any advice would be great

Talyia - posted on 07/29/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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So I recently divorced and I now have a new boyfriend who I love very much. I have a 7 year old boy and he has a 2 yr old boy. I adore the both of them the same. The baby's mom is not so fond of me. But my bf and I both believe that she is telling the baby bad things about me or that he shouldnt love me. When we get him after a weekend he spends with her, he is not the same sweet little boy. he tells me he doesnt want to hug me or that he doesnt love me. When he is with us for a few days, he is back to normal and huggy and lovey with us. What do I do when he behaves this way!! Being a step mom is new to me and I just want him to know that I love him!

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September - posted on 07/30/2009

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I would talk to the childs Mom. It's really sad that she would make her child have feelings towars you that he did not choose himself. It sounds like she may be a bit jealous of you. It's not fair to the child at all! Sounds pretty immature to be honest! Good luck :)

Symantha - posted on 07/30/2009

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You need to go and talk to her in person. If she has a problem with you she should tell you and not tell him. Also when he comes back not acting the same just keep telling him that you love him and you want to give him hugs.

Crystal - posted on 07/30/2009

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Hmmm... I sense major jealousy coming from her.

And putting her own opinions into a little boy's head is just horrible!! How sad!

I totally agree with Amber on loving him unconditionally and showing that love to him. All he wants is love from the grown-ups he loves, which is you included. I would advise you to just "be the better person" and provide a good example for the kids.

Talyia - posted on 07/30/2009

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Thanks for the advice everyone. Her and I used to be pretty close and than the military separated us for about a year. In the meantime, She left Walter...(my bf/her ex). When I realized that I was in love with him, I told her right away bc i didnt know what to do and I didnt want her to hate me. When I first moved here, her and I spent time together and took the kids to the park. She even told everyone in Walter's family that if she could pick a step mom for her little boy, it would be ME! Now for some reason, she screams and calls me names right in front of our kids. So talking to her would probably only end up in a fist fight and I realllllly dont want that to happen!! Thanks so much to everyone!!!

Donna - posted on 07/30/2009

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Confronting his mother couldn't be a worse piece of advice! It will cause conflict and much more trouble than you can imagine!

I would however suggest that your boyfriend talks to her. After all, it's his kid, not yours. I'm sure you love him and care about him, but there's nothing you can do - This woman, is clearly jealous that you have her ex and jealous you spend so much time with her son and doesn't want to be replaced (which isn't a bad thing), but what she is doing is wrong.

Ask him to talk to her, tell him that not only does she end up upsetting him and you but the little boy as well, which I'm sure she wouldn't want. Is it also out of the question for you to reach out to her in a friendly manner? I'm sure she is probably just bitter and lonely...be the bigger person. If she says no, she's only hurting herself....and as he gets older, her son as well.

Amber - posted on 07/30/2009

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I agree with Brooke. I am not sure confronting the mom is going to do anything at all she is going to do what she is going to do anyway and definately don't have a confrontation in front of the kids. It is probably that the mom is jealous of your relationship with your boyfriend as well as her child. As a child he may want to talk about things that you do and then she may become defensive and say negative things which only will confuse him. If you continue to be loving toward him eventually he will see that you are the same no matter what and he will learn that you love him unconditionally which is what he needs. He is just confused he is so young and feels one way and which probably upsets his mom so he tries to act differently in an attempt to please her. Just continue being loving and eventually this will stop. I know it is hard, but obviously he loves you.

Brooke - posted on 07/29/2009

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Just stay positive when he is around, you can't control what his mom does.... but if you just keep staying positive, always be happy to see him, whether or not he acts that way toward you, eventually he will start realizing things for himself and know that you love him and are always happy to see him.

[deleted account]

really the best thing you can do is confront her about it and before the little one leaves let him know that you love him and cant wait till he get home so you make it excited about want to come home! just a thought

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