3 year old won't share

Stacy - posted on 04/17/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I have a 3 year old she she is having a very hard time sharing her toys with her younger brother. How do I get her to share and be nice??

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Charlie - posted on 04/17/2009

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TO ME THERE IS SO MUCH PRESSURE ON A CHILD TO SHARE. YES IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO BUT WHAT ABOUT HER FEELINGS? SHE IS THINKING IT'S MINES NOT HIS WHY DO I HAVE TO SHARE WITH HIM. REMEMBER THAT WHEN WE CHOOSE TO HAVE MORE CHILDREN THE ONE'S THAT WE ALREADY HAVE BECOMES A LIL INSECURE AND THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT SHE DOESN'T LOVE HIM OR WANT HIM AROUND. KIDS ARE LIKE US GIVE THEM TIME TO ADJUST ON HER OWN SHE'LL SOON UNDERSTAND THAT SHE IS NO LESS IMPORTANT THEN HER YOUNGER SIBLING AND THINGS WILL BE FINE. MY SON IS 13 AND HIS SISTERS ARE 8 AND HE STILL GETS UPSET IF THEY TOUCH SOMETHING OF HIS IT'S MORE OF A SIBLING THING. HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM SAYING

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Christa - posted on 04/18/2009

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It's tough for a 3 year old to share at all, even harder when its on a frequent basis. It takes a lot of practice, talking, and hard work. If you are right there to remind her and help her through it she will eventually get better at it.

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This is a problem that takes practice and persistence on your part. It's a tough lesson to learn especially at that age. First of all, they don't understand the concept of time. So they think they'll never get their toy back. Secondly, it's a power trip and a way to get attention. I just divide up the toys and then make them take short turns. Eventually they will get the idea and be ok with sharing. Just please don't let the kid keep their toys to themselves. It reinforces selfishness and will cause huge problems down the road as teenagers and adults.

Claire - posted on 04/18/2009

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Not trying to scare you, but sometimes thay may never completely understand the importance of sharing. My older sister and I had to share a bed until I was 5, and I had her hand-me-downs until I was about 12. Once we were teenagers, I still liked some of her clothes, but she never wanted me to borrow them. I always tell her that if she had wanted to borrow my things, I would have been flattered.



But when it comes to a young child of 3, yes, the sharing of toys can become an issue for some. I agree that likely the best course of action would be to first introduce the idea of turns, rather than the idea of handing the toy over "permanently". Some young kids tend to want things simply because they see someone else enjoying it, and they want to enjoy it too. So if at all possible, I suggest introducing the concept of patience and turns to your younger child at this early age as well. Even if they may not yet fully comprehend, they will eventually, and kids learn best by example.

Kate CP - posted on 04/17/2009

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Kids that age don't understand the concept of sharing. "That's my toy, why do I have to let him play with it?" But, if you explain the idea of taking turns, they tend to take it easier. When she's done playing with her toy, it's her brother's turn to play with it and vice versa. Kids don't really get the idea of sharing until they're closer to five.

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