akward situation

Traci - posted on 01/04/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

18

32

4

ok so i am a single mother for the time being and i have a guy who said he wants to marry me and wants to be my son's step father but my whole thing is what if my son starts to call him daddy, what should i tell him cause at the current moment my son's real father dont even come around can you give me some advise so i dont go crazy thinking i am a bad mom for making the wrong decision

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

It is very dependant on the situation. My Goddaughter hasnt had anything to do with her bio-dad for six years and so she calls her Mums fiance Dad and everyone is happy with that. My niece still spends regular time with her bio-dad and calling anyone else Dad would be inappropriate so all partners (on both sides) are called by their first name which works for them. Think about what you believe will work best for your family and go with that - just be honest about it all and you will be ok

Sativa - posted on 01/04/2010

105

20

8

What I did with my daughter was always refer to my boyfriend by his first name. We never instructed her to call him daddy or even suggested it. About 3 years after our relationship started she began to call him daddy when talking to others about him and then started calling him daddy outright. In our famil, this is ok because he is the only real daddy in her life. Her biological father is also called daddy but he is no more than a voice over the phone, long distance, once a month or so. What are you comfortable with? That is the key factor. Are you afraid of a bond between them and then an end to your relationship? Is this man truly a stable factor in your life? These are questions you need to ask yourself before allowing them to form a bond. Think it over and do what is right for your child. That is my best suggestion to you.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

8 Comments

View replies by

Ettina - posted on 02/11/2013

18

0

4

Just let him call the guy 'daddy'. Daddy doesn't have to mean biological father.

Carolee - posted on 01/04/2010

21,950

17

585

My son calls my husband by both his real name AND daddy. They met when my son was 1 year old, and we aren't going to hide the fact that my husband isn't my son's biological father, but he is his dad. A bio father fertilizes the egg... the dad raises the kid as his own... if they happen to be the same person, okay, if not, that's okay as well. (We actually have no choice but to tell my son the truth, though, because he's biracial, and my husband is the same race as me!) Just stay honest with your son, and don't push him to call this other guy either by his real name or daddy. Everything will be okay, as long as there's love.

Amber - posted on 01/04/2010

49

1

3

Well, you can tell him he's an especially lucky boy because he has two daddies! When he gets a little older you can explain about the differences between biological daddy and step daddy, but for now, let it go. Let him enjoy having his new daddy and experience what it's like to have man around that makes mommy so happy and loves you both so much.

And frankly, in my opinion, biology does not a daddy make. If his biological father doesn't come around, than what sort of daddy is he really? If he ever does decide to become involved, then he's going to have to understand that the one who raises you is your dad. He willingly gave that up, so here are the consequences of his actions. Period.

And congratulations! I hope everything works ou well for your new family. Enjoy it and don't worry, you're a good mommy and everything will be just fine!

Kelsey - posted on 01/04/2010

842

36

30

I think its great if your son adopts him to be his daddy, thats sweet. Like everyone else said, as long as he knows the truth about his biological dad, having 2 dads is wonderful! Just be sure you know the relationship is very strong before you let jim call him daddy. It wouldnt be fair to him to loose two dads!

Tiffany - posted on 01/04/2010

80

13

5

As long as you dont tell him that is his biological dad than there should be no problem. It's a good thing if your son thinks high enough of him to call him dad. A good friend who was raised by a man not her dad once told me " a dad is one who helps create you but a father is one who raises you!"

Sarah - posted on 01/04/2010

3,880

14

1082

You just be honest with your son. I think you alway let it be known that he has a bio-dad and a step-dad. Don't go overboard in always pointing it out, but also don't keep it hidden. Best time to tell him is now....if kept until a certain age then it makes it seem like there is shame to it. If you tell them even before they understand and keep it in the open (not going overboard) you never have to worry about when is a "good" time. He will most likely call the guy that feels like a dad..."dad".

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms