20 yrs old- expecting first child..

Krysten - posted on 06/02/2009 ( 22 moms have responded )

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I'm 20 years old expecting my first child in September. My boyfriend lives at home with his parent and I live at home with mine. Whenever I was younger I'd always thought I'd be so prepared to become a mom but now I'm kinda freaking out. I'm worried about everything. I work part time at a daycare right now and my boyfriend works full time at Target over night (3am to 11am). Im worried about my maternity leave and how I wont have any income and I'm also worried about child care when I go back to work (no discount in the infant room at my work). Anything to help me worry less... I'm just kinda venting on here..

22 Comments

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Jaclyn - posted on 06/04/2009

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I was 19 when I had my daughter but my fiance witch at the time was my boyfriend we lived the same way you and your boyfriend do. And let me tell you that is going to be hard really hard. I know in canada we get maternity leave so the whole time I was off I got paid but I don't know how it is in the states. But yes most of the time you can have day care help. witch you day care is either fully paid for or they pay half. Just contact your human services they should be able to help you. But believe as much as you think you can't do it believe me you really can. Being a mom is the greatest thing in the world you. It will take some gettting used too but you can do anything. Keep her head up and you can do anything

Theresa - posted on 06/03/2009

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All of these ladies are right.. It will be hard, but remember that you are not alone. We have all been through it, and more than likely are still going through it, especially with the money you mentioned. Just try to be smart with the money you are making now. Save what you can. Sit down and try to figure out what your expenses may be like. And there are so many programs out there to help you. I didn't know about them until I met other people going through the same things as me. Google them online. You don't have to depend on your mom, but remember she is there to help you and you will definitely need it her times!! Someone had suggested to you about working a couple hours a day for a few nights a week. Great idea! I did it that for a while. My son is 8 months now and I am just getting back to work full time. As hard as it may be to leave ur baby for the first time, it is good for you to get out.. Remember..it's only a few hours! You'll do great!!!! :-)

Jessica Carroll - posted on 06/03/2009

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When I found out I was pregnant, I was 22 years old. Now my daughter will be 3 next month and Im almost 26. Anyway, ashleigh father and I lived together at the time I was pregnant and had her. We were not married and he had a few children from previous relationships. Anyway, when ashleigh was born my ex boyfriend had owed alot of child support. When she was 2 months old he went to jail for that. It meant that I had to find somewhere to live because I wasnt working and had a young child. My mom was around and asked me to move in with her. I lived with my mom until ashleigh was 10 months old. In the meantime, I found a job. I was crazy enough when my ex-boyfriend got out of jail, got back together with him. It only lasted a year. Now I'm married and I'm a stay-at-home mom by choice. I know from experience that things are going to be hard, but always know that your family and friends are always there no matter what. If you ever wanna chat let me know, just email me. Take care and enjoy your baby!

Keri - posted on 06/03/2009

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darl, its not going to be easy, but things have a habit of just working themselves out, i dont think anybody is ever financially ready for a baby! hwever i find alot of money i waste is on this that i want or think will look cute but not neccessarily need... its a trap lol!!! nothing worthwhile in life is easy! this will be the time of your life. try to just take time to chill and enjoy yourself! we can never get these precious moments back and life goes by sooooooo fast!

Jess - posted on 06/02/2009

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The benefits from the governement are things like baby bonus where u get a lump sum of $5000 from them or fortnightly payments and as im from australia im not sure what its like where u are but we have centrelink and its all governement funded and u will apply for it a few days after ur daughter is born and then within a couple of weeks u start receiving the payments.

