22 pregnant and alone

[deleted account] ( 5 moms have responded )

hi there!! New to the group and thanks for the invite!

I am currently 26 weeks along and I have moved back in with my parents. The father and I were seeing each other at the time of conception but when he found out he fell off the face of the planet. Or so it seems. about 2 months later he told me he was engaged to someone else.Heartbreaking...just a bit. And on top of that his family was harrassing and mean to me.

Well now we are talking again and it seems as tho everything will go well. Altho I do not trust him. I have decided to give her my last name and he will NOT be on the birth certificate. Am I wrong for doing this? I just refuse to have someone to be her father and only pop in when its convient for him.

5 Comments

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Lacey - posted on 02/06/2013

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I'm a tiny bit hot headed. But personally if it was me,girl put a smile on give her ur last name let him sign the birth certificate and put his a$$ on child support. A woman's world.

Alphie - posted on 02/04/2013

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I wish in my country i had the option of giving my child my last name without being questioned and having everyone all up in my business. A friend even told me that i would regret it if i did. The thing is, he plays no role in our child's life. Doesnt visit, doesnt asl after her and its like pulling teeth getting him to supply any of her necessities.

Kristy - posted on 07/31/2010

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I agree with giving your child your last name. Mainly because it does not seem as if he will be around. You are not wrong for doing that. However, him not on the birth certificate, well that may be an issue later in your childs life. He/She might not like in in the future not having his name on there, or not knowing about him. You are not wrong for not putting his name on there, but make sure it is not because he hurt you and your feelings, its about your child, not him and not you. Things happen for reasons, even though you are not to sure what the reasoning is yet. I also wouldn't suggest you let him pop in when he feels like it, if he can't understand what a real relationship is then you should find someone else worthy of loving

As for the child support, his name will have to be on there, but then again, money is money, a childs life and love are so much deeper :)

Mary Renee - posted on 07/31/2010

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I would talk to a lawyer. While most states would have your child have your last name anyway, you might want to save yourself some trouble beforehand and find out what you need to do to establish his paternity and get child support. Do not let your emotions get in the way of this. While it appears you have your own family's support, diapers, wipes, doctor's appointments and the works are EXPENSIVE and it is not fair for him drop off the face of the earth when he is just as responsible for creating this life as you were.

Sometimes there are lawyers at city hall that will meet you for an initial consultation for free. Ask your parents.

While you might want to be totally independent, just remember, it's not about you, it's about your baby and your child deserves all the financial support he or she can get. He or she also deserves to know who her father is, regardless of your current relationship status. Child support and the father's name on the birth certificate requires paternity test or establishment of voluntary parternity papers in some states and it will be much easier if you find out about this before your child is born.

I can't stress that enough. He can not just drop in when it's convienient to him if you have custody but he SHOULD help pay for the child's necessities. Even if you are broken up he is still the child's father.

Ashleigh - posted on 07/31/2010

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I wouldn't trust him either, and definitely give her your last name but I think legally you have to put him down on the birth certificate. Plus if you do then you can go after the dead beat for child support. Good luck! Just surround yourself with people who love and care about you and your LO.

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