A young mother who wishes for freedom :'(

Xo, Mimi - posted on 05/14/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I feel like I should walk away, I feel as if I'm trap. I spend all my day with my doll but today I really wanted to go out with my two bestfriends I asked my bf to look after my doll since she was sleeping and he was just gonna stay home, well that's what I thought. As I was getting ready he told me to take her and I said no that I wanted to be alone with my friends plus she was sleeping and he said that he wanted to go out also and that he didn't want to look after her. To me it seems whenever I want to go out he doesn't want to look after her or he makes excuses so i just stay home. But he starts screaming and talks a lot of bs such as I always want to leave her when ever I want to go; which is really never. I'm always out with him or us 3 but never really alone or with my friends. Now, whenever I say I'm going out he tells me that he's not going to give me money. Which makes me really upset bc he's not supposed to be that way towards me. I wish I can just go get a job work all day and just come home and sleep but then again I have a daughter who I love and needs time and care. Is it bad that I sometimes wish I can just walk away from the relationship and never look back?? I feel as if I'll be more free I mean it's not like he looks after her whenever I want time alone, it's usually my younger sister or my mother. But then again, I love him.
But I'm starting to just not care. Which breaks my heart. I usually avoid all arguments and let him win. I just feel mentally drain. I cried sometimes while I shower bc that's when I feel free or when he's not home.
I want to be happy. But what I desire the most is to have my bf help me out just a little. Or ima just find myself packing everything and leaving.

xo,
A young mother who wishes for freedom.

ps. I know many of you will tell me to get a part time but I can't I'm a student with a visa therefore I'm not allowed to work but just focus in school which I'll be starting soon

3 Comments

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Cristy - posted on 05/21/2013

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i know its tough to add to my dilema i have really bad anxiety so iam very worrisome, i had to work for a period of 6 months mon-fri and i left my son with a neighbor downstairs which had experienced babysitting but my son hates her and screams and before i drop him off he would shake his head no in panic hes about to be two and that makes me very anxious bc i dont know why he doesnt like her and at the same time he acts that way with family that i know would never do him hard...its tough....i wish i could ask him why he doesnt like her bc she is so convenient but i wont get a response and all i can do is dread it bc i have to work and none of my family is available to babysit...its so difficult iam in that rut still...my ex takes my son on the weekend but i still have trouble trusting a babysitter idk what to do i think my son just has stranger anxiety and iam not helping

Xo, Mimi - posted on 05/16/2013

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Hey Cristy

You have a very good point lol. I am also 21 so its pretty tough when it comes down to going out and enjoying a good time. I spoke to my boyfriend and im happy to say that we came to a good agreement. I realize he had a point when he said that he's days off he just wants to spend time with our doll and i so he suggested when his at work i should go out for lunch with my girlfriends and try to find someone who can look after our daughter, which is kinda pretty tough bc i cant seem to trust anybody with my daughter >.<

Cristy - posted on 05/14/2013

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I know its very difficult i was faced with this challenge with my ex when our son was born. Reality only hit me when i actually had my son for a month life would never be the same and i would never have the same liberty i did before and what makes it worse is that iam only 21, all my friends go out every weekend and have tons of fun while iam stuck at home feeling like da traditional mexican house wife o-and without a husband to help with these bills but hey iam atleast not getting cheated on..i guess my advice is to be realistic and set out two days out of the month to have full blown fun and if an extra day pops up well hey youll be feeling like when you skipped school in high school (super excited) being a mother comes with more responsibility than i myself thought but its worth it eventually ur doll will grown up and u will get to party as much as u want while ur friends are stuck raising kids in their 40's ...look at the bright side and enjoy ur lil one while u can ....good luck

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