Am I being too protective or what?

Kalynn - posted on 03/12/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I am a young mother. My son will be 2 years old on March 28th. His Dad left me when I was 2 months pregnant.
Now, all of a sudden his dad wants to come back into his life and pretend that nothing ever happened. I ran into him few weeks ago at Target and my son was with me. When he saw us, he automatically just stopped and screamed my name. He was telling my son that "Daddy loves you, and I want you apart of my life". Walking upon us, was my boyfriend that I have had since I was 7 months pregnant. When my son reached out too my boyfriend and started saying "I want my Daddy". My boyfriend has played a Fatherly role in my child's life since he was born. My boyfriend, my son, and I live together. So all he knows is my boyfriend as being Daddy. I need help on what to do. Leave my son's father out. or let him in? I dont want him in my child's life, for the simple fact when I told him I was pregnant...He denied my child. Help me please!

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Jodi - posted on 03/13/2013

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Ok, so you already have a court order for every other weekend. Who is appealing it and why? What is he wanting? I would suggest that if he isn't paying child support, you need to get the court to have it deducted from his pay. However, his ability to see his child shouldn't be linked to whether he pays you or not.

Kalynn - posted on 03/13/2013

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I understand totally what you are saying...BUT... We have a court order appeal that he gets him every other weekend, and he doesn't even do that and he is supposed to pay child support, in which he doesn't accept for one time. So, we have a court date set in a few weeks. He wants to get the visitation rights lifted, but I don't. So, now what do I do? It's so much going on.. I'm confused and upset. :(

Jodi - posted on 03/13/2013

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I am a believer that short of abuse (as in, it NOT being in the child's best interests) every child has a right to get to know both biological parents. I get you don't want him in your child's life, but do you want to be the one, when your child is 15, to tell him it was YOU who denied his right to get to know his dad? Or to know who his biological father is? I don't think you do.

What your ex did was wrong. He was wrong to walk away from you, and he was wrong to walk up to you and tell your son these things because it must have been very confusing for him. However, that doesn't mean he is wrong for changing his mind and now wanting to be a part of his son's life.

I would suggest you meet with your son's father and ask him about his intentions. Ask him what part he is wanting to take in his son's life. Explain to him that this is something he needs to take slowly for all the reasons you have stated - your son doesn't know him and he needs to get to know him and learn to be comfortable around him. I would definitely suggest trying to negotiate a parenting agreement/court order to secure custody and visitation, and you should also be making sure you file for child support (if you haven't already).

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