AM I DOING SOME THING WRONG???

Felecia - posted on 05/28/2009 ( 25 moms have responded )

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So I am a 21 yr old mother of a 4 yr old boy and a 6 1/2 month old daughter (which I breastfeed) Well I want to start off by saying I have always been a stay at home mother me and my son are (were?) so close we did every thing together we would play games 4-5 times a day we had a school hour each day since he was a baby, we did all sorts of creative arts, I am so protective I did not let him spend the night at his grandmothers (fathers side) house untill he was 2 years old. He went no where with out me!! Well with that said I became pregnant with my daughter and was very sick and in allot of pain every day for the whole pregnancy but still I did every thing I could do for him.. Well I tought every thing would change after she was born But it has only got worse for the last 6 1/2 months I have struggled so bad first she was born she had really bad colic as the doctor said she would cry all the time they said it would only last 3-4 months so I did every thing I could to give my son the attention he so badly needed (with having so much change) Well now she she is crying all the time I (no joke) have to hold her 21 hours out of the day, I do dishes with one hand I have done every thing one handed.. And needless to say my son gets the crap end of the deal.. Since she was born and its been such a hard change for us all I started doing special days with my son were we would go to the bowling alley or park or chucky cheese some thing fun just for him (of course she comes because i breastfeed) And we still do like arts and crafts when I get lucky enough to put her down and she stays sleeping...Well any ways I have no support from the kids family (fathers side) they seem to only come out when it is convient for them (1 maybe 2 times a month) and well I have no family on my side and no friends (any more since I had kids lol) So it is just me and kids 97% of the time... Well this is why I am writing yesterday I yelled at their father (infront of them "very sad I got mad enough to do this") But I left the room upset and My son walks over to his dad pats him on the back and says "DAD dont worry mommy only likes Dekota (daughters name)" THIS BROKE MY HEART....................... I do try my very best to show my son I love him I tell him least once a day I do every thing I can to make him happy.. I feel like I am failing I dont want my son to ever feel this way!! Dont get me wrong when I say this but since I have had (and still having) such a hard time with my daughter I love her very very much but I am kinda getting salty that I have had to put my son my first born, my baby , on the back burner.. I dont know what to do any more..... I need help I have took my daughter to doctor few times to see why she crys all the time the doctor just tells me she has a healthy strong attachment to me!! Though I do love that she loves me soo much but I do need my time with my son.. MInd you I NEVER get time to myself.. And I guess the kids dad was telling me I have been kinda ruff with our son lately been snappy at him.. Keep in mind my daughter will not take a bottle no matter what!! She will not sit in swings, high chairs, slings, bouncers NOTHING longer than 2-4 minutes..Sorry I just laid it out there but I dont have any where to turn to !!! PLEASE HELP ME GIVE ME ANY ADVICE YOU CAN PLEASE.. GOD BLESS xoxo

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Vanessa - posted on 06/01/2009

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i have been in your situation.. so i know exactly what you are going on about! my boy will tell me he wants to go live with his dad all the time now.. trust me tho, they will get better!! my son is almost 5 and i also have a girl who is 10 months and for about 7 months he would just not listen do what he wanted.. they just feel left out even if we do show them attention it's not just them any more and they just don't like it! so don't feel like you are doing anything wrong! :) You sound like you are doing a top job.. My daughter cries alot too only for attention! so it is hard, as you show 1 attention then the other will do worse to get it... I say when your son play's up make him understand how it makes you feel.. and maybe start up a chart for him and if he gets 5 out of 7 during the week ( 1 per day) then he get's to choose something exciting to do.. it's work for my boy.. even tho he still plays up occassionally, but it has helped.. i wish you all the best sweetie and stay strong things will get better, just may take a little bit xx

Jessica - posted on 06/01/2009

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You seem to be doing an amazing job, I have a 5 yr old 2 1/2 and 1 1/2 year old. It is hard to find the balance btw each child and to make sure that they feel loved and appreciated. Sometimes taking a time out to embrace our children and hug them like we mean it really goes a long way to them. It is important for them to know that you enjoy their company and that they are important. Try going on walks, with my oldest son I would make it an adventure and tell stories, even hide something or make a treasure map etc and the baby will love to be moved around. Also I would pretend like the baby is talking to him and have her chase him around while holding the baby and pretending she is going to tickle him. Read them stories or make up stories and adventures about the two of them.

A few suggestions, I do not know ur money situation but is there anyone that you could pay to watch her even if it is only an hour or two a week or every other week. When I have felt over whelmed in the past I picked up a part time job, just to get out and to get to talk to adults, make some extra money, even having to get ready and dress up. Even if it is just working around ur childrens dads hours such as sundays, etc. This might enable you to pay a person to come a few hours a week so that you can take your son out. This break would be beneficial to your well being which in return would make your children happier. Your family as a whole functions better when you nurture yourself and you are truly happy.

I am not sure of ur situation with their dad, children always notice tension and the stress will effect their daily life and their happiness(not sure if this applies to you or not)

It is important to reach out for help, tell his family how you are feeling and ask. Even if you invite a neighbor over for coffee or an old friend they will come over and normally help entertain the children and give you a break and allow for more one on one with each of the children. I think it is hard to ask for help sometimes because it makes us feel weak but in reality no one thinks of it like that. I have trouble asking for help but I have been getting better at it and most people feel good to help.

Nicci - posted on 06/01/2009

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You should try putting a shirt that you have worn for a while with her. I had a blanket for my son that i slept with for a while to have my smell on it and it helped. A night shirt you've slept in can help too. Just an idea. lol now that i read the way i wrote it, it kinda sounds like give her your dirty laundry. Well it's an idea!! Good luck and you're a wonderful mom. Always remember that because if you weren't a good mom you wouldn't be looking for help!!!

Kimberly - posted on 06/01/2009

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with breastfeeding its hard to do anything. I have a month old girl and it took all of that month to get her to accept a bottle but i found that using a normal bottle nipple didnt work she fought it because it didnt form to her mouth the way the breast does. Try using the NUK bottles, if you get a small bottle it will help because the shape of the nipple is the same as your nipple when she is nursingl. try pumping a little here and there and introduce her to the bottle with breast milk in it that way she doesnt think you are not feeding her. If she is hungry enough she will eat and its not like you are starving her at all.

And like everyone else has said sometimes you have to let her cry. She has trained you to jump to her commands so it will be hard to break but if you set her down let her have stuff of yours around that smells like you it might make it easier on her. And set her down on your bed and you sit near her where she can see you but not touch you.

I hated leaving my daughter in her cradle or crib I wanted to hold her all the time but it got to be a habit for her that was short lived because i saw that it was leading into a bigger problem.

Dont worry it will get easier if you just let her cry and shut your ears to it. and spend time with your son.

Sarah - posted on 05/31/2009

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Hi again! Just wanted to say that i'm really glad everyone has been helpful to you!
i think your son is being amazingly understanding, he's a credit to you!! i think so long as he knows that you are trying to spend time with him, he will appreciate that. i used to say to my eldest, if my youngest was playing up or whatever, 'it's annoying isn't it when Shia (my youngest) needs something when we're trying to play. but she's only a baby and pretty soon she'll be able to play with us!' it seemed to help that i was seeing it from Cadence's (my eldest) point of view, but also explaining why Shia sometimes has to come first, and also telling her that it won't last forever.
i know it must seem like it will always be this way, but it won't! soon enough Dekota will see that there's other ways to have fun than being on mummy's lap!
stay strong, we're all here for you to chat to!! xx

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Lisette - posted on 06/01/2009

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hey you sound alot stronger this time round!! good 4 u "wat doesnt kill us makes us stronger" i no wat its like to have a partner who works night shift, u feel like a one man army!! they just have no idea! our job is 24/7 . Its funny how we deal with the crying all day(and night) and they barely make it through 5 minutes,lol. YET ANOTHER TESTAMENT TO A MOTHERS WORTH!! stay positive lots of love oxoxox.

