20 Years Old, Expecting, and My Parents Hate my Son's Father

Santana - posted on 12/19/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I find myself in need of some advice. I'm 17 weeks pregnant with a boy (just found out the gender yesterday), and I have yet to tell my parents. Why, you ask? Because they hate my ex-boyfriend, who is the father of my son. I'm not so much a fan of him anymore myself, honestly. My ex is exceedingly manipulative, misogynistic, selfish and he has anger control issues. I have no desire to be with him ever again. I broke up with him a couple weeks before Thanksgiving. There's definitely a few different sides to this issue: My ex is NOT the kind of person I ever would have pictured myself raising a child with, and honestly, I feel like I could give my son a better life parenting him alone, however, I don't want to be the reason that my son doesn't have a relationship with his father. Also, I don't want to deny my son a relationship with the rest of my ex's family as they are truly wonderful people. In addition to that, I'm not sure whether my ex honestly wants to be involved in our son's life or if he's just using the baby as an excuse to try to win me back. Since we've broken up, my ex has asked me to move to another state with him to be a family and raise the baby together, which is something I would never consider. I would never move states with an emotionally abusive man whom my parents hate. It's just not happening. And oh, for the record, my ex is also 20. The reason I'm unsure about his true feelings about the baby is he never wants to talk about it or anything. He's turned down every name that I've come up with, but can't seem to come up with any suggestions. I ask him to come over to talk about the baby and all he does is try to sleep with me, then get sad when I deny him. He says he loves me, but I don't really believe him, nor do I care if he does or doesn't. I don't love him anymore, I just want us to work something out for our son's sake.
So here's where my parents come into the picture: In March of this year, I aborted my first pregnancy (also my ex's child). My Dad has straight out said to me "You can't let this happen again." And things of that nature. My parents were the ones who were pushing for me to abort the first one. Now that this has happened again, I know my parents will be very disappointed. My dad has also said to me (regarding my ex) "If you plan on making it permanent with this guy, then don't bother coming back here." Referring to my parents' house. I live by myself, two hours away from my parents. I just quit my job because of issues with management. I'm worried that once I tell my parents, my dad will want nothing to do with me. I'm also worried that once I tell them, my dad will take the car I drive away. It's my mom's car. I'm terrified and I really need my parents' support right now, but I feel like they would be unwilling to support me if my ex is involved. A while back, when my ex and I lived together, I asked my mom if I could use her car (the same car I'm using now) to get to school and work, and she said no. But she let me use it in April of this year. She straight out told me that she didn't let me use the care before because it would benefit my ex. This mindset that my parents are in scares the crap out of me. I don't want to have to choose between my son and my parents.
Please, any advice? Any advice at all?

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Sandy - posted on 12/19/2013

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i would sit them down and before saying anything tell them that your going through a hard time and am in very much need of support. Let them know that when your in trouble they are the only people that you can go to for help and know that you'll find comfort in their arms. Then tell them that you are pregnant again and your keeping it and that you decided not to let the father be in your sons life (only cuz hes moving). Tell them that he needs to have grandparents around to spoil him. lol. That's just a suggestion. 24 weeks is the cut off for abortions, so maybe wait til then? well 7 weeks might be too long.
im sure they will be mad at first but when they see him it'll be a whole new story. they do love you and want whats best

Shenelle Kimberly - posted on 12/19/2013

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i am telling you your parents just say this because they love you but you have to put them sit down and talk with them they might understand and then they would ask god to give you the day and time and he will and you will no what to tell them and you ex will not he wants to be with you and your going true something every pregant woman does go true i was like that and she looks like her dad alot and he give me the same problem but we are together becase i put my foot down for him

Santana - posted on 12/19/2013

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Thank you for the support Shenelle. I'm definitely keeping my son. What I really need advice on is when and how to tell my parents, and whether or not my ex should be involved. Then again, I feel like the latter might just work itself out because he's planning on moving states regardless of whether I come with him or not.

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