are all men this way

Lindsay - posted on 04/16/2009 ( 86 moms have responded )

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ok how can i put this nicely lol.i love my boyfreind very much and we have a 3 year old daughter we been together for 8 years and live together for 4. i work a part time job just for extra cash for my self so i dont have to always ask him for money. anyway my qustion is my boyfriend pays for every thing,all the bills anything our daughter need ,if i ask him to by something for me,are cars etc. but he dont do anything around the house, unless i bitch about it to him. he dont get up with our daughter the days hes home. he feels he can do what ever he wants casue he pays for every thing . i dont feel he can, yes he pays for ever thing and he says to me well you dont help me with bills so you can take care of the house and baby. but the reason i dont help him is casue he make 10 times more money than me. so i was just wondering how other moms feel about this and if the boyfriend / husband is the same way thanks for reading this i know its long lol

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i see a worrying trend in these posts, when it comes to relationships, having children, buying homes etc, i hear a lot of people talking about its MY responsibility or its HIS money, if you are going to put all your effort into making your relationships work there shouldnt be any of this his and mine stuff, everything should be ours, this is OUR home or these are OUR children. We live in a day and age where the biggest cause of a relationship breakdown is money, and it seems like there is still a lot of men out there who are being really selfish, i would never dream of having to ask my husband for money to take care of household issues...his money is my money, and my money is his money...my husband loves his computer games too, but if he ever spent money on that rather than a necessity, i would beat him over the head with the damn game system. when we decided to get married and start a family, thats when we decided it was time to grow up, the family must come first if these children are going to be raised in happy healthy household. One solution i suggest if your partner is really hesistant to hand over his check would be to make him split it...he could have a checking account in his name only and you could have a checking account in both your names which is to be used for household purchases, he can put a percentage of his check in the house account and keep the rest for himself, and if you work part time you could match his percentage...even though you'd probably be putting less into the account, your still matching his contribution percentage wise.

Felicia - posted on 04/17/2009

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I would never put up with it. Who cares how much money he makes?! Taking care of a house and a child is a 24 hour job plus you work part time. You are taking on way more than he is! Say he works the average work week of 40hrs, you are working 168hrs(including sleep but hey you said you're the one that has to get up with your child). My uncle is the same way! My aunt just recently went back to work full-time, he said he would help more if she ever went back to work but doesn't. She now works full time and takes on all the house and children responsibilities. The worst part is that they have three boys who will probably learn from example and expect the same from their wives. My opinion is that no one whether you are male or female should have to put up with this!

Jessica - posted on 04/17/2009

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Quoting Kylie:

My hubby is the bread winner of the family, I make a little money on the side but it is his income that pays for our home and lifestyle. He has never brought up the fact that because he works outside the home everything inside the home including the kids is my responsibility. He gets home and cooks dinner some nights, baths, reads to and puts to bed our 4 year old every night. He also cleans the kitchen and vacuums the house without ever being asked. He also does the weekly shopping with me. This really has never been an issue, I think he’s worked out if I’m happy and contented then he’s happy too. I get up to the kids at night, do all the washing and ironing, clean the bathroom and toilets and make his lunch everyday, look after the pets and garden, but its about balance. We are a partnership. I don’t get how some women can live in a relationship where they get an “allowance” to run the house and buy the things they want. Not all men are like that Lindsay, your man probably doesn’t get that being a mum is a full time job in its self. I’d have a chat with him about his role, and remember, men are trainable:)



AMEN!!!



Our marriage is the exact same way. Everything is easier when you share the responsibilities, and money instead of trying to figure out who does what and who gets what. My husband wasn't always so cooperative, though. When I had the baby (I was home with her for the first 4 months then got a part time job) and would sleep with her instead of cleaning he would come home from work and be mad that dinner wasn't ready and the house wasn't spotless. It took quite a few talks, and a fair share of arguments and he finaly came to realize how hard it was to try and do everything, he was just raised to think that women are supposed to do everything house and kid related and was above picking up a broom. Now I work full time, he quit his job and went back to school three days a week and watches our daughter two days so we don't have to pay for full time daycare, he pitches in around the house (I have to do the deep cleaning because he overlooks it). Right now it's challenging, but what's holding us together is that we are both pulling our weight and sharing parental responsibilities, he will take her to a park or something so I can get some extra things done around the house and I watch her every night so he can do his homework.



You have to be patient with men, if you haven't noticed they are a little crude and very slow to pick up on these things ;)   This helped me -  take a girls weekend and get out, leaving him with the kid(and a list of a few chores) and see how clean the house is when you get back. Then have a nice chat and help him relate to how you feel, that you have that much responsibilities ALL THE TIME, it doesn't stop after a weekend for you (it does help to say the stress of trying to everything house and kid related completly destroys your sex drive). Hopefully he will be compassionate enough to pitch in a little more, but it still takes a while to chang the bad habits. You both will be so much happier!



 



Good luck!!

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Quoting Kylie:

ahahaha great post Janet. I bet our hubbies are happier and get a fair bit more sex than the ones who want to come home and only sit on the couch or at the computer and have dinner served to them.



if the wife is happy she will strive to make hubby happy....and lets face it, its not hard to know what makes a man happy! hehe

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Samantha - posted on 04/27/2009

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I think he should still help out. My husband works so i can stay home with our daughter but he still does the dishes, feeds the dog, takes out the trash and helps with the baby. AND he doesnt complain about it =) just because he works, doenst mean you are his maid. Sure, i make dinner every night and i do the laundry and keep the house clean, but sometimes its just impossible to do everything on your own when you have a little one. they are demanding and require a lot of attention. Your boyfriend cant come home and make a mess and just expect you to clean up after him. Youre supposed to be a team and help each other. Theres no keeping score. And ya know what? Being a mom is a full time job. Its 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. There arent mandatory 15 minute breaks and an uninterrupted lunch hour. You dont get to clock in and clock out at the end of the day. When he leaves his job, he clocks out and gets to go home and relax. When do you get to relax? think about it. He should do things without being asked, and if you do ask, it shouldnt be a fight to get him to do it. The rest of the world goes to work and still comes home and has to clean the house. Hes not any different.

Mel - posted on 04/27/2009

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Quoting Karen:

It's all men. Especially men aged 20-30. My husband originally wanted me to stay at home and be the "house wife and stay at home mom". I was okay with doing everything at first. When we had just our daughter, then I got pregnant. Now I had a one year old and a newborn. My husband threw a fit even if I asked him to take out the trash. We lived on the third floor of an apartment building!

We're separated now, he said my nagging him to help with the kids pushed him to having an affair. I told him he's a whore. The one huge issue I had with him at the beginning was the fact that when our first daughter was born he never helped at all. He never changed a diaper until our son was born. He never held a bottle or helped with baths. Apparently I really was the parent. I still am. Even though we're separated its the same way. I take care of the kids, the house, my schooling (nursing program) and he plays rock band and guitar hero and buys himself new clothes.

It's the way this generation of men are. They are children that never grew up. They don't know how to be a proper adult. Or parent.


 



sorry to hear you are obviously still bitter towards men but you got to realise not all men are like this. my partner has been how he is since ive know him hes turning 26 this year and i met him at 22. you just got to find the right guy. theres no excuse for an affair. my partner always says it makes him feel sick even thinking about cheating and he could never do it

Vanessa - posted on 04/27/2009

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in our family my hubby is the breadwinner, i stay home with the kids, I know he works hard for us (and it's a little harder because he works over night) but he also knows staying home with the kids isn't a walk in the park! I guess i lucked out, he stays up after work to help me with the kids, plays with them , takes them to the park, changes diapers, pretty much does everything I do with them. He sleeps while the kids nap and is in bed when the kids are, then gets up and does it all over again. As for the finances I completely agree with Janet, thats the way it works in my house there is no his money and my money, it's our money, isn't that what being in a relationship is about, doing everything together?You need to have a talk with your man!

Jessica - posted on 04/27/2009

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I agree with the picking your battles i clean up my boyfriends clothes & stuff all the time but hes not home much cuz he goes to work at 430 & doesnt get home till after 4 am so fighting when we get time to see eachother seems like a waste of time

Sarah - posted on 04/27/2009

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Quoting Lindsay:



Quoting Amanda:

I am in the same situation! My bf pays all the bills and we r now going to build a new house so he will b paying th mortgage as well... he figures since he works all day I can take care of the house, our 2 months old son, our 2 dogs do all his banking (he owns his own company) and have dinner on the table for him when he walks in the door... he doesn't realize how hard it is trying to get all that done in one day especially when the babys is screaming (o and I have to make th phone calls to the contractor for our new house) I get soo frustrated when he comes home has a shower and beelines for the computer instead of asking how my day was and playing with his son! i feel like i am a single mom most day, when i say something to him about it he gets mad and we just en up fighting I love him very much but ever since our son was born its like we r just 2 ppl living together and saying hi as we walk by, I am soo tired of fighting with him somedays I don't even talk to him!






omg yes this is excatly how we are beside being in the middle of  buyin house so i know you really must be going crazy. but yea its like where room mates and some woman think oh he pays all the bills so you should do it and not bitch about it but i would rather ever thing be 50/50 becasue some times you just need a break form the kids and the cleaning and some time being work is a break .but as much as i say something to him all we do is fight about so its not even worth it but anyway goodluck to us both haha





I"ve been there too, the only thing that I can say is have hope.  1 week after my son was born we moved away from our family.  Three months after that his job took him to the west coast.  He came home every couple of months, but we would just end up fighting, the house wasnt organized, I wasnt working yada yada yada.   The final straw came when he came home for christmas and told me he would show me how easy it was to keep an IMMACULATE house.  I had finally found a support system and had gotten back to work.  So off to work I went.  He was a mess within two days of being home!  Now I'm working full time and since he was laid off, he's playing mr.mom.  The shoe is so on the other foot now, and let me tell you there have been numerous apologies.  I'm the bigger person, and dont yell at him over the state of the house (which is hardly ever clean!) I merley raise an eyebrow and go on my way!  That makes him feel even worse!  There is such thing as KARMA

Jessica - posted on 04/27/2009

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Hey I kinda know how you feel My boyfriend works over nights it doesnt ever get up with our 4 yr old even on his days off & we are expecting our 2nd child in 11 weeks so Ive been exhausted. I love that i get to stay home wiht my kids but i never get even 5 mins to myself not even to shower unless i wait till my toddler is in bed . I love taking care of the house & my family but a girl needs a mental health day once in a while lol I can't say he never helps but its very little when he does i feel llike hes mad 7 taht i should suck it up & do it cuz he takes care of all our needs so idk its hard to deal with & keep everyone happy

Karen - posted on 04/27/2009

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It's all men. Especially men aged 20-30. My husband originally wanted me to stay at home and be the "house wife and stay at home mom". I was okay with doing everything at first. When we had just our daughter, then I got pregnant. Now I had a one year old and a newborn. My husband threw a fit even if I asked him to take out the trash. We lived on the third floor of an apartment building!



We're separated now, he said my nagging him to help with the kids pushed him to having an affair. I told him he's a whore. The one huge issue I had with him at the beginning was the fact that when our first daughter was born he never helped at all. He never changed a diaper until our son was born. He never held a bottle or helped with baths. Apparently I really was the parent. I still am. Even though we're separated its the same way. I take care of the kids, the house, my schooling (nursing program) and he plays rock band and guitar hero and buys himself new clothes.



It's the way this generation of men are. They are children that never grew up. They don't know how to be a proper adult. Or parent.

Mel - posted on 04/27/2009

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i agree with majority of other posts if does not mean he shouldnt help around the house or with his child! my partner works full time and he works 11-12 hours days and some saturdays. our daughter is 12 months and i havent been to work since she was 7 months yet he still comes home does most of the cooking since ive had her does dishes waashing cleans the bottles, does the babys night time feed, reads her story and showers her every night. so not all men are the way your describing!

Carissa - posted on 04/27/2009

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i understand he brings in all the money so does my guy. but his job ends mine is 24 hrs 7 days a week... get him to pitch in

Meghan - posted on 04/21/2009

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My husband leaves his underwear next to or on top of the laundry basket in the bathroom every day! I used to get SO mad. I didn't want people comeing over and seeing his underwear laying around and how hard is it really to actually put it in the basket? But I grew tired of fighting him over it and learned to pick my battles. Now I just nuge on in to the basket when I walk by or when I know someone is coming over. I would rather just deal with it than fight about something so trivial. Yes, it's still frustrating that i have to pick up his slack in that, but I just think about the ways he picks up my slack and think of it as part of the partnership. I choose to deal with it rather than fight about it because I love him.

Chrissie - posted on 04/21/2009

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Quoting Stephanie:


  but it just gets on my nerves when he'll take off his clothes NEXT TO the laundry basket yet leave them on the floor or stuff like that.Most guys seem to be innately dirty and sloppy, but i've found over the years that when he does do some stuff I get bothered because I'm so use to having it done my way. So I mean I wish he'd help more, but at the same time, I want it done "right". I just wish he would offer to do ANYTHING every once & awhile or say hey thanks, or the place looks really nice today.


  My husband does the SAME thing!! Ill spend ALL day cleaning the house and our room and doing laundry (along with taking care of our son) and he comes home and takes his pants off not 3 inches from the laundry basket.....it drives me insane! haha.



 



And yes, if i ask him to clean i have to go behind him a little and make sure it was done right.....when he finally decides to help me....once every few weeks or so...



 



 



It gets irritating but you just gotta tell him how you feel and that your not gonna be treated like that. Thats what i did. It eventually came down to a pretty big fight, but we said somethings that needed to be said and everything is different now. I dont mind the cleaning so much but its getting help with the baby that i need. Hes almost 4 months old and ive only spent 1 night away from him and it was in the hospital....i think i deserve a little help right?? haha.



Hope this helps and things get better for you soon.

Meghan - posted on 04/21/2009

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Ladies, I think one of the things we all need to remember is that marriage/ rasing a family and the ways we carry out those responsibilities is modeled to us by our parents. How were your husbands/ boyfriends raised? Also, nagging or as you said, Lindsay "Bitching" about things you want them to do doesn't help the relationship. It only makes him feel like a failure and makes him defensive. Communicate with your man about the ways you would like him to help and why you need him, and show your appreciation for the things he does do. You have to show him that you appreciate even the smallest tasks. It's just the way guys work. Check out the book "For Women Only". It gives some great insights on how guys think and why they behave the ways they do. The more they feel appreciated the more they will be likely to help out. It will most likely take some time though since they are used to the nagging and not helping.

Heather - posted on 04/21/2009

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Hey Lindsay. I agree with what christina wrote. Its more spending time with your daughter. Also, him paying for everything shouldnt fly. Being a parent is a 24 hour job for the rest of your life! and guess what you dont get paid for it. Its rewarding but it doesnt result in an earned income that you can use to help pay the bills. On top of it your working a part time job. So basically you have two jobs. From experiance i know that its hard to be in this situation and if you guys are holding grudges about what the other should be doing then the outcome is never good! If you guys love each other then sit down and work something out. Use some of the suggestions you received. I really hope this helped and if you need anything else you know we are all always here. GOOD LUCK!

Lori - posted on 04/21/2009

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I think Jill has a great prespective. I wish my husband were as responsible as her to know a tidy house from a super clean one, and to help on days off. YOU GO JILL!!

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i think i can add an interesting perspective. my fiancee stays home with the baby while i work. he does not work. his "job" is to take care of things around the house, i pay for everything. Things I expect from him include the house to be clean (not sparkling, but tidy), dinner to be on it's way to done when I get home, and our baby to be happy and taken care of. He takes the 3 am feeding, but i feed the baby when I get home and before bed, also at 7am before I go to work. so, allthough he does most of the housework, on weekends, i help out with laundry and baby duty- his job as "Mr. Mom" is only from 8-5, when I'm at work. Other than that, both of out jobs are "Parenting!"

Christina - posted on 04/21/2009

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I completely agree with Lindsay! What he seems to be forgetting is that if he had to pay a cleaner to come in and do all the little jobs around the house, it would cost him a fortune. You work too, and he needs to remember this. But I don't think that your real problem is having to sort the house. I think it is more a case that you wnat him to spend more time with his daughter, which would free up time for you to get stuff done. A little bit of appreciation wouldn't go a miss either!!!

Corine - posted on 04/21/2009

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In the experience with my husband he was that way until our kids got to be about 4 years old. He is much more involved now. I think men can generally relate better to 'little people' rather than babies. Once they are bigger they can express themselves better and dad can understand. As far as doing anything around the house, my experience is the same. I am still trying to find the trick. Good Luck!:)

Belinda - posted on 04/21/2009

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lindsay the only thing i can say is you and him need to sit down and talk and explain that you both made this child together and that you are both responsible for this child.

Lori - posted on 04/21/2009

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My husband is the same way!! So was my dad.... but did you know that if you add up all the "services" a mother provides that it ranges from $60,000 to 630,000 a YEAR!! Does he make that much? Sounds like your b/f thinks there is some arbitrary division of labor, but trust me on this from personal experience, a father who doesn't put his all into raising a child suffers from it in the end. I feel distant to my dad b/c he didn't really raise us, even though he lived in the same house and was present. Children bond to their primary care giver, mom, dad, sibling, grandparent, adopted parent no matter who it is. If he wants his little one to love him as much as she loves you then he will have to be more involved.... and can I guess he might have wanted a son?? I see this a lot in dads who get girls and wanted boys, they think they can't connect.

Brianna - posted on 04/21/2009

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You are right to be frustrated. I think if a couple decide, early on, what their respective roles will be (ie. you are homemaker and he is bread-winner) they should treat their roles as their jobs. You DO have a job: my mother was a homemaker and it was a full-time job!! Still, your child is BOTH of your responsibilities. He should not have to be asked to do anything; he should want to. Also, while you may take on the majority of the housework, he should still act like an adult and clean up after himself. Otherwise, you'll just have an extra kid to take care of! My husband and I both work. I also go to law school. We are expecting our first child anyday now. I do the majority of the cooking and cleaning but have learned the best way to get help from him. Yelling only makes him resentful and starts a fight. Try calmly (no tears, no loud voices) sitting him down & letting him know how you feel, not just that your frustrated, but that you feel unappreciated & overwhelmed. You'll be surprised at how you can get through to him if you talk, not yell. Hope this helps!

Leeann - posted on 04/20/2009

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Hello, Lindsay. I am a fulltime stay home mum. My boyfriend does help me out when i need it. But i do have to nake him sometimes. Some men fell that we look after the house and they go to work and earn the money. What they dont understand is we work seven days a week and we dont get time of unless the kids go to school. So we work but we dont get paid for it. All you got to understand is you are not alone and some males wont change.

Leigh - posted on 04/20/2009

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I must be one of the lucky ones cause my man earns all of the money, and when he is home he helps me with all the chores cause he always says how I work way harder than him. He's always there to give me a break, he even gets the kids every morning so I can sleep in, since he doesn't work until noon. I think as a couple there should be respect and understanding.He should want to do things to help you out and you should do things for him too. I hope things get better for you.

Amanda - posted on 04/20/2009

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no. real men and good fathers are not like this. A guy who creates a baby needs to care for the baby and play with her. It does not matter if he has paid employment ad you dont, he should help around the house to. He has a set work schedule gets to come home and put his feet up while you look after a home and a baby 24/7. so where is your break? why does he think he deserves to sit on his ass at home while you do everything?
You need to sit down and write out a list of everything you do, from cooking, cleaning, laundry, child care even running errands and beside each job write down how long you spend on it and how much it would cost you to pay someone to do those things for you I am sure that if you do that and show it to him he will see that although you may not get paid for it your work is just as valuable as his paid employment and that you to should be able to get a break from it. he should help you.

Brandie - posted on 04/20/2009

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I am a stay at home mom with two girls. I am not married to ther dad but I have been with him for about 8 years. He too pays all the bills. I do the job of a house wife. The only difference between his job and mine is that he gets paid and two days a week off. What do I get for all my hard work nothing. No vac,no pay,no day off. So I think that on one of his days off he get my job and I take the day off. The other one he can have. You have every right to say something to him. you need help and a dy off ask for it all mom's should have at least one day.



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Cassie - posted on 04/20/2009

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Ok so this is what happens in OUR (my much better half and I) house...... There is nothing that is your or mine.... It is all OURS...... The truck, the 2 cars, the house, the money, the dogs, EVERYTHING..... I am about 8 weeks from giving him our first son together...... I feel like I have realy lucked out finding him.... He helps clean, cook, he works.....He will even make my coffie the night before if I forget to..... If I work a 2am shift at work he will stay up till 1am just to beable to wake me up and kiss me bye.... We have a joint checking account..... Both of our checks go in there and the bills get payed and he has enough respect for me to ask me what i think if he spends money out of it..... As I do the same thing to him.... Life is to short to be unhappy.... and way to short to fight about money.... Not everyones relationship is going to be the way they dreamed of it growing up.... But thats your desition to make the path you want to go down.... Hope this helps... Sorry if it dont...

Ashley - posted on 04/20/2009

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Im in the same situation. Just because a man works does not mean that household responsibilites do not apply to him. mothers work from morning till night. Think about what you do all day long. From the moment you open your eyes till the moment you close them. He goes to work, comes home, sleeps. Thats how it WAS here until i put my foot down. Still, i have to almost beg and all i hear is "i pay the bills". well, you raise his child, you run the household, you are a maid, a chef, a taxi, and im sure you can come up with a few more. SO HE OWES YOU! YOU and his child are his responsibility. He is supposed to provide and play a part in other household responsibilities. Im not saying a whole lot. but he should do his own dishes, help with him and his daughters laundry, help u pick up. You work too, then you come home to a daughter which is even more work. Don't think you are being hard on him when you ask him for help. Hope things get better.

Megan - posted on 04/20/2009

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i really do think that most men are. i do EVERYTHING around my house. my hubby is like having a 2nd child. leaves his clothes on the bathroom floor, NEVER wipes his feet, I cook and clean and do all the caregiving to our daughter. every now and then (like MAYBE once a week) I can get him to change a diaper. He acts like it kills him to even take out the trash a few times a week. So no girl, you are NOT alone. The thing is, don't get me wrong, i wouldn't trade him 4 anything, but my husband isn't very booksmart, he didn't go to college at all, and he has to work really hard for the money he makes. Whenever he tells me something like "well, i make all the money....BAH BLAH BLAH.....i just tell him that if he hadn't met me and married me and got me pregnant that i could have finished school and would be making twice as muchc as him. he hates that. It's true though. Good luck, i know i didn't really give you any advice, but hopefully just knowing ur not alone will help. Hang in there!

Tamika - posted on 04/20/2009

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YES!!!! all men are like your boyfriend in the beginning, but you can train them..... My husband is the bread winner too!!! I agree that it is my responsibility to do the cooking, cleaning, washing, serve dinner, stay at home with the kids..all that!! but it is not to be taken for granted. Don't come home and just throw your clothes off where you stand. Being a mother is 24/7 job, 365 days a year, there is no sick time, no vacation time, no benefits, no scheduled breaks during the day, no set time for lunches.....My husband will not do housework, since he works everyday. But he does help out tremendously with our two boys( 5 months and 22 months) .He spends time with them once he gets home from work, so I can have a break.We alternate each night who gives the kids a bath and we each take one child to put them to sleep. I am the one up at night if the kids wake up and I do get up with him in the morning and make breakfast sometimes. A relationship is give and take and you need to pick and choose your battles. The kids is not just the wife/girlfriend responsibility....He is wrong for not wanting to help with the baby...you carried the baby and gave birth...make him HELP!!!! NO EXCUSES!!

Jenna - posted on 04/20/2009

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I just recently ended a relationship with a man who was like this. We had 2 kids between the two of us and I did EVERYTHING for both. Plus cooking, laundry, cleaning, the play time, getting up in the mornings, everything. Then when I would ask him for money or anything for me he would throw a fit about how I take all of his money and blah, blah, blah! When really he was just an unappreciative, insensitive jerk off!



Just because he is the main breadwinner does not mean his hands are broke. He is able to throw a load of laundry in or wash a couple of dishes at night. If nothing else he needs to be helping you care for his child. It is not solely your responsibility because he pays all of the bills. He needs to be a Daddy. Put your foot down!

Sarah - posted on 04/20/2009

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My husband is not the father of my children and I dont work. He pays for the bills and everything. I dont have to ask him for money, help around the house, help with my children. He just does it. I have a friend whos husband is the same exact way that your boyfriend is. They are on the verge of getting a divorce because he wont help her with the baby or around the house, AND he talks shit on her to her family (talk about a stupid man). My advice to you is to give him an ultimadum. Tell him that he needs to straighten up or your gone. I know what your thinking about this suggestion, "She is crazy, he wont go for it". I was in a 5 year relationship with my oldest sons father. He worked all the time and when it came to spending time with our son, it was a "chore". He never took care of him and when I was not working, with him paying the bills, I was "undeserving" of the money that he brought home. Even tho i cooked, cleaned, and took care of his son. Being a full time mother is a tough job, more so when you feel like your doing it alone. If you can take care of the baby and the home on your own, with the feeling that he does not pitch in, then I know that you can do it on your own. Thats how it was with me. I told him to straighten up or I was gone. He did not believe me, so I left.



These are my opinons about this. Everyone has their own lives and can do what they want. I finally had enough of not having my own life while with him and I left him. 3 years later I am married to the most amazing man in the world. I know that you think that there is no one else out there for you, but i thought the same thing. It takes time. I found what was best for me and it was not my ex.

Ally - posted on 04/20/2009

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and by the way with the whole asking for money thing...does no one have a joint bank account??? if you are a family and one of you isnt working to stay home with the kids the money belongs to both of you! you shouldn't have to ask for it!

Ally - posted on 04/20/2009

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i looove danielles idea!!! but to answer your question ...no all men are not like that! i stayed home for a year and my husband works ten hour days and 14 hour night and i work one day a week and every other weekend to keep up my license. He usually gets off his second night work at 8 am after working 14 hours...picks up our daughter from my moms and then watches her while i am at work...he will clean while she naps and have dinner ready when i get home just like i would for him...when i wasnt working for a year he would immediately come home and take the baby from me bc he said that no matter how long and tiringhis day was (as a paramedic) he was sure mine were longer and harder. then i could finish cooking and he would feed her dinner and do diapers for the rest of the night...and we usually alternated bath nights so we could each have like 20 min to ourselves. tell your man to start taking on his responsibilities bc while all men might not help around the house all the time...REAL MEN TAKE CARE OF THEIR BABIES!!!

Erin - posted on 04/19/2009

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ALL MEN ARE LIKE THIS!! unfortunately i was raised my a father that no matter how tired he was when he got home from putting in a full days work hed still clean and cook and help my mom out with EVERYTHING, house and all 5 of us kids!! i was dissalusioned to think all men were this way, boy did i realize my mistake when it was my turn to be a mom with a baby daddy!! I no he thinks because he pays all the bills he dosent have to do anything and it is a touchy subject...i handled it mostly by cleaning up after myself and my child ONLY, doing my and my childs clothes ONLY, buying what we liked to eat till he got the picture. Keep in mind you do have your owne job and still takeing care of you and your baby, he dosent want to take part in it he can take care of himself!!

Zenobia - posted on 04/19/2009

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U r no good to anyone if u are dead tired and full fo resentment from having to shoulder all the responsibility. Yes he pays all the bills but they are bills to maintain the home he also lives in. It isnt completely selfless on his part. And ur daughter is a joint responsibility. theres no amount of money in the world that can buy off that gift u have given him. if he wants time to unwind then thats fine but at some point u have to cojme back in and get involved with the family again. mothering, maintaining a house and working past time U are working full time even though ur at home. so u deserve alittle help too...

Nicole - posted on 04/19/2009

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im a stay at home mom of a almost 2.5 yeah old and am due in august with the second. my fiance works. i do not. i don not see that it is fair for the man to do nothing. he must help. i would not be a happy woman if i always had to do everything. its part of being a parent. to be honest i could not be with someone who didnt help. parenting goes both ways. and helping with the house can help with parenting. a clean home is also safer for the kids. so simply put. he should help.!!!

Jodie - posted on 04/19/2009

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I always do the house work same time my partner helps. But he is always involved with the kids weather he has just finished work or it is a weekend. He dus not say he dont have to do anything because he works he just likes to help me he says that is love. so as for your problem i would sargest to sit down and talk to your partner and tell him how u fell and if he loves you how he can help.

Danielle - posted on 04/19/2009

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go away for a weekend and leave your daughter with him. Even if you just stay with a friend close by for an emergency don't tell him that, and just take some time off. Leave him with a list of everything that needs to get done and he'll have no choice but to do everything your daughter needs, and you'll get more appreciation!

Nikki - posted on 04/19/2009

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You need to tell him that technically you work more hours then him so...let's say that he works 9-5 then your at home work hours are 9-5 and when he gets home from work you are a team! I am a stay at home mom and do all of the house work during the week and get up with my son at night, but on the weekends we are a team and that's they way it should be because you are saving your family money by not having to pay for child care.

Stella - posted on 04/19/2009

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I agree with you completely. My husband works a fulltime job, I work 2 parttime jobs to help out with expense. Well, I am 8 months pregnant with our daughter....I do pretty much everything around the house. The only way I can really get him to do something is when I bitch at him. Which I hate to do. lol Anyway, so yah I think its a guy thing.

Adrienne - posted on 04/19/2009

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In my case my husband is the bread winner of the family. I was suppose to go back to work after my first born then before he was 4 months old I found out that I was pregnant again. So when my mat leave was done is when I was due to give birth to our second child. I'm the stay at home mom who takes care of the kids. But my husband will help around the house and with the boys when he can. The only time he can't is when he is doing everyone's taxes during tax season because he is only home for 30-60minutes for supper and back to work.

Staniquea - posted on 04/19/2009

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First of all, So what if he makes 10 times more than you. You have TWO jobs girl. It sounds like your a stay at home mom and you work part time. Not all men are like that though. I do believe that since your home a lot more than he that you should take on a little more of the housework than he but that's only because you have more time on your hands. I'm a stay at home mom and my fiance is the breadwinner. The only income I have is child support from my 1st child. I do more of the housework than he but he does get up and get my oldest daughter off to school every other morning. He also will take he girls to their dance classes occasionally, Put a load of clothes in the wash (But will forget to tell me so they'll sit there and I'll have to wash them again). Long story short I would say that maybe housework shouldn't be split down the middle cause he's gone more than you. When it comes to his child he needs to be more involved. Just because he works and pays all the bills that does not excuse him from parenting..Single parents cant do that. Put your foot down girl! Good luck!

Jennifer - posted on 04/19/2009

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I have 2 girls and my husband and I both work fulltime. I am still the one that cooks cleans and pays the bills (we split it moneywise) 95% of the time. he works more hours than I do and he works in a more stressful position. however if I say hey could you do some laundry or cook dinner on your day off he does it He doesnt like doing it but I make it known that I dont like doing it either but it has to get done some chores are automatically his trash recycling yardwork I generally do the rest but sometimes I do his stuff and he does mine you just have to talk about it and work it out. If you can t work it out maybe its best not to be in a relatioiship everyone can find someone they are compatible with .

Sarah - posted on 04/19/2009

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Me and my partner have been having issues 2. Im on maternity leave untill august my partner is a train driver and works days nights earlys lates his shifts are all over the place so i find that hard espec if hes worked nights and sleeping during the day i kinda have to tiptoe around the house as not 2 wake him, im hoping to go back to work part time as i don't want us 2 both be working full time and never see each other, Ive just moved to a new area and i dnt drive and i dnt have family or friends near where i live so im constantley traverling to see them, my work will only let me bk full time not part so im also looking for a new part time job if i dnt i will have to go bk full time im a nursery nurse and i'll have to pay £30 a day for my daughter to go the the nursery so i can work which seems pointless as what i'll be earning will pay the childcare fees and not much else i do nag my partner to help around the house and thats been causing tension sometimes i think by the times ive asked my partner to help it would have been quicker to do it myself lol then i think we both live in the house we should both do chores. My partner does help me with our daughter but because im at home with her while hes at work shes clingy to me. I really praise single parents as its not easy even with a partner.

Gemma - posted on 04/19/2009

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In my family i am the bread winner, and look after the kids on my own most of the time when at home. My husband just likes the play with them bit and it makes for resent meant as he has jsut become one of the children. this is not a good combo for a happy marriage.



All men have a responsability if the up bringing of their children and to me part of this is doing the horrible jobs as well as the bad. However it is so rare to hear of a man who shares the respnsbailityy evenly that i think they are few and far between.



Women naturally take on a higher responability with childcare and day to day house work, because we understand the improtance and have grown up to understand the consquences if things are not done properly. Men in general do not grow up and are demestically stupid. If I were you I would arrange a break away a night at a friends etc so he can apprecaite ou more adn so you can get a rest, may be he will aprrecatie you afterwards and will be able to use the time to bond with his baby.

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The answer is YES they are all like that, it is engrained in their brains at birth the old fashion...woman does the housework/baby taking care of. I would give anything if all I had to worry about was the house and kids and my man could just pay for everything and I didn't have to worry about money...MAN that would be nice. But I have to do it all, my boyfriend helps me out tremendously, but he balks and whines and tries his hardest to get me to do everything even though we both work 40 hours a week. I hate not having my house done and I would keep it clean all the time if I just didn't have those 40 hours of pesky work to do for money. Give your guy a break, and try and come to consensus about certain things...maybe one day hes home he gets up w/ her...give you at least one day a week of a break...let him know that you understand where he is coming from, but taking care of your daughter is a 24/7 thing you need a break from every now and then. Let him know you guys are supposed to be a team...not work against each other. Don't be mad...be hurt, yelling and bitching only pushes them away...believe I know, I've had a divorce because of it.

Misty - posted on 04/18/2009

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I believe that in a relationship you have to pick up the slack regardless of the income or who stays at home. Honestly, he should make sure his family is taken care of before his car... Yeah he pays for the bills and he probably thinks (that it is his money and he deserves to spend it how ever, since he pays for most of everything and he should not have to clean up because he does most of the work) but honestly if you need clothes to look good in his "nice car" then he should get you clothes first then buy parts or accessories for his car. As for asking for money, you are together, that is his baby and your his girl, he should give you money.... just my thoughts

Katie - posted on 04/18/2009

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When you become a parent you don't have days off or sick days as my mom would put it and this seems to be a concept that most men don't understand. I am the mom of 2 and my husband helps when he feels like it. He is the only one working right now and that was mostly his decision. I am a full time graduate student. Whenever he gets mad at me he always throws it in my face that he makes all the money and that I don't work or do anything. I have to take care of all the housework and the kids on top of all my school work. I only quit my job because he wanted me to focus on school. I chose to quit cause I missed the kids. So now I deal with him telling me to take care of it put them to bed etc. He works 11 hrs a day and gets home right before they go to bed one would think he would want to tuck them in but usually he tells me and them he's too tired. So I feel your pain and know exactly what you are going through.

Rose - posted on 04/18/2009

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i have 3 kids and im married, i dont work as the coat of childcare is more than what i could earn in a day. i do most of the house hold chores but i do still need to nag. we made a deal on some chores, he does all bin duties and hang out and brings in all washing. i cook tea every night except sat when he must arrange tea. i attend to most baby duties, he does piggy back rides to bed and stories, he is also in charge of washing out 2 youngest in the shower with him (one at a time). if you dont set expectations he will always take the easy way. one tip is to give him a choice either you change the babys bum or you feed the animals... he will most likely pick the easy/fun task but at least he is doing some thing other than sitting on the couch. we also try to take it in turns of getting a sleeping on a sun morn till 9am. when the baby was little he would do any attending from 8pm to 1am and i would do 1am onwards. the fact is he is a dad weather he did paid work during the day or not. give him small house chores and asks for him to do more with the kids.

Felicia - posted on 04/18/2009

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Quoting Alayna:

One thing is for certain... (most) ALL guys are selfish. Among other things..


Alot of people in this world are selfish but neither men or women are more selfish than the other sex. There are tons of men out there who give up alot for their family and don't think twice about splitting up the resposibilities of taking care of the children AND the house with their wives and/or girlfriends evenly. Saying that most men are selfish is giving those men an excuse to be selfish like it is part of their DNA or something when it's not!



 

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