5 YEAR OLD TANTRUM???WHAT CAN I DO???

KERSONYA - posted on 12/02/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I HAVE A 5 YEAR OLD THAT THINKS HES GROWN AND KNOW EVERYTHING AND HE THROWS TEMPER TANTRUMS WHEN HES TOLD TO DO SOMETHING HE DOENST WANT TO AND HAS A HOLY HISSY FIT. IVE TRIED TIME OUTS AND PUTTING HIM BY HIMSELF AND ITS NOT HELPING ANY IDEAS I NEED HELP!!!???????

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Ange - posted on 12/19/2012

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Five year olds are still little people struggling with emotions and rules and just life in general ;) sometimes ignoring works, other times start confiscating things. There are also times where you need to sit down with them at night and ask them what's going on with then. Why do they think they feel so angry. Give them ways to express their anger and frustration. A banging wall, hitting their pillows, doing sprints. You don't have to condone the behaviour but just blatantly ignoring it doesn't always help the child in all situations. I'm not against ignoring, it's just sometimes there's a better way. Go with your gut.

Michelle - posted on 12/02/2012

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Ignore it. Most tantrums are because they want their own way. If you give them attention (good or bad) they will keep going. If you ignore it and carry on with what you need to do then they will soon give up.



I had my 2.5yo have a huge tantrum at the shopping centre today. I ignored her and it lasted only a couple of minutes. She did tell me for the rest of the time that she didn't want to do shopping but we didn't have the tantrum.

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Lungile - posted on 12/13/2012

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Have to disagree with you Kris. Ignorance is best. The thing is that once they have started a tantrum here really isnt much you can do but walk away. They become inconsolable therefore NOTHING you say or do good or bad will make them listen to you unless they are calm. It is almost like the train has left the station and therefore there is nothing you can do but wait for another just in the same way you must let them calm down first before you can acknowlege them in any way. My 2.5 yr old has tantrums but id I igore them they only last a short time. Hubby on the other hand will try to reason and it will only make things worse ie louder screaming etc.

Toni - posted on 12/12/2012

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Ignore it.

Get your fav music and put it on as loud as you need to to drown out the screams.

Sing loud, dance, pretend that his little fit does not bother you at all.

He'll soon figure it out.

Michelle - posted on 12/12/2012

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Kris: By ignoring the tantrum itself you are actually sending the message that throwing the tantrum won't get you anywhere. My children have learnt that if they talk to me nicely and calmly then I will listen to them. If they are having a tantrum then they don't get heard. Of course your children don't like it when you ignore the tantrum, they are throwing it to get what they want!



I will NOT acknowledge bad behaviour, I will however get down to my child's level and listen if they can talk to me nicely. I have 3 children aged 11.5, almost 9 and 2.5 and they all know what will get them what they would like and it's not a tantrum.



I know have the most wonderful relationship with my oldest children and am so proud of the young men they are becoming.

Kris - posted on 12/08/2012

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I disagree with ignoring the tantrum whole heartedly. It can send the message that you won't do anything about it, and that it's ok to act that way. At first I would try to calm my daughter, my first, down how ever I could think of. I was 17, so I didn't really know what to do, so I tried bribing her. She would only throw it and scream louder. I tried to hug her, sing to her, put a movie on, nothing worked. So I started trying to ignore her. She didn't like that, so she threw an even bigger tantrum. It works for some kids, but I don't like the message it sends. If you want to try it, have "special time" on a consistent schedule every day, but only if she's not throwing a tantrum. Some people say if you spend special time with them when they behave, they won't throw as many tantrums, but I haven't found that to be true.



When my kids threw those kinds of fits, I'd get down with them, and throw one too. They would stop right away, and just watch me. And when I stopped, they had this look saying "holy crap my mom has gone bonkers! what do i do??". Or I'd grab their hands and/or feet and help them kick and flail, and i'd start yelling right along with them. It made them so angry they stopped their fit, just to get me to stop. When you start your fit, it distracts them and they forget about their tantrum. When you're done with your tantrum, and you see that look on his face, ask him if he liked what you did, what he thought of it. When he answers you, unless he says it was funny, tell him that's what he looks like when he acts that way, and explain that people don't like it when they see or hear that. That it isn't nice to disrupt people with such a thing. I did this for just a few weeks, and both of my kids stopped their tantrums. My daughter just started pouting and ignoring me for a while.



I feel that by putting them by themselves, it could have a bad consequence. It could make them feel abandoned, or unloved, or who knows what else. Not to mention that if you leave an upset, frustrated kid alone, he could end up tearing stuff up for whatever reason he's throwing the tantrum. And you can't exactly put a child in an empty room lol.



You also have to take into consideration that they're still trying to learn how top process their emotions, and convey how they feel into words. Some children have a harder time with emotional situations then others. A good portion of tantrums are due to the fact that the child wants to express themselves, but don't know how, so they breakdown. Look at Helen Keller. She couldn't communicate in any way. Back then, they didn't have as many ways to communicate with someone who couldn't hear or speak. It wasn't very common that someone like that would ever learn to communicate. Helen didn't know how to say how she felt, and she would get so frustrated and overwhelmed, she did the only thing she could to release all that pent up frustration and anger. But when she finally learned how to communicate to where people could understand her better, she calmed down.

Innocentglitter - posted on 12/03/2012

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Ignore him when he throws a fit. As long as he isn't hurting himself or anything that is. When he is done try explaining to him why he has to so the things you say. I would just put him in his room until he is done with his fit.

Emily - posted on 12/02/2012

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Have you tried the super nanny method? Essentially you establish a time out place, sit him down and set him there for 1 minute per what age they are (in your case 5 minutes) and if he gets up he gets a warning after you set him back down on the chair. With each minute that he gets up he gets another minute added onto his time. After he has served his time you calmly explain to him what he has done wrong and why he should not do it. ex.hitting, back talking, etc. You make him apologize for his actions, and she gives them a hug and moves on. Another thing that my husband has done with his overweight nephew is if he back talks we have found he HATES push ups, so he does 5 push ups for each sentence of back talk he did while we babysat him. Needless to say there wasn't much.

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