Nicole - posted on 06/02/2009

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My husband and I were in the same boat when we found out about our oldest daughter. I was living with my parents and working part time at Joann fabric. He was living with his dad and working fulltime at Tops. It was tough, I won't lie. The hardest part was that every night one of us had to kiss our precious little girl goodnight and drive home. We shared custody of her much like a divorced couple even though we spent every waking minute together. Something that helped during that time is I kept a journal, and wrote down everything I was thinking and feeling. Even venting my anger towards my parents who really didn't deserve my anger. Four years later we have our own place, are married, have had a second child and are trying for our third. It will pass. Maternity leave isn't as bad as you think, especially if you buy diapers and wipes and all other needs before going onto maternity leave. If you ever want someone to talk to who has been in your position just message me. I will gladly share with you coping mechanisms and anything else you may need. As for child care afterwards, my mother was a stay at home mom at the time to my 3 younger brothers (one of which is younger then both of my children) and would watch my kids while I was at work, if I returned the favor and watched hers while she got some sanity. There are programs out there that help with daycare costs, WIC programs to help offset formula costs, and much more depending on where you live. I can give you all sorts of numbers if you are in New York state (this is for anyone who needs them). Just take things one day at a time, and no matter how hard it may seem, don't let yourself stress about money. Pick your battles and again... I'm here if you want to talk.

Cheryl - posted on 06/02/2009

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Also, I should add that my boyfriend and I do the same thing. He works the overnight shift and watches Tanner while I go to school or work and then sleeps while I'm home. It's hard, that's for sure, but we have a stronger relationship than most people I know because it pushes us to communicate and take advantage of the time that we do have together.

Cheryl - posted on 06/02/2009

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You are sooo going to be fine! As long as you love that baby you WILL make it work. I met my boyfriend in Colorado and then moved back home to Illinois to finish school. 2 months later I went to visit him and whoops got pregnant! I stayed in school and he stayed in CO until I was 7 months pregnant. He wasn't really working out there and then when he got here it took him over a month to find a job. Now, he is working a full time and a part time job and I am still in school full time (I went back when he was 10 weeks old) and working part time. I made $8,000 last year and my bf made $13000 and there is not a thing that my son needed and didn't have. We pay rent, car insurance etc. PLUS all of my tuition and books so trust me, you can do it, you just have to be creative with your money. Plus, that baby needs so much more than THINGS to grow up happy and healthy. AND don't forget to do your homework, there is a lot of help offerened on the federal and the state level, you just have to contact your state's human resources. It's a total pain in the ass but help is help and everything makes a difference. You will do great and also, it doesn't matter what kind of financial or life situation you are in, when you are pregnant and in labor you need your mommy more than ever before in your life so just get used to asking her questions all the time, it will do wonders for your relationship with her anyway.

Krysten - posted on 06/02/2009

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how do i get the family tax benefit or whatnot... thats my biggest worry.. the fact that im not gettin paid maternity leave...

Sarah - posted on 06/02/2009

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I know how you feel. I fell pregnant and had my first child at 19. My boyfriend and I were both still living at home and even now, almost 3 years later we still all live with my mum. Childcare is expensive but there are some great benefits from the government which have helped us out. You will get some Family tax benefit while you are not working which will help you out.

Kimberly - posted on 06/02/2009

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You can always ask for help from your parents. I thought i couldnt ask my mom for help before or after she was born and in the end she takes Donna when i need a few hours of sleep and am down at her house.

If your baby is their first grand child that baby will be more than welcome by them and it should ease your mind knowing that they are there for you. You are lucky to still be at your parents because they are the best source of information for you.

Alone time is something that you have to figure out after the baby is born and see about getting yourself and the baby into a schedule or routine because it will do wonders for making time to get away and just be yourself and not a mom 24/7. Im still working on that and my daughter is a month old

Good luck and congrats

Natasha - posted on 06/02/2009

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Well I do wish you luck, but as I keep hearing its hard to have time to yourselves once baby gets here anyways =P What my husband & I are doing is setting up date nights & "getaways" as much as possible before baby gets here because we'll be so swamped once he/she does. Like I said though, congrats, this is a good thing =) even though it may seem tough.