Felecia - posted on 05/31/2009

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Thank you all again it is so nice to have your support.. Every day seems to be a challenge but I keep hope it will be easier in few months.. I have been tryn to give Dekota a bottle for some time I know this is bad but I have even went as far as to put real milk with strawberries in it to see what happened well its a NO!! She screams as if I just gave her a shot or some thing.. She has made the choice that I WILL BREASTFEED lol Every one including father of kids tells me to not breastfeed her she sooner or later will take a bottle but I WILL NOT do this all because of what I am going through its just not right to me.. I have had the father try to feed her while I leave room (formula bottle lol) and its even worse with them I think because she dont even like other people holding her at all let alone to feed her a bottle she dont want either.. I have been trying the singing around the house she dont seem to like my singing it makes her cry worse LOL Now that she is moving around well (crawling and standing up on things) I thought it would give her little more independance cause she would want to get into stuff but I was wrong I put her down she crawls right back to me (mind you crying ) If I go to the bathroom she soon follows all the way down the hall crying.. About Dekota and allergies to food I eat (with breastfeeding) I went through all that the first months of her life Because she was sooooo bad cried 24/7 unless attached to breast I cut out many foods here and there but I did cut out milk products completey for the first 4 months but slowly I added them back and she has done well.. I did have a VERY stressful pregnancy with her I was throwing up 24/7 the whole 9 months and was very emotional all the time I was put on bed rest for awhile because I kept passing out allot (which also put stain on me and my sons close relationship) And about finding support through my community I called out to the hospital and the do not have the funding for any programs like that just this year they no longer deliver babys.. I do go through a program that helps you learn about child development I go 1 hour every other week I have asked about meeting other parents there but they say they can not discuss any thing with other parents about different cases due to privacy acts..So I am not sure where else to turn for that.. Thank you Michelle I will for sure look into the "MOBY WRAP" I have let Dekota get down and I sat on floor with her trying to play with her different things but she just crawls over to get on my lap.. She likes to be on top of me.. Just writing on here she is sleeping on my chest!!! If I put her down she will wake up and scream.. I have been putting her down alittle more trying to cope with the screaming to give me even few minutes with my son I think he is enjoying that I dont put her first all the time I wish its was not like this but I guess I have to deal with it for now!! I am just wondering how much longer am I gonna have to deal?? I thought like I said it would settle down once he started to get around but Heck I am at loss of whats going on with her.. Jr (my son) does play with her allot he likes that he can get the biggest smiles out of her lol (when she is in MY ARMS) If she is on the floor and screaming like she always does and he trys to talk to her its like she trys to cry/scream over him than you can count him out lol The father of the kids has been trying to help with the kids as much as possible but due to his long night hours we dont see him much and when he is off he does play with Jr but with Dekota he trys and she screams and he feels if I can shut her up by holding her than I should deal with her (his words) And with Dekota being the way she is GOD LOVE her lol I dont get ANY thing done I have to watch what I cook, if any thing slatters might as well call it off I dont get bearly any cleaning done only what I can do withone hand which leaves out all major things.. I have learned to do dishes, fold and put up clothes, do allot of cooking one handed.. LOL But once again I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THANK YOU ALL SOOOOOO MUCH FOR YOUR ADVICE , SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT I NEEDED IT SO BAD... YOU ALL DONT EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH THIS MEANS TO ME.. THANKS YOU MILLIONS MORE TIMES....GOD BLESS EVERY ONE XOXO

Michelle - posted on 05/30/2009

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1st; u are doing everything that you can.

have u tried wearing the baby?

there are many websites you can go to......I like gypsymama.com and mobywrap.com ( I think- you can google moby wrap)

go and buy the fabric, I went to Wal Mart off the clearence rack and got 7 yards of cotton blend for $11.

My son loves it! and so cheap and still works!! on gypsy mama they have all the different was to wrap your child to you.

