alone and scared

Emma - posted on 06/04/2009 ( 16 moms have responded )

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I'm a little over 6 months pregnant and I've noticed that since I got pregnant my friends want nothing to do with me and don't even return my phone calls. i know i may no longer be the life of the party but i can still go out and drink a sprite instead. I'm still the same fun loving me on the inside and I'm already terrified at the idea of becoming a mother in such a short span of time and I feel like when I need them the most everyone has abandoned me.

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Jamie - posted on 06/04/2009

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Honestly I think this happens a lot and I think its sad. I lost a lot of friends when I got pregnant and had my first. Not sure why, its not like its contagious. And Im sorry you have to go through it. But start getting involved with other moms in your neighborhood. Try meeting new people that have children or are expecting, you can learn a lot from each other. Your going to be a mom soon, your life isnt ending, actually its just beginning there is so much to look forward to and so much fun. You friend obviously arent mature enough to handle your situation and arent true friends.

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Nikki - posted on 06/05/2009

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you are not alone i went through the same thing but i made new friends after Emma was born too cause since i became a mom my friends felt i wouldn't be able to go out or do anything with them. It was hard being pregnant and then losing friends, but I also found out who my true friends were when some left and stopped calling me where others helped me through it all and still call to do stuff.



Emma was born and I found by going to the library with her and mom and me groups or play dates through your community center or hospital I made new friends who had kids as well and we do stuff with the kids and without.

Amanda - posted on 06/05/2009

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I was seventeen when I fell pregnant, you quickly learn who are your real friends, if people don't want to hang around you because you can't get drunk then these aren't the type of people you need in your life anyway especially when you've got a baby on the way, remember you will make new friends, after the baby is born you can go to some mummy and me classes and playgroups are great ways of socialising and you will meet people who share motherhood with you (one of the strongest bonds of all!) and sooner or later you will probably find as your friends fall pregnant you will probably reconnect.

Mel - posted on 06/05/2009

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Jamie's right it happens alot. i was lucky my friends didnt desert me and although i dont drink hard or do all nighters like i used to they are still happ to come to mine on the weekends now and again , its easy they get wasted i get tipsy then i sober up and go to sleep. sometimes they go out to a party of the clubs after mine. i dont think its right they abandoned you but you will make new so much better friends when you have the baby. when your a mum it makes it easy to connnect with other mums and talk about your kids etc. you can meet them at play groups or mothers groups. hope it works out

Bridget - posted on 06/04/2009

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This sucks you feel this way however your friends your true friends will wake up and love that baby and you will make new friends even on here here in alberta i met great moms from baby massage and places like that keep your chin up and youll get more friends with similar interests and that have kids.

Maria - posted on 06/04/2009

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as you can probably tell from most of the responses so far, i think that what you are going through is something most new moms go through with their first pregnancy. i know i did, i was the first one to get pregnant out of my bunch of friends, and even family really. we are moving to a new stage of life, and our friends just don't know how to cope with us, as if we left them behind, while we just want to still be "the old me". i would suggest, like everyone else, to start trying to meet other moms near you. this will not only help answer your questions now while you're still pregnant, but it will be a huge support for you once you have your baby. the first few months are hard to go through, and having people to turn to for questions and just able to guide you through what to expect can be life-saving.

as for your old friends, i hate to break it to you, but you probably won't have much time for them in the first few months of your baby's life- s/he will be the star of your life! eventually, you'll be able to have some social time again, and your friends will get to meet this little awesome person, and will get to see that a baby is nothing to be scared of- it's not catching! :)



hang in there, i know its tough, its hard to know why people react that way sometimes, but give them time, and don't give up on the friendships you want to keep, they will come back, and the rest- you are better off without people in your life who wont love your baby like you do :)

Jess - posted on 06/04/2009

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I am in the same situation, i think everyone goes through it especially if your a young mum and ur friends are at uni or working full time they seem to be more involved in their lives and going out partying etc etc... try to ask at your hospital if there are mothers groups around so u can meet new people.. it wont be that bad... because once ur baby comes along ull will feel so much love towards her those things will no matter to u and u will find other mums in the same boat as u around ur area who are feeling the same way... good luck, im due august 12th so about 2 months to go... keep smiling. :-)

Natalie - posted on 06/04/2009

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They always say that everyone shows their true colours sometime! It takes something to happen for you to see who your real friends are! I am 7 months pregnant with my second child and have been on bedrest pretty much the whole time! Going through the complications that I was going through I realized that I really didnt have any true friends! Do you think that any of them thought to come spend the day with me much less even call to see if I am ok! Just dont take it any way! I look at it as it making me stronger knowing that I did this alone and no one was there! It proves to me how strong I really am! So just know that regardless that at the end of all this you get the reward of the beautiful newborn! You may be scared now but trust me once you look into that child's eyes nothing else will matter anyways! Hope it helps! Stay strong!

Jessica - posted on 06/04/2009

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I'm so sorry to hear that. I was lucky in I was one of the last of my friends to have a baby (we all started young) so had lots of support. I think it comes down to a change in priorities, once your baby arrives they will be your main priority and your friends cant relate to that. While it is hard to lose friends that are important to you, you will find that meeting new people (ones with children of their own) will be very benifical. They will be able to relate to the emotional and physical journey you are going on and will be able to offer tips, advice and support based on experience. I find that any new friends I make these days already have kids or are expecting. I find I can just relate to them more easily and are kids love spending time together. Things are hard for you right now but hang in there it will all be worth it.

Samantha - posted on 06/04/2009

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the same thing happened to me and the sad thing is now that im not pregnant anymore they still dont have the time to hang out! it feels like just because i have a baby im doomed to be isolated...and when i do make new friends they usually have kid(s) too.

Alycia - posted on 06/04/2009

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I also understand, my son is 10 1/2 months and I only one friend right now. I think people drop you because they have the mentality sometimes that because you're pregnant you can't do anything anymore. You can always try and just go out with your friends if you catch wind of plans and show them you're still you. Only a couple people stuck it out with me and it showed me for sure who my honest and true friends were. Finding groups or something that you can meet other moms in your area will help a lot, especially once you have your baby those without children don't always understand so it's good to have others you know who have kids to talk about all that stuff with. Keep your chin up and know you have lots of support on here if you ever need it :D

Melissa - posted on 06/04/2009

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I lost alot of friends when I became pregnant with my son, It was the same type of story, they didnt want to bring me out beause I was pregnant ( and I did not even start to show until I was 6 months). It allowed me alot of time to reflect on the type of mom I wanted to be, and the type of person. I spent alot of time with my boyfriend, and we had just as much fun if not more then I ever would with these certain people. I took prenatle classes and met other moms there who were feeling the same way. It was a good way to get to know other moms in the area. I am friends with many of them to this day. And most of those friends who wanted nothing to do with me when I was pregnant are now commng around more often ( it took some time, probably about 6 months before they were finally comfortable. And now everything is great! I say try a prenatel class ,you can take them ( at least here in Canada) no matter how many children you have or even yoga or pilates for expecting mothers, Hope this helps some. Take care and congrats!!!!

Jessica - posted on 06/04/2009

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I know what your going through, when i was pregnant i was limited to do a lot of the things that i would normally be doing, especally in the summer. i felt like everything was crashing down around me when most of my friends didn't want to talk or hang out anymore then i came to the conclusion that if they really are that good of a friend they would be there for me. after the birth of my little girl i thought about how much they wanted to see her and i'd let them but they will continue to not be a big part of my little ones life, i dont want her to grow up thinking its okay to pick and choose when to be friends with someone, if they are your friend, you stand by them through thick and thin....then again, thats just my opinion.

Jennifer - posted on 06/04/2009

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I get where your coming from completey! Most of my friends did the exact thing to me last summer when 5 days after I turned 21 I discovered out of the blue no warning signs at all that I was pregnant with my 1st child. Its sad but it happens. They don't understand if they don't have kids themselves. They probably assume it won't be too much fun. I still occasionally went out with them but it definately wasn't as much fun so most of the time I opt to just stay home. I did however throw a girls only adult toy party at the end of my pregnancy to bring us all together, and it was REALLY fun! And once the baby was born and they got to meet her they all realized why I was different and now we have started hanging out more and more. Good luck!

Cyndi - posted on 06/04/2009

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I'm sorry you feel so alone. That's exactly how I felt when I was first pregnant. My friends just didn't understand and they stopped talking to me all together. I think some of them thought I wouldn't have time for them anymore and I think others just didn't understand. Since then most of them have had kids of thier own so we are back in touch again. I think maybe finding a mommy's group or a babie's group would help. You could meet a lot of people in the same position as you and you make good bonds. Besides then the babies will have buddies too. I'm sure your an amazing person just keep your head up, you are never alone. Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to. Think of it as a blessing, your baby is going to be beautiful! God Bless! :)

Natasha - posted on 06/04/2009

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some people dont understand what its like and some might be afraid or not know what to say some people think that as soon as u get pregnant ur automatically changed into a different person. feel free to add me to ur circle if u need a friend just message me. things will be ok stay strong and hang in there sweetie i know it can be a bit scarey

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