my hubby cheating in 2006 and sometimes the obvious is right in front of you. My hubby wasnt cheating when we were dating, but yours were and I sometimes find it difficult to believe in someone who has done it before as you put it "several times". In my opinion if a man doesn't have respect for your feelings or the relationship at a dating stage, (where I'm sure you both vowed to be fully committed) then what kind of respect is he having for you and your marriage?!. Follow your instincts and look into it, trust me I had dreams of mine cheating on me and I even blurted out her name bfore even meeting her.
the one thing you don't want to do is confront him without proof like I said just look into it a number without a name could mean a whole lot

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms