Am I Alone?

Meagan - posted on 07/30/2009 ( 131 moms have responded )

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Ok Im not sure if it was a moment of weakness of if it will always be in the back of my mind but......I had a break down tonite feeling like Im not the good mother type, I am alwayd looking forward to naptime or even just wanting to be alone alot, I play with her but not like I should......but I feel like I cant cut it as a good mom Im always thinking how much I iss it being just me and that I want that life back. Am I really an awful person/mom? Im not sure how to take my feelings lately.....

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Ciara - posted on 08/05/2009

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I go through that daily too, its call depression and possibly even PPD, if your symptoms get worse id talk to a doctor asap especially if you feel like you are going to hurt your child. But you're NOT alone!! Its good that you recognize your symptoms and want to be proactive about getting the help and support from others for it. Keep your chin up, maybe you just need some mommy time! Best of luck!

Shelly - posted on 07/30/2009

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We all go threw that. My daughters are 7 and 9 and i think to myself is THIS what I brought up? Then I remember no, I have sweet little girls just sometimes they go nuts. Its how you see it, laugh instead of being sad.

131 Comments

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Nompumelelo - posted on 11/05/2016

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I'm sure you are a wonderful mom. Needing time alone doesn't make you a bad mom. I think we all judge ourselves too harshly.

Jennah - posted on 12/02/2012

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I have lots of days like that. I'm convinced the mothering has been omitted from my DNA, but the love for my son is very much there and obvious. My life is proving a bit uncomfortable right now, and I am really hating myself lately. I'm not the greatest person at the moment. My son doesn't see that though. even when I'm not in the floor playing with him or taking him to the park, even after I fly off the handle and yell at him for taking off his diaper just so he can pee on the floor, even while I am practically sitting in a corner gritting my teeth and yanking my hair out because he refuses to listen, As soon as I chill out and pull myself together and notice that he has sat down and continued on his space ship of blocks, I sit down and join him in his little world and it's as if nothing happened. I am perfection to him, his bestest friend in the world. My point is what you do may not be right, but you are human. All you can do is correct yourself and try your best next time. And everyone needs alone time, it's part of being human. I don't get mine until after 7pm (when he is asleep). Despite how irrational you may be in the moment or how horrible you think your thoughts are, your little girl still thinks you are all that and a bag of chips. If you are really starting to scare yourself or find yourself physically lashing out, it's obviously time for help. Your not alone. Your life is VERY different. It's not just your life anymore. I'm still having a hard time accepting that. Just make your alone time worth while and try and include her in some things you enjoy doing.

Heather - posted on 11/28/2012

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you have to learn no mother is perfect and you are not alone when my daughter was first born i had post natal i didnt react to her i didnt know that i had given birth half the time but you are not alone we all do struggle with our kids all we can do as parents is do our best by them help guide them throw life as much as possible i still do bad about the first few months and i think thats why she is spolit now cause i am always trying to make up that time that i felt i missed out on i think she knows i love her deep down lucky she want really rember that time to much

Amanda - posted on 08/06/2009

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I have 3 kids and I have those days, when I wish I had none. I have even had my own family tell me I am not mom material. But I don't beleive that. My children are happy and healthy and they love me unconditionally. Just make time for yourself, a nice bath, a night out with friends or a spouse. We need our me time too. Mothers are sometimes expected to spend 24/7 being a mom but we all need to relax and focus on us. Good luck and never give up hope, I am sure you are a great mom.

Erin - posted on 08/06/2009

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i think ALL moms go through that, it's totally normal, but if you feel that way all the time then maybe you should bring it up to your doctor. i look forward to naptime everyday....during that time i do little housework and spend most of that time doing "me" things. good luck to you, i'm sure you do an awesome job!! :))

Avelina - posted on 08/06/2009

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Sweetie your not alone. I look forward to nap time everyday, its ok to. Every mother needs to get herself together for an hour or two. Take a nap herself, I do it sometimes. You can clean better, relax, watch YOUR shows, lol. Your just human, your a great mom. You would have to be crazy to not think like that. I go through that as well, my son is two, and OMG!!!! Lol. You cant be a good mom if your not happy and relaxed. Your so not alone.

Mallory - posted on 08/06/2009

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A lot of moms feel this way. It is hard to be a mom! Some days I can't wait for my husband to come home so I can "offload" my son on him just to get in 30 minutes of me time before bed. One thing I found that REALLY helped is to make some mommy friends. I have one that has a baby 9 hours younger than mine, when things get tough we txt eachother to vent our feelings. And when great things happen there is always someone who will appreciate it too. We made a bi-monthly playdate so we can spend some time together and have some much need support. Look for play groups in your area online or sometimes the hospital will have contacts for play groups (they do where I live anyways)

Tikka - posted on 08/06/2009

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I've gone through the same thing. I had my first daughter when I was 19 and then my second when I was 21. I had a hard time leaving my old life behind because I was in the US Army and found out I was pregnant 3 days before I was suppose to ship of for basic training. I was so upset because I never got to experience a life of my own. I moved out of my mother's house at 17 and into my dads where I wrapped myself up in school and ROTC and didn't have time to go out and enjoy my teenage years. I enlisted in the Army a month after I turned 17 with my father's permission and my weekends were taken up by the Army & week days were taken up by school and ROTC. I'm 24 now and I've never been out with friends to a bar, clubbing, I just recently went to the mall for the first time ever. I always think about the things I wish I had a chance to do. My oldest daughter is 4 years old and I may have been able to go out with my husband 4 maybe 5 times over the last 4 years.

Terri - posted on 08/06/2009

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You know i am just like this... i Love my brand new son and i had a horrific ordeal just to get him to this world... but i to get to the point i just wanna lock myself in my room and be alone. For me i had to get some help ... i had to go on meds to help with my feelings , everyhting got a lill easier. But it didnt go away i think it is just a bi product of being a mommy. You never really prepare for something to demand ur attention 24-7 and then with everything else to go with that,,, we all had full time jobs before just not to this extent. Take a deep breathe reserve bubble bath time and go one day at a time. Your baby is fed, clean, loved, your the best mommy there is!

Tabitha - posted on 08/06/2009

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NO! You're not an awful mom! You took the words right out of my mouth. I am 24 with four kids, and I long to be 17 again. I feel like I missed out on sooo many important thing. I have good days and bad days. I have no friends to hang out with, so it's just me and my kids. Yesterday, I was thinking about going and hiding in my closet, just for some peace and quiet, where I can be left alone! LOL

I've come to realize, that it's not selfish to want a break. And it's okay to have fun without your children. And when you give yourself the chance to be "you" and do the things that "you" like to do, I think you'll be alot happier with your kids. We all get so much into the "mom mode" that I think sometimes we forget who we really are.

Alicia - posted on 08/05/2009

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you are not a bad mother and you are not a bad person. No mother has ever not gone through what you are going through. Its an emotional thing being a parent and when suddenly you time has become our time it does become much to handle. I am a mother who is in the house with my two girls about 24/7. I don't see my fiance for the majority of the day and it gets hard when you feel like you do not get a break. Either being a single parent or both parent it is all the same. So don't feel bad when you don't feel like you are doing what you feel you should be because you are NOT ALONE. I wish for my life back everyday but I am grateful to be able to have kids and grateful to have this family i created. Don't be too hard on yourself. If it gets rough...take a breath, go out with the girls if you can or just take a hot bubble bath to relax for just that one moment. It could help!

Jennelyne - posted on 08/05/2009

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I'm going through the same thing. It's totally normal for us feel like that. It's in our nature to just feel not good enough. Its alright though because we know in our kids point of view we're the greatest.

Kim - posted on 08/05/2009

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your so not a bad mom, every one gets that im not a good mom feeling day-and I think we can all say we look forward to nap time. what you need is a good friend and a good night out. For some adult time-or break away for a little bit. And believe me-you will enjoy it; but when you get back to your little princess You will be glad to have her back in your arms. I am always looking for a good break away to enjoy some down time-but it never fails If I am away to long from the kids (3yrold and a almost 2 yr old) they are all I can think about and I want to get back to them. As soon as I see them I wrap them up-but before long I am ready for my escape again haha. Your not a bad mom-You would of not said anything at all if you didnt care!! Keep your chin up!

Tristan - posted on 08/05/2009

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ive been there! lol i think we all go thorugh this! one night my son would NOT start crying...i was trying to breast feed and he was scratching me and screaming and i was yelling at him and my husband made him a bottle and fed him... i broke down in tears and felt just awful and like iwas a horrible mom but it wasjust because i had NO sleep and i was tierd and wron out plus i had a csection so i was VERY sore but now hes 4 months old and i play with him all the time but there are alot of time too where i just leave him be in his bounces watching cartoons and let him entertain himself which is good for them but youre deff not alone! i hope this helps!

Sarah - posted on 08/05/2009

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I look forward to nap time EVERYDAY! Its normal to want alone time, its healthy. You need to recharge yourself in order to be a better mom. Its the hardest job to be a mom! Do you have family that can help out? Good luck :)

Ashley - posted on 08/05/2009

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I feel the same way. I've been going through this for a while now. I wish I could offer you more support, but all I can say is that no you're not alone. I wish I knew how to make it go away, but I don't.

[deleted account]

most moms need there own time i know that i did when i had my daughter i want nap time all the time and if i could get a day for someone to watch her for me i was taking it and running so i know how u feel

Viri - posted on 08/05/2009

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Gurl its ok theres times when i ask my self that question. but when i turn and look at my baby and i see her helthy and that beutyful smily that she gives. well that always makes it better. and what parent is not looking forward to naptime because im always looking forward t naptime. thas understandable ur not alone dont feel that way because we all as mother have asked tha same question.

Carson - posted on 08/05/2009

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haha my kids are 10,6,5, and 3 and i still go through that..guess that nap time and just being alone will always be there dont mean ya a bad mom means your HUMAN....

[deleted account]

This is normal. How old is you're little one? You might even be getting some early sighns of PP depresion. I had it, all you have to do is talk with your Dr. They can tell the difference.

But this may just be the normal exhausted Mom feeling we all go through. You are not a bad Mom or person, we just beat ourselves up. We feel that if you don't love every minute of being a mom, we are "Bad Mom's". We all have been there, you are not alone.

Try having a chat with your DR just to make sure it isn't something more serious. Good luck!!! I hope you feel better very soon :)

Cortnie - posted on 08/05/2009

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Sweetie, Your not a bad mom... every mom goes thought that. They go though the "I want my life back" stage. I went though it, and I still have tough days when I just keep wondering when he will go to sleep. It isn't that I don't love my son... but every mom needs alone time. My son is my life, my whole world, I would die with out him, but I need my alone time too. I have made it a point to at least once a month, get a baby sitter and go out with the girls. If I didn't I would probably go crazy. We are young, we went from being able to go out and have fun and do what ever we wanted when ever to all of the sudden we are responsible for another life. We have this little person that depends on us 24/7 (talk about major stress)... and that is a hard transtition to make.... Don't be worried about having these feelings, be worried if you didn't. It's the mothers who think they are perfect in every way and can't ever do anything wrong that are the mothers that mess up thier kids the most. If your a little worried (like, just about every mom), your more open to recieve advise and help and listen to other mothers and find out what works and what doesn't and you'll find out what works best for you and your baby. Your not alone, keep your head up. These feelings won't last long.

Iris - posted on 08/05/2009

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Please, don't feel bad... You are doing the right thing by talking about it. I believe that talking is the best way to deal with this kind of feelings. Another thing that you need to know is that what you miss about you is not there any more. It is gone! and it is okay too. There is so much more to you now than there ever was. So, day dreaming about what it used to be like or what it could be like, will only make you feel even worse. So have a conversation with yourself (an honest conversation) and know that being a mom is a blessing and there is nothing like it. I had so many break downs during the first 5 months of motherhood and it all started with wanting the old me to come back. How fun I was and how preatty I felt and oh the freedom I had. Well, that's not coming back any time soon!!! But I got smart and decided to make it easy for myself. Making a schedule for her. Two naps a day, in the morning and afternoon. waking up at the same time everyday and going to bed by 8pm. It made it so much easier to relax. I felt like I was doing a good job and allowed me to do things for myself , like shower!.

Also you need to get out of the house. Go for walks, talk to adults. I made friends with the cashiers at the grocerie store. Any adult conversation is better than none :-). Remember that there is no right way of raising your child. You know what is best for your baby and for your family. And Simple does it! don't make things complicated. Your baby learns from you and he/she will do as you say and as you show him/ her.

Good luck

Deep breath

AND ENJOY!

:-)

Terresa - posted on 08/05/2009

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you are so normal its not funny sweetie, i felt like that after my 3rd was born, it took me a long time to learn to love my first born and you will get into the hang of things. it could be PND, you'll be fine take your time outs and naps, they are all so important but dont be afraid to ask for help either

Miranda - posted on 08/05/2009

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I dont think that makes you a bad mother at all. We all go through that at some point. We all have to make time for ourselves. My daughter is 4 and I still love naptime. It is our time as mothers to regroup. You will be fine just take it one step at a time.

Stephanie - posted on 08/05/2009

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babe i was just turned 17 wen i had my kid i felt like that sometime u aint a bad mum hunny and dnt put urself dwn ull get there like we all do chin up hun and enjoy the time u have with them as it goes so quick

Jessica - posted on 08/05/2009

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So glad to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way! I recently hurt my back, so my son has been going to daycare for the last week. I've found I'm much happier when he comes home and we play all evening. I'm thinking that maybe when I get better, I'll take him to daycare a few days a week...even if just for a few hours. Just knowing that I can take a bubble bath or go grocery shopping alone would be nice. I think it's also good for him to have time with someone else instead of just me all day everyday!

Sofia - posted on 08/05/2009

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I just want to say thank you for posting this. I have a 4 month old and I feel like this often. I can feel really alone at times. Usually its in the evenings when tiredness really kicks in.. Right now his bedtime is 9pm which is late and a friend told me that this could be why I am feeling so sad because I am not getting "me" time. I need to push up his bedtime so my husband and I can have downtime but it'll take a while I think for us to push up his bedtime. anyways, thank you again for putting this out there because it's nice to know that I am not actually alone in feeling this (even though I am sorry to hear that you feel like this, none of us should feel like this! Im sure you're a great mother)

Fortune - posted on 08/05/2009

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You are not a bad mother at all. Just know that what you have is Joy from God. Many people would have loved to be like you I mean having a baby. Make the best out of that child. All the best.

Yvonne - posted on 08/04/2009

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good for you for admitting to that. until you do you can't really get over it i dont think. it is normal to get a touch of the baby blues, it doesnt mean you are severly depressed and need to be on medication. I cant say anything about you situation personally because i dont know your situation, but for me I had my first daughter when i was 18 and my second when i was 20, neither one planned. It is a hard thing to be pulled out of the only life you know, and when you have to get all new friends because you old ones are busy with their regular kidless lifes that you can't really participate in anymore. it doesnt mean you aren't a good mom. It isnt hard to shift your priorities to make your child your number one, but it is hard to not have some guilt or longing for you old life. having kids takes alot out of you, physically, emotionally, mentally. Before you have kids, you dont have nearly as much responsibility, so when you suddenly gain so much in a short period of time it is rough man! lol. I wouldnt worry about it unless it doesnt start to clear up. If you cant get it off your moind, then talk to your doctor next time you go in, or make an appointment to go in and discuss it. You want to be able to enjoy the time you have while your baby is young, and not be worrying about whether you are good at it or not. Stress takes a lot out of us, just talk it to someone close to you. the feelings should pass. My oldest daughter is now 4 and my youngest turned one in january and even i still get that random thought about wanting to go out and be a kid again...but you know what, it disappears quickly, because when i see my girls smiling and laughing, telling me i love you, i know that i chose right, and that i'm doing a great job with them, and i wouldnt change a thing about how my life has turned out so far. Your baby looks completely healthy, and happy in your pic, and so do you, dont sell yourself short :)

Katy - posted on 08/04/2009

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NO WAY.. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I feel the same way sometimes. The first year is really hard especially if its your first. There is just so much to get adjusted to, the lack of sleep really makes it hard too. I think we all long for our old life sometimes but like someone else suggested try to get a sitter or someone to take over for a few hours every now and then so you can have some "me" time. It really helps...I do it and then end up missing the little bugger. Go figure. :)

Lisa - posted on 08/04/2009

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You are not a bad mom for haveing feeling's like that we all have been there.i can't waite for my boys to go to bed at night. they are older then your little one.i am alone with my kids 24/7. my husband works night'sand it suck's .I want to be me i want to go out with my friends whenever i want i dont want to have to sit here all day and all night. just cause we feel that way dose not make us bad people/moms.i hope i have help in some way. that lisa

Tiffany - posted on 08/04/2009

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Every mom goes through it at some point. sounds like you need a little alone time. A night out, or an afternoon at the mall. Lunch with a friend. Find something you want to do just for you, take a class learn a skill do something 4 u!

Melinda - posted on 08/04/2009

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I have to agree with the other moms! Our oldest is 9 and our youngest is 3...and I feel the same way. Being a mother adds so much responsibility to every moment of your day. You really need to have alone time, or a girls night...another good way to get out, if you're unable to leave your child with a baby sitter or family member is to have a play date. This way your baby/child gets to be with other babies/children and you get to have some grown up time with other moms! I hope this helps!

Danielle - posted on 08/04/2009

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No way are you an aweful mom just because you want some "you time". I completely know how you feel. My son is 3 years old. I still look forward to nap time. If you didnt find a way to make this time possible you would lose yourself. Just because you are a mom now now way gets rid of you the person. Try to not feel guilty about it and just enjoy the peace and quite of nap time. Do something for you durning this time not the house work it will still be there when the child gets up. As they get older they can help. Randy dusts for me while i clean. it keeps him busy and i can get a few things done. I still have to dust but atleast he is entertained and feels important.

Jacqueline - posted on 08/04/2009

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oh hunny you are not a bad mom we all feel that way at time's, I love nap time it gives me a chance to catch up and spend time with me. You still have to find time for you cause you are not just a mom and wife but a person as well. you will make it work we all do.

Madison - posted on 08/04/2009

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no i think those feelings are completely normal. I feel the same way a lot. its a very draining job being a mother.its 24/7. Thats why its important to take time out for yourself when u can. go get a pedicuure or go to a friends house once a week for a few hours. try to have "me" time at least once a week. Just remember you are a better mother when you are a happy, rested mother:)

Aiyisha - posted on 08/04/2009

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You are definitely not alone! I have 2 kids and a third on the way and I ALWAYS want me time. haha. I've had a few breakdown myself because I semi-deal with my son(my oldest who's 7) alone since his father is not around and he has a pleathera of issues at school that I sometimes I feel alone and helpless and that I'm doing a bad job. I used to be a musician and I used to play shows and do mini tours here and there and I feel left out sometimes cause I can no longer do that because I'm a Mom and can't just up and leave my kids but you know what, it doesnt make you a bad person or parent to feel that way. The best thing is to make some Mommy Time! Take a breather from your kid once in while or take a time in the day just to pamper yourself. Do you have other friends that are moms as well? Ask them if they want to participate in a Mom's night out once a month. A night to think of and do stuff that involves nothing about your children. That helped me alot. Just remember, almost every mom feels the way you do, its normal, try not to beat yourself up about it.

[deleted account]

I don't think you're a bad mom at all, and I'm glad to know that someone else is going through the same struggles. I am home with my son a lot, as my job doesn't start until next Monday, and I constantly worry that I'm not spending enough time talking to him and that I'm not playing with him the "right" way to encourage development, but I also really look forward to the times that I do get to be alone to nap or to be on the computer for a while, and I do miss being able to just do what I want right when I want. It's a balancing act that I have't quite figured out yet.

[deleted account]

I feel that way all the time. I am told constantly that it is not true, but I tell them that they don't see all of me. My husband tells me I am crazy, but I think I am a horrible, impatient mother all the time. I don't feel I play with her enough and that she doesn't get out enough (I live in the desert and it is around 115 here for the rest of the summer) but I have to tell myself that my daughter is healthy and very happy so I can't be doing that bad. I might not be perfect, but I'm doing ok.

Elena - posted on 08/03/2009

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There's also Post Partum Psychosis--anxiety so high and depression so low, that you can actually be considered psychotic. The good news is that I survived it and am here 29 years later to tell about it!

Athena - posted on 08/03/2009

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Speaking of PPD I found out there is such a thing as post partum anxiety which actually has different symptoms. I definately had it, but at that time didn't know it. The good news is my hair grew back...lol ;-)

Elena - posted on 08/03/2009

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You are not an awful mom. You may, however, have a case of PPD or Post Partum Depression. It is a chemical problem in the brain. It happened to me in the extreme after my son was born. You may need to be evaluated by your doctor. Tell him/her about your feelings and ask if you need to be on medication. Just know that there are many kinds of medication and that different ones work for different people. Doctors do not know which ones will work, so they have to try different ones until they find what works for you. You have to be patient. Also, some medications make you a little sleepy. The newer ones aren't as bad. The doctor can also adjust the dose so that you aren't as tired from the medication. Please consider my suggestion. If you are breaking down as you say, you are likely to have this problem. By the way, you are not alone. I am here for you. Sincerely, Elena Lee

Athena - posted on 08/03/2009

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I think if you were either an awful peron or a bad mom you wouldn't worry about it :-) The fact that you feel guilt or feel bad is because you care and are a good mom. We all go through that..we all need me time and grown up time. Taking care of "me" (or you) helps me to be a better mom otherwise I'd be totally burnt out! Hang in there :-)

[deleted account]

i miss my old life too, glad im not alone... u know the just get up and go whenever u want where ever u want with whoever.. yeah we all go thru it...i feel the same way , i guess it comes with youngf motherhood huh?

Jenni - posted on 08/03/2009

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I love nap time and bed time too! That's when I get to relax and not feel like I'm neglecting my kid. I have single friends that go on vacations and trips or just go out when ever they want. It's hard not to be jealous. I think it's normal so long as you still love your baby and realize how lucky you are too. As they get older it gets easier too. :)

April - posted on 08/03/2009

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You are not a bad mom. You need your breaks and you need to be yourself. Those things can make you a better parent! You won't be any good stressed and tired! Don't be hard on yourself.

Lauren - posted on 08/03/2009

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I think that we all feel this way sometimes and we all feel guilty for it. I felt that way, and it beat myself up for it, but the best thing we can do is to realize that we are human, that we have needs and that it doesn't make us bad. Just try to find time for you.

Ashley - posted on 08/03/2009

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I think we all go through those feelings from time to time. You are defintely not a bad person. I don't think we realize when we become mom's how difficult it can be at times. Just hang in there, things will get easier as you go.

Barbara - posted on 08/03/2009

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Just because you are a "mom" now, doesn't mean you aren't you anymore. We all need our individual time.

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