anyone give me some advice?

Suzie - posted on 04/17/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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hey everyone i'm suzie i am 26 and full time mom at the moment. i have 2 kids my son is going to be 4 and my daughter will be 2 in a few months. my husband and i have been married for 3 years, we have been together for 13 years or so.
for the past year or so i've not been as happy with my husband. i think we have just grown apart, i don't want to end it but i don't want it to be the same anymore. i know in my heart that nothing about our relationship is going to change, it has been the same for atleast 5 years now. we have done the whole counceling thing and it works while we are there but the minuite we walk out of the office the same old stuff happens and it's like we were never there.
he is a wonderful father and our kids are his everything. it just kills me to think about the kids and him not seeing each other every day. i don't want to do that to the kids or him because i know it will just crush everyone involved.
i need some help does anyone have any advice?

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Manveer - posted on 04/17/2009

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Maybe you have just been together for so many years that you have both just fallen into a horrible routine...unfortunately I have no advice, except that if you think there is something worth saving in your marriage then you should give it a try. Counselling is fine while it lasts like you said, but maybe you and your hubby should try gettin the fire back into your relationship. Try doing things that you did when you first got together. If you can leave the kids someplace, take a weekend away together... maybe the old fire's still there?

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Britny - posted on 04/17/2009

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I know this sounds crazy, but have you heard of the Love Dare? The movie Fireproof My Marriage would be great for you to watch one night if you have time. the concept is based around the "Love Dare", which the main character Caleb uses to gain his wifes respect and love back, Im sure you can find the book at a local Wal-mart or Hastings. Just a thought!

Corie Jeremy - posted on 04/17/2009

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I recomend reading a book called The five love languages by gary chapman. Also try getting involved in a good church, pray together and hold hands when possible. talk to each other and no matter how much you don't want to say or hear somthng let each other know whats in your heart and head. good luck!

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when your relationship is stuck in a rut its easy to concentrate on the bad things, and it sounds like from your post that you and your husband have stopped taking care of your relationship and shifted your focus soley on your children, so its probably time to shake things up, you say your a full time mom right now, have you considered getting a part time job? you would probably have to anyway if the two of you seperated. Sometimes when you go out and meet new people, the people you meet outside of your relationship can breathe new life into it, however this can also have a negative effect too, it could push you further apart and give you the idea that the grass is greener...counseling does work but only if you both want to make it work. It is also important to do things like a date night once in a while (without the children), you were together for nine years before the kids came along, so there must be more to your relationship than children...but the biggest question you need to ask yourself is if you still love him...if yes, why? and if no, why not? its not healthy to stay in a unhappy relationship but you want to make sure that it cant be fixed first. ultimately your children will be fine as long as they know that mom and dad love them and that mom and dad are happy.

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