Guess what! hands free, yes I said it, hands free:)

if you have any questions please feel free to email me or whatever, would love to try and help you further.

Michelle

Nora - posted on 05/29/2009

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I think you are a wonderful mom and are doing the best that you can. May I suggest, and I know this is hard with little family around, but I had to let my mother or other people feed my son with a bottle in order to wean him from breast feeding. I took away one feeding a day for three days and then two etc.etc. This is just a suggestion to help you free up a little time. It works better to have others fed your child, that way they do not smell and demand the breast. Hope this helps a little. Good luck and keep up the good work!!

Nora

Lisette - posted on 05/29/2009

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firstly my heart goes out to you, i fully feel were your coming from,you must know YOU ARE A GOOD MUM in a hard position, but it will get easier,it will! its hard listening to a screaming baby and i wud assume your anxiety levels are sky high in anticipation of the roar as u put her down,they say that babies tap into our emotions like a little mirrior, and it sounds like you are stressed and guilt ridden,it mite feel hard BUT LET IT GO and start again YOU R A GOOD MUM DOING WHAT U CAN!! the fact you lay it out and ask 4 help proves that!! because baby is a tad diffucult try creating a calm time that you can sit with the both of them each day, begin by focussing with your son on baby. little games,sing songs,even get your son to teach baby with you words and sounds,this will help your son to bond with baby (even if she sceams, just explain and remain calm) you are a team of three now. its automatic that the dinamics change but its all still new time will heal,believe that k! ure son needs to be a part of the process 4 u and baby, you will b suprised how much he will want to help u once he has a chance to play with u and his sister, use those terms your sister and our baby and togeathr we can.......... its about u togeather you r never alone you will always have them and they you!! i hope this helps you & i no things will get better have faith STAY POSITIVE(thats a biggy) and belive in yourself you can do it!! much love and best wishes to you.oxoxoxox

Gracie - posted on 05/29/2009

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well i'll start by saying you're doing a great job. the fact that you're making jokes in conversation and interacting like a normal person is so admirable! i would be clinically insane now probably if i were you.

i have a nearly 3 yr old and twins on the way.

my daughter was allergic to dairy, gluten and lactose.

it took me 3 months to work this out and after i found a formula (goats milk) that worked for her she became alot less aggitated.

i couldn't breast feed her properly as she has a rasied pallet and cannot attach properly, but i was informed that everything you eat comes through in your milk, like dairy and things she was allergic too so that didn't help either. but i cut it out and the milk that i expressed for her was alot better and she didn't have any colic after that, and finding the right formula after that of course! if you enjoy breastfeeding still their is no need for you to give it up.

maybe dakota has a food allergy.

but enough about food. i'm really pleased you have reached out to mums on here!

have you done a search to see if there is any mums on here from where you live? they could help you out face to face and also in the childrens section of my hospital they have mothers groups advertised, just so you can get together with mothers and your son can play and dakota can interact with other children too.

did you have a stressful pregnancy with dakota? i'm sorry to ask but i have done alot of research and her clingyness to you could be something that was developed in the womb, depending on the different emotions you were feeling and exposed to.



and letting her cry it out is a good idea, it is bloody hard and controlled crying for long periods of time didn't work on my daughter, as she would cry, get SO upset and then vomit in about 7 mins flat.

My daughter also has alot of anxiety as her father and i seperated when she was 13 months old. he was a cheating poo head, but still her father.

he was never around and then all of a sudden wanted to play super dad, and his family, god help me. the biggest controlling wanks this side of the universe.

i was just the vessel that bought her here, and now drop the child and get out their way, pretty much.

so lily was shipped off to her dad, thanks to lawyers trying to make their lives easier, and i have had to deal with a frantic, emotionally unhinged, insecure poor little girl. who just wants to stay with her mummy.



i admire that you don't have postnatal depression and that you are brave enough to hold your head up high and keep getting up after you've get knocked down.



this might sound abit whacky but have you tried singing around the house. it doesn't matter if you're totally tone deaf. the sound of your happy singing voice can really help with dakota and her being away from you, in another room.

she can still hear you and know you're there.

it worked with lily. hey, i'm a mum. i sing nursery rhymes in the supermarket if it saves a tanty! who cares!

anyways i realise that this may not have helped you a single bit but i take my hat off to you! great work, keep it up.

oh...have you tried stalking local parks for other mothers?? they are often willing to chat and then who knows! you may make some more friends, but seriously, how much does having kids sort out who your real friends are!



you can count me as a friend now if you like! i'm only newish on here but i love to chat!

take care and keep me posted! oh and i do school stuff with my daughter too and she is really smart because i started when she was tiny! so good job their too :)

Liz - posted on 05/29/2009

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oh felicia, my heart goes out to you and let me start by saying that you seem to be a fantastic mother, the love you have for both your children is obvious and i'm sure you will make it through this.



if you don't feel comfortable with crying it out i understand. maybe start by just putting your daughter down next to you with your arm around here so your still holding her and your still there. after a few days of her being used to this it will give you a chance to eventually just sit next to her and then slowly move away so eventually your on the other side of the couch where she can still see you but everything is still fine. if she starts screaming dont pick her up straight away, try and distract her by laughing or singing loudly so she is smiling before you pick her back up. try and stay strong and remember it is just a phase, she will grow out of it.



i also think you should be honest with your partners family and just tell them that you need some 'me time' because you definitely sound like you have earnt a break. having them near Dekota more often will help her bond with them and in time she will go to them. in the mean time if someone else is holding her and she starts crying don't take her back. let them hold her while you hold her hand and soothe her with kisses and songs. any time she frets just settle her again but don't take her back straight away. this will give her a chance to know thats its okay to be with other people, mummy isn't going anywhere.



its going to take time but one thing i can tell from your posts is just how patient you are so all i can do is say good luck with everything and stay strong.

Lauren - posted on 05/29/2009

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I agree with Sarah, you are doing an excellent job! Your son is still adjusting to your new addition and the attention that she demands, and as she gets older and starts to mellow out, things will change and you will get back to a place where you can spend an equal amount of time with both of your kids. I also think that you should let her cry. Sarah's suggestion of staggering the amount of time that you put her down is a great idea. Eventually she'll know that just because you've put her down doesn't mean you won't be back, and she'll learn to occupy herself in the meantime. Then you can spend some time with your little man. I wish you luck, and I hope things get better for you!

Nolwazi - posted on 05/29/2009

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hi!! Sorry bout that.



My daughter used to be exactly the she wud neva let me put her down even to sleep she had to be on my arms 24/7, i struggled with lil things like taking a bath coz she always wanted to be attached to me. I thk the only thing is leave her to cry, its extremely painful coz ur instict will tel u to pick her up but she's only crying coz she knows its her weapon against you, if you check some of the time there is not even a single tear. truth is holding her also doesnt allow her to develop and learn to crawl etc..



I no it might be silly but babies make decision bout things like breast or bottle.. My baby was TOTALLY TOTALLY refusing the bottle and i had to suffer for a long time for her to use the bottle, i didnt hv enough milk so i didnt hv a choice. But 1 day she just decided it wasnt that bad and has been using it since..So just keep trying dnt gv up all it needs is patience..



She'l grow out of it.. Can thier father help you with Dekota sometimes so you can spend time with your son? Maybe expressing some milk into a baby cup or cumin bk b4 she gets hungry again.. I thk it wud mean the world to him, and also help Dekota bond with her dad..

Felecia - posted on 05/28/2009

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Thank you all for opening your hearts to me.Support and advice is always welcomed... At this point in my life I feel lost. The family (on fathers side) says they understand but I dont think they do because if they did I would like to think they would be here for us more.. Or they just really dont care not so sure any more... Its so wonderful knowing that you all do care and I have some where I can turn, because I am alone for most of the time!! I have took Dekota to 3 different places there is nothing wrong with her... They say that she just loves me so much she wants to be near me all the time (some times I wish she didnt love me SO MUCH lol) If any one other than me holds here it only last 3-5 minutes before she starts SCREAMING crying than its back to mom she goes and than she will turn around smile at the person like nothing happened.. I swear some times I wait for her head to start to spin around ( I know that sound bad) My son Jr loves to play with her and she enjoys his company as well but once again its only for like 3-5 minutes.. I do try to get him to help out with her like talking, playing, I have taught him sign language and he helps to teach her, getting a diaper if needed things like that but I feel as if he is starting to get annoyed by this.. He is a GREAT, loving child and I never want him to feel any thing else but love, support and wanted.. Once again thank you all for you kindness.. GOD BLESS xo

Felecia - posted on 05/28/2009

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Quoting Christine:

Felecia,
I know exactly how you feel about the abandoning of your child. It is hard to hear them cry knowing all you have to do is pick them up. There is a difference in a whine and a cry and you should be able to tell the difference. Does your little girl whine first and then you immediatly pick her up? I have a little 6 week old boy and I can always tell when he's about to cry. He starts with a whine, sometimes if I let him whine for a few minutes he stops by himself(this is hard to hear, but its like you said cant let them think you'll be there 24/7). If Caleb(my lil one) starts wailing then I pick him up, but as long as it's still a whine I leave him be.
As far as spending time with your little boy, sometimes you have to ask for help. Ask your husband or parents to watch Dekota while you spend quality time with your son. Leave the house if you have to. Take a walk, go to a park or do something to get out of the house. Dekota is going to have to learn to depend on other people. It will be harder for you if you stay in the house and hear her cry. It might be rough for your parents or husband at first but she will learn to depend on others.
Be strong, sounds like you're doing the best you can. Also be sure to get some quality YOU time because that will calm you down. Even if it's just a 10min bath, lock yourself in the bathroom and listen to music. Then go back to your crazy hectic life! At least then you had 10min of calmness.
I hope this advice helps. I'm praying for you!!



Thank you so much for your understanding.. When Dekota starts its never a whine its full out screaming.. (And she dont stop till I get near her and she thinks I am gonna pick her up!! though I  only let her do this to cook and now she crawls to me screaming standing up on my leg).. My boyfriend (kids father) works 60-80 hours a week he has no time and I have no family on my side his side is only here when they want to be they are not here when I need them, or if I need a break or any thing I can not count on them!!!! I know I should be taking "ME TIME" to stay sane (lol) but it is not on my list to do right now and it has not been for a while.. My kids are just to needy because I am all they have.. I would love to do some thign by my self or even with one kid but I really just have no one around.. my biggest worry is my son not understanding that I love him too.. I am praying that Dekota soon finds there is other things in the world except me lol My son is the main worry I have right now.. He will be going to school in Aug.. and I dont want him to feel like I am pushing him out all because Dekota came along.. Thank you so much for your kindness, support and prayers.. God Bless ya xo

[deleted account]

Felecia, my heart goes out to you. That sounds like a rough situation. My son was extremely colicy when he was a baby for about 7 months then it just stopped. I would suggest the you tell Dekota *beautiful name by the way* she was to wait, if she starts crying when you doing something for your son. By your son hearing you tell Dekota to wait, he will see that he doesn't always come last. It will help him to feel more secure. Also you could ask your son to help you with Dekota, to try entertaining her, and playing with her. If he is more involved with her then he will be more understanding. As for Dad, try to may sure that you and he discuss the things that bother you, when you are both calm, to prevent fighting, and if you are really upset, try to get 15 minutes for yourself, to calm down.
And remember that you are doing a great job, it is hard, but you are doing well. I hope that this helps.
Tonya.

Christine - posted on 05/28/2009

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Felecia,

I know exactly how you feel about the abandoning of your child. It is hard to hear them cry knowing all you have to do is pick them up. There is a difference in a whine and a cry and you should be able to tell the difference. Does your little girl whine first and then you immediatly pick her up? I have a little 6 week old boy and I can always tell when he's about to cry. He starts with a whine, sometimes if I let him whine for a few minutes he stops by himself(this is hard to hear, but its like you said cant let them think you'll be there 24/7). If Caleb(my lil one) starts wailing then I pick him up, but as long as it's still a whine I leave him be.

As far as spending time with your little boy, sometimes you have to ask for help. Ask your husband or parents to watch Dekota while you spend quality time with your son. Leave the house if you have to. Take a walk, go to a park or do something to get out of the house. Dekota is going to have to learn to depend on other people. It will be harder for you if you stay in the house and hear her cry. It might be rough for your parents or husband at first but she will learn to depend on others.

Be strong, sounds like you're doing the best you can. Also be sure to get some quality YOU time because that will calm you down. Even if it's just a 10min bath, lock yourself in the bathroom and listen to music. Then go back to your crazy hectic life! At least then you had 10min of calmness.

I hope this advice helps. I'm praying for you!!

Mel - posted on 05/28/2009

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yes you do need to let her cry but at 6 months it shouldnt still be colic so i would be going to a childrens hospital (NOT a doctor) and just ask them if they can give you any advice it may be worth it they are smart. im not saying that you are not doing a wonderful job because you are, if i was dealing with that i would be so broken right now, but maybe shes crying for something else?

Sarah - posted on 05/28/2009

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with the crying thing, i would start really gradually, like let her cry for 5 mins, then go back to her, then extend to 10 mins etc etc, that way she's learning that you will come back to her. you're son sounds like a great little boy, they will fall out, i never thought that a 4yr old and a baby could get cross with each other but they do!! lol!! maybe explain to him, that tho Dekota (fab name!) is taking up a lot of your time, it won't last forever. let him be as involved as possible, let him help bathe her, etc. i know it's really hard not to go to her each time she cries, but at this point, i think you need to try. it's hard to keep the right balance with two, but it'll happen and then it will be wonderful!! xxx

Felecia - posted on 05/28/2009

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Sarah Thank you for your advice and kind words..I am trying my best.. The doctor even told me that if I wanted to ever be able to put her down to let her cry it out start with putting her down for one hour each day and increase it every day.. And with long thought put in this my only concern is that she will feel like I have abandoned her (as funny as I know this must sound) I feel this way because as a child I was left by both my parents.. So at every cry I try to be there for the both of them.. And about my son playing with her he does all the time he loves her so much, he is the best big brother.. But she seems to only want me he can only keep her quite for a few minutes than its "MAMAMAMA" (lol) He is such a great child in every way but since I have had Dekota I have seen some changes in him like he has been getting so emotional over little things , he seems to say things with such a bad attitude.. and in the last month He gets annoyed at Dekota for crawling to him, standing on him..?? But he loves to talk to her lol But I will for sure put this to thought again.. Thank you again for your advice and kind words!! God bless

Sarah - posted on 05/28/2009

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oh my god! you poor thing i feel SO sorry for you!!!! firstly, i think you are doing an excellent job! i know it may not feel that way to you, but trust me, you are!! i don't know where you're from, but i'm from the UK, and we have health visitors here who come round and do checks on the baby, weight etc, they also have drop in centres at the doctors. perhaps talking to someone more geared towards babies would help?? my personal opinion, which i'm sure many people and maybe even you will disagree with, but i'll offer it anyway!! is that you may have to just let your daughter cry it out sometimes, not for hrs on end or anything, but it seems like she needs to learn that you can't always be there 24/7. there are books i think on controlled crying and stuff. another idea during the day would be to maybe see if your son would play with her, with you too at first. my eldest (4yrs) used to entertain my youngest (now 1) for absolutely ages!! perhaps if they could play together, you'd be able to put her down more?

again i say i think you're doing an amazing job, you obviously love your kids SO much!!!! not sure if my advice is gonna help or not, but i wish you good luck, and if you wanna chat, just msg me! xxx

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