Jess - posted on 06/02/2009

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it wont hurt ur boyfriend because u'll be doing it for your child, for u baby girl who needs the both of you... u still will get to spend time with him.. my partner gets up at 4am and comes home at about 7pm and stays up for a couple of hours to eat his dinner and spend some time with me and go to bed.. u will work out times to spend together and just remember as a newborn ur baby will be sleeping alot and maybe ur bf can have a nap during the day when hes looking after ur baby girl... all mums learn to nap when their baby is sleeping.

Krysten - posted on 06/02/2009

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Thanks girls... And yes I will still be living with my parents when she comes along. And I plan on going back to work for the same place I'm at now when I'm ready to go back. Whenever I'm down, i think of people who are less fortunate that have to live in shelters and stuff..
My boyfriend and I have talked about him watching her while I work but that will hurt our relationship because by the time I get home, he'll be going to bed and we'll have little time for ourselves.. I've already told him that we are going to have set up a date night each week so we can keep our relationship not stressful...

Natasha - posted on 06/02/2009

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Well something that can always cheer you up is that at least you both have jobs for the time being. Even though you may be leaving work for awhile when baby is on its way, your boyfriend still has something to lean back on. When I found out I was pregnant in February I was very scared seeing as my husband had just recently lost his job (& our job market is slim to none at the moment), but shortly after that I lost my job as well. We're still both looking but things are looking grim. When I really need that pick me up, I talk to other mom's who had struggled just as much or sometimes even more. My mom for example got pregnant with my brother when she was 16yrs old, got kicked out of her home & put on the streets & had to figure out where to go from there. She always has something to say about struggle. I know that it wont always help, but really, know that you have something special on the way & in the big picture you seem to have a well put-together life (as well as a family that is obviously there for you). Take care & CONGRATS!

Jess - posted on 06/02/2009

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also if u want to stick with the type of job you are working atm they will help you come back to work when ur ready. remember u get the baby bonus too in installments for 6 months ongoing after your bub is born. if ur partner works nights maybe u should try get a job thats in the afternoons a couple of days a week and he could look after bub for you. Im starting tafe just before im due from july-dec and thats 3 nights a week for 3 hours and thats when my partner will have time alone with our daughter and get to bond with her.

Jess - posted on 06/02/2009

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Yeah im due in august this year and i havent been working the whole pregnancy.. my partner is the one who's supporting me and will be supporting me and bub till i start work again next year sometime. There are always people who can help you. are you going to be staying with ur parents once ur baby is born? because that is probably a benefit to you if you can. My parents are not able to have me at their house so my partner has to support me and my partners dad is moving an hour away after living like 5 mins away for all his life.. so everyone faces challenges, be strong and just know you can do this and dont be afraid to ask for help if you have people around you who are willing to be there for you! Good luck :-)

Ashley - posted on 06/02/2009

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First of all Congrats on the baby! I was 18 when i found out i was pregnant and 19 when i had him. I am now 20 and Maverick is just about 11 months. I haven't lived at home since i was 17 so i really didn't have anyone to help me. I wondered and worried how i was going to afford a baby but my boyfriend and I both had good jobs. But still we had Rent, Car payment, car insurance and all those usual bills. My son was 2 months old when i decided i HAD to move back close to family. My boyfriend went to college so we moved 3 hrs away from everyone. His and My family. Moving back was the best ever! My and my boyfriends family help out tremendously with babysitting. I wish you the best of luck.

Krysten - posted on 06/02/2009

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Thanks! I also keep thinkin on how much I can ask my parents for help... but at the same time, I want to be able to do it on my own and prove that I can.

Christa - posted on 06/02/2009

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oh, sweetheart... it is going to be hard, im not going to lie to you. just remember that god never gives you more than you can handle. there are ways to get discounted, and in some states, free daycare. contact your local health and human services to find out what they can help you with. just know that it is going to be okay. it will be hard, but you will get through it. keep your chin up, hun. i'm pulling for ya.

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