Birthday Party Dilemma!?

Nikki - posted on 03/24/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )

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This year is the first time that my daughter will be having a party with friends from her school, and it's causing a huge debate between me and her father. (We've been split up for 3 years now).
In the past we've done two separate birthday parties, one with my family, and one with his. Now, with having kids from school being invited to this one, we both can't seem to agree on what to do.
In my opinion, I think it'd be easier to have one big party, rent a hall, or go somewhere kid oriented, and get it all done in one shot. And it's not like either of us have a huge family, so it wouldn't be anymore than 20 people.
He thinks we should have a joint party specifically for just her and her school friends, and then him do something with his family, and I do something with mine. Thats three parties! Two of which I'll have to be paying for!
I hate that we can't agree on this and I don't know how else to convince him that it's just not practical!!
It all boils down to him not wanting my family there...and if we do end up doing the three parties, I know for a fact that even though he said the joint one will only be school friends, no family, that his family WILL be there, he still lives with his parents! I hate that he's trying to force my family out of seeing our daughter at her own birthday party for the first time with all her school friends...I've never seen him more selfish about anything regarding our daughter than this, it's HER birthday!!
Ugh..Any advice ladies? My stomach is in knots over this..

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Sarah - posted on 03/27/2013

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It was my 10th birthday when my mother settled an issue like this once and for all... You see, my grandparents had gotten divorced when I was about 3 or so and every year whenever any event was planned, she would be asked by my grandfather whether my grandmother would be there. If Grams was coming, Grandpa and his new wife would not come, and so on.
But, my mother felt that was just a ridiculous way to run things, and she was RIGHT! It's not fair to ask a child to choose between one parent, grandparent, or any other relative. And, it's more than a bit ridiculous to give a child 2 or 3 parties every year for their birthday. It is the kind of thing that is just not sustainable, nor it is practical financially, as you have already pointed out.
So, I say, throw a party that is what your daughter wants. Invite her friends, invite your family, and invite his family. And, if they choose not to come, that is their problem. It's been 3 years, and I don't believe it is unreasonable to expect that he and his family grow up!! It's about time, don't you think??

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Elizabeth - posted on 04/02/2013

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You're paying for it, do as you want. Have one party, invite her classmates, invite your family, and invite he and his family (they show up, good for them. It's their call at that point) That's just ridiculous to suggest throwing 3 separate parties. And you don't even have to go expensive. Most local parks and such allow people to have parties in their areas. ~you probably wanna get someone to secure itEARLY IN THE a.m. though. And not much money out of pocket.

Zoe - posted on 03/30/2013

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Do the one big party, invite everyone, tell family from both side your inviting everyone. Those who show care, those who don't, no need to worry about them.
If you do the 3 party's then as they get older and party's get more expensive then it will cost a fortune.
Set the boundaries now. Good luck.

Angie - posted on 03/28/2013

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I would have one party and invite everyone. Friends and both families. It's about time your ex realized he will be connected to you and your family until that child is 18yrs old. Your family is also his child's family. Invite everyone and they can choose whether or not to come. Throwing 3 parties is ridiculous

Areena - posted on 03/26/2013

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I agree with Jessica and Michele .. Why are you even bothered about his decision .. Just throw a party as u want and send him an open invitation it's up to him if he wants to be a part of it or not .. Or else just arrange something nice in her class that by the way used to be more special for me when I was a kid .. Ask ur kid if she wants to have a class party and than a nice get together later with ur family

Jessica - posted on 03/26/2013

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If i were you, I would have one party for her. If him and his family want to come, great. If not, they can do something on their own. But she will have a party with your family and her friends. It doesnt have to be somewhere expensive. You can rent a park shelter for $50 or less. Leave it up to him whether or not he wants to be an adult and suck it up for the sake of his daughter. If shes school age she is old enough to notice him not being there, but tell her dad has something planned for when you go to see him.

Cassandra - posted on 03/25/2013

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If she is school age and her birthday is during the school year just do the party in the class. If done right her little friends will talk about all month.

Michelle - posted on 03/25/2013

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You also haven't said how old she is. Depending on her age why not ask her what she wants? Don't offer her the 3 parties though, that's overboard.

Michelle - posted on 03/25/2013

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Why don't you have a party and invite your family as well as school friends? If he wants to do something on his weekend (or whenever he gets her) that's his decision.

I'm not really seeing how what he does is affecting what you want to do. I have always done a party for my children if they were with me and then their Dad would do something when he had them. It doesn't have to be a big debate.

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