Baby's father no good for her!? Help!

Brianne - posted on 06/08/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Okay this is akward and kind of difficult to discribe but I really need some honest answers. My daughter is now 7 weeks old. When I was 5 months pregnant her father tried his hand at becoming abusive. We got into an argument which he pushed me a few times and hit me. The security gaurd heard the arguing and called the police. Me being dumb because I lost my job and didn't feel like I had anywhere else to turn told them nothing happened. He appologized and everything but then did it again like three or four days later. I left and moved with my mom. Long story short he made my pregnancy miserable. When he wasn't begging me to come back to him he was saying horrible stuff like she might not me be his, he wish he never got me pregnant, calling me out my name, then making threats, etc. I was an emotional wreck. Here I am 22yrs old, pregnant, living with my mom, with no job and I guess I kind of missed him so I would constantly give him the chance to make it up. Needless to say he kept acting crazy so I cutt him off by my eigth month.



I let him come into the room while I was in labor and everything and he stayed with me while I was at the hospital. Meanwhile talking more about us than the baby. He came to my moms house the whole first week and stayed for a few hours throwing in little comments about us here and there. The second week, he came over and we got into an argument and he left. The next day he was supposed to come over but I had to take my daughter to the doctor because she was colicy. I couldnt drive because I had a c-section so my mom drove us. She had some stops to make when we left the doctors office and when he came we werent' there. So he calls me saying I'm trying to keep her from him and calling me and my mom out our names. So I text him and told him to just choose days and times to come by so there wont be any miscommunication. He went on and no about how he wasn't choosing times and days. He even came over to my moms house when we brought it to his moms attention bad mouthing my mom! Well he didn't see her for two weeks because he was mad and didn't want to choose days.



Anyway, I put him on child support because he hasn't done much to help and I'm requesting supervised visits. He is trying to make the attourney general believe I'm trying to keep her from him. I just get the feeling that him wanting to take her places and everything even though I'm uncomfortable with it because of his behavior, is just a way to get to me and not to really spend time with her. He has even admitted to using pills and drinking to make him feel better because we are not together and said that is why he sometime lashes out!



We are going to court in a couple months but I really need to know what you guys think. Am I wrong for this?

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Shantanna - posted on 06/09/2009

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i am in a similar situation. and i suggest you stay away from him for now because if he is simply trying to get at you and not have anything to do with the baby then why go through all the stress of trying to force him to be a father and a family. it seems that he is not mature enough to handle this so he is acting out like a spoiled child who now has to compete with someone for moms attention.

[deleted account]

If he is more interested in you then the baby then I would just let it be for a while. You and the baby don't need the stress and if he has become abusive I wouldnt take the chance of him being around a little one.



I would tell him that if wants to be in your life then he has to seek councelling for himself and possibly some anger management program.



If he is being abusive to your mother and you I would suggest limiting his access to both of you and if he wants to see his child then fully supervised visits until he can learn better control.



He can either choose to not change and not have you and his child in his life or he can change and be there. But that is up to him, not you. if he complains about the lack of visits with his child then tell him that you feel he could be a danger and dont want to put your child at risk. Get a good lawyer and talk about what is going on and what you would like to see come out of all of this.



You and baby first and him second.

Charity - posted on 06/08/2009

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brianne

i wanted to just say a few things sweetie

your baby comes first, but you have to take care of yourself too

you want to be there for your baby and take care of her

thinks about the safety of you and that baby

be thankful that you have a mother that is helping and you are not on the street or still in that situation for both of yours sake

well about the job situation look at options and talk with your mom she is obviously there for both of you

there are many options just do your research

about the child support well you made a mistake when you let him get away with the abuse

i was there once with 3 month old but i thank God that he has changed and it took alot of praying and patience

if you really believe in your heart that you want him to bein your lives then pray and stand on what you prayed

if you want i did this with my husband i told him that he had to have a permanant job a house for us and HELP

he did it but things are still being worked on

but if you believe that you do not want him in your life and you have peace to let him go then go for the child support and pray that God will have favor on your case

sweetie about his drinking think about the babies safety

what if something happened to that child and he was drinking

there is help there is a hope house that i was offered help from when i was abused

seek for help go to your local church they would love to help more than you know

well if you want to talk anymore feel free to email me anytime

i pray this encourages you to make the right decision with your heart and not your feelings

charity

ccaffreyproverbs31@yahoo.com

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