Anyway else lose all their friends?

Dawn - posted on 04/26/2009 ( 46 moms have responded )

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Does anyone else notice that their so called "best friends" of over a decade long up and left once you were pregnant, or shortly after childbrith?

46 Comments

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Stacey-Marie - posted on 04/30/2009

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In my case i lost touch with most friends after a year or so after leaving school 9 years ago. I can only count one person who has kept in contact with my husband and me from school.
Now i am at uni my friends have nothing in common with me - im married with a kid and my friends are younger and single so even then i feel apart from them.
I do wonder if i will ever have that best mate.

Cassie - posted on 04/29/2009

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I did notice that when I was pregnant with my daughter, that I wasn't as fun anymore. It was kind of a shock from the people that I was closest to. Through the last few years, there is only one friend from before I was pregnant that I have stayed in touch with and that is because we have kids that are the same age! It is hard to make the adjustment and to grow up, but having my kids was the best things that has happened to me in my life!

Krista - posted on 04/29/2009

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Most of my good friends are still good friends. The one that I'm still angry about is my so-called best friend for the past 15 years. When I called to tell her I was pregnant she didn't have the excited, congratulatory response that I expected, and then made an excuse to get off the phone. I called her several times after that and she never returned my calls so I gave up on her. She never called once during my whole pregnancy or after she found out that I had my son over 5 months ago. I've even ran into her twice, just recently I had my son with me. She's never even seen him, so I figured she'd stop and chat and take a look at him, but she said hi and kept on walking! I don't even want to rekindle a friendship with someone who would act like that, but it REALLY pisses me off every time I think about it!!

Brittney - posted on 04/29/2009

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i had the same experience dawn. hardly any of my friends are married let alone have children and when i cant go out and hang out all night long with them, they have all moved on. Its kind of sad. i have confronted alot of them because they are supposed to be my support system and GOD knows that in those first couple of sleepless weeks all you need is a friend with some adult conversation.

Courtney - posted on 04/29/2009

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Funny how that happens! It hurt me for a while but one night I went out with the single girls and I wound up staying out way to late and having a bit to much to drink... I woke up miserable. So I now no why I cant "hang" with that crowd.

Kirstie - posted on 04/29/2009

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when i found out i was pregnant the first time my so called friends dropped me like a hat and only saw me when it suited them, then when i miscarried that baby a couple came back and started being all nice and pally again, but 3 months later i found out i was pregnant again, im on my last stages of pregnancy only 8 weeks left and all through my pregnancy i aint heard nothing from my friends, now the babys due they all wanna know me again, my other half says that i should say no as they will only be interested in first couple of weeks and then dropp me again and he says i should say no instead of getting hurt again xx

Becky - posted on 04/29/2009

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I guess i am one of the lucky ones, none of my friends dropped me or forgot me. If i said no to a night out that was fine we just developed different intersts together. I don't drink anyway but always used to be up for a night out with our friends. I guess it helps that my husband and i come from a long running group of friends made up from mainly couples.

Amanda - posted on 04/29/2009

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yep, that happened to me, but you know as the years had went on we had reunited and now we are friends again, but as those years that they were gone I had grown and made new friends but i always had a heart for the old, no hard feelings when ther left didnt 'really blame them, really , due to i had other things i needed to do and i was trying to make a relationship work, and trying to be a good mom, didn't really have time for the things my friends did anyways, i totally believe it was maybe good back than, but were all together again and we all have kids and were all grown up and more mature and it works out well. but that was part of my fault they left i kept a distant from some because i didn't know what i had in common anymore , and my priorities were laid somwhere else. but it you will meet new friends and you enjoy every moment of it. where is that you are from anyways.

User - posted on 04/29/2009

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yeah i do been friends with someone since left school out every weekend with em soon as i had baby its like they dissapeared of the face of the earth

Erika - posted on 04/29/2009

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Yes!!! its because they are so use to us being able to up and go when we wanted and now we cant! My best friend said I changed! well no duh! i am a mother now! of coarse i changed! But i have a few really close friends that stayed around! and they love coming over to see my daughter

Angie - posted on 04/29/2009

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yes i have and now that they all have kids they want to be friends again! also i noticed that the preps in my class now want our kids to play together but wanted nothing to do with me in school. it gets very aggrevating at times. i had a playdate arranged and the other kid beat the snot out of my son and tried to hit my daughter!

Autumn - posted on 04/29/2009

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I did not have this issue at all, but maybe its because all my friends had kids before me? My friends from High school are the ones that did not have kids yet, but they are still my BFFs, but they all live in another State where I am from. My friends and I did more than drinking and parties before pregnancy though. We went out occasionally, but it was more than that. Maybe, that has something to do with why I have them? I don't know..

Kelly - posted on 04/29/2009

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Hi Dawn :) I am no longer in touch with any of my old "close" friends. It was ok for the first 3 months & then they all started dropping off the radar & I would hear from other people that they were all still hanging out but not inviting us because we had a baby. I had known one of them since I was 5. None of them had children except one of the guys but he only had his son once every two weeks for the night. One of the couples are actually my son's godparents. The strange thing is, I have since become very close with a new group of friends, all of whom are under 24 (I am 29). None of them have children but we all make sure that we keep in touch & see each other as often as possible. All I can say is hang in there & I'm sure you will find some new people that are worthy of your friendship :)

And I totally get what you're saying about the motor vehicle thing! Lol.

Dawn - posted on 04/29/2009

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Oh, I've made the effort, a few dozen times.....but good for you! glad that you dont have fair weather friends!

Samantha - posted on 04/28/2009

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I havent had that problem, and its surprising to see that so many people do. All of my friends have been soo completely supportive. they offer to baby sit so my husband and i can go out or so that i can go to the gym, they come over to cook dinner, despite the fact that i live about 45 minutes away. And they always make time to call me. But i also take the time to call them and see whats going on in their lives. I invite them out and go do things. My husband will stay home with our daughter so i can have a girls night out. we go out to dinner and go dancing, things like that. You have to make the effort as well to make the friendship work, just like any relationship.

Randi-Lynn - posted on 04/28/2009

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yea, i understand....Actually the my best friend at the time was always with me, and than she got pregnant and after she had her first kid is when we pretty much stopped hanging out even tho our kids are only a few months apart... my friend who i hang out with now has no kids but is here almost all the time, she loves my kids to death. And well my boyfriend. I feel bad about him cause i can't go out and do all the "cool" things a normal girlfriend our age would be able to do. But he's great about it. But other than that i love it wouldn't change anything for the world =)

Stacey - posted on 04/28/2009

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Yep, I never thought it would happen to me and my husband because our friends were so close. The ones without kids just don't share the same interests anymore. Luckily I found a great mom's group on meetup.com and made new friends who do share the same interests. It's hard to make friends again as an adult.

Dawn - posted on 04/28/2009

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Ok...new question.....Does anyone secretly "accidently" on purpose want to push them in front of a moving vehicle for being so selfish? lol j/k ( well kinda :) )

Donna - posted on 04/28/2009

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Hi dawn, I know the feeling. when I had my first most of my mate slowly disapeared!! I have two friends that I speak to occasionally, but not as much as I'd like. the plus side is that I have met some new friends and instead of going for a drink we sit down the park or a each others houses. still miss my old friends though, it's been six years.

Michelle - posted on 04/27/2009

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I'm 6 months pregnant right now and have found that all my friends have left. I expected it from the ones who only called me to go out and party but the two best best best friends of mine, I wasn't expecting it. One is throwing me a baby shower but beyond that, we haven't talked. The other one lives a block away from me and I NEVER talk to her anymore. I get so jealous when I see that they go out and drink and have fun. I hate that I can't and I thought maybe once the baby was born they'd start calling me again... but why should I want them to?? They only want to hang out if it involves partying. Guess it's true about finding your true blue friends. People I graduated with that I NEVER talked to in high school are messaging me on facebook asking how everything is going (they have kids) and if I need anything. I've become friends with girls I barely knew and found that my 'best friends' have ditched me.

Becki - posted on 04/27/2009

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Yep! Still don't have any friends that I do anything with. My life is my family and although I may miss having friends to go out with I wouldn't trade beng a wife and a mother for anything!

Jessica - posted on 04/27/2009

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I'm fighting that from happening right now, my bf had her kid 6yrs ago and I was there the entire time, ever since my son has been 1 shes around less and less...our children love eachother and I can't even get her to call me back!

My other bf has no kids and has aways been a flake so its touch and go with her, always texting but never going out!



I need a moms group my age with my attitude and I'm sure our issues will be the same...

Is there such a group???

Christina - posted on 04/27/2009

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I had my first kid when I was 20. My friends were still out going to parties and didn't even have serious relationships at the time. They came to see me in the hospital after I had my son and that was the last time I saw them. Now almost seven years later, I still have a hard time keeping friends because it's harder for me to go out and do something. I'm trying to find more moms in my area I could do something with, but it's really hard.....

Keela - posted on 04/27/2009

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Due in a week.... Only have one single friend. Almost like I have a contagious disease. Thought it was just me.

Stephanie - posted on 04/27/2009

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Yes, but its weird many of friends have young children too, but we still don't see each other that much. Its like you can't go out like you used to. Its sad, but my son is my life now and its worth it, even though you miss being young and no worries.

Sara - posted on 04/27/2009

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yep i know that feelin lost touch with most of them until my child hits around a year,expecting again now and over past few weeks they ave slowly started to dissapear,normal no invites out or involved in anything anymore,which is sad as im not unable to still enjoy myself,lol

Danielle - posted on 04/27/2009

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i have found that many a day i have felt alone and invisable. All my friends seem to have disappeared even the one who has a child the same age as mine. it seems like like i have fallen off the earth or something.

Noemi - posted on 04/27/2009

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yh, i found that my best mate..was there for a while now she cant be bothered n she if she asked me to do sumthing its rite there n then n i cant just drop everything to go..but i dnt think she understands. i go out once a month with my friends n them lot understand i need prior warnin lol

Michelle - posted on 04/26/2009

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It is totally different once you have kids thats for sure. None of my friends have kids so I find myself now single again with no friends and it gets really hard. I live in a small town and it seems like that makes it much harder to find people who are in the same situation that you are in.

Kalie - posted on 04/26/2009

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Lol! ... most of the people I use to 'hang with' are history! Oh well but I've got a couple of good ol' girlfriends (we don't even live in the same city!) that I'm still close with. I look at it this way... the going out and bars and worrying about outfits don't matter anymore. I perfer to hang out with my son! lol Though i do miss adult lady conversations. Some of the old friends just don't get it.. Ex: 'do you like... ever get you know... sick when you are changing diapers all the time?" lol and so on. I really don't mnd not talking to anyone who I wouldn't want around my son. Also in the market for mom friends!!!

Rachael - posted on 04/26/2009

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I completely understand. We are moving to another state in 2 months and I will not have any friends there. I just signed up at meetup.com so I can start getting to know some of the other stay at home moms there before I move. Hopefully it will make the transition easier. We have had one couple in particular who has completely ditched us since I had my daughter.

Dawn - posted on 04/26/2009

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Yeah, I totally understand that we are just in different places in our lives, but its been almost 9 months since I had my daughter, and I still get lonely sometimes. Dont get me wrong, I LOVE being a mother and I wouldnt change a thing about my life right now. And my husband is always telling me that once she starts school and stuff I will meet other mothers to be friends with, its just hard to shake that feeling of loneliness

User - posted on 04/26/2009

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i have 2 boys 3yrs and 23wks. ya b4 children theres nothing better 2 do on a wkend then 2 go out and get wasted lol but when u have children not saying u can never go out but i look 4would 2 wkend as it family time, i still kind of talk 2 old mates but i have 5 good good mates that have children so we r in the same boat, we meet up 4 lunch ect and its great,

but after having my 1st son it was very lonely 4 the 1st few months but it gets beta, and its easyer 2 stay in contacted with mates that have kids than the ones that dont.

Megan - posted on 04/26/2009

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Yes!! when i was first pregnant and didn't want to drink anymore i stopped getting calls to go out, then all the calls stopped. my friends haven't even seen my daughter and she is 3 mths!! it's really lonely sometimes.

Kylie - posted on 04/26/2009

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My friends were really great its me that feels bad coz I can't go and do the things that we used to do-eventually they just stopped asking, and I understand that. I miss it a lot but I have a whole different life now and I still see my friends with kids for play dates coz we are in the same boat....

Chaya - posted on 04/26/2009

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Ya that totally happens, but just wait you'll either make a whole new group or reconnect. Young moms that happens but maturity also happens. Give it some time it will come. I was always friends with my bff but when she had a baby 2 years later than me now were inseprible. So just wait.

[deleted account]

Alot of my single friends drop me like a rock but the ones at have just had or have had babies have been great.

Angie - posted on 04/26/2009

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I am in the same boat...all of my friends are still in the going to the bar stage, and once I got pregnant, I finally grew up and put my daughter first. I get lonely sometimes but I am happy to stay home with her!! Anyone wants to talk look me up!!

Amanda - posted on 04/26/2009

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I can relate but it was more like my sister didn't wanna hang out cause I couldn't go out at the drop of a hat. She just had her baby last June and now knows that she can't go out anytime she wants and her friends disappeared.

Jaclyn - posted on 04/26/2009

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I noticed all my childless friends stopped calling me when i found i was pregnant cause i wouldn't go to the bar with them anymore. Now i hear they are starting to have kids, and i wish them the best of luck but we are still not friends cause we are still at different points of our lives.

Sybil - posted on 04/26/2009

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Yeah it get's lonely but its hard for me to have my same friends bc i'm in a whole nother world now...i pretty much keep in touch with one main friend and the rest are basically history...i just don;t have time for much as every mother would know...makes me sad

Kristina - posted on 04/26/2009

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omg yes..... When I found out I was preg with my first my so called friends 'oh dont worry, we will def get together! ill call you all the time blah blah blah'

At first after the birth it was good but by roughly 3mths things were real different and I heard less and less from them.



Now currently looking for parent friends who can relate!

Tara - posted on 04/26/2009

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yes i did that is wen i started going to mom groups and meeting other mothers

then my friends that didnt have kids came around and now my kids are all going off

to elementry school and they are just having babies now

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