another leave him or stick it out cos of the kids?

Sakura - posted on 10/19/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Wow im 32weeks pregnant with our 6th child and finally its a boy. now my partner just asked me a bombdafied request. It was hunny do you think of sleeping with other guys, its all right i don't mind you sleeping with someone else, ill look after the kids just as long as you don;'t tell me who or when you are mucking around. I was like what are you gonna babysit while i muck around and he goes yep. Of course i said no i dont think of anyone else to sleep with, and whats the point of being in a relationship with him if im gonna be getting my loving from someone else. I thought this sounds fishy, so i told him no i really wouldn''t bother doing that kind of thing as itll mean retraining a new lover, lolz and also i would not like you sleeping with another lady, he goes why not will you be jealous, i said of course and i dont like sharing, if you're gonna muck around on me it'll be over. He said nah you'd miss me and take me back then i'll find me another one and screw that person as well, also he reckons i would never be able to find out at all if he was mucking around on me. Im like u wanna bet, of course i'd know, your bloody technique will be different, i wont be getting any cos he can only shoot off once a day, so if im not getting any somebody is. also im dam sure they other partner would want some money spent on them, so of course i have control of the money in our accounts, if certain substantial amouts are withdrawn of course i'd ask what its for and wheres da receipts duh. and im pretty sure he would have to be going out a bit, each day to meet up with his new lover, He's only just recently just started going out on saturdays drinking with his family at his sisters house for the past month theyre only about 5 houses down from us, and we all are pretty close knit, so i cant see how he can get away with it down there especially since sunday is always his family gathering so they'd probably tell me if he was there or not. although he has just started txting one of his workmates lately, theres nothing suspicious in da txts but if he was to muck around it would be with this person. cos he use to txt me all day everyday but now i notice they're going to his other colleague....hmm i think hes a wannabe playboy who repeatedly keeps telling me i will never know.....because he says this so many times i am a bit distraught of course i dont show it to him, i reflect back into what is up with me, but i know ive spoiled him too much, if he wants to go out and find another fluff, at times im like sweet az just means you're not coming back into bed with me ever again and at least the other person can take over the pampering he gets...but he always goes on you cant leave cos we've got kids together, they won't like it. but far out this was a real bombshell for me though as we hardly ever argue might be twice a year we have disagreed, we have always been equal in opinions on what to do, just the difference now is that i've taken on more of the household chores, besides doing the cooking and cleaning and da kids, i also do the outside work, mowing and taking out the rubbish, organise his workload, and i go to work myself. although my job is like 4hrs aday everyday early in the morning, his is 6 days a week 7 to 5. so because i've got more hours at home he says i should be doing all the extra chores, its funny cos on sunday youd think hed do some outside work but nah he just sleeps and says hes so tired from working hard all week. With me being pregnant im only getting 2hrs sleep a day cos my baby is so active i should be the tired one. he just comments its your own fault for not sleeping, i just go to sleep cos when im really tired baby wakes up and moves around for an hour or 2 then he goes to sleep by that time im tired....so i dunno we've been together for 11 years but i do think that if he does cheat i cant stay with him, like i said before i reckon its pointless staying together if you're getting loving else where what do you all think

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User - posted on 10/19/2012

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I have touched on the idea of infidelity in our relationship recently too (after almost 9 years.) He didn't do anything with her but considered it and planned on seeing her again (an ex-girlfriend.) It killed me because of all the time we had been together I never thought it would ever be an issue. That was right before our wedding and I told him outright that he needed to make a choice either to marry me and be with me or go be with someone else. I gave him time to really make this decision for himself (not to act on it!) I made it very clear that if he had or ever would sleep with another woman there would be no fixing us. It turned out that we had a lot of communication issues and both of us had needs that weren't being met and neither of us was understanding the other. We have worked hard to listen to eachother and make more time for just us (more babysitting and datenight.) We did get married and are expecting a third child but I have found the trust in our relationship still isn't perfect. I can see that he is commited to me but also that our relationship is and will always be a work in progress.

I can definately see the predicament you are in. I think you need to make it clear to him that he needs to make a choice of you/your family or other women. I do wonder if you can postpone this until after the baby as I wonder if you would be okay having the baby alone, just something to consider. It sounds like all the chore issues and stuff could be worked out if you guys could understand eachothers needs but the posiible infidelity needs to be dealt with for sure as that could be a make it or break it. I think you should consider/plan what you would do, where you would go, how you would pay bills, take care of the children, etc. then talk to him about it just so he knows you are completely serious. Something I told my man when we had our fight is that "I want to be married, happy and raise our kids together and he is definately my first choice, but if he doesn't want this I will find another man who will be happy to be blessed with our wonderful family."

I also think it's important to tell him that the options are either 1)he stays faithful to you and commits to always working on your relationship or 2)you will get divorced/split up the time with the kids and date other people, that there is no third option of having your family and girls on the side. I am sorry you are going through this especially at 8 months pregnant! I hope things work out for you two as a couple but just remember that things work out as they're supposed to and some day you will see why this all happened, maybe it will make your relationship stronger or maybe it will lead you away from someone who wasn't good for you in the first place bacause there is a better man out there. Good luck and I hope you have a healthy/happy baby.

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