Becoming a single mother, how to deal with the stress and help my two year old understand?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Felicia Neikolle - posted on 07/10/2009

488

46

87

Coping with the stress is one of the hardest parts ... find an outlet - softball, knitting, reading, writing poetry/music/short stories/letters to your child, volleyball ... make it a beneficial outlet and not the standard addictions. Now, helping your child understand, at the age of 2 it's true they don't realize they need two parents ... however you are going to see exhibitions of missing the other partner. My son was 2 when my ex-husband left me the first time. We saw a man while we were out one day who resembled his dad ... he took off after the man and threw a huge fit. All I could do is sit and hold him and cry with him ... fortunately there was an older woman who could hold my daughter who was still an infant. You will need to be able to console your child in moments but also allow them to be angry. Teach them how to exhibit that anger in a healthy way (I bought my son a blow up toy that he could hit on whenever he got angry). Make sure you have alone time ... you may think this is the last thing in the world you want but you can't break down in front of your child ... this is even more damaging to them. Talk to them ... tell them good stories about your ex. And for me the most important tip in it all was this - I love my kids ... I was SO hurt and angry with my ex ... my kids are half him ... if I spend all my time hating him and arguing with him it will reflect in my relationship with them ... love him ... don't pine for him ... but love him. If you can't still love him you will never be able to give your best to your kids. I hope this helps and you can contact me any time you need to talk ... I've been where you are ... let me know if you need anything.

5 Comments

View replies by

KOURTNEY - posted on 07/10/2009

16

1

1

Oh and hun, about the stress focus on your beautiful child..... My kids keep me so bizzy I dont have time to think of the stress as much and when your schedule is not filled find ways to fill it, and never let him know just how hurt you maybe when he comes around act happier than ever It will kill him with the worry of you moving on because your grief only feeds him.

KOURTNEY - posted on 07/10/2009

16

1

1

With all due respect! I disagree! I am going though a divorce I have a 1 and 2 year old, at there age they understand more than what you are giving them credit for... There dad has been gone since April, my 2 y.o. ask me questions you would have never thought of. I do not lie to my children nor do I miss lead them, after all if they cant trust there own mothers words "who will they trust?" At 2 y.o. they dont need details but a simple explanation is better than misleading them. I told my 2 y.o. that her daddy got a new house, simple as that! She does ask every once in a while if her dad is at work (because he does`nt show up for visitation,& children do have a concept of TIME and they realize its been a while since last seeing there dad) I answer the work question by saying- Idk maybe. By those simple response my daughter is satisfied that I acknowledged her question and she then goes back to playing, continuing the day!
As far as the counseling let me ask you this "How scared do you think your 2 y.o. will be in that type of setting with a stranger?
Also I have learned that there is no support with in family or mutual friends... why?
Well your family will feed of you hurt and anger therefore your felling will only anger them making them hate him and for the kids you dont want that....I dont.
mutual friends are iffy they dont chose sides because they like the both of you, so if you are always putting your ex down when your talking to your friends they will eventually get sick of it and you will talk to them less and less.
after all this is why young moms join these groups RIGHT!! for SUPPORT & ADVICE!!!
Hope I helped as for I am going though this very same thing, with a 2 y.o.!

Jacqueline - posted on 07/08/2009

32

17

7

Hi my name is Jackie. There is no way for your child at this age to understand that u became a single mom and how hard it is because all a child knows is they want to be played with they want to be loved and don't want to be left alone. As hard as it is u jus have to try to be strong and keep giving your child what they need and as the child gets older and starts askin questions then is when you help them understand. In the mean time when you feel you just need support in any type of way you look for especially when you need someone to talk. Try to have as much support that you can.

Jennifer - posted on 07/08/2009

13

20

3

i'd suggest a good counsler or someone you can talk to. and i have no clue for your 2 year old. maybe the counsler can help with that too.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms