Are you done having kids?

Jessica - posted on 01/13/2010 ( 23 moms have responded )

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My husband is done having kids, and I am not.....How did you know that you were done?.....and if you were/are in the same situation as I am, What did you do? or how did you feel if you decided to just be done when your husband was done?....Did you regret being done?

I have 4 beautiful Children, but I just feel like I cant be done. I would like one more.

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Nina - posted on 01/14/2010

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I wanted to have another one early last year, and my husband didn't. So I dealt with it, I didn't want to add a baby if he wasn't into it. Then in the fall he decided he was ready, and now we are pregnant. He may feel like you have enough children, or maybe he is not ready yet. I understand what you are going through, but it really is better when they want one too!

Lyndsay - posted on 01/13/2010

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I have one child, and I don't want any more. I love my son to death, I feel that if it weren't for him I wouldn't have many of the things that I do, but I have no desire whatsoever for any more children. My husband wants more but I'm not going to budge on this... I'm the one that has to carry it and push it out, and go through the baby stage again (which was cute at first, but kind of boring), wake up x amount of times in the night to feed, etc. etc. I like to do my own thing and not have to spend every minute catering to someone else's needs, and most of the parents I know with more than one child are always exhausted and counting down the minutes till bedtime. I like my little boy and I would like to continue enjoying him, I don't want to be haggard and tired all the time. I've done a lot of thinking in this area because I used to want 2+ kids, but I've thoroughly thought about every aspect of my life and I'm very happy with how it is now. Sometimes when I'm out and my son is being a real holy terror, I think to myself, "My God I'm glad there is only one of him to deal with!"

Veronica - posted on 01/13/2010

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I have to disagree with resentment - why, when we are married and should procreate, would having an 'oops' baby have resentment attached to it? At least this is how I've felt about marriage. Only one of our children has been a planned pregnancy - mainly because we miscarried, and I wanted to have a baby because of the loss. Otherwise all of the other five (that includes my current pg.) - were not planned - but we welcomed it as a blessing in our lives regardless.

As for age gap/age - Im 26, my husband is 39 -- he does not feel at his age, a need to stop because of it.

Financially - we never got hung up on this - we've been provided for since our first children, up until now with 5 of them. We just didnt base our number of children on finances. I think the hardest part of this many children - are sitters. Not very many people want to sit 5 children - and Im def. not comfortable with anyone under 18 yrs. old .

You truly need to look within yourself and figure out from that what you truly want. And I do believe that you KNOW when you are done.

Justine - posted on 01/13/2010

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i am definately not done, i want to try for a girl (we have 2 boys the same age, one his and one mine) but hes not sure. when we talked about it he said he was worried he couldnt support a big family financially. i realized that it was a big burden for him as his ex didnt contribute, but i have a good job and he is up for a promotion, so we would be able to handle another one. talking about it helped and i learned what it was really about, not that he didnt want more kids but that he was afraid he couldnt give us a good life. i hope this helps.

23 Comments

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Shira - posted on 03/20/2013

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To all moms of five or more children: Were any of your pregnancies high risk? What made you want to try to get pregnant again after the high risk pregnancy? I wonder if Michelle Dugger(19 Kids and Counting) ever had a high risk pregnancy?

Shira - posted on 03/20/2013

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I think deep down inside I know that my husband and I need to be done having kids. We have three now. Pregnancies are hard on my body as I hemmoraghed during childbirth with my first two and also hemmoraghed during childbirth with my last baby due to placenta previa. My mom also does NOT want to see me pregnant again because it scares her. My husband will be taking a class to learn more about vasectomy(only because I want to him to ) because I can't deal with the side effects of birth control. I really don't need to get pregnant again but before my husband and I got married we talked about having a BIG family and were always so fascinated everytime we saw or met a large family and hoped that would one day be us! It is so hard to deal with the fact that we need to stop having kids. I feel like I want to keep that door open but maybe it is not the safest thing to do. How do you moms out there deal with the emotion that is attatched to knowing that you will never, ever have another baby?

Amanda - posted on 01/14/2010

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We are done. Not because I didn't want more though. We have 3 beautiful children and I love them dearly, but I still wanted one more. My husband was not even sure about the third, so I gave in and he had a vasectomy after the third. I still have those moments of wanting another and my youngest is almost 6 years old. But when I look at the financial responsibility I know my husband was right. If we are meant to have more it will happen, either through a failure of the vasectomy or financially being able to adopt. I feel like only God knows how many we are meant to have and he will take care of the rest. I hope you and your husband can come to a peaceful decision. Just remember, you want him to be happy, and not stressed also.

Brittany - posted on 01/14/2010

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i have always wanted at least 2 but no more than 3 kids. when i met my husband, he had a son (who now lives with us full time and calls me mommy). i love my "step" son like he is my own (sometimes i forget he's not : ) ). when our oldest was 6 months old...i got pregnant again. we now have 2 beautiful boys (22 months and 7 months). my husband wants to be done as neither of his boys were planned (though he loves them dearly)...but i am struggling b/c even though i have 2 beautiful kids...i dont feel like we are quite complete yet...and i would like to be pregnant one more time. we have decided to wait til our boys are older (the youngest at least 3) before we start trying again...and by then maybe we will have changed our minds. : ) but for now we are very happy with our boys

Ashley - posted on 01/14/2010

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Very much so. I have 2 daughters and love them to death. But with as hard as pregnancy was (not to mention I had to listen to the doctors ask if I wanted to terminate every single week) I can't do it again. I doubt my body could either. I have 3 step daughters so I think that is more than enough. I have a tubal scheduled later this month. Sad but necessary.

La-Kristyn - posted on 01/14/2010

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I'm not done yet. I want one more but my husband doesn't but he has decided to go with what I want. He already has another son so this would make his third child. He understands that I want my daughter to have another sibling in the household with her. He didn't fight me on it which was great but I have already decided that I do not want anymore kids after that one so I will get my tubes tied after I have my second child.

Rhiannon - posted on 01/13/2010

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We are definately done. I suffered horrendous antenatal depression with my second, daughter Logan born 4 months ago. I could never do that again, not to me or a baby. My husband had a vasectomy when she was 4 weeks old, rather than run the risk of another baby (I fell pregnant when my first was only 5 and a half months old). I could never forget the feelings I had when I was pregnant, and I would never go there again.

Karina - posted on 01/13/2010

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it needs to be a decision made by you and your partner. it will be some thing you regret if you stop cause you've been told no more. i've always wanted 3 kids and now i have them and we decided to stop. i am very happy with my 3 little rugrats. my youngest is 6 months and when i saw her i knew she was my last. talk to your man about why you want more, maybe it will help him understand why. that what i did with my man. i had many problems falling pregnant, it took me 2 miscarriages and a still birth to get my first child and after i had my first bub my man wanted no more, so i explained my reasons and we decussed how many more we were to have and now here i am 3 beautiful kids. TALK TALK TALK

Meghan - posted on 01/13/2010

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i am pregnant with number two now, and my partner has told me this is our last child.he is 30. i am 22. i know it is a big age gap, but he doesnt understand that i would like 4 children. but this does not mean all right now, there is going to be a 31/2yr gap between my first 2, and then i would like to start again after they are in school.and do my early child hood education studies in between. i know how you feel, its very frustrating isnt it

Christy - posted on 01/13/2010

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i only have one but my boyfriend and i both decided we're done. i was an only child and loved having all the attention growing up and he has a brother that he's never gotten along with so we feel that this is the right decision for us. plus this way we can spoil her and let her take all the music lessons or activities she wants and not have to worry about spreading everything out equally amongst the rest of the kids.

Patricia - posted on 01/13/2010

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when we got to that point, I looked at it like this: it takes 2 of us to decide to have another, but it takes only 1 of us to not have anymore. I think both have to agree to have another child, but if 1 is against it, and you have another anyway, there may/will be some resentment problems. Definately discuss it and find out whay his his reasons are for not wanting another child.

Brandi - posted on 01/13/2010

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My husband and I decided after our second child that two is enough. We are 28 years old now and have agreed that when we turn 30, my husband will have a vasectomy. I knew I was done after 2 gestational diabetic pregnancies. I don't know if I could be as "good" about my diet for a third time. I loved being pregnant with the babies, but by the end, I just was ready (as everyone is). My thought is that I've carried/delivered 2 beautiful children and that is enough for me. My body has done enough and with each pregnancy my risk for type 2 diabetes increases, so IF my husband and I ever decide we want to RAISE any more children, we will adopt. But we are just both REALLY content with our 2. We have 1 boy and 1 girl, our son is brown-eyed, our daughter is blue-eyed, they have exact OPPOSITE personalities, so we feel like we have it all already. Our family is complete for us. You will really just know when you have enough, I think. If you husband is determined NOT to have more children, ask him NOT to take it off the table all together. Ask him to be willing to rediscuss it at a later time (maybe in 6 mos. or a year) and see how he feels then, but if he really doesn't want anymore, you really need to respect that or your marriage is really gonna suffer.

Nicole - posted on 01/13/2010

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We have one boy, and we plan on trying for number 2 in a few months. If that one's a girl, we're done. If it's another boy, I'd like to try one more time for a girl, if I end up with 3 boys then oh well! Three's the limit. That's about all we can handle and afford.

Elle - posted on 01/13/2010

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We talked about this alot before we were married!!! I have very strong feelings about having kids. I would not marry someone who disagreed with me on something so important. I want 3 kids but am willing to have more to get a boy (we have 1 girl right now and hubby really wants a boy). But I am done by 35, the increased health risks are not worth it to me. We talked about what we want, what we can actually handle and what is best for us.

Shaina - posted on 01/13/2010

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My husband and I are not done, although my husband told me when we found out about this one (I'm 12 weeks pregnant with our 4th in 4 years) that he was considering being done. I figured he'd get over it (I talked him up and he talked me down to 6 kids before we had out first) and the first time anyone said to him, "Are you gonna get snipped now?", he decided we weren't done. :-) All it took was someone else suggesting we be done and now he is talking about waiting a few years and then having 4 more...meaning, having 8 kids!

Christina - posted on 01/13/2010

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We've decided to have two of our own and if we want more we'll adopt. This could be 2 years or 10 years after the second is born. But I've always wanted to adopt or foster. You guys should sit down and talk about it. Just remember the answer can be we'll wait and see.

Jackie - posted on 01/13/2010

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At first my husband and I said we are done once our daughter is born. This being said because he has a child from a previous marriage and then our daughter. Thats all he wanted was two. At first I agreed and now I am thinking I am wanting another. I am having conflicting issues but I am sure once our daughter gets older we will make that decision. So I know how you feel.. Going through the same thing

Veronica - posted on 01/13/2010

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Im certainly not done, and Im on baby number 6 right now. My husband and I have had many talks about how many children, and when to be done. We are done now - meaning, we are going to wait until this baby is at least in school before we decide to go for round 2 (lol).

There were arguments - mainly because of my mood swings - where my hubby wasn't sure if he wanted to get me pregnant again!! But i sat down with him one day, we talked about the sacrifices we would need to make, if we wanted more - and I expressed to him that I wanted a big family, that I loved him - and wanted a big family with him. He too wanted a big family as well - he was just scared from so many things we've been through - financial ups and downs, complications in pregnancy/labor/delviery, and my wicked hormones!!!

I guess you need to just sit down with him, and talk about how many children you truly want, ask why he is done - and really listen to why he is done. And tell him why you want more, your reasoning behind it. Then work to a solution - maybe one more and then you will compromise to be done - or maybe he just wants to wait a few more years, let the ones you have grow up more.



All you can do is communicate about it, and keep it open.

I wish you well.

V

Stephanie - posted on 01/13/2010

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I decided to have a tubal done as it was too risky for me to have any more children I only have one. My husband and I may concider adoption but I don't know if that will be in the cards for us. It is hard to accept that I can't have any more children, but I try to focus on how much more I can give to my son since he will have no sibblings so our money will strech further. And he can get more attention from me. I try to look at the positives

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