Anxiety over leaving the kids...for date night!

Jessica - posted on 08/24/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I am having a very hard time leaving my 18 mo old daughter with....well...anyone. I just can't figure out why I am having such anxiety over it. I like to get out every once in a while with my hubby, but it has just seemed impossible lately. My hubby wants to get away for two days and I just can't stand the thought of leaving her with anyone! I have my sister, who would love to watch her. I just don't feel comfortable with it. I see all my friends get away, and go and have fun...and "have a life" but I just have not been able to make it happen. Any suggestions? Just typing this makes my chest hurt! Maybe it is because she is the baby? Addy is a great baby...I just feel bad because I am her everything since she does not go to daycare!! :( I need to find a happy medium...........................SOON!!!

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Desaree - posted on 08/25/2009

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Mabey you can do it slowly like just leave her for and hour or so to have lunch with your hubby and just make it a little longer every time. Don't think you are the only one who feels like that we all have a hard time leaving our kids behing especially us stay at home moms, but you really need some you time too.

Katy - posted on 08/25/2009

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Hi -- I can totally related to what you're saying. I have a daughter, Ella, who is almost 10 months. I HATE being away from her -- even going to run errrands. Lots of times I find myself rushing home to get back to her. And you know what, she's FINE with her dad! I am just stressing myself out. For me, I think that I have a problem leaving Ella with anyone -- even like I said, her dad - because I feel like I can do everything for her BEST. And, I know all the little things she likes and dislikes.

But. You do know - that all of this is illogical. Her dad, my husband-- does just fine with her. As does family watching her or a babysitter.

I think that you have to start taking 'baby-steps' so to speak, otherwise you'll never get to get out.

You said you don't trust your sister to watch your daughter....well is that really true or is it just really hard to let go and go out? Maybe you need to find a babysitter that you really like and feel comfortable with. If you can find someone then maybe have them come over a few times to get use to your daughter, and your daughter use to her - and you can be there to 'monitor' things-- and get a good feel for this person. Also - you can teach her some of your new 'tricks' of what your daughter likes and dislikes.

In the end, I totally hear ya. I need to take my own dang advice! My husband and I have only been out 1 time with an official babysitter. It was freaking hard to leave our Ella...but we did it -- and Ella did just fine.

Baby steps. We'll do it together girl!

Best of luck!

Katy

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Kristin - posted on 08/26/2009

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It's totally understandable. I'm a stay-at-home mom and just hate leaving my kids with someone else. However, I feel if I stay feeling that way for the rest of their lives, then what's gonna happen when their first day of kindergarten arrives? They're gonna be so dependent on you that they're gonna have trouble letting go as well. You have family (and i'm sure, friends) who wanna support your "me time" and babysit your daughter for a couple hours. When my husband and I started our "date nights" to help out our marriage...I was constantly calling the babysitter to make sure everything was okay. It bothered my husband a bit because he knew that the kids were fine and I just was not letting go of them. It was hard, but I had to start trusting and stop worrying. I knew God was gonna have his angels watching over my kids and that eased my burden. There is no harm for "me time", jessica. It helps you out so much and more importantly, it helps your marriage! I guarantee it!

Jessica - posted on 08/26/2009

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Katy - it is not that I don't trust my sister.........I trust her MORE than anyone...I just don't know how I feel about leaving for a weekend...it is going to be A LONG TIME... :( I need to start getting out with him more, and talk myself down. It is so hard though. Knowone knows her the way I do... I know all of the words she is saying etc...

Ladies I appreciate the advice, and I am going to work on it! Wish me luck!! :)

Jessica - posted on 08/25/2009

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I have left her for date night a few times, and do not mind doing that. I guess the thought of leaving her for 48 hrs makes me sick. I am ever so in love with my hubby, and Lord knows with three kids we need to take some time....I guess I just feel guilty. If we got the opportunity to go somewhere...we should take the kids. I want to be able to have a life the way my friends do, Vegas, California, fun trips...adult style...but I don't want to leave her. The boys go to their dads house every other weekend...so I am used to that. He just told me last night that the baby has changed me and i used to be fun before she was born. :( The sad thing is it is true. Every other weekend we had no children, and we went out, went out of town, and went and had fun. I don't know what is wrong with me.

Colleen - posted on 08/24/2009

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I know how you feel. Just this past weekend, I left my 2 month old with my parents for the weekend while my husband and I went to a wedding. I cried when they left with him, and I called them a few times throughout the weekend. But you know what? I had a blast and while I missed him like crazy and thought about him the whole time, I really needed that weekend away. Just make sure she goes with someone you trust and that they remain reachable so you can call up any time to talk to her.

Stephanie - posted on 08/24/2009

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I would definitely have your sister watch your daughter even if for a short time. At least she is someone that you really trust. It may be a little easier on you if she comes over to your house. By now it's probably pretty kid friendly. I definitely felt like that for the LONGEST time. I felt uneasy about my fiance even watching him alone. For some reason I felt I was the only one who could care for our son the best. You mind will probably be wandering back to your daughter even while you're out, but it really does become easier with time.

Casey - posted on 08/24/2009

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I know exactly how you feel, my little boy is 1 and I have never been away from him and I can't even bare the thought of being away from him. My partner is the same as yours he would like us to have a night off and go away and do something romantic but I know I wouldn't enjoy it at all. It's definately not that we don't trust anyone else to look after them, it's just that we are with them all day everyday and we feel like they depend on us for everything, but maybe we depend on them too. I would tell your partner to be patient and that you are definately not ready to leave her for 2 nights maybe you could leave her with your sister just for a couple of hours while you and your hubby went out for lunch and slowly increase the time that you are away from her. it's going to take a while for you to be able to leave her just for a night but maybe working up to it slowly will be less stressful for the both of you. Just remember your not alone cause I feel exactly the same way but we both know that we have to let go eventually, but maybe we could just do it gradually, good luck!!!

Katie - posted on 08/24/2009

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Hey, my boy is almost one and i have the same thing! i think its just being a mum though. you just want to always make sure that they are alright and theres nothing wrong with that. im still learning to leave my bub, but im getting better. i started leaving him for a small amount of time and after a few times i got more comfortable and then you can try for a longer amount of time. And leaving them with someone you really know/trust helps. my sister and my mum are the only people i have left him with yet and it will probably stay like that for while, but hey im still learning :)

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